C is a zombie being kept alive by communist necromancers. C++ is a narcissistic landwhale that thinks its the best thing since sliced bread. Ruby is served with coffee, although they never call it that. Lisp is the "special" kid that everybody is super nice to but is secretly annoyed by. Haskell is an ignorant child that tries to upstage Lisp but ends up making a fool of itself. Python is a passionate Democrat and donates to the Sanders campaign. Javascript is special like Lisp but not everybody is nice to it.