Why is the Java GC so garbage?

It is 2016, why does Java still shit itself like a baby if you try to serve a non-toy amount of traffic with it without tuning your garbage collector settings yourself like some sort of caveman?

Is it so hard to set defaults that don't randomly freeze like a deer caught in the headlights at the sight of multiple qps?

>>27
It's not nomads I fear, it's all those fucking monads I'd need just to access a variable.