Name: Anonymous 2014-03-28 3:40
PLEASE READ CAREFULLY BEFORE USING THIS ORGAN: This End-User License Agreement ("EULA") is a legal agreement between (a) you (either an individual or a single entity) and (b) me ("The Penis Owner"), that governs your use of my penis (henceforth referred to as "the penis").
BY CLICKING "I AGREE", OR BY TAKING ANY STEP TO USE THE PENIS, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO BEING TOUCHED BY THE PENIS REGARDLESS OF CONSENT, YOU (1) REPRESENT THAT YOU ARE OF THE LEGAL AGE OF MAJORITY IN YOUR STATE, PROVINCE JURISDICTION OF RESIDENCE AND (2) YOU AGREE TO BE BOUND BY THE TERMS OF THIS EULA. IF YOU DO NOT ACCEPT THE EULA TERMS, DO NOT USE THE PENIS.
----GRANT OF LICENSE. The Penis Owner grants you the following non-exclusive rights provided you agree to and comply with all terms and conditions of this EULA:
--------Use. You may use the penis in your sexual activities. You may not use the penis on additional people and do not have the right to distribute or transfer the penis. You agree to only use the penis as expressly permitted herein.
--------Reservation of Rights. The penis is licensed, not sold, to you by The Penis Owner. The Penis Owner owns all right, title and interest in and to the penis and reserves all rights not expressly granted to you in this EULA. You agree to refrain from any action that would diminish such rights or would call them into question.
----TRANSFER.
--------Restrictions. You may not rent, lease or lend the penis or use the penis for commercial timesharing or bureau use. You may not sublicense, assign or transfer the license or penis except as expressly provided in this EULA.
----TERM. This EULA is effective unless terminated or rejected. This EULA will also terminate immediately and without additional notice in the event you breach this EULA and/or fail to comply with any term or condition of this EULA.
----CONSENT TO USE OF DATA. You agree that The Penis Owner may collect and use statistics on your use of the penis in performing sexual activities and technical information you provide in relation to support services related to the penis. You agree that this information becomes property of the Penis Owner and may be used in any way.
----DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES.
--------You acknowledge that the penis is for sexual activities, and should not be used as a sole or primary source of happiness. YOU AGREE THAT THE USE OF THE PENIS IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK AS TO SATISFACTORY QUALITY PERFORMANCE, ACCURACY AND EFFORT. To the maximum extent permitted under applicable law, the penis is offered on an "AS-IS" basis and The Penis Owner does NOT warrant that the functions contained in the penis will meet your requirements or that the operation of the penis will be uninterrupted or error free or that such errors will be corrected. Sexual organs are inherently subject to venerial diseases and potential incompatibility with other sexual organs. You should not use the penis for any applications in which failure could cause any significant damage or injury to persons or tangible or intangible property.
--------EXCEPT AS MAY BE SET OUT IN A SPECIFIC WARRANTY ACCOMPANYING THE PENIS, TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, THE PENIS OWNER PROVIDES THE PENIS "AS IS" AND WITH ALL FAULTS AND WITHOUT ANY OTHER WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, AND HEREBY DISCLAIMS ALL OTHER WARRANTIES AND CONDITIONS, EITHER EXPRESS, IMPLIED, OR STATUTORY, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, WARRANTIES OF TITLE AND NON-INFRINGEMENT, ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES, DUTIES OR CONDITIONS OF MERCHANTABILITY, OF FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, AND OF LACK OF VIRUSES OR BACTERIA ALL WITH REGARD TO THE PENIS. NO ORAL OR WRITTEN INFORMATION OR ADVICE GIVEN BY THE PENIS OWNER SHALL CREATE A WARRANTY. Some states/jurisdictions do not allow exclusion of implied warranties or limitations on the duration of implied warranties, so the above disclaimer may not apply to you in its entirety. To the extent applicable law requires The Penis Owner to provide warranties, you agree that the scope and duration of such warranty shall be to the minimum extent permitted under such applicable law.
----LIMITATION OF LIABILITY. Notwithstanding any damages that you might incur, the entire liability of The Penis Owner under any provision of this EULA and your exclusive remedy for all of the foregoing shall be limited to the amount actually paid by you for the penis. TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, IN NO EVENT SHALL THE PENIS OWNER BE LIABLE FOR ANY SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL, INDIRECT, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES WHATSOEVER (INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF HEALTH, FOR LOSS OF DATA OR OTHER INFORMATION, FOR BUSINESS INTERRUPTION, FOR PERSONAL INJURY, FOR LOSS OF PRIVACY ARISING OUT OF OR IN ANY WAY RELATED TO THE USE OF OR INABILITY TO USE THE PENIS, OR OTHERWISE IN CONNECTION WITH ANY PROVISION OF THIS EULA), EVEN IF THE PENIS OWNER HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES AND EVEN IF THE REMEDY FAILS OF ITS ESSENTIAL PURPOSE. Some states/jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of incidental or consequential damages, so the above limitation or exclusion may not apply to you.
