Return Styles: Pseud0ch, Terminal, Valhalla, NES, Geocities, Blue Moon. Entire thread

Neurotypical idiots

Name: Anonymous 2015-04-20 2:39

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
Like this blogpost? Share on Reddit Share on Twitter Share on Facebook

Name: !PjnbLbtYFM 2015-04-25 2:26

>>85,113
I had been trying to come up with a plausible explanation for magic to exist in Gensokyo. Where does all that energy come from? They must get it from somewhere else. Without falling into "it's magic, i ain't gotta explain shit" territory, I concluded they got their energy from a superdense way of energy, namely magically-charged food. I guess this is why I dreamed of magic cereal, though I never concluded it had to be cereal before.

Also, sorry if any of you find any grammar issues. I keep deleting entire sentences and rewriting them after having serious brainfarts. Sometimes I don't proofread my posts because this textarea is way too small and the fucker will resize back to normal when I hit the preview button. I'll try to proofread all my posts from now on.

----

Two things: the actual hole is placed much lower than you think. Vaginas are scalding hot.

This isn't something you find out by using your finger, you have to use your penis for that.

It was when I grabbed my penis to put in inside her that I found out condoms sacrifice at least 60 or 70% of your sensitivity. Not sure how it was for her, I never asked. Taking it with my own hand felt like grabbing someone else's dick. You can't even feel the warmth of your own hand, no matter how hard you grab it. Good god, she seems to be enjoying herself so much. yet I can't even feel my own penis.

I kneeled in front of her trying to do it in the missionary position. I grabbed my penis and slid it down her vulva. When I thought I had gone low enough, I pushed. Nope, not there. Further down, push, not there. I felt like my penis would snap at any instant.

M: "It won't work in this position."
H: "Is anything wrong?"
M: "Please come closer to the edge."

Looks like I finally can do something. There seems to be less resistance now. I'm standing next to my bed, my knees are bent at a very uncomfortable angle and my legs hurt. For those who insist on intelligent design: fuck you. No sensible designer would ever make such a shitty fail-prone joint. Knees are a despicable failure.

I'm finally getting the tip inside her. She tenses up so much, my tip is pushed back outside. I took her hand.

M: "Relax, I'm here for you, I won't force you to do anything you are not okay with."

Some tears rolled down her cheek. I kissed her on the cheek.

The tip could finally get in and it felt warm. Our hands were intertwined, which made pretty hard for me to distribute my weight evenly without completely resting it on her forearms. I rested my knees on the edge of the bed. My legs felt much more rested and then I went deeper. She squeezed my hand. I went deeper. That first thrust went pretty slowly, it probably took about 30 seconds between pushing, stopping and trying to go deeper.

I wonder if I can go deeper. She's still squeezing my hand. That must mean it's not deep enough- oh, looks like I found another wall. What else could it b-

I looked down. I was completely inside her. Wait, what? I didn't feel a thing. Nothing. Come to think of it, there's a pleasant warmth around me. Except this is not the kind of feeling you're supposed to pick up consciously. You should need anyone to tell you you're completely inside a girl.

M: "Does it hurt?"
H: "No. [REDACTED]-kun, no. It feels really good. Please never leave my side."
(why would she say that right now?)
M: "Don't worry, it won't happen."

I tried to get closer to her by shifting my weight forward so I could rest on my forearms (not hers) and feel her entire body on mine. She lifted her arms relative to her head (she didn't "lift" her arms per se, she moved her arms backwards, above head level, exposing her armpits) and tensed up a bit. I should have felt some squeezing around my penis, but I barely felt it move.

I kissed her armpits. Big mistake, they tasted like deodorant. Now that I was completely inside her, I pulled out being careful not to slip out. I started thrusting at a slow speed. There were some silly squishy noises coming from her crotch. Not sure if it was her or the condom.

M: "Please wrap your legs around my back."
H: "Oook-aaaay-"

It didn't feel as good as I thought it would be. Real life thighhighs aren't smooth like pictures of 2D girls make them out to be. Neither are real life legs.

H: "Ahhhnnn-"

That was the kind of moans I wanted to hear. She didn't seem to be able to articulate those retarded Western moans of her, instead she was having a hard time pushing those sounds and the result was a muffled version of her cute squeaks. I picked up the pace of my thrusts.

She started crying uncontrollably. I stopped.

M: "I'm sorry, are you okay?"
H: "dontstop"
(what? I couldn't hear anything)
M: "(...)"
H: "dontstop"
M: "Is that okay with you?"
H: "[REDACTED]-kunnn- (...) please-"
M: "Okay, okay."
H: "guh-"

She wouldn't stop crying. Her whole body was red. Really red.

She violently shook her hips and let out an exaggerated version of one of those Western moans again. I didn't stop, but it was hard to continue since I wasn't good at aiming and she was constantly moving the target.

Once she calmed down, she tried to catch her breath.

H: "Let's do this every day, okay?"
M: "Sure."

The whole thing didn't last more than 5 minutes. Getting so intimate with her made me feel really happy. Seeing her enjoy this so much made me feel really happy. Her muffled moans made me melt inside. She looked very cute. But I didn't even come. What the fuck?

I kissed her on the cheek.

M: "Hey, every time I kiss you on the cheek I'm asking you to do the same."

She kissed me on the cheek very passionately. That felt infinitely better than what we just had done.

-- cont

See you tomorrow

Newer Posts