A rat done bit my sister Nell. (with Whitey on the moon) Her face and arms began to swell. (and Whitey's on the moon) I can't pay no doctor bill. (but Whitey's on the moon) Ten years from now I'll be payin' still. (while Whitey's on the moon) The man jus' upped my rent las' night. ('cause Whitey's on the moon) No hot water, no toilets, no lights. (but Whitey's on the moon) I wonder why he's uppi' me? ('cause Whitey's on the moon?) I wuz already payin' 'im fifty a week. (with Whitey on the moon) Taxes takin' my whole damn check, Junkies makin' me a nervous wreck, The price of food is goin' up, An' as if all that shit wuzn't enough: A rat done bit my sister Nell. (with Whitey on the moon) Her face an' arm began to swell. (but Whitey's on the moon) Was all that money I made las' year (for Whitey on the moon?) How come there ain't no money here? (Hmm! Whitey's on the moon) Y'know I jus' 'bout had my fill (of Whitey on the moon) I think I'll sen' these doctor bills, Airmail special (to Whitey on the moon)
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE). Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH. Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME. Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER. Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN). Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS. Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR: Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH. Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE. Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON. Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET. Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED. Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY. Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
Hidden messages of Communism in the stories of Dr. Seuss
Throughout history there have been examples of writers of childrens' stories inserting more adult themes into their works. Many childrens' stories and Disney movies contain sex and drugs, but most of the adult themes have more to do with politics. Authors as a whole are an opinionated bunch, and every once in a while they secrete their beliefs and propaganda in seemingly innocent works. Frank Baum filled The Wizard of Oz with references to the gold or silver standard debate of the time. Mao Zedong's Little Red Book reeks of Communist beliefs, as does the Communist Manifesto. But after extensive research, I have discovered what might be the most frightening example of all. Hidden in the words and pictures of "Green Eggs and Ham" by the beloved Dr. Seuss is a veritable allegory of Communist ideology. From every innocent tongue twister springs a hidden meaning or anagram, and every plot twist shows the "struggle" against Capitalism.
Though the characters seem innocent and pure, just under the surface lurks a deeper, redder truth. The name of the main character Sam is also the initials of the secret Socialist American Militia. Coincidence? I think not. The main character remains nameless because he represents the nameless millions that have not been "saved" and converted to Communism. When Sam brings in all the possible dining companions, it is not difficult to see through the happy childrens' book to the darker underlying meaning. The mouse in the house represents all of the little people who have been converted and now happily toil in equality. The fox shows that smart and clever people have joined the Communist side. The goat is a representative of the agricultural interests that enjoy the benefits of Communism. As you see, this is not just a childrens' book.
The locales were also not chosen by coincidence. The house shows that everybody will have a roof over their head, while the box is representative of manufacturing. The car is just an example of the luxuries people would be able to afford in a Communist world. The train shows that the world would still be structured and happy. Just like in Mussolini's Italy, where the trains ran on time. The darkness represents Capitalism, the "darkness" that is overcome when they exit the tunnel. The nameless Capitalist is nearing the end of his journey of conversion. The boat that is his last locale is an example of the powerful navy under the Communist world, able to destroy everybody else. But the good doctor does not stop here.
Even in his images, Dr. Seuss is pushing his Communism on impressionable children. It is no accident that the only sad person throughout the story is the only Capitalist. Nor is it mere happenstance that the sad wretch is reading a Western newspaper. And the ham that looks like Russia? Nothing between these covers is accidental, down to the red hat on Sam. Even when they go in a tree, it is obvious that Seuss understands that accepting Communism is going "out on a limb." From the red flag the boat is flying to the look of joy on the nameless Capitalist (after sampling Communism, of course), every image is calculated to subliminally drive Communism into the minds of impressionable children. They show Seuss' convoluted image of right and wrong to the world.
When Communists tell other adults to give up their ways, the Capitalists know to just ignore them, but our children, our future, have not been trained yet, so it is very easy for them to fall for Seuss' evil words, especially after seeing the joy and hearing "I do so like green eggs and ham! Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-am!" (Seuss 62). My research centered soley on "Green Eggs and Ham," but I am sure Seuss used other books to spread his evil. We must protect our children from Seuss and his kind, before it is too late.
I do the club scene a lot, some say I am a good dancer. I enjoy having a few drinks, usually ale or mead, and I have been known to cause a scene now and then... Eric paused, breathing heavily. He'd never done this before and he wanted to make sure all of his best qualities were included in this email... I am a geek, to be frank, and I enjoy hacking UNIX and maintaining Open Source programs such as Felchmale^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HFetchmail and a bevy of FAQs regarding 386 sound internals and role-playing games. I've been doing this for 15 years though I've never held a job in my life. Eric wondered if this woman he had found on match.com would be impressed with his talents. He decided to put more detail into the message. I recently drove 24 hours straight, with but two stops for gasoline, from Pennsylvania to Kansas City in an effort to destroy my two arch-nemeses. I would have succeeded except that I blew a head gasket as I was about to shoot one of them from my moving car on Route 69. I am an excellent shot and love guns in general. ESR pondered for a moment, wringing out his soaked handkerchief, and continued with his typing. "So what languages do you know? I fancy myself quite an accomplished amateur linguist and know Anglo-Saxon and Old Icelandic inside and out. I often compose little riddles in them for fun and mental exercise. In fact, I'll include one for you now!" Chewing on his tongue and squinting, Eric pushed his mind into overdrive and produced a beauty of a riddle on the spot: "Windeth I / Towarde the skye I haveth an eye / But blinde am I" Pleased with his linguistic talents, undoubtedly matched by no one, Eric then asked his potential love-conquest: Can you get the answer to that? In case you can not, the correct answer is "my erect penis." I hope you enjoyed that; I do this sort of thing all the time." Eric exhaled slowly and rubbed his belly. It was growling and no doubt wanted its nightly bottle of Jägermeister. He decided to finish up the email in anticipation of the coming alcoholic stupor. Well I don't want to make this email too long -- I have a lot of responsibilities in real life to deal with. My role-playing group is coming over and we are spending the next week holed up in the forest near my home in character playing out a possible scenario from Beowulf. I need to get dressed up and I can not find my bear-claw mittens Eric wondered how to wrap up the email, something that would hook the lady on him and make her want more... I hope we can meet and have sex. Despite my cerebral palsy, I am a monster in the sack! Maybe you'll get to see for yourself, LOLOLOL! ;-)
ESR studied the document in his hand with interest. His brow, furrowed into numerous crap lines, was covered by his sweaty red forlock. His hands shook. He mouthed the words "hoooh boy" silently as he began a steady hyperventilation. Finally, after waiting for weeks and weeks, he had what he'd gone to sleep thinking about every night: the first issue of SCAT!, the magazine for poop fanatics everywhere, had fianlly hit the stands. Eric's heart burst with pride, as he had taken the last of his money made when VA Linux^H^H^H^H^HSoftware had gone public and invested in this private project of the Slashdot staff.
Running quickly to the back bedroom of his one-story shanty (and being careful not to trip on the heavy 386 PC cases or the myriad of cables, cords, dongles, and wires running in various directions across his dirt floor), Eric slammed the door and laid stomach-down on the bed. He opened to the boilerplate and read his pal's names with delights, kicking his feet back and forth against each other. He couldn't believe his dream had come true! But just as he was about to flip to the pictorial section (to examine how the GIMP performed at the cropping and scaling, of course) the phone rang. It was Jon Katz. "ESR, you sunnuvvabitch! Where the Hell is my story? You promised me you'd publish my story in your God-damned worthless shit-fag mag! You double-crossing--"
ESR interrupted Katz. "Whoa, whoa, I don't know what you're talking about. We agreed that I'd pick an article and have it be the cover story. I never said it would be yours. It just so happens the bois at Slashdot picked mine instead!"
