Neurotypical idiots

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
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In retrospective, that way of asking me out was pretty damn... stupid. Turns out it was the first she ever did that, or at least that was what she told me when we were making lunch as usual. She said she's always been too shy to make a move because she felt threatened by the guys she liked. I interpreted this as "you look like a weak defenseless faggot and that made it much easier to go out with you", thought it might have been the truth and laughed to myself.

We tried to keep this a secret from Alice for no special reason. It would make things less complicated and awkward to explain. It keeps everyone from "wishing you best luck in your new journey" and all that corny bullshit. It's better if you don't want to attract unwanted attention.

Either way, she caught wind of this, most likely from Hatate's permanent huge grin on her face and her being much more "touchy" with me. Hatate could also have told her directly. I still don't know what happened.

Our "dates" consisted of her staying over the whole weekend playing less racing games and watching more anime. I didn't feel like this was a waste of time, I've got a pretty huge backlog and catching up is always a good thing. She made the couch her new bed. Sometimes I'd smell the blankets she slept on expecting it to be an amazing experience, instead I got a musky smell that made me feel dizzy for a couple of seconds. I stopped doing that. No wonder I'm such a faggot.

Come to think of it, it was weeks after our "official start" that we both had our first kiss. She emanated a pretty "human" smell: a mixture between "lip flesh", saliva and an almost undetectable tinge of sweat. It's pretty hard for me to describe it, but later I found out every single girl, no matter how clean and perfumed she is (perfume is shit for niggers, by the way), has this smell to some extent. I'm almost sure every single human in the world comes with that, thought the only way for me to notice it was to have another human face dangerously close to mine. This smell surprised me at first and put me off from doing anything with her, but you eventually cope with it and learn to ignore it unless you're an autistic dog.

The first "move" she made was hugging me from the side, kissing my cheek in the most delicate way possible with her slightly moist and sticky lips and resting her head on my (bony) shoulder afterwards. Feel free to call me a lying virgin faggot: it was the best physical experience I've had in my entire life. Yes, much better than sex. I mean it. Not sure if this is universal for all cultures, but it's customary where I come from to greet a girl around your age with a kiss on the cheek. I kept wondering if she felt the same every time I greeted her. Surely you can't go having an electric shock that spreads through your body and a tingling feeling behind your chin every time a guy greets you.

M: "That felt amazing."

She did it again, and again. Then I tried to kiss her in the same way she did. We both melted.

This event was what kickstarted my physical attraction for her.

-- cont