Time and Cern

Time has sped up.
But truly time has slowed down.

We are in the middle of a spatial rift in which the black holes in cern and other high energy particle accelerators are slowing and returning time to normal. This is also causing the earth and perhaps the solar systen to leap back and forth between past, future, and present. Its no mystery that time is moving fast, and there is a reason.

This is also the explanation to the much debated, and laughable "mandela effect". Time is being changed and its out of control. And i believe this to be the cause;

ONCE UPON A TIME MARISA WAS TRAIPSING THOUGH THE WOODS WHEN SHE BEHELD TEWI AND REISEN DOING IT IN A HOLE IN THE GROUND (REISEN WAS ON THE BOTTOM) SO SHE CALLED OUT TO THEM, "HEY YOU WEIRD MOON RABBITS WHY ARE YOU FUCKING LIKE EARTH RABBITS DOWN THERE ZE" SO THEY REPLIED "WE'RE GOING TO WONDERLAND" AND MARISA SAID "WELL I HEAR THERE ARE GREAT MUSHROOMS IN WONDERLAND SO I WANT TO GO TOO" BUT THE RABBITS TURNED HER AWAY SO SHE WENT TO GO FIND SOMEONE WHO COULD HELP HER AND AS SHE LEFT THE FOREST SHE THOUGHT ALOUD "REIMU KNOWS A LOT ABOUT BORDERS AND I DON'T TRUST A WOMAN WHO CLAIMS TO BE SEVENTEEN DESPITE BEING OLDER THAN MOST OF THE REST OF US SO I'LL JUST STICK WITH REIMU" ALTHOUGH IN TRUTH REIMU HAD ANTICIPATED HER ARRIVAL AND ALREADY PREPARED A BATH AND TEA AND ALCOHOL SO WHEN MARISA ARRIVED REIMU ENCOURAGED HER TO DRINK AND PLAY AND RELAX AND WHEN MARISA WAS THOROUGHLY TIRED AND TOO DRUNK TO FLY HOME REIMU INSISTED SHE STAY THE NIGHT BUT MARISA REMEMBERED WHAT SHE HAD ORIGINALLY COME FOR SO SHE ASKED "REIMU HOW DO I GET TO WONDERLAND CAUSE I SAW THE MOON RABBITS FUCKING AND THEY SAID THEY WERE GOING TO WONDERLAND AND I HEAR THERE ARE NICE MUSHROOMS THERE ZE" AND REIMU REPLIED "GO TO SLEEP AND I'LL TAKE YOU TO WONDERLAND IN THE MORNING" BUT MARISA INSISTED "I WANT TO GO NOW" SO REIMU SAID FINE CLOSE YOUR EYES AND I'LL TAKE YOU TO WONDERLAND SO SHE DID AND REIMU POUNCED ON HER AND THEY HAD NOISY LESBIAN SEX AND AFTER A WHILE MARISA THOUGHT TO HERSELF "AH SO THIS IS WONDERLAND ZE"

>>9
AFTER MARISA HAD JUST BEEN PLEASANTLY SURPRISED BY REIMU'S AMOROUS ADVANCES SHE WOKE UP THE NEXT MORNING FEELING SOMEWHAT ITCHY AND WHEN SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT SHE GOT SCARED AND SAID "REIMU YOU'RE A WHORE AND YOU TOTALLY GAVE ME HERPES" AND REIMU SAID "NO WAY I JUST LET YUKARI STICK A FINGER IN THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN GET HERPES THAT EASILY" BUT MARISA WASN'T LISTENING SO SHE FLEW AWAY CRYING UNTIL SHE WAS FAR AWAY FROM THE SHRINE AND AFTER A GOOD CRY SHE REALIZED SHE WAS REALLY ITCHY SO SHE TRIED TO THINK OF A GOOD FOLK REMEDY AND REMEMBERED OVERHEARING THAT OATMEAL BATHS WILL SOOTHE ITCHING SO SHE THOUGHT ABOUT WHERE TO FIND A LARGE AMOUNT OF OATMEAL BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T REALIZE THAT AN OATMEAL BATH IS DIFFERENT FROM A TUB FULL OF OATMEAL SO AFTER A GOOD AMOUNT OF THINKING SHE REALIZED THAT HAKUGYOKUROU WOULD HAVE LOTS OF OATMEAL BECAUSE YUYUKO IS A FATASS SO SHE FLEW THERE AND SAW YOUMU TENDING THE GARDENS AND ASKED HER "HEY YOUMU CAN I USE YOUR OATMEAL AND YOUR BATHTUB CAUSE REIMU GAVE ME HERPES" WHICH CAUSED YOUMU TO FREAK OUT INTERNALLY AND THINK 'SHIT I BETTER GET TESTED THAT DAMN LYING SHRINE MAIDEN' BUT YOUMU KEPT HER COMPOSURE AND SAID "SURE MARISA GO SIT UNDER A TREE AND I'LL GO PREPARE A BATH FOR YOU" SO MARISA DID AS SHE WAS TOLD AND YOUMU CURSED IN HER HEAD AND FILLED THE TUB WITH OATMEAL IN THE HOPES THAT MARISA AND YUYUKO WOULD BE EQUALLY STUPID SO SHE FINALLY CALLED MARISA OVER AFTER THE OATMEAL WAS COOKED AND TOLD HER TO GET IN WHICH SHE DID AFTER STRIPPING AND YOUMU LEFT AND STARTED FANNING THE AROMA OF THE OATMEAL TOWARD YUYUKO'S ROOM WHILE MARISA WAS SOAKING IN THE OATMEAL AND MARISA THOUGHT TO HERSELF 'MAN OATMEAL BATHS ARE HARD TO MOVE IN BUT THEY FEEL PRETTY NICE' JUST AS YUYUKO BURST INTO THE ROOM AND AFTER A FEW MOMENTS OF AWKWARD SILENCE YUYUKO ATE HER.