Neurotypical idiots

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
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I haven't described Alice yet. Straight long black hair, round eyes, overall a 6/10 face. Her body is pretty much like mine: thin as fuck with some slightly defined muscles from regular exercising. We're both around the same height (5'11").

Girls who are around my height are attractive to me. ZUN hasn't published any official height charts as far as I know, for this reason I see Youmu as being around 5'10", thought we all know this probably is far from the truth. Well, it doesn't matter.

A: "Hey, do you really not feel lonely after what happened with Kate?"
M: "Why would I?"
A: "Because she was your first girlfriend, you fucking retard. Why else?"
M: "I'm better off this way."
A: "Then why did you even get close to her on the first place?"
M: "No idea. Hey, the same goes for you. You should have been the one to be hit hard by the break up. You looked pretty head-over-heels for him."
A: "True, it hit me really hard at first."
M: "At first?"
A: "I'm still hurt by it. Keeping my mind busy with other things have helped me cope up with it. Like the shit we've done with the car."
M: "I've also enjoyed it."
A: "Yeah,"

We were both at my place. I was making lunch while she was watching some anime I had already watched. I'd use the dead times at the kitchen to go back to my computer and save some pictures from Danbooru. Then I'd go back to the kitchen to check things out and repeat this until lunch was ready. While I was checking the fluffiness of the rice, the episode she was watching had finished. She went inside. Must have been for the bathroom.

A: "What the hell! Ha-"

That came from inside. She must have found a funny-looking spider at the bathroom.

M: "Is anything wrong?"
A: "Of course there is, what the hell is wrong with you?"

She was on my computer, laughing at the picture of a naked Miku I had just saved.

A: "You've got tons of these!"
M: "Got a problem with that?"
A: "Of course! I didn't even know people made shit like this. You're- ahaha-"
M: "Oh fuck the rice-"
A: "Yeah yeah, pulling excuses out of your ass."
M: "Fuck you."
A: "God-"

The rice was fine.

A: "I'm having a hard time imagining what you do with this."
M: "It's exactly what you think."
A: "What do you even see in these? They're just drawings."
M: "They are perfect idealized versions of real girls. You are just jealous because a drawing is much hotter than you."
A: "How is this any better than a real girl? You're real fucking funny."
M: "Do you want me to explain it word by word? "
A: "Anyway, I'm surprised you never told me about this!"
M: "Because I knew something like this would happen. A retard like you would not understand."
A: "Hey, don't be offended."
M: "What if you are the one who's offended after being told a drawing is better than you?"
A: "It's okay, you can say you're gay."

I wasn't offended, though it would have been better if this hadn't happened.

M: "I'll make things worse on purpose."
A: "Eh?"
M: "Look at this."

Pictures of Hatate (2D).

A: "Wow, you're serious about this."
M: "In case you didn't notice, this was the same character Kate used to cosplay."
A: "Yeah, you don't need to tell me that. Why are you showing me this though?"
M: "No idea."

I showed her some pictures of Youmu.

M: "And this is the girl I like the most."
A: "Uhh... I can't laugh at you now that you're being so serious about this."
M: "I guess it worked."
A: "So you like these drawn girls more than you like real girls, right?"
M: "Pretty much,"
A: "You were into Kate because she was dressing as one of your drawings, right?"
M: "Maybe, I'm not sure."
A: "You don't like "real" girls."
M: "Hell, that's not easy to explai-"
A: "Hey, what do you think of this?"

Straight out french kiss with fake moaning and shit. It must have lasted at least 20 seconds, it was longer than what I'd usually do with Hatate.

M: "Awful."
A: "That's not what your eyes are trying to say."
M: "Of course I'm surprised you dumbfuck."

She endlessly teased me about my huge collection for weeks.

-- cont

_{See you tomorrow}