What a shit thread, functional programming is not about first-class functions, it's about functions being pure. Unnamed functions are so easy to retcon into a language they even managed to put them in Java. First class functions are just as easy.
Turns out the dutch don't do dikes all day long.. when the water is frozen they manage to do some actually usefull stuff:
http://eprints.eemcs.utwente.nl/1077/