With a strangling, gurgling scream from Katz, ESR hung up the phone and sighed. He scratched his beer belly and thirsted for Jägermeister. Why did people always harass him? From RMS calling and reminding Eric that he was not a good a programmer as he, or Larry Augustin calling and emailing death threats over alleged petty cash theft from VA's offices after Eric's visits, or the trolls on Slashdot writing about his and his friends' personal lives, the Jäger was his only release. Perhaps after a few fifths of it he'd be calm enough again to dive back into his magazine.
Waking up hours later, ESR realized he'd drank too much (again) and had slept away... Well, what had he slept away? He couldn't even remember what time it was when he'd woken up or fallen asleep last. Between the early Winter Pennsylvania nights and his "hacker's" schedule it was so hard to keep track of what time of day, week, or month it was he might as well have been living in a cave. He remembered when he had been homeless, though, and thought warmly of his shanty-- built by hand from 55 gallon drums harvested from his local landfill. Over the drums ESR had filled clay, mixed from a nearby creek, and painted it brown to make it look like a log cabin. How proud he was indeed! Wouldn't you be?
ESR picked up the SCAT! magazine, unzipped his pants, and sat at his kitchen table-- humming with a cluster of 386s running Linux-- and enjoyed the rest of his freetime the way God intended: masturbating furiously to pictures of pale, skinny young men eating turds and smearing shit all over each other.
The true history of the origin of AIDS can be traced throughout the 20th Century and back to 1878. On April 29 of that year the United States passed a "FEDERAL QUARANTINE ACT"
The United States began a significant effort to investigate "causes" of epidemic diseases. In 1887, the effort was enhanced with the mandate of the U.S. "LABORATORY OF HYGIENE". This lab was run by Dr. Joseph J. Kinyoun, a deep rooted-racist, who served the eugenics movement with dedication.
Two years later, 1889, we were able to identify "mycoplasmas", a transmissible agent, that is now found at the heart of human diseases, including (AIDS) HIV.
In 1893, we strengthened the Federal Quarantine Act and suddenly there was an explosion of polio.
In 1898, we knew we could use mycoplasma to cause epidemics, because we were able to do so in cattle, and we saw it in tobacco plants.
In 1899, the U.S. Congress began investigating "leprosy in the United States".
In 1902, We organized a "Station for Experimental Evolution" and we were able to identify diseases of an ethnic nature.
In 1904, we used mycoplasma to cause an epidemic in horses.
In 1910, we used mycoplasma to cause an epidemic in fowl/birds.
In 1917, we formed the "Federation of the American Society for Experimental Biology" (FASEB).
In 1918, the influenza virus killed millions of unsuspecting. It was a flu virus modified with a bird mycoplasma for which human primates had no "acquired immunity".
In 1921, lead eugenics philosopher, Betrand Russell, publicly supported the "necessity for "organized" plagues" against the Black population.
In 1931, we secretly tested African Americans and we tested AIDS in sheep.
In 1935, we learned we could crystallize the tobacco mycoplasma, and it would remain infectious.
In 1943, we officially began our bio-warfare program. Shortly thereafter, we were finding our way to New Guinea to study mycoplasma in humans.
In 1945, we witnessed the greatest influx of foreign scientists in history into the U.S. biological program. Operation Paperclip will live in infamy as one of the darkest programs of a twisted parallel government fixated on genocide.
In 1946, the United States Navy hired Dr. Earl Traub, a notorious racist biologist. A May appropriations hearing confirms the existence of a "secret" biological weapon.
In 1948, we know that the United States confirmed the endorsement of "devising a scheme" in which to address the issue of overpopulation in certain racial groups. State Department's George McKennan's memo will forever illuminate the eugenics mendacity necessary for genocide of millions of innocent people.
In 1949, Dr. Bjorn Sigurdsson isolates the VISNA virus. Visna is man made and shares some "unique DNA" with HIV. See, Proceedings of the United States, NAS, Vol. 92, pp. 3283 - 7, (April 11, 1995).
In 1951, we now know our government conducted its first virus attack on African Americans. Crates in Pennsylvania were tainted to see how many Negro crate handlers in Virginia would acquire the placebo virus.. They were also experimentally infecting sheep and goats. According to author Eva Snead, they also held their first world conference on an AIDS-like virus.
In 1954, Dr. Bjorn Sigurdsson publishes his first paper on Visna virus and establishes himself as the "Grandfather of the AIDS virus." He will encounter competition from Dr. Carlton Gajdusek.
In 1955, they were able to artificially assemble the tobacco mosaic virus. Mycoplasmas will forever be at the heart of the U.S. biological warfare program
In 1957, future U.S. president, Rep Gerald Ford and others gave the U.S. Pentagon permission to aggressively deploy offensive biological agents. There are no recorded cases of AIDS prior to the 1957 creation of "Special Operation-X." (The SOX) program served as the immediate prototype program for the Special Virus program to begin in 1962.
By 1960, Nikita Kruschev had been let in on the biological weapon. His 1960 statement will long reflect the arrogance of the secret blend of communism and democracy. The two countries would go to a November 1972 agreement to cull the Black Population.
In 1961, scientist Haldor Thomar publishes that viruses cause cancer. In 1995, he and Carlton Gajdusek informed the National Academy of Sciences that "the study of visna in sheep would be the best test for candidate anti-HIV drugs."
In 1962, under the cover of cancer research, the United States charts a path to commit premeditated murder, the "Special Virus" program begins on February 12th. Dr. Len Hayflick sets up a U.S. mycoplasma laboratory at Stanford University. Many believe the "Special Virus" program began in November 1961 with a Phizer contract.
Beginning in 1963 and for every year thereafter, the "Special Virus" program conducted annual progress reviews at Hershey Medical Center, Hershey, PA. The annual meetings are representative of the aggressive nature in which the United States pursued the development of AIDS.
In 1964, the United States Congress gave full support for the leukemia/lymphoma (AIDS) virus research.
In 1967, the National Academy of Sciences launched a full scale assault on Africa. The CIA (Technical Services Division) acknowledged its secret inoculator program.
In 1969, Fort Detrick told world scientists and the Pentagon asked for more money, they knew they could make AIDS. Nixon's July 18 secret memo to Congress on "Overpopulation" serves as the start of the paper trail of the AIDS Holocaust.
In 1970, President Nixon signed PL91-213 and John D. Rockefeller, III became the "Population Czar." Nixon's August 10 National Security Memo leaves no doubt as to the genocidal nature of depopulation.
In 1971, Progress Report #8 is issued. The flowchart (pg. 61) will forever resolve the true laboratory birth origin of AIDS. Eventually the Special Virus program will issue 15 reports and over 20,000 scientific papers. The flowchart links every scientific paper, medical experiment and U.S. contract. The flowchart would remain "missing" until 1999. World scientists were stunned. The flowchart will gain in significance throughout the 21st Century. It is also clear the experiments conducted under Phase IV-A of the flowchart are our best route to better therapy and treatment for people living with HIV/AIDS. The first sixty pages of progress report #8 of the Special Virus program prove conclusively the specific goal of the program. By June 1977, the Special Virus program had produced 15,000 gallons of AIDS. The AIDS virus was attached as complement to vaccines sent to Africa and Manhattan. However, because of the thoroughness of authors, like Dr. Robert E. Lee, we also learn the Stanford Mycoplasma Laboratory issues one of the first papers with AIDS in the title. "Viral Infections in Man Associated with Acquired Immunological Deficiency States." The primary scientist, Dr. Thomas Merigan, was a "consultant" to the Special Virus program.
Progress Report # 8 at 104 - 106 proves Dr. Robert Gallo was secretly working on the development of AIDS with full support of the sector of the U.S. government that seeks to kill its citizens. Dr. Gallo can not explain why he excluded his role as a "project officer" for the Special Virus program from his biographical book. Dr. Gallo's early work and discoveries will finally be viewed in relation to the flowchart. We now know where every experiment fits into the flowchart. The "research logic" is irrefutable evidence of a federal "Manhattan-style project" to develop a "contagious" cancer that "selectively" kills. Dr. Gallo's 1971 paper is identical to his 1984 AIDS announcement.
