there is a thing you can not draw, can not make a photo of, can not describe, can not say something about, can not be, can not potato, at least not completely, and you can still do that anyway. whenever you are about to, you just clog up, or suddenly forget, or change your mind, it is too big, or something interrupts. even now, i'm failing, i'm just trying to describe how it feels in hopes of some of you guessing the same feeling. i wouldn't call it god even if i believed in some god-centered religion enough, because it would still feel wrong and incomplete and... whatever. sometimes i think lain is the same, except that there is the name. i'm not sure.