The Ultimate Trolley Problem

A vacant automatic trolley is speeding through the track. It cannot be stopped by any means, though it can be diverted to a side track.
1. On the side track a single person is bound to the track and its the person you value the most(it can be yourself, your lover, leader of your religion, etc).
2.One the main track there is everyone else on Earth, bound to the track.
In your hand there is a remote control switch, if you press it before the split in the track/side-track will switch to side track. Otherwise, with no action the trolley will not derail and will continue its course killing everyone on Earth(except the side track person).
Will you press the switch?

My waifu is 2D and cannot be harmed by your trolley.

Of course I will not press it!

>>2 Waifus can be harmed by anime trolleys(What happens next will shock you [NSFL)
>>3 Explain your ethical position

>>4
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It's not like the population of earth got shit on my waifu and the person i treasure the most. I'll let the trolley run everybody over, you guys are faggots. Then i'll live the rest of my life with my waifu and the world's food supplies.

Will you press the switch?

I either would or I wouldn't.

>>6 The 'rest of your life' will be very short since you're on the main track along with everyone else.

>>8
Not if he learns to value himself in time. That is the lesson here, the one I was trying to impart in the OP.

>>1
Sure why not?

>>10
Consider
A.If you don't choose yourself as most valued person, you are bound to the main track with everyone else.
A1.If you press the switch, your most valued person dies.
A2.If you don't press the switch, its suicide and everyone else dies too. Your most valued person lives, in an empty dead world.

B.If you choose yourself as most valued person:
B1.pushing the switch is suicide, though everyone else stays alive.
B2.Not pushing the switch will kill everyone else, making you the only person in the world.

>>9
i'll switch back and forth between valuing myself and not valuing myself, thus creating supersonic winds and blowing the trolley away while saving the world and making anime real.

If I could press a switch to kill everybody but me I'd just press it. Sick of long lines at the super-mart.

>>1
Which one requires the least effort? I just don't feel like doing anything.

>>14
Not pressing the switch. Which is what I'd do, too, even without knowing who lies on which track.

>>1
Is the switch boring or very fancy? I'm sure a lot more people would push the switch if it involved setting up a Django instance, connecting it to the cloud via the newest libre SOC and then voice-activating it with a super-computer-backed neural network voice recognition algorithm.

no press, if i die i get zero value from saving everyone else

>>12
Anime is real. In fact, I just watched some a few minutes ago.

>>12

It cannot be stopped by any means,

Hey assholes, when it comes to a switch you don't fucking "press" or "push" it, you flick it.

I'm starting to value >>19 enough to activate the switch.

>>19
flip it, switch it, push it, break it,
press it, shift it, slam it,
turn it, twist it, change it,
activate it.

>>19
the only thing i'm pressing is my cock against your inner rectal sphincter.

What if I value every person equally?

>>23
You're clearly a racist Nazi.

>>24
I am a fascist egalitarian.