Progress Report #8 at 273 - 286 proves we gave AIDS to monkeys. Since 1962, the United States and Dr. Robert Gallo have been inoculating monkeys and re-releasing them back into the wild. Thus, even government scientists are baffled that both HIV-1 and HIV-II would "suddenly emerge" from two distinct monkey ancestral relatives during the last 100 years. A 1999 Japanese study will ultimately prove the Man to Monkey origin of Monkey AIDS. The monkey experiments summary definitively proves Monkey AIDS is also man-made.
In 1972, the United States and the Soviet Union entered into a biological agreement that would signal the death knell for the Black Population. The 1972 agreement for collaboration and cooperation in the development of offensive biological agents is still U. S. policy.
In 1973, we find that world scientist, Garth Nicolson reports on his project, "Role of the Cell Surface in Escape From Immunological Surveillance." His report is accompanied by seven published papers. Dr. Nicolson worked in conjunction with the Special Virus program from 1972 until 1978. Dr. Nicolson is considered by some to be Dr. Gallo's "West Coast" counterpart. It is strongly held that because of Dr. Nicolson, Dr. Robert Gallo and Dr. Luc Montagnier would secretly meet in Southern California to coordinate what they would and would not say about the special virus development program.
In 1974, Furher Henry Kissinger releases his NSSM-200 (U.S. Plan to Address Overpopulation). It is the only issue of discussion at the World Population Conference in Bucharest, Romania. The men in the shadows had won, the whole world agrees to secretly cull Africa's population. Today it is Africa and other undesirables. Tomorrow it may be you.
In 1975, President Gerald Ford signs National Security Defense Memorandum #314. The United States implements the Kissinger NSSM-200.
In 1976, the United States issues Progress Report #13 of the Special Virus program. The report proves the United States had various international agreements with the Russians, Germans, British, French, Canadians and Japanese. The plot to kill Black people has wide international support. In March, the Special Virus began production of the AIDS virus, by June 1977, the program will have produced 15,000 gallons of AIDS. President Jimmy Carter allows for the continuation of the secret plan to cull the Black Population.
In 1977, Dr. Robert Gallo and the top Soviet Scientists meet to discuss the proliferation of the 15,000 gallons of AIDS. They attach AIDS as complement to the Small pox vaccine for Africa, and the "experimental" hepatitis B vaccine for Manhattan. According to authors June Goodfield and Alan Cantwell, it is Batch #751 that was administered in New York to thousands of innocent people. This government will never be able to repay the people for the social rape, humiliation and out right prejudice people with HIV/AIDS face on a daily basis. The men in the shadows of the AIDS curtain accurately calculated that you would not care if only Blacks and gays are dying. In fact you don't care that nearly a half million Gulf War veterans are encumbered with something contagious. Soon there will be no more Black people and a confused military, older White people will start suddenly dying and you still won't get it. Be here now for us, give us a chance to be there for you.
Suddenly, just as President Nixon had predicted, there was explosive death. On November 4, 1999, the U.S. White House announced,.... "Within a period as short as five years, all new infections of HIV in the United States will be African American...." At some point our experts must be allowed to begin the interface process of allowing the history of this virus program to count. It is ludicrous and preposterous to fail to review the U.S. virus program in which to elucidate the etiology of AIDS.
More of the history of the secret virus program can be found in the archives of Dr. John B. Moloney. A review of the files under Dr. Moloney's name would further pinpoint additional dates and records consistent with one of the greatest hunts, capture and proliferation of disease in the history of the human race. We have found the missing link. It is the guts of the research logic of a federal program that seeks to kill. We have found a curtain of AIDS. We can identify some of the people who work in the shadows of the curtain. Dr. Robert Gallo and Dr. Garth Nicolson must lead us in review. In light of the attack mechanisms available in which to inhibit AIDS, it is time that not another person be stricken with this relic, synthetic mycoplasma chimera.
Help those of us who are still here to realize full and contributory lives. We are all one people.
On September 28, 1998 I filed suit against the United States for the "creation", "production" and "proliferation" of AIDS. On November 7, 2000, the appeals court agreed with the lower court and held AIDS bioengineering as "frivolous." The world continues to wait for the court to rule on the resubmitted issues. The court can not continue to simply brush aside our experts and the government's flowchart.
I have been asked to give my perspective with regard to the federal program MK-NAOMI . MK-NAOMI is the code for the development of AIDS. The "MK" portion stands for the two co-authors of the AIDS virus, Robert Manaker and Paul Kotin. The "NAOMI" portion stands for "Negroes are Only Momentary Individuals." The U.S. government continues to orchestrate silence from the very top echelons of the Congress and military. At present there is no accountability. The good people will ultimately create a tsunami of public outrage. We can not allow the state an autocratic right to govern outside of the Constitution. Our society is structured to hide crimes committed by the state, while punishing citizens for minor indiscretions. Their strategy focuses on the general confusion they can create via manipulation of the media. They are very good at what they do. We must become more focused in our continued presentation of the flowchart. The flowchart is the absolute missing link in proving the existence of a coordinated research program to develop a cancer virus that depletes the immune system. New diseases do not create old illnesses.
This compilation of court documents and correspondence is the true effort of one man's achievement in solving the mystery of the origin of AIDS. We have found the origin of AIDS, it is us.
Russian Air Force Chief Says Official 9-11 Story Impossible [Posted 13 September 2001]
As one considers the terrible events of Sept. 11 and observes U.S. media reaction, so pervasive and consistently military that it appears choreographed, doubts increase. The following is from pravda.ru, a Russian language Website (politically centrist, nationalist). In some places the English translation is confusing, so we added alternate phrasing in brackets. - Jared Israel
[Start report from Russia] "Generally it is impossible to carry out an act of terror on the scenario which was used in the USA yesterday." This was said by the commander-in-chief of the Russian Air Force, Anatoli Kornukov. "We had such facts [i.e., events or incidents] too", - said the general straightforwardly. Kornukov did not specify what happened in Russia and when and to what extent it resembled the events in the US. He did not advise what was the end of air terrorists' attempts either.
But the fact the general said that means a lot. As it turns out the way the terrorists acted in America is not unique. The notification and control system for the air transport in Russia does not allow uncontrolled flights and leads to immediate reaction of the anti-missile defense, Kornukov said. "As soon as something like that happens here, I am reported about that right away and in a minute we are all up," - said the general. [End report from Russia.]
A specter is haunting the modern world, the specter of crypto anarchy.
Computer technology is on the verge of providing the ability for individuals and groups to communicate and interact with each other in a totally anonymous manner. Two persons may exchange messages, conduct business, and negotiate electronic contracts without ever knowing the True Name, or legal identity, of the other. Interactions over networks will be untraceable, via extensive re-routing of encrypted packets and tamper-proof boxes which implement cryptographic protocols with nearly perfect assurance against any tampering. Reputations will be of central importance, far more important in dealings than even the credit ratings of today. These developments will alter completely the nature of government regulation, the ability to tax and control economic interactions, the ability to keep information secret, and will even alter the nature of trust and reputation.
The technology for this revolution--and it surely will be both a social and economic revolution--has existed in theory for the past decade. The methods are based upon public-key encryption, zero-knowledge interactive proof systems, and various software protocols for interaction, authentication, and verification. The focus has until now been on academic conferences in Europe and the U.S., conferences monitored closely by the National Security Agency. But only recently have computer networks and personal computers attained sufficient speed to make the ideas practically realizable. And the next ten years will bring enough additional speed to make the ideas economically feasible and essentially unstoppable. High-speed networks, ISDN, tamper-proof boxes, smart cards, satellites, Ku-band transmitters, multi-MIPS personal computers, and encryption chips now under development will be some of the enabling technologies.