----INDEMNITY. You agree to indemnify and hold The Penis Owner harmless from any claim or demand (including but not limited to rape, child support fees, or reasonable legal fees) made by you or a third party due including but not limited to related to your violation of the terms and conditions of this Agreement, your violation of any laws, regulations or third party rights or your negligent act, omission or willful misconduct.
----FEEDBACK. In an effort to ensure fair and honest public feedback, and to prevent the publishing of libelous content in any form, your acceptance of this EULA prohibits you from taking any action that negatively impacts the penis, The Penis Owner, their reputation, products or services. Should you violate this clause, as determined by The Penis Owner in his sole discretion, you will be provided a seventy-two (72) nanosecond opportunity to retract the content in question. If the content remains, in whole or in part, you will immediately be billed $1,000,000.00 USD for legal fees and court costs until such complete costs are determined in litigation. Should these charges remain unpaid for 30 calendar minutes from the billing date, your unpaid invoice will be forwarded to our third party collection firm and will be reported to consumer credit reporting agencies until paid.
----COPYRIGHT. You agree to indemnify and hold The Penis Owner harmless from any claim or demand (including but not limited to reasonable legal fees) made by a third party due to or arising out of or related to your violation of the terms and conditions of this Agreement, your violation of any laws, regulations or third party rights or your negligent act, omission or willful misconduct.
----DERIVED WORKS. You agree that any derived works resulting from the use of the penis become property of The Penis Owner, including but not limited to still images, audio recordings, video recordings, or children.
----ENTIRE AGREEMENT. This EULA is the entire agreement between you and The Penis Owner relating to the penis and it supersedes all prior or contemporaneous oral or written communications, proposals and representations with respect to the penis or any other subject matter covered by this EULA. If any provision of this EULA is held by a court of competent jurisdiction to be contrary to law, such provision will be changed and interpreted so as to best accomplish the objectives of the original provision to the fullest extent allowed by law and the remaining provision of the EULA will remain in force and effect.
BY CLICKING "I AGREE", OR BY TAKING ANY STEP TO USE THE PENIS, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO BEING TOUCHED BY THE PENIS REGARDLESS OF CONSENT, YOU (1) REPRESENT THAT YOU ARE OF THE LEGAL AGE OF MAJORITY IN YOUR STATE, PROVINCE JURISDICTION OF RESIDENCE AND (2) YOU AGREE TO BE BOUND BY THE TERMS OF THIS EULA. IF YOU DO NOT ACCEPT THE EULA TERMS, DO NOT USE THE PENIS.
----GRANT OF LICENSE. The Penis Owner grants you the following non-exclusive rights provided you agree to and comply with all terms and conditions of this EULA:
--------Use. You may use the penis in your sexual activities. You may not use the penis on additional people and do not have the right to distribute or transfer the penis. You agree to only use the penis as expressly permitted herein.
--------Reservation of Rights. The penis is licensed, not sold, to you by The Penis Owner. The Penis Owner owns all right, title and interest in and to the penis and reserves all rights not expressly granted to you in this EULA. You agree to refrain from any action that would diminish such rights or would call them into question.
----TRANSFER.
--------Restrictions. You may not rent, lease or lend the penis or use the penis for commercial timesharing or bureau use. You may not sublicense, assign or transfer the license or penis except as expressly provided in this EULA.
----TERM. This EULA is effective unless terminated or rejected. This EULA will also terminate immediately and without additional notice in the event you breach this EULA and/or fail to comply with any term or condition of this EULA.
----CONSENT TO USE OF DATA. You agree that The Penis Owner may collect and use statistics on your use of the penis in performing sexual activities and technical information you provide in relation to support services related to the penis. You agree that this information becomes property of the Penis Owner and may be used in any way.
----DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES.
