Return Styles: Pseud0ch, Terminal, Valhalla, NES, Geocities, Blue Moon. Entire thread

"call/cc was a mistake" - Guy Steele

Name: Anonymous 2015-06-21 22:46

"call/cc was a mistake" - Guy Steele

Name: Anonymous 2015-06-22 0:24

call/cc's not flying, it's goto with style.

Name: Anonymous 2015-06-22 2:13

But it's such a cool mistake!

Name: Anonymous 2015-06-22 10:15

"Biology was a mistake" - Charles Brenton Huggins, Nobel laureate in Physiology & Medicine for his work on prostate cancer.

Name: Anonymous 2015-06-22 11:56

"Guy Steele was a mistake" -God

Name: Anonymous 2015-06-22 20:35

"anal sex was a mistake" - Your Anus

Name: Anonymous 2015-06-24 3:07

frrrrrtptptpptptpfftppt *spurt* fRAP[1]

___________________________
[1] Translation: ``It was worth every thrust.''

Name: Anonymous 2015-06-24 3:17

fRAP - functional Reactive Anus Programming

Name: Anonymous 2015-06-24 3:34

In fRAP, one programs by positions a series of posteriors in n dimensional euclidean space. When one anus fRAPs, it's sputter stimulates near butt cheeks, which then respond by fRAPs of their own, depending on factors such as skin sensitivity and current bowel pressure. fRAP was shown to be turing complete by Harry Anus in 1845.

Name: Anonymous 2015-06-24 4:00

Isn't fRAPs video recording software?

Name: Anonymous 2015-06-24 4:30

Because the theoretical model showed promise for computation, many efforts were made to realize fRAP as a physical computer. The first attempt in 1848 was conducted by Hans Frartenstein, in which he positioned several chained slaves that had been imported from North Africa. The subjects were naked and chained to the ground so they could not move or turn their bodies. The slaves were programed by feeding them various amounts of beans beforehand. The experiment was initially successful, with the output slave tooting the first 26 Fibonacci numbers, but due to lack of ventilation in the facility all subjects and personal succumbed to methane poisoning, including Dr. Frarteistein.

Due to the tragic ending of his experiment, scientists refrained from pursuing his work any further. His work was not applied until nearly 90 years later during WWII. The Allies and Axis found themselves in a cryptography arms race with computational resources being the bottleneck. Hitler himself was educated in Hans Frartenstein's experiment and ordered the SS to collect subjects from the German population to form the largest known biological supercomputer. It was decided to choose members of the Jewish population because they are known to have the smelliest farts[1]. The highest powered node was based in Auschwitz, with other powerful nodes distributed across Germany and occupied Europe. As a precaution learned from Frartenstein's tragic experiment, all personal were placed outside the fart chamber so they would have no exposure to the dangerous Jewish farts. Unfortunately, because the ventilation issue was still not solved, all Jews participating in the fRAP machine perished due to methane poisoning. Because of the embarrassing nature of the their deaths, family members asked that we remember them instead as dying from zyklonB[2].

The Principle Software Engineer of the Nazis, Lennart Pottering, was experienced in the fRAP language, and was successful in designing several algorithms that attacks the ciphers used by the British and the Americans. Maximum throughput was achieved using a diet that consisted of rare pork and almost expired hummus. It is said that the output jew in the fart circuit tooted the first 30 characters of the British secret key, but none of the fRAP machines survived long enough to expose the full 40 characters. Pottering desperately tried to program a partial key recovering attack in fRAP, but could not do so before Berlin was taken by the Soviets.

______________________________________
[1]: https://archive.org/nazi_research/the_untapped_power_of_jewish_flatulence.pdf
[2]: Goldstein, ``No, my parents didn't die choking on their farts, you fucking Nazi!'' The Kosher Times, Jan 1950.

Newer Posts
Don't change these.
Name: Email:
Entire Thread Thread List