Neurotypical idiots

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
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>>215
Sorry for not liking the kind of girls you like.

----

M: "Hey, some slutty black panties. Might sniff these."
A: "You wish you had a pair like these."
M: "Too bad."
A: "I could wear those today."
M: "Why the fuck do you think I care?"

She took a shower while I prepared breakfast. We had breakfast together. I was wearing the same clothes I slept on and she was wearing nothing but her underwear.

M: "You know, most human beings wear clothes."
A: "I live here and I'll do whatever I want."
M: "I'm so fucking sorry."
A: "What do you think?"
M: "About what?"
A: "Does it look good on me?"
M: "Nothing has ever looked good on you."

I was at the opposite side of the table and I only could see up to her shoulders, I didn't really know what she looked like other than the brief glimpse I got of her before she sat at the table.

We spent the rest of the morning playing board games and making lunch. While we were at that, she got awfully touchy, almost to the post of discomfort. Things like hugging me from the side while putting my arms between her breasts, hugging me from the back putting her breasts on my back and anything she could think of that involved her breasts in some way.

She left the kitchen came back to the kitchen wearing white stockings.

A: "I heard from Kate you like these."
(what the actual fuck, why would she tell her that)
M: "What the fuck is wrong with you today? I'll fix your computer if that's what you want, you fucking retard."
A: "I'm being totally serious this time. Do you like how they look on me?"
M: "Yeah, I guess. Please wear some clothes, I'm serious too."

At this point I already knew how to recognize when a girl was making a move. Not that I have all the experience in the world, I'm saying this because I missed lots of signals from Hatate and it was until now that I could finally distinguish when she means it and isn't just teasing you or trying to be deeply affectionate without any kind of sexual implications. You might insist this is too fucking obvious (it is in hindsight), though I didn't know how to act at that moment. Also, Alice has been like a male friend to me and I was afraid I was being tested. Being told I'm into drawings just because I can't get a real girl and stuff like that. On top of that, she was just overcoming the recent breakup. She must have lost her cool.

M: "I'd like to know what's going through your mind right now."
A: "(...) Can you not tell I'm trying to have some fun with you?"
M: "I do see that and I appreciate it, though it seems kind of sudden. You've had a recent, um, situation and I thought you might be doing this out of confusion. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you or anything, I'm confused at why all this is happening."
A: "Don't take me for a little girl who acts out of her own whim. I know exactly what I'm doing."
M: "You're right, sorry for thinking of you like that."
A: "Do you seriously not see anything on me? Are you that fixated on drawings? I definitely know you're not gay from that fuckhuge collection of yours. It sorts of offends me when you won't look at me as a woman."
M: "Your fault for having interests similar to mine."
A: "Answer my question."
M: "You're not Youmu."
A: "I know that, you fucking idiot. That's not the kind of answer I'm expecting."
M: "Turn around. In the least stupid way possible."
(...)
A: "Well?"
M: "You're fine,"
A: "Just fine? It's not like you've got much either. Take your clothes off."
M: "Uh-"
A: "You can't even do that? I'm not asking you to take off your boxers."

I complied.

(...)
M: "So-"
(...)
A: "Not bad."
M: "Yeah."
A: "Cut this shit out already, I'm dying inside. Give me a goddamn serious answer."
M: "Kate is the only point of comparison I've got. Your body is much firmer than hers, that's all I can say."
A: "Good enough. I'll take that as a yes."
M: "Uh, what?"

She stroked my chest. Fuck caution, my inner nigger took control over me.

M: "Is this going where I think it is?"
A: "I'll kick you in the balls for being such an insufferable idiot, holy fucking shit."
M: "Let's not do this in the goddamned kitchen, please."
A: "Right."

We went to her bed.

M: "Got anything I could use not to be forced to marry your sorry ass-"
A: "What are you talking- oh, condoms, of course."
M: "Have you always been this slow?"
A: "You're one to talk. Don't say that after what I've done today all went over your retarded head."
M: "Fuck you, I was ignoring you on purpose, you insane slut."
A: "(...) Alright, shut up. Get moving."

She got a condom from a box of tampons. I didn't notice it when I was searching in her drawers.

M: "Oh fuck not that dick numbing crap."
A: "I know how to help you with that. Will you fucking shut up already?"

She licked the base of my penis for about two seconds, put a drop of lube inside the condom and unrolled it on my penis with her mouth.

M: "You sure know your shit."

She was trying pretty hard to please me. She's definitely got some experience on her. Thank you for being a miserably selfish retard, Dave.

What I remember the most from that time was when she made me lie between her legs while she stood up and rubbed her clothed foot on all of my body. It was enjoyable and I don't have a fetish for feet. I gave her oral while fingering her at the same time, pretty standard. When I went inside her, she was too fucking tight. God, that girl must do her kegels very religiously. This is a different feeling from what it was with Hatate, but if you are not used to it and you're sensitive like me, it will make everything feel like she's trying to violently suck the semen out of you. You don't get much pleasure from tight vaginas other than a highly enjoyable first thrust and then feeling like you're being forced to finish. At least not until you desensitize yourself. I couldn't last more than 30 seconds and my ejaculation was somewhat painful. She didn't make a single noise, just heavy irregular breathing.

M: "I didn't last shit and you didn't come. Did you even enjoy it?"
A: "Please don't fixate on making me orgasm, I enjoy the act itself. What about you?"
M: "To be honest, I came so hard it hurt,"
A: "You're pretty sensitive."
M: "No helping it when you're so damn tight."
A: "Aw, thank you."
M: "That wasn't a compliment."
A: "It is for me."

After collecting my thoughts, I knew I had to make this clear.

M: "Just so you know, I'm not up for any lovey-dovey bullshit. If that's a deal breaker, we should never do this again."
A: "Hey, I want to go for a second time."
M: "Then we're nothing more than just friends, right?"
A: "Of course not, I'm sure neither of us wants to go again through the pain of being in a relationship."
M: "Is there anything I'm missing here? This is too good to be true. We're officially friends with benefits?"
A: "Thank you for bringing out that stupid word, retard."
M: "Well?"
A: "I guess."

I had to wait more than one hour to regain an erection and go for a second time. After that, we took a shower together, put on our sleeping clothes and spent the rest of the day playing board games.

-- cont
_{See you tomorrow}