Name: Anonymous 2015-04-05 12:12
Every self-respecting mer, gay or even an Argonian knows that silt striders do not go to Pelagiad. I will tell you why.
It happened in the year 425, when I had just been reassigned from Cyrodiil to Fort Moonmoth. They gave me an ebony stick enchanted to suck out life - so I could kick around archers and other guars, and keep aborigines in line. And so I would serve for five years, but one day our fort was visited by an angry, awfully stinky orc who, in his growling and pathetic attempts to mock talking in the proud Tamrielic, told us that us junkies "should've gone away to Pelagiad three weeks ago to get the documents for the land near Caldera", and that the Legion command already see our heads on pikes. Well, me and the centurion, thankfully not some kind of Argonians, understood it all quickly; as soon as the fatass fetid offspring went away to spend the night in the tower (our quartermaster didn't let him into the common quarters), we grabbed ourselves and took to Balmora to catch the last silt strider. We took our seats nicely, had a bottle of flin, but the beast was barely dragging along as if to spite us - we weren't going to make it by tomorrow. We spent around six hours getting to Seyda Neen, and the centurion was going to cut this wretched arthropod down, when we noticed that our companion traveller Khajiit is sitting with his eyes the size of half his face, singing something and overall obviously loaded on some speeds. We exchanged glances, and the plan was ripe in a second: I whacked him on the head and dropped him into the water, then we started stuffing the sacks he had sat upon under the silt strider's carapace and into his mandibles. It started crunching, one of the sacks tore, and we were breathing all of that, the sky was getting bluish, and I felt a slight discomfort in the region of my anal orifice; when I turned my head, I saw that the bastard was already undressed and trying to stick his cock under my cuirass. Without much thinking, I got my gladius and stuck it into his mouth so he would know how to treat his subordinates. I threw that paederast into the river, looked at the road and saw that the goddamn scalawag had already acquired the speed of a nord who sees a cartwheel of booze; I was scared of the prospect of fucking crashing. And that is how we arrived into Pelagiad, but the flea didn't want to stop, it wrecked the silt strider port into smithereens, and ran into the town; turned out, it was a holiday, there was Vivec sitting in the air, and some faggots in golden masks. The silt strider, accelerated to the limit, crashed into this crowd and kicked Vivec with its leg so hard that he got launched, as if with a hyper jack, into a perfect parabola towards Molag Mar, leaving a bright-purple inversion trail; the silt strider, not satisfied with this, went for the town council, ruining it like hell, while I fell from it straight into a cartwheel with kwama eggs. Afterwards I also got fucked by a guar in a pen, but that is a whole different story.
And since then, silt striders do not go to Pelagiad. Also, that accelerated one was later seen flying around Tel Branora.
It happened in the year 425, when I had just been reassigned from Cyrodiil to Fort Moonmoth. They gave me an ebony stick enchanted to suck out life - so I could kick around archers and other guars, and keep aborigines in line. And so I would serve for five years, but one day our fort was visited by an angry, awfully stinky orc who, in his growling and pathetic attempts to mock talking in the proud Tamrielic, told us that us junkies "should've gone away to Pelagiad three weeks ago to get the documents for the land near Caldera", and that the Legion command already see our heads on pikes. Well, me and the centurion, thankfully not some kind of Argonians, understood it all quickly; as soon as the fatass fetid offspring went away to spend the night in the tower (our quartermaster didn't let him into the common quarters), we grabbed ourselves and took to Balmora to catch the last silt strider. We took our seats nicely, had a bottle of flin, but the beast was barely dragging along as if to spite us - we weren't going to make it by tomorrow. We spent around six hours getting to Seyda Neen, and the centurion was going to cut this wretched arthropod down, when we noticed that our companion traveller Khajiit is sitting with his eyes the size of half his face, singing something and overall obviously loaded on some speeds. We exchanged glances, and the plan was ripe in a second: I whacked him on the head and dropped him into the water, then we started stuffing the sacks he had sat upon under the silt strider's carapace and into his mandibles. It started crunching, one of the sacks tore, and we were breathing all of that, the sky was getting bluish, and I felt a slight discomfort in the region of my anal orifice; when I turned my head, I saw that the bastard was already undressed and trying to stick his cock under my cuirass. Without much thinking, I got my gladius and stuck it into his mouth so he would know how to treat his subordinates. I threw that paederast into the river, looked at the road and saw that the goddamn scalawag had already acquired the speed of a nord who sees a cartwheel of booze; I was scared of the prospect of fucking crashing. And that is how we arrived into Pelagiad, but the flea didn't want to stop, it wrecked the silt strider port into smithereens, and ran into the town; turned out, it was a holiday, there was Vivec sitting in the air, and some faggots in golden masks. The silt strider, accelerated to the limit, crashed into this crowd and kicked Vivec with its leg so hard that he got launched, as if with a hyper jack, into a perfect parabola towards Molag Mar, leaving a bright-purple inversion trail; the silt strider, not satisfied with this, went for the town council, ruining it like hell, while I fell from it straight into a cartwheel with kwama eggs. Afterwards I also got fucked by a guar in a pen, but that is a whole different story.
And since then, silt striders do not go to Pelagiad. Also, that accelerated one was later seen flying around Tel Branora.