How I interview candidates

I call it the peeing test: I go to the bathroom with the candidate and then kindly ask:

Alright, so now I would like to see some urination :) Okey?
Come on... Don't you know how to pee? Is not that hard... haha
Oh there you go :) a drop of urine. Don't worry, take your time :)

If things go well I may also ask for a small poop, just to see how far they can go.

And this is how I know if the candidate is a real human.

(define (PICKYOURWEAPON lst atoms)
(list-ref (map (lambda (x) (list x x atoms)) lst) (- (length lst) 1)))

(define (CUTMYSANDWICHBITCH lst)
(define (take lst n)
(if (zero? n)
'()
(cons (car lst) (take (cdr lst) (- n 1)))))

(cons (take lst (quotient (length lst) 2))
(list-tail lst (quotient (length lst) 2))))

(define (ANDTAKETHECRUSTOFFYOUSTUPIDBITCH lst) (cdr lst))

(define (HOWCOMEYOUCANTDOASIMPLETASKYOUSPENDALLDAYINTHEFUCKINGKITCHENN) '(doodoo
doo))

(print (PICKYOURWEAPON (ANDTAKETHECRUSTOFFYOUSTUPIDBITCH (CUTMYSANDWICHBITCH '(L
ASERSWORD DIAPERGUN ROBOTSABER))) 'THEFORCE))
(print (HOWCOMEYOUCANTDOASIMPLETASKYOUSPENDALLDAYINTHEFUCKINGKITCHENN))

Ignore >>13, please. Scheme was a mistake. I suck cocks BTW.

<TAB>ADD EAX, 2
<TAB>MOV EBX, EAX
<TAB>OH WHO THE FUCK CAN BE BOTHERED WRITING THIS STUPID SHIT ... OH WAIT, I CAN, BECAUSE I'M RETARDED