/prog/ - ♀ /prog/ Challenge Vol. 8½ ♀

Name: Anonymous 2017-12-05 12:32

class Integer; def dubs?() str = to_s; self > 10 and str[-1] == str[-2] end; end

monsters = [ "The Sussman", "Ken Thompson", "Nikita Sadkov", "Uriel", "Cudder-sama", ]

monster = monsters.sample
monster_health = 100
mental_midget = false
player_health = 100
anus_haxed = false
sicp_thrown = false

puts "You're catching up on the new posts in the ass sniffing thread, when #{monster} breaks into your rape dungeon and attacks you!!!"

loop do
  if player_health < 1
    puts "You died!!!"
    exit
  elsif monster_health < 1
    break
  end

  puts "What will you do!!?"
  puts "1. \e[33mF\e[0might"
  puts "2. Use an \e[33mI\e[0mtem"
  puts "3. Use an \e[33mA\e[0mbility"
  puts "4. \e[33mR\e[0mun"

  begin
    print "\e[35m>\e[0m "
    case gets[0]
    when "1", "F", "f"
      puts "You attack #{monster}!!!"
      dmg = rand (anus_haxed ? 30 : 50)
      if dmg.dubs?
        monster_health -= dmg * 2
        puts "Critical attack!!! You hit the monster for #{dmg * 2} damage!!!"
      elsif dmg < 20
        puts "You miss!!!"
      else
        monster_health -= dmg - 20
        puts "You deal #{dmg - 20} damage to #{monster}!!!"
      end
    when "2", "I", "i"
      if sicp_thrown
        puts "You don't have any items!!!"
        raise
      end
      puts "You use [SICP]!!!"
      puts "You yell \"HAVE YOUR READ YOUR SICP TODAY?\" and throw your SICP at #{monster}."
      if monster == "The Sussman"
        monster_health += 500
        puts "#{monster} grows stronger!!!"
      else
        dmg = rand(50)
        if dmg > 40
          monster_health -= dmg
          mental_midget = true
          puts "The SICP hits #{monster} on the head!!! #{monster} turns into a mental midget!!!" 
        elsif dmg < 5
          puts "The SICP misses!!!"
        else
          monster_health -= dmg - 5
          puts "The SICP damages #{monster} for #{dmg - 5} damage!!!"
        end
      end
      sicp_thrown = true
    when "3", "A", "a"
      if player_health.dubs?
        puts "You use [dubs]!!!"
        puts "You invite the monster to check your dubs."
        dmg = rand(10) * 11
        monster_health -= dmg
        puts "You deal #{dmg} damage to #{monster}!!!"
      else
        puts "You use [sniff anus]!!!"
        puts "You sniff #{monster}'s anus."
        if mental_midget
          print "#{monster} says: \"I love it when the guy in porn pulls down the chicks panties from behind and takes a huge inhale sniff of her ass. Always makes me laugh.\" "
        else
          print "#{monster} calls you a nigger. "
        end
        puts "You click your tongue."
        next
      end
    when "4", "R", "r"
      if rand(100) + monster_health < 120
        puts "You outrun #{monster} and flee the battle!!!"
        exit
      else
        puts "You couldn't flee!!!"
        unless mental_midget
          dmg = rand(50)
          if dmg < 10
            puts "#{monster} misses!!!"
          else
            puts "#{monster} deals #{dmg - 10} damage!!!"
          end
          next
        end
      end
    else raise end
  rescue; retry end

  puts "#{monster} attacks you!!!"
  if !anus_haxed and !mental_midget and rand(30) > 28
    puts "#{monster} is about to HAX YOUR ANUS!!!"
    puts "You clench your buttcheeks and hope for the best."
    hax = rand 1000
    if hax < 500
      puts "#{monster.upcase} HAXED YOUR ANUS!!!!"
      anus_haxed = true
    else
      puts "#{monster.upcase} HAXED YOUR ANUS!!!!"
      anus_haxed = true
    end
  else
    dmg = rand(30)
    if mental_midget or dmg < 10
      puts "#{monster} misses!!!"
    else
      player_health -= dmg - 10
      puts "#{monster} deals #{dmg - 10} damage!!!"
    end
  end
end

puts "You have slain #{monster}!!!"
♀ /prog/ Challenge Vol. 8½ ♀

1 Name: Anonymous 2017-12-02 8:48

13 Name: Anonymous 2017-12-05 12:32

Name: Anonymous 2017-12-02 8:48

Name: Anonymous 2017-12-05 12:32
