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Neurotypical idiots

Name: Anonymous 2015-04-20 2:39

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
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Name: !PjnbLbtYFM 2015-05-02 21:17

>>255
Anal requires previous cleanup, at least 30 minutes of fervent foreplay, half a bottle of lube and being hard enough for entry, yet soft enough to not hurt her. The result is a simulated death grip with a small chance of getting poop in your penis while feeling an uncomfortable pressure around the sphincter. It's not worth it, I don't see why it's so popular.

----

Good L-rd, a properly heated onahole with the right amount of lube is the best feeling I've had in my entire life. I regret not buying one before. The Seventeen Bordeaux has that rigidity I couldn't find in real girls. I must have used that thing like ten times a day for at least two weeks. I would (almost) always dream of Youmu after cleaning up the onahola, washing my dick and
going to sleep while tightly hugging the dakimakura.

There was a yearly Linux user meetup around that time of the year. I went there to meet up with some of my old friends I met in previous Linux meetups, because most of the presentations are entry-level and most people go to those meetups for the free Tux stickers and the "social aspect" of it anyway. The whole room was full of fat and bearded men. There were also a few "geeky couples" XD. I noticed two girls who were alone. One them was fat as fuck. She was a long-time Debian user and knew much more than the rest of the "Debian fans" who feel superior to the Ubuntu fans, probably the same kind of idiots who gladly took the systemd-ick up their asses. Pretty cool girl. The other one was a clueless girl who went there with the Debian girl to learn more about Linux. She was solving a Rubik's cube.

Me: "What method do you use?"
Her: "Oh god you also know how to solve it? That's awesome!"
(I just rammed a shitty algorithm I found on the Internet into my head and let it become muscle memory. Not really.)
M: "(...) Uh... kind of, I still use the beginner layer-by-layer method."
H: "What are your times?"
M: "The fastest I've ever done was 45 seconds and that's because I got really lucky."
H: "Really? I can't go under two minutes."
(thank you for making me feel better about my shitty times. It's not like I would devote my life to this "speedcubing" shit anyway.)
M: "Well, I noticed some patterns and found some shortcuts for this method."
H: "Please show me!"

I showed her how turning the cube on one side and moving the right layer is much easier on your hands than moving the down layer. She had a microepisode of satori. I asked the Debian girl if she knew where the other guys were and I went there. They needed some help installing Flash on a toaster running some old version of Debian. I was telling them how I wouldn't help them with their old shit when the clueless Rubik girl appeared behind me.

H: "What are you doing?"
M: "Telling these people why I won't install a program on their old computer."
H: "Why not? That sounds awesome!"
(not really. Is this her first time seeing white text on a background?)

I spent the rest of the day playing shitty Linux games with some of my friends. Before I left, she asked me for my phone number. I said I didn't have any (I was lying, of course) and gave her my mail. I was thinking of giving her a fake mail but I chickened out and gave her my real mail, thinking she wouldn't write since nobody uses e-mail anymore.

She wrote a few weeks later asking me to see each other to do some "speedsolving". I accepted her invitation out of politeness and met up with her at an ice cream shop. It was just me showing her how I could solve it in less than two minutes. I don't even like ice cream. She interrupted me before I could pull an excuse of out my ass to leave.

H: "What do you do?"
M: "I work for a small company making electronic devices."
H: "Does that mean you majored in computer engineering too?"
(too?)
M: "Uh, yeah."
H: "Great! What university?"
M: "[REDACTED]."
H: "What a coincidence! I'm on my second year. Did you take any classes with Professor [REDACTED]? I'm taking Java OOP with him. I love his lectures soooo much-"
(don't remind me)
M: "I do remind him."
H: "What's the biggest app you've done with Java?"
M: "The final project for that subject."
H: "Awesome!"
(I see a bright future for you as a legacy code maintainer. Well, at least you enjoy doing something that gives you decent money. Hopefully you won't die inside after realizing how soul-crushing this shit is.)

I could finally get a word edgewise and excused myself. Sweet Allah.

She sent me a new mail.
"I had a lot of fun! Let's meet up again".
"I'm sorry, lately I've been busy with job. Have this (link to Petrus' method for solving the cube)".
"Thank you sooooo much, that link is great! Can't wait to learn it and show you when I get faster :)".

About two months went and she mailed me again.

"I'm almost under 50 seconds! Want me to show you?".
I didn't reply.
"Almost under 45! I'll beat you in no time."
I didn't reply.
"Hey, are you still busy?".
I didn't reply.

A couple of weeks after that: "Sorry for asking this, are you single?". "No, I'm not", I replied. Of course I was lying. "Oh, that's great :)". She sent me one last mail about her 40s time before disappearing completely.

And so my calm days stayed calm.

     ,-∧,,∧-- 、
   / (-ω-` ) /
   r-くっ⌒cソ、 /
  ノ '、 , 、 _, ' / /  
.(_,.       ././    
,(.,_ `'ー-、_,,..ノ/
  ~`''ー--‐'

    , --∧,,,∧--- 、  
   / (Ξ´-ω) /  
   r-くっ⌒cソ、 / 
  ノ '、 , 、 _, ' / /  
.(_,.     ././
,(.,_ `'ー-、_,,..ノ/
  ~`''ー--‐'

.:| . :|  ☆   ! .l .l .i::l
.:| . :|     。 ! .l .l .i::l
.:| .__|      :| .i .i .|.:!
.:|::||□| ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄~~~
└l[ ̄]-――――
:::::::~<⌒/⌒ヾ-、_ …Zzz…
::::/<_/____ノ


-- cont

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