If you post in this thread, you'll get a 13yo wife

Shhhhh, I'm hunting free softwarers...

I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as wife,
is in fact, GNU/wife, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus wife.
Wife is not a household appliance unto itself, but rather another free component
of a fully functioning GNU home made useful by the GNU blogposts, shell
utilities and vital system components comprising a full home as defined by
Torah.