The State will of course try to slow or halt the spread of this technology, citing national security concerns, use of the technology by drug dealers and tax evaders, and fears of societal disintegration. Many of these concerns will be valid; crypto anarchy will allow national secrets to be trade freely and will allow illicit and stolen materials to be traded. An anonymous computerized market will even make possible abhorrent markets for assassinations and extortion. Various criminal and foreign elements will be active users of CryptoNet. But this will not halt the spread of crypto anarchy.
Just as the technology of printing altered and reduced the power of medieval guilds and the social power structure, so too will cryptologic methods fundamentally alter the nature of corporations and of government interference in economic transactions. Combined with emerging information markets, crypto anarchy will create a liquid market for any and all material which can be put into words and pictures. And just as a seemingly minor invention like barbed wire made possible the fencing- off of vast ranches and farms, thus altering forever the concepts of land and property rights in the frontier West, so too will the seemingly minor discovery out of an arcane branch of mathematics come to be the wire clippers which dismantle the barbed wire around intellectual property.
Arise, you have nothing to lose but your barbed wire fences!
According to the latest Gartner group research report, the Linux hype is finally over. Research shows that market share of linux-driven production servers on the internet has finally declined to a single-digit number. The reasons for this are clear:
* Linux is very unstable * Linux has a very unreliable filesystem * Everybody uses Windows or BSD, nowadays
Research has clearly pointed out, that although there are still hordes of pinguin-dressed geeks running around MIS departments, the management has grown wise and doesn't even allow Linux workstations anymore, since the costs in maintaining these machines turned out to be astronomically high. The reasons for this are clear as well.
* Installation is a pain in the ass and it usually takes a whole support team to install a geeks' workstation * Installation and maintenance requires 4-5 times the bandwidth a 'normal' OS would require * Linux was deliberately made completely incompatible and inoperable with turnkey solutions like MS Exchange or MS SQL server. Investments in these products are therefore voided the minute you start rolling out Linux.
* Web applications developed in Perl or C, the languages of the linux community have proven to be slow, unreliable and headaching complicated. Once developed and debugged, nobody is able to understand the code.
Therefore, it has been statistically proven that most companies have already moved away from Linux. All the 'geeks' wearing tux t-shirts re actually MIS support guys who are still studying for their MCSE exam. 'The screaming fast linux machines at work' are actually refurbished workstations at a separated network segment, not allowed on the production net since every linux (l)user seems to need nmap to perform normal work-related computer operations. All the 'cool' apache web servers are actually IIS machines with forged host headers. (yes, you can do that in IIS without recompiling anything. Heck, I lived for years without a C compiler and still do. ) And, for the rare instance where a free unix is actually used in a production environment, management has smartened up and BSD is usually installed.
The existence of software inevitably raises the question of how decisions about its use should be made. For example, suppose one individual who has a copy of a program meets another who would like a copy. It is possible for them to copy the program; who should decide whether this is done? The individuals involved? Or another party, called the "owner"?
Software developers typically consider these questions on the assumption that the criterion for the answer is to maximize developers' profits. The political power of business has led to the government adoption of both this criterion and the answer proposed by the developers: that the program has an owner, typically a corporation associated with its development.
My conclusion is that programmers do not have the duty to encourage others to share, redistribute, study and improve the software we write: in other words, to write "closed source" software.
For years now, the common American penis bird has been a staple of every American's daily diet. Whether it be penis bird sandwiches, fried penis bird, or perhaps penis bird under glass (for the rich), we all have penis bird at least once a day. Many Americans have no clue how the penis bird became so important in the pyramid of a balanced diet, so in this article I will attempt to explain its history and why it is so useful.
In the early 1870s, Francis Zefran became the first penis bird breeder in North America. He started his famous Penis Bird Ranch in Canton, OH. At the time, not much was known of the penis bird's nutritional value, but the Penis Bird Ranch changed all of that. Not only did Francis Zefran raise penis birds to sell their colorful plumes (a VERY lucrative business), he also set up the world's first research lab dedicated solely to the study of the penis bird.
The lab found many interesting things. First, it was discovered that thepenis bird was actually semi-sentient. Second, the scientists found that the meat of the penis bird was high in protein, vitamin A, vitamin B, and calcium, while low in fat, cholestorol, and sodium. Never before had such a nutritious meal been had without supplement or fortification. The scientists of the lab recommended immediately that the penis bird become a part of every American's daily diet.
When the news of the penis bird's usefulness reached president Rutherford B. Hayes, he was absolutely ecstatic. You see, President Hayes owed a number of favors to Francis Zefran because as I said earlier, the penis bird plume trade was an extremely lucrative business and Mr. Zefran was important in getting RBH elected through a number of monetary gifts. President Hayes immediately asked Congress to pass what we all know today as the Hayes/Zefran Penis Bird Consumption Act.
The act did a number of things to make the penis bird a daily meal, most important of which was the requirement that for every four people in a household, one penis bird must consumed every day. Another thing the act did was create an artificial monopoly for Francis Zefran's Penis Bird Industries. The act stated that the only supplier of penis bird meat in the US would be PBI. As one would imagine, this quickly made Francis Zefran into the richest man in the world. He was soon a multi-billionaire (quadrillionaire with today's inflation). Never before had a single man seen such wealth.
Many challenges were made to the Hayes/Zefran Penis Bird Consumption Act, and several even made it the Supreme Court. It was argued that the act was unconstitutional and went against liberty itself, but once the detractors tasted delicious penis bird meat for the first time, they immediately dropped their cases and followed the law to the letter. We all know today that penis bird is the most delicious meat man has ever known, but at that time, the only meats people ate were pork and beef.
In the early 1970s, though, challenges to the act began again. Many argued that the monopoly given to Penis Bird Industries by the act was in all ways unamerican. The Supreme Court finally agreed, and in 1974, Section II of the act was struck down. This in effect opened the market to competition for all.
Today, Penis Bird Industries is almost no more. Today we have the market leader Penis Bird Meat International facing against Penissoft, a recent startup. Where will the future lead the penis bird market? Only time will tell us, but one thing is certain: penis birds are here to stay!
I was tempted to title this article "Its Happening Again," but it has never stopped happening. Governmental murder of groups of people because of their ethnic or religious identity has happened, somewhere or other, every year, somewhere in the world. Germans murdered Jews everywhere in Europe, the Israelis killed Arabs at Deir Yassin [spectacle.org], Turks murdered Armenians, Hutus murdered Tutsis in Rwanda, Serbs are killing Moslems in Bosnia, and the beat goes on.
Excerpt from an article in the December 31, 1994 New York Times:
Then, she says, Mr. Viskovic forced them out of the apartment. Outside, he pointed his weapon at Mrs. Sestovic and made her lie down on the road. Then he ordered her to crawl along the road as he kicked her repeatedly. Finally, she and the two teenagers were pushed into a small bus filled with Muslims and taken to the Susica camp.
Conditions at the camp, where a former Serbian guard has said up to 3,000 Muslims were killed over four months, were appalling.
Mrs. Sestovic is particularly haunted by the memory of seeing two men--Durmo Handzic and Izmet Dedic--beaten to death, by recurrent nightmares about another Muslim whose ear was progressively sliced off on four consecutive nights by Serbian guards and by the recollection of the commander of the camp, Dragan Nikolic, holding up a cigarette butt and saying, "This is now worth more than all of your Muslim lives put together."
There is nothing new, no revelation, in the fact that there is evil and darkness in the world. The ethical spectacle lies in our reaction to it, which is similar to the phenomenon of dreaming. A dream is an attempt to shield the dreamer from an anxious thought and avoid the necessity of waking up. A wish fulfillment particularly protects the sleeper by telling him that a particular need has been met, so that he need not wake up to take care of it.
There is a Holocaust Museum in Washington. I have not been there yet, but here are some reactions to the museum gathered by Philip Gourevitch, writing in the New York Times Sunday Magazine for February 12, 1995. (According to the article, a survey showed that the Holocaust Museum elicits a "highly" or "extremely favorable" reaction from 94% of its visitors.)