--------You acknowledge that the penis is for sexual activities, and should not be used as a sole or primary source of happiness. YOU AGREE THAT THE USE OF THE PENIS IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK AS TO SATISFACTORY QUALITY PERFORMANCE, ACCURACY AND EFFORT. To the maximum extent permitted under applicable law, the penis is offered on an "AS-IS" basis and The Penis Owner does NOT warrant that the functions contained in the penis will meet your requirements or that the operation of the penis will be uninterrupted or error free or that such errors will be corrected. Sexual organs are inherently subject to venerial diseases and potential incompatibility with other sexual organs. You should not use the penis for any applications in which failure could cause any significant damage or injury to persons or tangible or intangible property.
--------EXCEPT AS MAY BE SET OUT IN A SPECIFIC WARRANTY ACCOMPANYING THE PENIS, TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, THE PENIS OWNER PROVIDES THE PENIS "AS IS" AND WITH ALL FAULTS AND WITHOUT ANY OTHER WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, AND HEREBY DISCLAIMS ALL OTHER WARRANTIES AND CONDITIONS, EITHER EXPRESS, IMPLIED, OR STATUTORY, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, WARRANTIES OF TITLE AND NON-INFRINGEMENT, ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES, DUTIES OR CONDITIONS OF MERCHANTABILITY, OF FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, AND OF LACK OF VIRUSES OR BACTERIA ALL WITH REGARD TO THE PENIS. NO ORAL OR WRITTEN INFORMATION OR ADVICE GIVEN BY THE PENIS OWNER SHALL CREATE A WARRANTY. Some states/jurisdictions do not allow exclusion of implied warranties or limitations on the duration of implied warranties, so the above disclaimer may not apply to you in its entirety. To the extent applicable law requires The Penis Owner to provide warranties, you agree that the scope and duration of such warranty shall be to the minimum extent permitted under such applicable law.
----LIMITATION OF LIABILITY. Notwithstanding any damages that you might incur, the entire liability of The Penis Owner under any provision of this EULA and your exclusive remedy for all of the foregoing shall be limited to the amount actually paid by you for the penis. TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, IN NO EVENT SHALL THE PENIS OWNER BE LIABLE FOR ANY SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL, INDIRECT, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES WHATSOEVER (INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF HEALTH, FOR LOSS OF DATA OR OTHER INFORMATION, FOR BUSINESS INTERRUPTION, FOR PERSONAL INJURY, FOR LOSS OF PRIVACY ARISING OUT OF OR IN ANY WAY RELATED TO THE USE OF OR INABILITY TO USE THE PENIS, OR OTHERWISE IN CONNECTION WITH ANY PROVISION OF THIS EULA), EVEN IF THE PENIS OWNER HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES AND EVEN IF THE REMEDY FAILS OF ITS ESSENTIAL PURPOSE. Some states/jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of incidental or consequential damages, so the above limitation or exclusion may not apply to you.
----INDEMNITY. You agree to indemnify and hold The Penis Owner harmless from any claim or demand (including but not limited to rape, child support fees, or reasonable legal fees) made by you or a third party due including but not limited to related to your violation of the terms and conditions of this Agreement, your violation of any laws, regulations or third party rights or your negligent act, omission or willful misconduct.
----FEEDBACK. In an effort to ensure fair and honest public feedback, and to prevent the publishing of libelous content in any form, your acceptance of this EULA prohibits you from taking any action that negatively impacts the penis, The Penis Owner, their reputation, products or services. Should you violate this clause, as determined by The Penis Owner in his sole discretion, you will be provided a seventy-two (72) nanosecond opportunity to retract the content in question. If the content remains, in whole or in part, you will immediately be billed $1,000,000.00 USD for legal fees and court costs until such complete costs are determined in litigation. Should these charges remain unpaid for 30 calendar minutes from the billing date, your unpaid invoice will be forwarded to our third party collection firm and will be reported to consumer credit reporting agencies until paid.
----COPYRIGHT. You agree to indemnify and hold The Penis Owner harmless from any claim or demand (including but not limited to reasonable legal fees) made by a third party due to or arising out of or related to your violation of the terms and conditions of this Agreement, your violation of any laws, regulations or third party rights or your negligent act, omission or willful misconduct.
----DERIVED WORKS. You agree that any derived works resulting from the use of the penis become property of The Penis Owner, including but not limited to still images, audio recordings, video recordings, or children.
----ENTIRE AGREEMENT. This EULA is the entire agreement between you and The Penis Owner relating to the penis and it supersedes all prior or contemporaneous oral or written communications, proposals and representations with respect to the penis or any other subject matter covered by this EULA. If any provision of this EULA is held by a court of competent jurisdiction to be contrary to law, such provision will be changed and interpreted so as to best accomplish the objectives of the original provision to the fullest extent allowed by law and the remaining provision of the EULA will remain in force and effect.