Neurotypical idiots

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
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>>428
It was very likely drunk talk.

I'm sorry, that was the end of the "chapter". I don't think she was ever interested in me as a man and she must have had some serious problems with other relationships to act like that. I don't want to get involved with a crazy girl either.

----

I've said this before: sex isn't good enough to put up with all the baggage that comes with it. Once you start having it regularly, it becomes a need and isn't that much of a pleasure anymore.

That said, there is one obvious way of getting sex without the implied bullshit, though it comes with other kind of risks.

Alice's absence took its toll on me. Not because I wanted her to come back so badly, I had enough things to worry about. She's fun to hang out with but I won't die if I don't. My dakimakura and onahole are the best investment I've made in my entire life. What else do I need? Of course, my body, being naturally curious and fucking retarded, was craving for a new experience. The thought of hiring a call girl had crossed my mind ever since I was a virgin. It seemed like a reasonable choice, getting the physical experience without having to bear someone else's whining and emotional instability. It is much cheaper in the long run (though I wasn't expecting to met someone like Alice who meant virtually no extra spending with almost on-demand sex but that's a different matter).

I looked for girls on the newspaper ads but it was blatantly obvious they got their pictures from other sources and there wasn't much info about their services. Then I looked for girls on the Internet and a whole world of possibilities was shown to me. The local Craigslist of call girls. "FILL MY NASTY HOLE WITH YOUR BIG COCK", "I WANT TO SWALLOW ALL YOUR MILK", "HORNY GIRL WITH WET PUSSY IS DOWN TO FUCK". All the girls with these headers would give unprotected oral sex and 30 minutes of sex for an unexpectedly low rate. That seriously put me off. I know, I'm looking for hookers but this was too much for me to handle.

After a few days I came back hoping to find something better. I found a young-looking girl with a picture that wasn't stolen from a random porn site, asking for a reasonable rate and offered 90 minutes of company, including protected oral sex and kisses. I took note of her phone number and searched for it on Google. The only relevant results were a couple of blogs. "MY EXPERIENCE WITH ANGELA". Badly written blog posts (just like this whole thread) with eyerape spelling about how this 50 year old nigger had "A GREAT TIME WITH THIS INSANELY HOT CHICK". He mentioned things like her skin color, apparent age and rates. Then he went on a whole epic tale about the "AFFAIR" with a couple of random "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"s thrown in. He had his goddamned picture on the sidebar of the blog. He looked like a bitter monkey. Is this the kind of people who hire escorts? Retards?

Turns out there's a whole community dedicated to this. These rich men call themselves "escort reviewers" and hire one or two girls every month and later review them on their blogs. "NO TITS 0/10 WOULD NOT BANG AGAIN" (yeah), "KIND OF SEXY BUT SHE WAS A TOTAL ASSHOLE AND WOULDN'T RIDE ME 7/10" (why rate her 7/10 then) and "MEGAHOTTIE 10/10 FUCCCCKKKK HER SO HARD" are the kind of comments you can read on their blogs. Right, you can't expect these chimps to know what a proper rating scale is like. Either way, they upload photos of the girls they met, censoring their faces and testifying whether they are real deal or some fat whore using fake photos stolen from the Internet.

Seeing how these apes were mostly attracted for the plastic blond whores, I called "Angela" from a prepaid SIM card. We were to meet up at a restaurant and then leave for a nearby hotel. I was nervously waiting for her at the restaurant when I saw a short young girl with jeans, a silly corset-like garment with leopard texture, a leather jacket and retarded looking high heels come in. She recognized me from the description of me I gave her over the phone and greeted me with a friendly hug and a kiss on the cheek. She was way too short for my tastes (about 150cm/5ft), she had the stereotypical attitude of a teenager and her makeup was overdone. Everyone on the hotel reception knew what was going on. We went into the room.

After five minutes of forced smalltalk she started kissing me. Oh god, the "human" smell was strong, She licked my lips like a thirsty dog and slid her hand all over my body. She caressed my penis over my pants and I got instantly hard, though I wasn't horny at all. I turned around to take my shirt off and when I turned back she had already taken off all her clothes. A rather unimpressive sight was in front of me. Well, a naked girl nonetheless. Her figure was slim but her whole body was wobbly and lacked firmness. Alice is much better than this. I came like after ten minutes of continuous non-stop desperate pounding, which is tiring and unsatisfying as fuck. We still had a lot of time left so we watched TV while I regained my boner. She stroked my penis with expertise and it eventually got hard again. She put the condom on without even pinching the tip and started sucking. Raw oral sex is "good" at best, this felt like absolutely nothing at all. Nothing at all, just a head moving around my crotch. I stopped her and made her lie flat on top of me.

M: "It's okay, I'm tired and the time's running up. Thank you."
A: "Alright."

She kissed me again. I had to turn my head to one side to break the kiss.

A: "I had a great time. There is chemistry between you and me."
M: "Y-yeah..."
A: "I want you inside me."
M: "Sure."

She rode me on the reverse cowgirl position. It felt better, though still underwhelming. She came, left my crotch all wet and sticky and asked me to finger her. Holy fuck, she was flooding down there.

A: "My real name is Jessie. This is my personal cellphone, you can call me whenever you want."
M: "Alright,"

We took a shower together. I got dressed in record time and hightailed it out of there.

At least I could be sure I'd never meet her again because there was no mutual obligation to do so.

-- cont