Walrus

Hello, I am currently 18 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there’s a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I’m different. On December 14th, I’m moving to Antartica; home of the greatest walruses. I've already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus.

I can not help but conclude that in a general war between Walruses and Cactuses, the Cactuses would win by a large margin due to their ability to deliver 1k needles of penetrating doom.