Neurotypical idiots

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
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After she finished, I went to the bathroom to wash my penis in a hurry and throw that empty condom away. On my way back to my bedroom I kept thinking how severely underwhelming the whole thing was, at least in a physical sense. Sure, it was an intense experience emotionally wise, though I was expecting much more than this.

I can't remember how long we stayed there, lying on my bed, intertwined legs, hugging and kissing each other without saying a single word. Must have been more than two hours. I knew I had to be there for her, but I was acting based on my sense of responsibility and not on my true feelings. I couldn't be assed to care about her in that precise moment, didn't felt like it. That said, I'm not an asshole and I knew leaving her alone right after she finished would be pretty rude.

I spent all this time thinking about Youmu and trying to forget there was an actual girl next to me. An actual girl with a not-firm-enough and a not-soft-enough body. At that moment I felt something identical to post-orgasm regret without actually having an orgasm.

Me: "I'm not sure how to feel about this."
Youmu: "Are you sure you like her?"
M: "(...) I don't know."
Y: "I'll take that as a no."
M: "I wouldn't go as far as to say that."
Y: "Well, I understand. Given the chance, anyone would act on their instinct."
M: "(...)"
Y: "I know you're disappointed. Try not to make it evident, you will hurt her."
M: "Right."
Y: "In any case, you are not one to bluntly break things up. You'll stay with her, right?"
(Yes, Youmu just called me a pussy)
M: "I don't have any other choice, making an enemy out of her would be a dumb move."

I pretended Hatate was Youmu for a moment and embraced her tightly. "There's no one like you", I thought.

Ever since I became a weeb, I thought cuddling was magical. In all reality, girls are much heavier than you think, their skin is not spotless and smooth and you have to try awkward maneuvers like putting your arm under her neck and folding it to touch her back to ensure both parties are comfortable and not having their limbs go numb from the weight of your partner.

After that, we watched some anime while naked and slept together on my bed. It was kinda uncomfortable because I sleep on a single size bed. It also gets hot to the point of discomfort. I woke up many times during the night because of this. I'd occasionally glance at her, admiring her sleeping figure. Having a sleeping naked girl next to you is truly amazing. Just for looking though, actually sleeping with a girl, naked or not, is not that fun.

-- cont