Meaning of life

What is the meaning of life ?

Also, how does one become happy ?

People bullied me when I was young and now I get this shit from my father about "just having fun" and he can't seem to understand or accept that I'm anxious.

I have been homosexual for as long as I can remember, but I never dared tell anybody. To this day I hear close acquaintances and friends rant against homosexuality and say it is evil and all that kind of bullshit. And then I go to school and have these professors talk about how they are married and have kids. Fuck all this conformist bullshit. Sometimes all this abuse makes me want to just kill either myself or individual gay-haters. It's hard to feel happy and confident when people have been telling you you're a piece of shit for years and years.

Of course if I want to get hired for any job, I have to act all cool and self-confident. People judge you on this sort of thing and if you look depressed you're excluded.

It's just a self-perpertuating system of systematic exclusion of whomever is not "normal" or disagrees with the establishment. The media help perpetuate by constantly pushing their own narratives of what society should be.

I want to live an introverted life but it would probably ruin me. I have to somehow convince people that I'm "normal" according to established standards and not full of anger and bitterness.

And then there's all this JavaScript bullshit. The allmighty Google itself has become infected. The "back" button doesn't work anymore when returning to Google search results because these fuckers use #! URLs.

And fuck SEO, fuck bloggers, fuck youtube shills, fuck blogspammers, fuck the commercialized Internet that is full of ads and almost entirely devoid of useful content.

Ultimately people's claims to happiness seem delusional. They're not gay, they make money, they can claim to be "normal", they are confident, therefore they are happy ?

It just stops making sense.

Being a CS student sucks too, although I guess it's nice I don't have to worry about bills and unemployment yet. Day-in, day-out I go to CS school and learn stuff about algorithms, hardware, software, etc. But every time I look at a computing job offer it's all about knowing all the details of some specific software package. I will never learn that at my school. So every day I have to go and worry about not failing exams, knowing that if I finally get my degree it will be worthless on its own. University is already like a fulltime job but now I have to find time to catch up to all these industry-trendy fucking software programs. Meanwhile skids can learn everything about hisptr.js and have better prospects than me.

Being a student is being worrying about doing things that don't have any immediate value or reward, and fearing getting stuck in a McJob in a few months.

Maybe I should try to pursue the buddhist path of happiness "from the inside" or whatever. Well clearly buddhism is not perfect, it has lots of bullshit and crooks in it like any other religion. I'm just interested in some of its philosophy of how to be happy. I wouldn't trust the dalai lama or any brainwashing populist cult.

I'm kind of a fan of tdavis, he's in a weird position and doesn't mind saying how he feels.

>>1

Think of it this way OP. If you weren't gay, there could have been a 1/100 chance that you could've ended up like one of those people. Think of it as a blessing.

People judge job applicant's for all kinds of reasons. People judge people for lots of bullshit reasons that don't correlate well with reality in general. It could be the way you act, the color of your skin, or your sexual orientation. Fuck them. Just be yourself and show your skills. Be polite and humble. They are judging you, but you can also judge them. If they give you shit, you have the unique blessing of having a rare skill, and can look for work elsewhere. Find a place that works for you. Remember, you are valuable.

Living an introverted life is the easy reaction, but you can also form a network of accepting friends that hate the same sorts of people you do (like me, but we are internet friends, desu ne). Being a part of a counter culture is actually lots of fun!

Google wants you to use javascript so they can fuck you harder with their tracking scripts. https://startpage.com https://www.duckduckgo.com are two alternatives. Their search results are terrible, but sometimes they are good enough.

If you disable flash and javascript most of those sites become unusable anyway. It can be a useful filter.

People seem to find reassurance in being "normal", when confronted with a crisis if they are not normal. I myself fear being normal. How do I know I'm not a lemming marching to my doom? I can judge that path ahead of me by my own standards. Why let the other lemmings cloud your judgement?

Most jobs in tech require detailed knowledge about a few "technologies". It might be the ruby on rails api, or setting up networks. These come easily enough with exposure and practice, you don't need to get a detailed understanding in school. It's better to know how to learn new things than it is to know a specific set of things, as technologies change all the time, and you can also be exposed to something new.

Mcjob or no Mcjob, things tend to work out one way or the other.

Buddhism is nice, but I also don't trust religion enough to completely adopt it.

tdavis is inspiring in many ways.

>>2-3
Back to /b/, ``please!^!'^'