Convince me to use Emacs as a secondary editor

As a vim user, I tried going through the tutorial, and I realized Emacs is a fucking shit editor. The whole Emacs thing (not just the editor) enjoys a lot of popularity, so it must be for a reason. It definitely isn't the keyboard shortcuts, so there must be something else.

org-mode? What's so special about it? What features does it have that make it superior notepad.exe?
Specific programming language modes? There must be something really good that outweighs the C-x x M-x crap.
Does remapping Ctrl to Caps Lock really make a difference? Do you still have to press both keys at the same time, or can you do something like Caps Lock, then x?

I'm mainly interested in C, Lithp, Haskell, TeX and FIOC, so I'd also like to know if there's something damn special in Emacs that's worth using over vim. I plan to use Emacs for the ``powerful'' stuff everyone seems to care about. If eshell or the calculators are good enough, I'm fine with only using those.

Open an org-mode buffer, do a C-h m and see for yourself what it has if you want to, you lazy tramp.

I never remap capslock, instead, I actually use all my fingers to type, and use the opposite hand to press the modifier key, like any higher-primate would do.

The last time I programmed in C, the compiler errors buffer let you jump to the offending line and such, and it had integration with GDB, out of the box.

To see how great it is for Lisp, install some Common Lisp and SLIME, or Clojure and nRepl and fuck off. Then come back apologizing for ever doubting Emacs.

Also take the two minutes of effort to perform M-x package-list-packages and briefly scan it to see if there's something you like. You won't like anything, of course, because you have no taste, in which case I recommend you to look into the Rails and Javashit related packages, and to go back to Hacker News.

You can go fuck yourself with your FIOC and your Gweedo, you asshole.

And the main thing about Emacs, is that it's really fucking easy to extend using its shitty-ass Lisp dialect, even a moron like you could see that.