Vector valued functions

Fuck lists and their overhead. I just want an extension to C that lets me return vectors. Not classes, not structs, and nothing involving preprocessor shit either. Something like:
<int, int> divr(int a, int b){
return < a / b, a % b >;
}
int main(int asdfasdf, char ** qwerqwe){
int touhous = 5, men = 12;
int eachSucked, unsucked;
<eachSucked, unsucked> = divr(men, touhous);
printf("Each of the %d touhous sucked %d cocks, and there were %d left unsucked", touhous, eachSucked, unsucked);
return 0;
}
which would compile to something simple, like:divr:
pop eax
pop ebx
push edx
xor edx, edx
idiv ebx
mov ebx, edx
pop edx
push ebx
push eax
ret
main:
touhous dd 5
men dd 12
eachSucked dd ?
unsucked dd ?
push touhous
push men
jmp divr
pop [eachSucked]
pop [unsucked]
;; blah blah blah, printf goes here
Isn't that much more elegant that a nasty list every time where things have to be inserted or initialized? Oh, and if you don't need a return value, <a,b,NULL, c> will compile the unneeded return value out, or at least discard the result.

>>17
If black-and-white thinking is what thrives "in industry", then it's a shitty industry. No one is talking about total elimination of side effects, only about their clean, explicit isolation. If a function is performing side effects, fine - just declare it. If a function is performing only a transformation of some input value to a result value, then it should do just that, without being entangled with the whole program state. Because if having a 100 functions each of which could modify the program state is worse than having 10 of them and 90 functions which do their job without touching state.