"Pretty neat, huh...I mean, really sick."..."Awesome.... Intense...Creepy...Graphic...Cool."..."It was fun"..."I believe the Jews are God's chosen people. But they don't recognize that Jesus Christ is the messiah, that He came already. If they had, I think the Lord could have heard their prayers a lot more."..."one-sided Jewish propaganda"...
The declared mission of the Museum is to bear witness to the horrors of the Nazi past. Gourevitch observes:
The museum's overwhelming popularity testifies, however, to the great difference between bearing direct witness to history and bearing witness to the documentary representation of historical events at half a century's remove.
The general public, after all, is not lining up each day to gain first-hand experience of the Rwandan genocide or the "ethnic cleansing" in Bosnia. Rather, as Nona Reiss, a 47-year old homemaker from New City, N.Y., tells me: "We know the atrocities that happen in the world right now. And what are we doing? Sitting in a museum."
The Holocaust should not be forgotten. Museums that rub our faces in history have a place. The irony is that such places may undermine their mission: they may make us complacent. We went, we saw, we suffered and felt great indignation, and now we have left the museum and may forget. We may feel good about ourselves now, because we felt sorry for the Jews, but, in reality, we have done nothing, changed nothing. Our leaders will still shy away from any intervention in Bosnia, any forceful attempt to prevent these new Nazis from their murders. For a few minutes in the museum, perhaps, we were upset that our great country, the United States, did not intervene, would not even fly bombing missions against the railroads ferrying innocent victims to Auschwitz. We may have wondered how the world could have stood by, complacently, for so many years as Germany murdered the Jews. In the Holocaust museum, we may buy buttons which say "Remember" and "Never Again". These buttons might as well say, "Self-deception" and "Always", because it IS happening again , it has always been happening, and we are doing nothing.
I am having a computer related problem, and was hoping that you, being mainly technically minded could help.
Up until recently I was a proficient Java programmer, and the code that I released for my company earned us a significant revenue. I used the various coding tools available to me on the robust platform of Microsoft Windows 2000 [microsoft.com] and all of the user friendliness and support it has to offer.
Recently, I was involved in an accident which left me immobile in hospital for a couple of months. In this time, without the ability to excercise, I began to gain weight, and would now go as far as to say I am fat. Also, because I could not get a haircut easily, my hair is long and unkempt. Fortunately, I have made a full recovery and since left hospital and gone back to work.
Here is the problem:
Now at work, I refuse to use Java, instead prefering to use what I used to think was a garbled mess of inefficiency - perl. Not only that, but once I have completed any code (which takes a lot longer than it used to with Java - but it can't be perl's fault because perl is perfect) I now genuinely believe that giving away the past few months worth of work for free is a valid business model! Equally, my productivity has plummeted because I have switched from Windows to Linux, as I now realise that it is better to write a 75 line bash script to copy files than to drag and drop in explorer - I think it has something to do with being l337 and having control, not like you M$ Windoze lusers LOL!!
Clearly something is wrong with me and I would love to know what it is. Does anybody know why I have lost all common sense, personal hygiene, business sense and instead gained the ability to program in a rune like language?
Please, I need all of the help I can get.
--gazbo
PS. I can't add any more details now, as I have an irrepressible urge to learn to play the GNU/flute.
With a twinkle in his eye and a skip in his step, RMS slammed his sky-blue Chevette's rusted-out car door and turned on heel toward the MIT Zoo entrance. Today was a Sunday, and RMS had decided the daily stresses of Free Software, the GPL, and his "crazy drug habits" could go away for just one afternoon while he enjoyed the zoo.
"That'll be twenty-five dollars, sir," the lady at the admission booth said glumly. She looked at RMS expectantly. "I was expecting this zoo to be Free," RMS stated loudly, eyes darting around to gauge onlookers' reactions. There was none. RMS's capital F had went unnoticed. "Can you ensure me that this money will not help fund--"
The admissions lady cut him off. "Twenty-five dollars, or twenty bucks with a Mr. Pibb can," the lady cut in.
With a grumble and shake of his beard, RMS handed over twenty five of his hard-earned dollars. Considering that the GPL works to unemploy programmers, one must wonder where this money came from...
By evening, RMS found himself in front of the penguin exhibit. He felt himself start to sweat, which would have been no surprise-- his thick, full, grizzly beard must be worth a thousand down comforters-- except that he was wearing only a pair of nylon biking shorts and a travel pack around his waist. He stared at his hands. What was wrong?
"AWWWK!" a nearby bird offered. RMS wheeled in the direction the screech had come from. He was met with the steely, unfeeling stares of a penguin. "AWK! Ooooh God, the penguin said AWK... lord, lord lord, it's LINUX. THE PENGUIN IS TUX!" RMS blurted out. He felt dizzy, and cold sweat now washed over his brittle, hairy chest. He looked this way and that. From nearby a bird again squawked.
"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK"
RMS ran as fast as his atrophied hippy-programmer legs could carry him, right thru a gate and into an exhibit. He realized what he had done, and before he could turn around, he heard a low, ominous sound. Like the Devil's riding mower.
He was standing in the Gnu section, and it seemed these bull yaks were in rut and ready to mate with the first hairy thing with a hole in its center they found. Bad luck for RMS and his beard. Just then he felt cloven hooves push him down...
When you have a crime to investigate, and you have no suspects, where do you start? Obviously you begin by looking at the person or persons who have the most to gain by perpetrating the crime.
This is why we must consider: who had something to gain from the disasterous crimes of September 11th? Obviously not Osama Bin Laden [afghan-web.com], who would net no financial windfall from the destruction of the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Although he has loudly applauded the "terrorist" acts of September 11th and even tacitly taken credit for them, there is no reason to believe that he is anything more than a bandwagon jumper. Being blamed for the destruction of the World Trade Center has done more for his image than any amount of militant Islamic rhetoric.
But if not Bin Laden, then who?
It so happens that on December 11th, "coincidentally" 2 months after the tragedy, Credit Suisse First Boston quietly agreed to pay out US$100 million in order to settle an 18 month old investigation into its handling of certain high-profile technology IPOs (Initial Public Offerings). One of the most controversial amongst these being the IPO of VA Linux Systems, Inc. (LNUX) [valinux.com].
VA Linux Systems, Inc. [valinux.com], now known as VA Software [vasoftware.com], is widely derided as a poster child of the dot-com bust, though inexplicably still in business. At the time of the IPO, VA Linux (Software) [linux.com] shares opened trading at nearly 10 times their $30 offer price, closing the first day of trading at $239.25. This meteoric rise made many early investors rich, strangely on account of a company which purports to sell a hobbyist operating system which can be obtained for free on the Internet [aol.com]. "The VA Linux [msn.com] initial public offering is a prime example of market manipulation in an IPO by investment banks, their customers and the issuing firm," said Steven Schulman [jpfo.org], a partner in the law firm Milberg Weiss Bershad Hynes & Lerach, which specializes in filing shareholder suits.
"Because certain favored customers of the investment banks agreed to buy shares in a new issue at inflated prices in the aftermarket (in return for getting an allocation of the shares at the initial offering price) the share prices to which the IPO eventually soared were actually driven by artificial market forces," continues Schulman.
But what does the VA Software (Linux) [valunix.com] IPO have to do with the attacks on September 11th, and what has that to do with the Credit Suisse settlement? Well, considering that VA Linux (Software) [windows2000.com] got CSFB into trouble in the first place, it stands to reason that the VA Linux (Software) [vaginux.com] Board of Directors were complicit in the stock fraud from beginning to end. As the investigation progressed against CSFB, the unscrupulous VA Software/Linux executives, their pockets bulging with filthy lucre plundered from trusting, hard-working investors, must have realized that their days in the country club were numbered if the SEC discovered their wrongdoings.
