beautiful code

Beautiful code. I want to create it. How can i do this?

>>34

tons of warts

Go on. The following three points are not `tons'.

strict evaluation

Oh no, I know exactly when my values are going to be evaluated! That is terrible!

rampant side effects

FP is just its primary modus operandum. It lets you use mutability and IO when you want so you can (for example) add in debug logging without poisoning every calling function with monads.

Mutable ref cells are also an obvious piece of shit.

Yes, the standard library is suboptimal, but there are at least two others you can drop in with minimal effort.