If programming languages were ways of carving a pumpkin
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Anonymous2013-10-07 23:51
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Anonymous2013-10-08 0:03
Javascript would be carving it with a frozen nigger dick.
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Anonymous2013-10-08 0:04
C would be carving it with a nigger laser.
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Anonymous2013-10-08 0:26
Haskell would be holding the knife perfectly still while freak gravitational fields cause the pumpkin to fly towards it and rotate in place as if by magic.
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Anonymous2013-10-08 11:19
Java would be like paying someone to do it for you, except they do it wrong.
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Anonymous2013-10-08 13:07
python would allow you to import an automatic carving machine that does it all for you.
>>6 But instead of carving the pumpkin it carves your anus.
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Anonymous2013-10-08 14:28
Scala would be like paying someone to do it for you and they hold the knife perfectly still while freak gravitational fields cause the pumpkin to fly towards it and rotate in place as if by magic.
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Anonymous2013-10-08 17:12
Java would be using a gigantic log, coated with piss and wrapped in a bad looking tarp with pictures of businessmen printed on it, sold for $5000 in your local certified pumpkin carving solution factory.
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Anonymous2013-10-08 17:42
>>4 No, that would be PROLOG. Haskell would be writing a concise, self-consistent definition of what a knife is, how it carves a pumpkin, and what a pumpkin would look like after it's carved, and then you try to change the nose during runtime and you realize that you accidentally glued the knife to the table, so you have to use a burrito instead.
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Anonymous2013-10-08 18:26
>>8 Actually Scala is where you are basically a pumpkin furry and you practice making shitty imitation pumpkins out of cardboard and then one day a mad scientist comes along and grants your lifelong wish of being half-human, half-pumpkin. You are now Pumpkin Man and the inside of your body plays spooky Halloween music.
C++: Bewildered by everyone else's choice of strange and weak tools, you grab a mallet and a chisel. You carefully place the pumpkin between your legs, position the chisel at an angle, and strike it with the mallet with all your force. The chisel penetrates your left thigh. Cursing profusely at the pumpkin, you remember that you are on a deadline, so you take a second chisel from the toolbox and begin positioning it; you will have plenty of time to bandage yourself when you are done.
>>16 For all you know, >>13 could have been the professor, listening to a student or peers, which is the first thing I though.
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Anonymous2013-10-09 9:14
C: First you grow the pumpkin in your garden and you wait for months for the gourds to mature. Then you grab some metal and smith it to make a knife. The resulting knife would depend on your smithing skill. Then you begin carving the pumpkin and then you realized you made the wrong face.
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Anonymous2013-10-09 9:15
Lisp would be raising your arms out and then you chant some Ooogooboogoo spell and then poof! You just made yourself a carved pumpkin.
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Anonymous2013-10-09 11:36
Scheme: You have an infinite number of knives, but they're all curved backwards making them extremely awkward to use. Also, any time one of the knives touches the pumpkin it turns into a limp snake with retarded looking eyes that just repeats "Have you read your SICP today?" over and over.