Need help

Hola prog, my name's ENrico i'm from Nicaragua. Our familia is very poor. Please help me learn programming real fast. My mom says that i got make money from coding or she sends me to a shit job in the town, like a waiter or a courier. I am fat and like to spend my temp on the computer playing games, i need to become a cool programmador real fast. How to learn to hack things and steal credit cards real fast? What needs to read?

Learn to trace mac addresses and then threaten tripfags on 4chan with doxing if they don't pay you.
That's what all the 1337 hax0rs do