Walrus

Hello, I am currently 18 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there’s a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I’m different. On December 14th, I’m moving to Antartica; home of the greatest walruses. I've already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus.

>>16
Dear sir,
I am writing with regard to your continued slurs and insults on the "/lounge/" subforum, hereafter referred to as "the Lounge". In order to protect my lawful interests, I demand that you immediately:

1. Cease your derogatory and pejorative behavior in the Lounge, including any and all threads and posts therein, until hereuntilwith whereafter noted otherwise.
2. Commit and send to the Lounge your hereafter legally-binding apologies, contritions and/or condolences, and advise me to the full extent of their location on the herewith said forum.
3. Perform the necessary steps to, and ensure the continued repetition of the necessary procedure to which you are hereby consigned everywhereof, namely "hax anus", and enjoy regular and repetitive performance thereof on the Lounge wheretofore.
4. Fuck thyself with a broomstick, ya toilet scrubber.

Once we receive this information, we will be able to determine what, if any, further compensatory and/or remedial steps are necessary. Your urgent response is obligatory. We expect to hear from you within five (5) days of your receipt of this post to acknowledge your compliance with the foregoing.