Real Programmers

REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE SPECS

Real programmers don't write specs -- users should consider themselves lucky
to get any programs at all and take what they can get.

Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should
be hard to understand.

Real programmers don't write application programs, they program right down to
the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems
programming.

Real programmers don't eat quiche. They eat Twinkies and take-out Szechuan.

Real programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy applications
programmers.

Real programmers' programs never work right the first time. But if you throw
them on the machine, they can be patched into working in "only a few" 30 hour
debugging sessions.

Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks
and crystallography weenies.

Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 am,
it's because they were up all night.

Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in
BASIC after the age of 12.

Real programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for people who can't decide
whether to write in FORTRAN or COBOL.

Real programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to
change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their
climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the
middle of the machine room.

Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read
the listings or the object deck.

Real programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or any of those
pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak
memories.

Real programmers don't draw flowcharts; the code speaks for itself.

Real programmers don't plan ahead; they have a gut feel for the work
required.

(see the rest here, http://www.boo.net/~jasonp/progrmrs )

I don't know if it is sarcasm but your post made me very mad, >>1-san. I hate it when people use sarcasm to make one feel bad.

>>2
You're getting all worked up over kopipe. I... h... b... t.

I found it pretty agreeable. I thought I was in a LISP/C community and not a java one.

>>1

Strong typing is for people with weak

memories.
love that quote

How does one make the journey to Real Programmer?

I wish to be a Real Programmer too.

>>4

Real programmers don't draw flowcharts; the code speaks for itself.
Real programmers don't play tennis

This nigger is telling us (indirectly) to draw flowcharts and play tennis. What the fuck does that have to do with being a Java programmer? This is why I'm so mad.

>>3
Someone once wrote this with an evil intention. That's good enough to make me mad, kopipe or not.

>>4
This may surprise you but I invented the _LISP+C meme.

>>1

Real programmers never work 9 to 5.

An exception (from Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal): unless it's the ones at night.

Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

In all seriousness sparse commenting is a a decent defense against idiot coworkers. The absence of detailed comments tends to deter morons for which comments would grant a false sense of understanding (and a false sense of understanding is much more dangerous than no understanding at all).

Real programmers don't write in COBOL
Real programmers don't write in BASIC
Real programmers don't write in PL/I
Real programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA
Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN

What the fuck? Even if this is old, we've never had a good reason to use those languages. Fucking lolsofunny Usenet ``troll'' posts.

>>2

"Without a blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of extremism or fundamentalism that someone won't mistake for the real thing." -- Nathan Poe, professional Jew

>>10

Real programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA

Why? ADA seems useful for its job (_{MISSION CRITICAL SOFTWARE})

>>12
From what little I've heard many shops that do aerospace / transportation work still prefer to use C with a totalitarian coding standard and linter. C with something like Coverity to enforce MISRA compliance is almost a different language.

>>13
Since you said MISRA does anyone has the 2012 standard? I have the 2004 but I want to get an upgrate

>>14
MISRA: You much have at least this much money (waves hand high in the air) to ride.

>>15
But the jews stole all of my money

>>11
I understand there is a layer of ``humor'' (a shitty one) on top of that post, but once you remove it and recover its intended meaning, it's stupid shit that tells you to draw flowcharts and use BASIC.

>>6

please respond

>>18
Could you please stop assuming it's the board's obligation to answer every single question you make?

>>15
Fucking love tom hanks

Real Programmers know and use recursion schemes:
http://comonad.com/reader/2009/recursion-schemes/

>>19
s-sorry

>>21

zygomorphism*†
prepromorphism*†

Shalom! Shalommmm!!!!!!!

>>6
>>18
http://mitpress.mit.edu/sicp/

>>24
Optimize your quotes, cretin.

Until computer science seriously begins looking into magic and casting spells it cannot claim to be called scientific or objective at all. Until then it will continue to practice bias and ignorance on a topic which gives new outlooks on the laws of the computation. If you are going to ignore something like this, that simply demonstrates a serious flaw in your base understanding of computation. You have no rightful claim to being called a real scientist.

Creating a new thread just for this would be annoying so I post here the new ^ZZZorro_ZZ quotes

>>27
You should have kept it in a meme thread. As such, they are now renamed to ^ZZUrbit quotes._ZZ Nice fucking job smithing your little meme there, gubernand-kun.

>>28

You should have kept it in a meme thread

B-But this is...
N-Nevermind

>>27
Now that you mention it, I too want to introduce a new type of quote:
|  the STRONGQUOTE.
Compare with the traditional quote, which I sometimes call

weakquote.

hello weakquote

|  |  |  |  |  |  hello strongquote

My strongquote is bigger, blacker and more compact, which I consider an advantage.

>>30
U MENA NIGGERQUOTE

>>31
∎ Maybe

| I like _NIGGERquote. But where does it come from and how is it made?

>>33

where does it come from

Africa.

hax my anus