There is no purpose in having John Oliver be alive

Patient was a no-pay. If you've ever gone in for a small, simple procedure and been horrified at your bill, it's because your procedure took five minutes but the birthing of Satan's placenta took two hours -- and she pulled a dine-and-dash. Healthcare workers genuinely want to help people, but nobody works for free.

As a paramedic, responded to a call of "traffic accident, baby ejected ". We prepared for the worst we could imagine. Arrive in about 8 minutes, trooper on scene trying to clear the area of bystanders/ gawkers and preserve the scene. He had covered the "baby" with the yellow death-sheet troopers carry in their trunks. Lifted the sheet to check vitals/pronounce death, and it was not a baby, but the top half of the 19 year old girl that was driving the small pickup truck about 50 yards away. She was driving, and arguing with her 19 year old husband who was the passenger. They were doing about 55mph on a two lane road, and met an oncoming truck pulling a doublewide mobile home. She ran under the front corner of the mobile home, cutting her in half. Her bottom half remained in the drivers seat, while her unhurt husband watched as the truck the skidded another 50-60 yards, sideswiping a minivan, sending it into the ditch upside down. When the truck came to rest, her bottom half fell out onto the ground. We also found a trail of ribs from the cab to the bed, and down the pavement to the top half. It looked like a movie set. Her top and bottom looked unhurt, but from mid chest to about pelvis was strung along the road. The husband was absolutely freaking out about what he had just seen. He was babbling incoherently, running around swinging at people, just a mess. A witness who lived right in front of the scene started having chest pains, and had to be transported. We took the husband, and I called medical control and actually got orders to give him iv valuim, something paramedics normally can only give for grand-mal seizures. The driver of the big truck was fine, but was also very very distraught at what he had just witnessed. That was. 16 Years ago and I can still remember pulling up to that scene like it was yesterday.