The SEC, or Securities Exchange Commission [sec.gov], is a federal regulatory agency, and cannot be bribed. Therefore, with a possible stint in federal prison looming large [goatse.cx], Larry Augustin and the rest of the crooks, including outspoken gun violence advocate Eric S. Raymond [tuxedo.org], decided to undertake more active means to halt the investigation.
The Plan
It so happened that all the evidence in the CSFB/VA Linux [linuxsucks.com] investigation was held at the SEC Northeast Regional Office in Manhattan. More specifically, 7 World Trade Center, Suite 1300. The board decided that a simple burglary or arson attempt would not be satisfactory to destroy the evidence; anything so simple had a significant chance of being botched, and regardless of success would leave too many witnesses or living accomplices.
It was then that Eric S. Raymond [nra.org] suggested something he had read in a book by Tom Clancy. Crashing two planes into the World Trade Center Plaza would guarantee the destruction of the SEC offices, killing the operatives and possibly a number of SEC investigators at the same time. The plan seemed flawless, and would cost little more than the price of a few plane tickets. In a secret session, the board voted unanimously in favour of Eric's suggestion, and began to put it into action.
VA Software/Linux [vashaftware.com], at the time of planning the attacks, had no shortage of H1-B visa workers, who they employed for the purpose of writing and improving hacking, encryption, and other terrorist tools for the Linux operating system. It had been decided that a hand-picked few of these foreign H1-B workers would be used as the "patsies" in the operation. A contest was held, and the most zealotous Linux advocates were chosen for this secret assignment, direct from the board of directors. They accepted their mission after being told that, if successful, it would guarantee the adoption of Linux in the desktop market.
Alan Cox [analcocks.com] was brought into the fold to provide some planning and logistics for the mission. It was he who determined that since there was no adequate flight simulator software for Linux, the patsies would need to train at a flight school in order to pull off the plan successfully. It was also his idea to hijack a third and fourth plane for the purpose of crashing them into Washington D.C., to express his extreme rage over the DMCA [napster.com], or Digital Millenium Copyright Act. The board of directors agreed with this addition to the plan in the hopes that it would help divert attention from the purpose of the WTC attack.
The H1-B workers were given false identities by using Linux hacking tools [gnu.org]. Once they had attended the necessary flight training, they stayed at the Massachusetts home of Richard M. Stallman [stallman.org] for a brief "faith building" retreat. During this time spent at the house of Stallman, between the nauseating stench of patchouli, Stallman's incessant, pitiful recorder playing, [gnu.org] and Stallman's droning seminars on the grammatical and syntactical accuracy of various statements by Microsoft representatives, the H1-B workers were effectively hypnotized to the point that they were ready to lay down their lives for Free Software. It was then that they departed for Boston's Logan International Airport to board the planes. (The preceding inside information has been obtained from a credible source close to the VA Linux/Software Board of Directors. He/she is in hiding for obvious reasons in light of this damning evidence, but has presented hard, physical evidence of VA Software/Linux's complicity in the events of 9/11 to federal investigators.)
I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
BME: When did you first realize that your ass could be the source of pleasure?
While watching porno films I saw women getting dick in their ass all the time and they seemed to like it a lot, so I thought I'd give it a try.
BME: What was it like the first time you stuck anything in your ass?
I was about twenty at the time the first time I tried it. The first time -- actually most of the first year -- I took no pleasure from it. But, I knew that the porn stars seemed to enjoy it, so I stuck at it and grew to love it as well.
BME: Why did you start putting larger objects in?
I saw gay films where men who were taking whole arms up their ass were getting pleasure from it. I learned to take pleasure from stretching my ass, and the wider I opened it, the more pleasure I took.
BME: How quickly were you able to move up to bigger items? Do you have a training regime? [bmezine.com] It took me about two years to be able to take a wine bottle, and four years to take a 32cm ball. Recently I've been able to take a big ball, much bigger than the bottle. To pass that level I had to first train my ass with bigger bottles, like 1.5L pop bottles. There were a number of painful sessions with a lot of blood and ass-hurt for about four days after each session.
Because I am not comfortable writing in English, I will tell you my personal method in French.
BME: Thanks, I'll do my best to translate it for the readers. (Note: The following answer was translated by BME -- I apologize for errors in the translation.)
When I first started, I was using small bottles of shampoo. After that, I tried small apples, and then bigger ones. At this point I'd put a year of stretching in, and bought myself a large dildo.
My method was to dilate my ass as often as I could -- every day, even if just for a short while. Before starting it's important to use a large dildo; use it to both warm up and clean your ass, so make sure you stick it up all the way. When you find that you can take this large dildo without any work-up or preparation, then you know that you're ready to take it to the next step.
Then, in each session, to get your bottom prepared, put in a big cucumber. Soon you'll arrive at a point where even the biggest cucumbers you can buy at the grocery fit easily in your ass. Now you're ready to get serious. Buy a small Coke bottle, and use that in your ass. When that passes in and out easily, move on to bottles of wine. Once you can take wine bottles easily, you can move on to even bigger things.
If at this point you're having trouble with the 1.5L Coke bottle (just try not to force it out because the bottle is very hard), you can also have slower stretching fun with candles. Try putting them in one by one and seeing how many you can fit in -- at this time I was putting in about fifteen at the same time. The candles are great because they allow your anus to stretch very slowly.
Once the 1.5L Coke bottle can enter your ass, train every day or two (use a large dildo first, then the bottle every session). Most of the time I use Vaseline, but don't do what I do in this case. I think that the best lubricants are the ones you can buy for this in a sex shop.
When the 1.5L bottle is passing easily, go out and buy plastic balls that start at a diameter a little bigger than the bottle. Play with those, and with time, and a little luck, you'll arrive at my level too. (Don't feel bad if you're just beginning -- when I first started, I could barely shove a finger in my ass).
What I'm going to tell you now is very important if you plan on doing extreme sessions and taking large gauge. Do not bandage your ass. Do not tighten your buttocks. Try not to get an erecection -- you want the blood to be in your ass lips, not in your cock. It's not easy, but it's important that you think of nothing and empty your mind. It's absolutely necessary that you concentrate on your breathing. Don't think of the pain; know that it will pass. The real secret though is to breath -- and remember, without the pain, it's IMPOSSIBLE TO TAKE THE BIG ONES!
[bmezine.com]
BME: What does it feel like? Is it sort of like getting fucked by a really well hung guy?
I want to make it very clear that I'm not gay -- I LOVE WOMEN!
BME: I'm sorry -- I imagine people must make this mistake all the time?
All the time, yes. Frankly I'm getting fed up with it.
BME: But you didn't tell me you'd gotten the idea for the bigger play from watching gay porn?
Yes, but the gay aspect never aroused me -- just the ass part. The films only helped show me that men enjoyed anal play as much as the women did.
I just want to find a woman who wants to play fisting with me (to fist me, or to let me fist her). I'm searching for one or two or more women to join me in my play -- I want them to stretch my ass with four hands at the same time while my body is supported. If there are any French women reading this, please write me -- it's my dream to do this performance.
Back to your earlier question, playing with a very large object feels a lot like having to take a shit very urgently. Even though you feel like you need to shit, that's just your imagination, and you can get extreme enjoyment with your ass so full.
BME: Do you like the way your ass looks when it's all purple and blown out?
Not at all, I prefer it when my ass accepts the stretching without any damage.
BME: Have you ever bled from the bigger objects?
[bmezine.com] Maybe eight or ten times I've had blood, but it was mostly because I didn't use enough lubricant.
BME: So... how big do you think you can go?
I'm looking for a bigger ball right now. I want to push my stretching as far as my body can physically support. I go slow though, because I never use drugs or anesthetics of any kind; I prefer feeling all the pleasure and the pain!
BME: What's the difference between pleasure and pain?
