How can I hire people to do my job for me?

I like programming, but I hate coding. Why can't I get paid to write fibs and meta-circular evaluators? It sucks having to go into work all day and pretend to work while silently masturbating under my desk. I've heard it's even worse in the hip new startups, where they don't even have desks, just couches you can sit on while writing CSS code on a Macbook Air. What if you wanted to take a nap or needed to cry or something privately?

So what I want to do is stop working. The problem is that I still want the money. I think I have an idea on how to do this. I make about $35/hour. If I'm doing my math correctly, that means I can hire between 2 and 50 people and still have money to spare, depending on the country I'm hiring from. The easy way would be to just start an outsourcing company, but I don't want to be a business owner either. I want to set up a situation where I can sit at my desk and try to beat Perfect Cherry Blossom on easymodo while the work gets done. How can I arrange it so that everyone thinks that I'm really doing the work, but all the work gets done?

Why is the prefered interior design for the hip new startups same as the one for mental institutions?

Do they really care how you get your work done? As long as you have it, it shouldn't matter to them.

>>2
Because he wanted to get to the other side of the road.

Bob had come up with the idea of outsourcing his own job – to China. So, while a Chinese consulting firm got on with the job he was paid to do, on less than one-fifth of his salary, he whiled away his working day surfing Reddit, eBay and Facebook.

The employee, whom Valentine calls Bob, was in his mid-40s, a "family man, inoffensive and quiet. Someone you wouldn't look twice at in an elevator."

"As it turns out, Bob had simply outsourced his own job to a Chinese consulting firm. Bob spent less than one-fifth of his six-figure salary for a Chinese firm to do his job for him."

When the company checked his web-browsing history, a typical "work day" for Bob was: 9am, arrive and surf Reddit for a couple of hours, watch cat videos; 11.30am, take lunch; 1pm, eBay; 2pm-ish, Facebook updates, LinkedIn; 4.40pm–end of day, update email to management; 5pm, go home.

The evidence, said Valentine, even suggested he had the same scam going across multiple companies in the area.

"All told, it looked like he earned several hundred thousand dollars a year, and only had to pay the Chinese consulting firm about fifty grand annually".

Meanwhile, his performance review showed that, for several years in a row, Bob had received excellent remarks for his codes which were "clean, well written and submitted in a timely fashion".

"Quarter after quarter, his performance review noted him as the best developer in the building," wrote Valentine.

Bob no longer works for the company.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/jan/16/software-developer-outsources-own-job

>>5
The company is so retarded that they need to pay someone to outsource their problems instead of doing it themselves from the start.

>>5
You pay him to have his job done.
He does have his job done, what else do you want?

Bob no longer works for the company.

TRWTF. He should've been promoted to manager.