>>37 I'll never write this well, but I can try
!Little
/prog/ clutched her book as she walked down the street. A tune came back to her head and she hummed while doing a playful skip and clapping her shoes. The /g/ro gang turned their heads in response to the distant sound. "Well, look what we have here," said the leader /g/ro in inferior quotes. "It's little
/prog/. She has some nerve coming here," sneered an adjacent inferior code monkey, "after refusing to do my for loop assignment yesterday." The /g/ro leader dropped his gentoo and pulled up his sagging pants. "Let's teach her a lesson."
The /g/ro's walked up behind the unsuspecting
/prog/. Distracted by the symphony that had built in her head, she did not notice the pack of whild /g/ros until they had encircled her. The music ceased with a crash of cymbals. "Well, little
/prog/, how would you like a lesson in PHP." She was startled, but naive enough to believe they may be friendly. ``I haven't learned PHP before. Is it like Scheme?'' The primal ni/g/ger began unzipping his pants. "PHP is an essential career skill. You wont get far if you don't learn to Please His Penis." The /g/ro leader's cock and balls now hung in front of the little
/prog/. While she had not seen one before, it reminded her of something. ``Oh! Is that your black snake
!'' she screamed with excitement. The /g/ros paused and looked at one another. ``I have one too
!'' chimed the little
/prog/ as she opened her copy of SICP.
As soon as the pages separated, a giant black snake with retarded looking eyes popped out and roared, ``HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?!?''
The /g/ro's took a step back, their leader's cock still exposed. It was immediately clear to the manifestation of GJS's spirit that none of the inferior code monkeys surrounding him had read their SICP or were capable of doing so on their own. He would have to try hard this time to make the lessons stick. The /g/ro's passed the initial shock reaction and began to run, exposing their delicate posteriors. The manifestation of the sussman leapt at the opportunity and dove into the anus of the /g/ro leader. The shock of the violent entry was apparent in both the /g/ro's face and his flapping genitals. The sussman began pumping SICP lessons into the knowledge deprived /g/ro. "I---I can't--- take anymore!!" shouted the /g/ro. After being filled to the brink with SICP lessons, the /g/ro's intestines ruptured and the /g/ro exploded in half, blood stained parenthesis flying everywhere. The
/prog/snake shook briefly to clear the blood from his face and rolled his eyes retardedly towards the other escaping /g/ros.
``Wait
!'' cried the little
/prog/. ``Come back
! Read some SICP with me
!'' It was clear to
/prog/ that if she didn't act quickly, her new playmates would escape home without completing the exercises in chapter 1 of SICP. She rose her hands into the air and stared upwards. Glowing gold parenthesis began to flow out from under the sleeves of her silky yellow dress. Golden lambdas and unicode characters trickled up from the ground. Some kanji dropped out of a storm gutter and greek symbols tumbled up from the storm drain. They assembled themselves in front of
/prog/ into just the recursive function little
/prog/ wanted. ``GOOD
!'' boomed the
/prog/snake. ``NOW RUN IT
!'' he sounded, as his eyes rolled back towards the escaping /g/ros. The little
/prog/ obeyed her teacher. With a blink of her eyes the code in front of her was executed. The letters and parenthesis began to tumble. A gust of wind collected and formed a cyclone in front of the young student and her master. The letters mixed with the leaves and a bright yellow began to shine. With a flash, a recursively defined majestic golden tiger leapt from the bundle of energy and ideas. The little
/prog/ shrieked with delight. She came back to focus and passed the tiger a list of /g/ros to hunt down and play with. Upon receiving the arguments, the compiled tiger leapt onto the next continuation. With speed only a boot strapping scheme compiler the little
/prog/ could have conjured, the tiger pounced on its targets and malled them. Their blood stained the tiger for a moment, but the golden light burned through.
/prog/ giggled as the tiger munched through their brittle necks, and the sussman admired the design of his student's creation. After the /g/ros had experienced enough scheme,
/prog/ called her tiger back, and passed the tiger to a meromorphic eigenfuctor that morphed it into an adorable kitten. ``WE WILL CONTINUE THE NEXT LESSON TOMORROW'' boomed the sussman as he dove back into the copy of SICP. The book slammed shut in
/prog/'s arms.
/prog/ suddenly felt tired and realized she was running low on clock cycles. She looked at the kitten and serialized its immutable data to her database. Once saved, the yellow kitten sparkled and turned to dust, floating away in the wind. ``See you tomorrow
!'' she cried to her saved creation.
After returning home, little
/prog/ opened the door to see /jp/ re-shelving some books in the living room. ``I made some new friends today
!'' shouted the excited
/prog/. ``It's not like what happened last time, right...'' responded /jp/ with concern.