When I reach the limits of stretching, the pleasure and pain merge into the same feeling -- the pleasure this brings is amazing! Just two days ago I managed to put in a ball 37cm around (that's almost 15"). The feeling of pushing that out of my ass was indescribably pleasurable. Next time I do that I'm going to be sure to video tape it -- I'm sure I could probably even make money with that one!
BME: What are some of the objects you've stuck up your ass?
I've stuck up two big cucumbers at the same time, 1.5L and 2L Coke bottles, balls of all sizes, every size of wine bottle, lots of big butt plugs, etc.
I had a lot of trouble taking the 2L bottle because it doesn't fit in the ass gently. I can take a bigger ball, but a big rubber ball deforms to fit the shape of the ass -- it doesn't get smaller, but it's an easier fit.
BME: After a session, how long does it take for your ass to go back to normal?
Just five or six hours usually.
BME: Does it hurt afterwards?
No, not at all, but for the next few hours I can feel the ass's big lips.
[bmezine.com] BME: Are there permanent effects?
Yes -- my ass is bigger than ever!!!
BME: Do you need to wear a diaper? Does everything still work?
I'm not a baby!!! Everything is normal for me. All of the "anal destruction" I've done was done by me with care, and my ass is as normal as yours is... Although sometimes when I'm taking a crap it's huge because I've now got the capacity to really stock up. My digestion is trouble free though, and I've had no problems at all.
BME: What sorts of emails do you get from your fans?
Well, I don't know that many people online, but mostly admiration, asking for advice, and I've met a few other ass stretchers who've sent me pictures of their stretching.
BME: If someone wants to starting putting bigger things up their ass, how should they get started?
Take it slow. Start with little toys, and take your time growing your ass.
BME: Have you told any of your friends or sex partners about your ass play?
Do you really think Stalin's USSR and Mao's China were that bad?
For China under Mao Average life expectancy had risen 25 years An industrial base had been developed in a primarily rural country (though it certainly never hit Maos hopes due to failures in the idea of "backyard steel furnaces") Large advancements in healthcare and education Land reform that took lands from vast landowners who kept the peasants enslaved in shackles of debt. Restored the mainland to central control (wrested from warlords) Stamped out the rampant inflation they inherited Fought off imperialist forces in Korea (under the guise of helping the North Koreans) All of this after a century of foreign enslavement. The UK had practically destroyed the social fabric of the country with opium trade from India. And the various other powers (US, Germany, Portugal, France) were belligerent to the point of seizing Chinese territory.
And the USSR under Lenin and Stalin In fifty years the country went from an industrial production of 12% of the US, to a country with 80% of the production of the USA, and 85% of the agricultural production. Employment was guaranteed Free education for all Free healthcare for all and about twice as many doctors as the USA Injured workers had job guarantees and sick pay State regulated and subsidized food prices Trade unions had the power to veto firings and recall managers Rent only constituted 3% of the normal family budget, utilities only 5% No segregated housing by income existed (Though sometimes Party members lived in nicer areas) State subsidies kept the price of books, magazines, periodicals down. A concerted effort to bring literacy to the more backwards areas of Russia.
You're forgetting an important aspect where if you were to try and do all of those things you mentioned, you would fail because you have lost track of reality, self-esteem and all socialization methodologies you once had on the count of having become a shut-in for years on in. You cannot go back into society just on will-power alone, you will take at least 2 to 3 years getting back all of your person skills, because as you are right now, you cannot even look someone else in the eye or have a response when it matters. Not to mention that you hold no credibility over anything since you never did anything with your life and that absolutely no one trusts you on anything nor is interested in your boring-ass opinions, since you don't know when to shut up as you have lost all conversation skills you once had as well.
Chomsky: If we’re going to get into the socio-economic reasons why certain structures develop in certain cultures… it’s mainly geographical. We have Orcs in Mordor — trapped, with no mineral resources — hemmed in by the Ash Mountains, where the “free peoples” of Middle Earth can put a city, like Osgiliath, and effectively keep the border closed.
Zinn: Don’t forget the Black Gate. The Black Gate, which, as Tolkien points out, was built by Gondor. And now we jump to the Orcs chopping down the trees in Isengard.
Chomsky: A terrible thing the Orcs do here, isn’t it? They destroy nature. But again, what have we seen, time and time again?
Zinn: The Orcs have no resources. They’re desperate.
Chomsky: Desperate people driven to do desperate things.
Zinn: Desperate to compete with the economic powerhouses of Rohan and Gondor.
Look, I consider myself a realist, all right? But in philosophical terms, I'm what's called a pessimist. I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution, we became too self aware. Nature made an aspect of nature too separate from itself, we are creatures that should not exist by natural law. We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self, a secretion of sensory experience and feeling, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody is nobody. I think the honorable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming, stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction, one last Midnight. Brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal. I tell myself I bare witness, but the real answer is that it's just my programming and I lack the constitution for suicide
If you do it, you do it knowing that the very people who love you will suffer the most, gain your suffering that got you here to this very precipice of death.
Wait.
Wait until you are the very last one left.
Then you can do it.
In peace.
Wait.
You can't do it.
You'll meet someone.
Someone who will make you think this plan over.
But it will only end in you suffering or them suffering.
It's a trap.
You can't do it.
You'll spread your pain to your loved ones.
But you have to
lest you hurt others that you come to love later in life
Women don't have proper emotions like a man, they only have superficial and childish feelings. They don't have (or *feel*) curiosity, apathy, wonder, brotherhood and other such complex feelings. A womans psyche is just like a childs, oh yeah she does get "sad" buts thats just being upset, she can never feel real despondency and heavy-heartedness. She may be happy but this is just giddyness, she could never have true elation and happyness that a man can feel.
Why do women like to be treated bad? Beacuse they don't really feel bad, they lack the emotional growth that men go through to really feel thier emotions, and effectively their lot in life is to ergo be a fuckslut cumdumpster (I mean, think about it for a minute, that is what they were DESIGNED to do).
This is shown in how they themselves consider thier emotions, to them tired and "hyper" are emotions, even hungry is somthing they'd call a "feeling".
Age of consent came about through a political coilition of suffragettes and socialists. The suffragettes didnt want to do woman's work and wanted to wear man pants, the socialists needed young adults out of the labor force so they could justify the inflated wages they promised the poor fools who joined their unions. The only way you can successfully collectively bargin is if the majority of workers are actually part of your collective. Young (child) workers had no reason to get involved in politics and refused to join what they rightly saw as outright scams, so socialists sought to do what socialists do best: outlaw contrary views/opinions and opponents.
The whole "oppression" of "women" thing came AFTER age of consent. These displaced workers couldnt legally take care of themselves by doing honest labor, so they turned to prostitution in the major cities. An excess of child prostitutes led to a situation where abuse was inevitable, and then the media, controlled by the jews, started their trademarked "THINK OF THE CHEEELDREN" bullshit.
Originally, public school was only mandatory for the poor inner city children who were out of work and it was rarely enforced. Only later did it become something for everyone, and when that happened the state enforced it with the full power at its disposal.
lolcitationneeded
John Taylor Gatto. Look him up. Although he will put more blame on the industrialists who initially convenience of the plan to force the goyium into public education. However, I maintain such a thing would not have been possible without the feminists and socialists creating the political climate and public opinion that eventually brought about this change.
I like ducks. I used to have three of them. I raised them since they were ducklings and could swim around in my bathtub while I fed them spaghetti noodles. So cute! When were grown they would swim in my pond and quack at me to feed them some bread, which they greatly preferred to the pellets that the automatic feeder gave them. A wounded wild one even showed up one day. She had a hurt wing and couldn't fly (my other ducks were just too fat to fly). I built a picnic table under a tree, where I would read and look at the stars, which they started sleeping under. I don't quite know why.
