Neurotypical idiots

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

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M: "Alright, let's play something else."
Girlfriend: "WHY? I'M HAVING A LOT OF FUN"
M: "Because we've been playing this game for hours and we'd like to play something else."
H: "Please, honey, let's play something else."
Girlfriend: "Why don't you convince him to let us keep playing this game? I'll reward you if you're a good boy."
(they kiss, I blush)
H: "Okay, okay, let's play a bit more."

Since we've been keeping the whole team afloat while she dies in the most stupid ways, the game starts going down when we lose our interest and get stuck at some annoying level with flying monsters throwing cakes at us.

Girlfriend: "If you don't like playing with me you could have said so."

She tossed the controller at him and went straight to her (their) bedroom. Once we couldn't hear her footsteps, his face showed obvious signs of relief and we took advantage of the situation to play Call of Duty.

While we were killing each other with grenades, I asked him why he'd put up with this shit. "This wouldn't happen if you lived alone" is the line I always use when my ex-classmates (friends?) tell me their girlfriends are being irrational, which is pretty much every single time I see them. "The sex is totally worth it" or "It's much better than being alone" are the most frequent answers.

After we were done with our match, I thank him for everything, grab my stuff and go to their bedroom hoping his girlfrend won't kill me. "Thanks again for everything", I said. She did not kill me, I said goodbye and went back to my place.

This is not the first time I've had this happen to me. Even though I feel like I'm wasting my time when I spend my time with "friends", it's a good excuse to give myself some idle time to reorganize my thoughts. A change of scenery is good for you every now and then. Why is it that girls have to throw their tantrums right when one's trying to have some fun? More importantly, why did my "friends" willingly introduce an annoyance into their lives? I'm fully aware this makes me look like an atheist Redditard, but I can't see any reason to live with someone who doesn't even share your hobbies or interests, has these random outbursts of "girly feelings" and reduces your available time and money to half of their original values. Trying to look at it from an objective point of view, what are the real benefits of getting a girlfriend as an heterosexual man? Male friends will spend their time with you and even support you when you're having a hard time. Male friends will also talk about their common interests with you. Could everyone be confusing loneliness with being horny?

Come to think of it, I haven't had any female friends since I was in high school. We'd talk about music and our burning desire to graduate as soon as possible so we could study what we were actually interested in. In retrospect, I didn't particularly enjoy talking with my female friends, and nobody in their right mind would enjoy talking about such boring topics. Okay, nobody except neurotypicals.

Then, why do men enjoy the company of women so much?

"The sex is totally worth it"
"It's much better than being alone"

The latter was already ruled out by the existence of male friends who may have some actual interests that are not reality shows and makeup. Is it... the sex? Is everyone willing to go through such lengths just to have sex? Just how good is sex exactly?

I admit Youmu gives me an intense feeling I cannot describe every time I look at pictures of her, but it's not merely sexual desire. She's not a real living being, though, and as such she won't be a whiny bitch because she shouldn't have any defects if I don't want her to have any defects. She's an imaginary concept, for fuck's sake. She can be perfect if I want her to be perfect. ZUN depicts her as a dork in most of the print works and I'm willing to accept her as she is because that won't harm me in the long run. I even went as far as making her my imaginary friend, because that's how much I like her. As creepy/pathetic as it may sound to you, I've had some actual conversations with her and they were more interesting than anything else I've ever discussed with a real girl. Real girls aren't like Youmu, though. I have yet to meet a woman who's nice to hang out with, isn't a total bore and understands more than 50% of what I like doing and talking about. Then why does everyone have a compulsion for going outside and meeting girls? Maybe interesting women are hard to find. Maybe interesting women won't even get near a dumb boring nerd. Maybe I will understand if I get one? There must be a reason everyone makes their life boring on purpose.

Anyway, I digress. It all seems to boil down to sex. Or at least it seems like I won't understand until I get to experience an actual relationship. It could be something else, not just sex. Well, since this would clear up many doubts and my arguments against having a girlfriend are always ignored on the basis of inexperience, I decided I'd give it a try.

-- cont