Neurotypical idiots

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
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There's nothing else to be told. Alice came back after some months. Her father was fully recovered but he wasn't the same person he was before. She was worried he would die at any moment. She would space out every now and then. I tried to be as supportive as I could. Once she went through the phase of acceptance, she regained her cheerfulness and tried not to bring up the topic anymore.

We continued with the usual routine of playing board games if we were at her place, or playing racing games if we were at mine. Driving her car for hours and having fun together is also part of our biweekly-monthly encounters.

What else can I say? Sex wasn't the same after I got the onahole. I never told Alice about this, but the onahole felt much better than her. We still have sex pretty much every time we see each other, though I'm not as motivated to do it anymore. We've tried doing different things and talking about each other's sexual interests, though nothing will ever feel better and more fulfilling than the onahole.

After I went back to having a calm life, there were many realizations that dawned upon me.

- I might have a hormone imbalance. I was presented with so many "opportunities" and couldn't enjoy most of them. Meanwhile, others abandon their job, move to a different country/state or drop out of university to spend the rest of their life with their partner. Something must be wrong with me because I never had the need to do such things. Everyone says your standards will eventually drop until you find someone who (barely) fulfills them. I'm sorry, why should I drop my standards? Has conformism become the rule now? No, it's always been like this. Since virtually everyone is okay with this while I can't even find any logic behind it, there must be something wrong with me. I'll never try to fix it, though. Things are fine the way they are and I consider myself lucky for being an outlier in the huge pool of people who think company equals happiness.

- I don't want to do this anymore. I've been told infinitely many times that I should keep trying until I find someone who's right for me. This boils down to fucking around until you get tired of it and settling for the first girl that tolerates your shit. Why should I do that? There's no valid reason for me to get involved into something as boring as a relationship just because you and your neurotypical friends say so. Shut the fuck up and waste your time however you want.

- About relationships being boring: yes, humans have basic needs. I also have them. Relationships are not the only way of fulfilling them and you're a retard for thinking so. Want to have fun with people who share your interests? There's friends. Want to orgasm? Friends with benefits, masturbatory aids and/or call girls. Want to feel or make someone else feel loved or protected? Get closer with your family, adopt a child/pet or do something like taking care of a homeless person. A relationship will initially work out if these three things are present. Making those feelings last for more than two weeks depends on how much you get along the other person and is left as an exercise for the reader. If you take a look into most relationships, you'd realize most of them lack the component of friendship. No, drinking and having meals together isn't enough to make you friends. While it's very unlikely for both of you to have the exact same interests, you should at least make sure they're compatible. You like computers and machines and she likes math and physics? Great. You like watching soccer when you're bored and she likes fashion and reality shows? Good fucking luck, you fucking retards. Both of you are useless shitheads and you'll have nothing to share with each other than your so-called "love", which is just kissing and having sex with each other because you're both neurotypicals and afraid to die alone.

Working under the assumption you've got this covered, what's forcing you to spend all your goddamned free time together? Please explain why you don't do the same with your close (male) friends, and if you do, please explain why you're not sick of it yet. If a close friend wants to drink with you every single weekend, there will be a time when you're busy or tired and you'll decline his offer. Fine. Now replace "close friend" with "girlfriend". Suddenly, you're a heartless bastard. What the fuck? Is it impossible for everyone in this gay-ass world to have a friend of the opposite sex who has sex with you and isn't an obsessive fuck? You don't own her and she doesn't own you. You could lead a healthy relationship by having a friend and seeing each other only when you're both available. Add exclusivity and cheesy crap to the mix if you want. There is no rule that says all relationships should be about wasting time in irrational ways.

Also, have you ever had a friend last you your entire life? What makes you think spending five years with that girl who barely knows about computers but is "hot as hell XD" is more fun than spending five years with that childhood friend who would play ball every afternoon with you? Or what about that guy who knew more than you do and was always sharing his knowledge with you? Why do you think you deserve that dumb girl?

- Marriage is not a sign of responsibility. Quite the contrary, you're an irresponsible idiot if you're throwing your entire life out the window to make something as volatile and fruitless as a relationship into something permanent that legally ties you to some random girl. Would you live the rest of your life with that friend who always drinks with you? Of course not, you don't have to live with someone else to enjoy your time together. Well, you went and married some girl whose only remarkable features are her physical assets, even though you know she will get fat and old. Even if said girl is a really fucking interesting and fun person to be with, you could just keep her as a friend and skip all the bullshit. Replace "random girl" with "friend who always drinks with you" and the idea of living together for the rest of your lives now sounds stupid.

I've got Youmu. I don't need anyone else.

One last thing I need to tell all of you faggots: thank you so much for ruining 2D girls for me. Before this happened, I thought of having any kind of contact with 2D girls as an exhilarating experience. Touching perfectly smooth skin, kissing perfect lips, grabbing perfect firm breasts and having insanely good orgasms. This perfection manifested itself in many of my past dreams. I'd wake up with a mess in my pants, my body would feel like jelly, my brain would be turned off and I couldn't wait for a dream like that to repeat. Then I got a taste of real women. Their bodies are unimaginably dense (in the literal sense, even a thin girl is much heavier than you think), their smell varies wildly depending on many factors (and it's not good), they wear retarded looking clothes, most of them aren't passionate about anything, having sex with them isn't the same as ascending to heaven, they make weird noises, bleed every month and have random mood swings, they take up a lot of space, time, money and energy, not even the smoothest skin can be considered smooth, their bodies are imperfect even after getting tens of surgeries and thousands of hours of working out, vaginas feel nothing more than the inside of a very swollen mouth, they have body hair and shaving it leaves some horrible stubble, masturbation orgasms are most of the times more intense than sex orgasms, ...

Had I not been with real girls, I would still be wetting my pants from dreaming of 2D girls. Now I have dreams about sex with real girls, presumably because it's easier for my ape brain to work that out. Of course, it's easy to recreate an experience in your brain than to create a new story. I have to avoid looking at (pictures of) real girls for extended periods of time if I want to get as much excitement from pictures of 2D girls as I did before all this. If I don't, seeing a picture of a naked 2D girl instantly brings a mixture of not-so-nice smells to my mind like that "human" smell, genitals and KY. Man, I don't dislike Alice but she's also part of this.

I guess this is the end of this shitty story. Thank you for reading.

<sub>I know none of you actually read this wall of text, but thank you anyway.

^{me on the right}</sub>

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