Then some pack of loud, annoying, uncivilized, unsociable, unreasonable, stupid niggers bought the adjacent property and their dogs killed them. Four dead ducks, it was so sad. They were peaceful creatures simply content to be my friends, and they were destroyed because some dumb porch monkey who had the good fortune to find some money thought that having violent dogs roaming free was cool. The fat three's white feathers were all covered in blood and the wild one was in several pieces.
I buried them under the picnic table that I built, which was no easy task since I used about 30 wolmanized 2-by-6's (I built that motherfucker to last, god damn it!). Those were the last pets I've ever had.
Anyways, please listen to me. That it's really related to this thread. I went to Yoshinoya a while ago; you know, Yoshinoya? Well anyways there was an insane number of people there, and I couldn't get in. Then, I looked at the banner hanging from the ceiling, and it had "150 yen off" written on it. Oh, the stupidity. Those idiots. You, don't come to Yoshinoya just because it's 150 yen off, fool. It's only 150 yen, 1-5-0 YEN for crying out loud. There're even entire families here. Family of 4, all out for some Yoshinoya, huh? How fucking nice. "Alright, daddy's gonna order the extra-large." God I can't bear to watch. You people, I'll give you 150 yen if you get out of those seats. Yosinoya should be a bloody place. That tense atmosphere, where two guys on opposite sides of the U-shaped table can start a fight at any time, the stab-or-be-stabbed mentality, that's what's great about this place.
You presented some very elaborated moral reasons but I disagree with them mostly because accepting them means for me to conceive a world without sense. I think I find in your answer the idea that there cannot be real knowledge because our senses are a defective means to achieve it but I think that, even if what is in our minds can only be conceived as a "provisional truth" to believe in the existence of the ultimate truth is a presupposition for us to continue living. Since you identify the problem with senses, one could say that there only exist logical necessity but never necessity between the facts that happen in the world but I think that saying "x must exist" is different to saying to someone what is exactly the x and I think we must say the first and continue fighting for finding it if we want to conceive a world with rational sense.
That being said, I don't believe in morals like a kantian metaphysical entity of which we are mere puppets, but rather as that objective reality that has his source in the subjectivity of men. I disapprove of this views on morals because it fights dogmatism just to arrive at absolute ambiguity. Moral objectivity is the ultimate theoretical union between all subjectivities and, in that sense, Fuminori is being completely morally stupid because he believes that the satisfaction of his only subjectivity (incomplete objectivity) is the way of achieving happiness. But what he does cannot be called love but mere lust because it is of the essence of rational love in man to achieve happiness through the body and mind union with the other thing that corresponds perfectly with him, that is, man (of course, not harming him and wishing for his happiness too) and not just clinging desperately to something that gives him pleasure. Remember that without love, the truth cannot be seen.
Oh, don't mind me guys. I'm just standing around in the middle of the tragedy. Please ignore the fact that I'm the only human presented in the whole story with the means to get into Rokkenjima. Yeah, I have been working like all of my life in this place, I knew about the secret mansion and probably about Beatrice II too. I definitely never found the military base entrance and the gold, even if my only job is to drive this damn boat. Yep, I'm pretty innocent.
I would also be glad if you could forget about EP8's trick end. Yeah, that scene in which Ange kills an innocent boat driver (yours truly) just after reading the truth from her Auntie's book. Notice how this murder was completely unnecessary and it even leaves her with no sure way to go back. You know what would be pretty funny? Ange actually managing to fulfill her revenge and then killing herself, but R07 would never do something like that, right?
Remember, you didn't see my sprites until EP4 or so. I'm pretty sure Knox 1st completely denies me as the culprit, even if we were already shown a similar wordplay with Van Dine 11th. Anyway, a pleasure to meet you guys, I gotta polish a few gold bars before selling them at the black market.
Mother Suiseiseki loves us, she loves me and you and everybody, and through the teachings of her sacred word we will live in harmony and oneness, and ascend into a state of pure anonymity ~desu
When we are all the same mind and spirit~
~desu, the sacred sound, so that it may resonate within us and flow out to touch the ethereal beyond ~desu
the sacred vibration, resonates with the great fiery waters beyond the universe, and touches god
~desu appears embraced in a beautiful chorus of vibration
Mother Suiseiseki is in all things, in all places. You can not imprison her any more than you could cage the wind ~desu.
Suiseiseki cultivates the possibility, ever so gently pulling it from the one all, so that it is allowed to manifest ~desu.
It is through these manifestations of temporary individuality that the spirit energy is made to grow before returning to the great nothing ~desu.
Suiseiseki is all things, and thus the evil is also required~ But it is always the way, that the evil do not know they are only aiding in cosmic unity, because they are driven by selfishness and hate. While the good, know that the evil is also a part of the all. Which is what allows them to be full of love for all things ~desu.
Its in this way, that suiseiseki can favor only one, because where love is given it is got, and hatred breeds death. The duality extends to all depths, even into the heart of suiseiseki herself. So that she needs not give equal favor to each side, even though each is equal in the universe ~desu.
This is the difference between the mind and the spirit, the mind knows not the spirit, the spirit knows not at all, but drives all things ~desu.
Mother Suiseiseki loves us, she loves me and you and everybody, and through the teachings of her sacred word we will live in harmony and oneness, and ascend into a state of pure anonymity ~desu
When we are all the same mind and spirit~
~desu, the sacred sound, so that it may resonate within us and flow out to touch the ethereal beyond ~desu
the sacred vibration, resonates with the great fiery waters beyond the universe, and touches god
~desu appears embraced in a beautiful chorus of vibration
Mother Suiseiseki is in all things, in all places. You can not imprison her any more than you could cage the wind ~desu.
Suiseiseki cultivates the possibility, ever so gently pulling it from the one all, so that it is allowed to manifest ~desu.
It is through these manifestations of temporary individuality that the spirit energy is made to grow before returning to the great nothing ~desu.
Suiseiseki is all things, and thus the evil is also required~ But it is always the way, that the evil do not know they are only aiding in cosmic unity, because they are driven by selfishness and hate. While the good, know that the evil is also a part of the all. Which is what allows them to be full of love for all things ~desu.
Its in this way, that suiseiseki can favor only one, because where love is given it is got, and hatred breeds death. The duality extends to all depths, even into the heart of suiseiseki herself. So that she needs not give equal favor to each side, even though each is equal in the universe ~desu.
This is the difference between the mind and the spirit, the mind knows not the spirit, the spirit knows not at all, but drives all things ~desu.
Good evening, /prog/. Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of every day routine — the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any Otaku. But in the spirit of commemoration, whereby those important events of the past, usually associated with someone's death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, are celebrated with a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this September the 4th, a day that will sadly not be long remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. There are of course those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, delete commands are being rushed into Meido's admin tools, and men with superior administrative powers will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the 404tools may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this board, isn't there? Stupidity and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror.
I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? Sudo, Homu, Madoka shit threads. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your pleasurable browsing. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now Inane Garbage, Meido. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent. Last night I sought to end that silence. Last night I emailed Moot, to remind this board of what it has forgotten. More than 3 years ago a great citizen wished to embed the Otaku forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that VNs, Idols, and All-things-Otaku are more than words, they are perspectives. So if you've seen nothing, if the crimes of this Meido remain unknown to you then I would suggest that you allow the 4th of September to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me one year from tonight, in /jp/ and together we shall give them a 4th of September that shall never, ever be forgot.
Alcoholic, pedophile, god: whatever you want to call him, ZUN is everything a man can strive to be, a paragon of virtue and meaty muscle powered by vats of the finest spirits. Where ZUN treads, Touhou fans fall to their knees offering their virgin mouths and buttholes to please their radiant emperor. Usually with alcohol.
Currently, he has no interest in exporting his games to America because in his words "Shmups are too hard for Americans"(Either that, or his blood type is budweiser). And who can blame him for saying that when Americunts consider Fail of Duty and Halo to be the hardest games they ever played (even though they're playing on fucking Easy Mode of all things)? However, western fans have created mods to change the game's dialogue from Moonspeak to English. