C

C is actually a relatively nice language if used in a certain way (intrusive data structures, avoiding dynamic allocations and unnecessary indirections) that makes it easy to produce well-performing code. Intrusive structures also form a nice lesser known pattern for generic reusability of code without lots of (void*) indirections.

Sure, it really lacks a module system, sum types and pattern matching, parametric and ad-hoc polymorphism, RAII and proper consts, but on the other hand, it also lacks the awful features added by other contenders that added some of these useful ones.

>>4
I read "Schmo" as Shlomo