How I interview candidates

I call it the peeing test: I go to the bathroom with the candidate and then kindly ask:

Alright, so now I would like to see some urination :) Okey?
Come on... Don't you know how to pee? Is not that hard... haha
Oh there you go :) a drop of urine. Don't worry, take your time :)

If things go well I may also ask for a small poop, just to see how far they can go.

And this is how I know if the candidate is a real human.

<TAB>ADD EAX, 2
<TAB>MOV EBX, EAX
<TAB>OH WHO THE FUCK CAN BE BOTHERED WRITING THIS STUPID SHIT ... OH WAIT, I CAN, BECAUSE I'M RETARDED