Neurotypical idiots

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
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>>256
Why do you want me to join the IRC?
(I don't deserve your -sama, by the way.)

>>291
Almost there.

>>292
I never said it was good.

----

There's no reason to settle for the first girl that jumps at you unless your life is absolute shit. Yet some of my old friends from uni married or are dating landwhales, single mothers, crazy girls or retards. The fear of dying alone, I guess.

For reasons I can't recall correctly, most likely my nonexistent ability for rejecting friendly proposals in a spot, I was dragged along with the Linux faggots to some shady noisy nightclub. Shitty music, retards everywhere, the place reeked of alcohol, everyone's dancing. We all sat at a table next to the door. "It's too cold in here", they complained. They started moving one by one to other tables. That place next to the door was the least noisy. I stayed there, sitting alone and staring at the table for about 20 minutes. The others drank their asses off and danced like niggers. For a moment I considered using their drunkenness to slip out of that place, but I didn't want to waste my money (the entry fee was ~$20 and all I got was shitty EDM) so I walked up to the bar.

Me: "I'd like some water, please."

A bottle blonde, sitting two places away from me, yelled at me.

Her: "What the fuck, why did you even come here? Frowning from a corner and not even drinking anything real."
Me: "Who are you?"
Her: "A glass of black beer please."

I ignored her and sipped from my glass. The beer was in front of her. I finished my glass of water and stood up.

Her: "This beer is for you."
Me: "I don't know you, please leave me alone."
Her: "Drink it."

I left the club. What a shitty experience.

Her: "I know a bar not too far from here that's cool as shit."
Me: "Good for you."
H: "Don't play hard to get."
M: "What the-"

She took my hand and dragged me to a bar. At least it wasn't noisy as fuck. I felt an intense urge to punch her in the face but resisted because I don't want to go to jail for something as stupid as that. She sat at a table and ordered two black beers while I was standing in front of the table. I told the waiter to bring only one beer and got $5 from my pocket to pay her for the beer she had just left at the other club.

Her: "I've had enough of your little act already. Tell me something about you."
Me: "Here's the money from your beer, please leave me alone."

I was afraid of doing anything that would make her explode into a fit of blond rage, she could easily manipulate the situation into making everyone around believe I was trying to spike her drink and rape her. The fact she was wearing over-the-top clothes while I was wearing a t-shirt and cargo pants would make it believable.

Her: "Sit down."
Me: "Okay, but I'll leave in ten minutes."
H: "Yeah, yeah, Tell me something about you."
M: "(...) I'm a boring person, what do you want to know?"

The waiter brought two glasses of beer. Fuck.

I was terribly scared, I could be accused of rape at any moment.

H: "Don't know, something like your job or your family or something."
M: "I make programs for a living."
H: "Oh, I study journalism at [community college]."
(how fucking interesting)
M: "I see."
H: "What do you do in your job?"
M: "Programs for small devices."
H: "You must be really smart."
M: "Not really."

The "conversation" continued with her asking me questions about my life. I made my answers as generic as possible (I suck at lying) and padded them with an obviously uninterested "What about you?". I drank that beer like if it was water (never again) and told her I had to leave. Grabbing the same $5 from my pocket and giving them to her, she took them, put them in my pocket and put her hand in my pocket. She paid the bill and forced me to walk out with her hand still in my pocket. I hailed the first taxi I saw.

M: "Goodbye."

I got in the car and tried to close the door. She held it open and got in the car.

Me: "(...) Where are you going?"
Her: "Take us to [address at downtown], please."
Driver: "Alright,"
M: "That's not-"
H: "It's okay."

She forcefully made out with me. The driver was either unfazed or pretending he didn't see anything. They must be used to see shit like this every day.

We reached the destination and she paid the driver. This forced me to get out of the car. Hadn't this happened, I could have ignored her, waited until she got down and tell the taxi driver to go take me to my place. Well, I didn't want to pay her fare anyway.

I waited for another taxi but the streets were empty and I didn't really want to stay there asking to get mugged.

Me: "(...) Sorry about this, let me call a taxi from your place."
(why do I have to do this, fuck)
Her: "Let's go."
M: "Thank you."

"Her place" was a small low-budget hotel. It wasn't until she paid for a room that I realized that she didn't really live there. I'm pretty fucking dumb. In my defense, the place looked like a small apartment building.

Once we were in the room, she made out with me again. With evident expertise, she took my clothes off. Hell, it surprises me how quickly she did it, I can't take off my own clothes that fast. I was getting a boner from all this and thought it could be an uncommon experience, so I went along with this.

M: "You'd better have condoms on you-"
H: "Of course, I'm always prepared."
(ugh)

She sat on top of me and started doing it in the cowgirl position. Her moans weren't fake but they were obviously exaggerated. She spent most of the time trying positions where she would be the most active while I lied there, not feeling a thing. I think she came twice. Towards the end of it, I got frustrated because I couldn't get myself to finish, so I put her on all fours and desperately went at it trying to make myself come. She came again before I did. I took a shower, called a taxi from the hotel and bolted the fuck out of there.

Why did this happen? First of all, her face and body were a 4/10, though she's a solid 8/10 by neurotypical standards. Disproportionately big breasts and butt, fleshy lips, wide horse face and stupid flashy clothing. I believe she did this out of heartbreak (read: lack of penis). Hell, I don't even know if I was the only one to be "raped" like that. I could have stopped it but the probability of ending up in a list of sex offenders was not null. I know, this sounds ironic but seeing a lanky faggot coming out of a bar with a "HOT GURRL" would raise suspicion.

Had the sexes been reversed, this would be blatant rape in the eyes of society. I even thought of suing her or calling the police but they wouldn't have believed me and things could get hairy. I didn't even know her name. I decided to stay silent and ignore this. It's not like this gave me severe PTSD or anything, it just was a bad experience that finished in bad one-sided sex. Whatever.

I'm never going to a nightclub/bar again.

-- cont
_{See you tomorrow. I'm getting closer to the end of the story.}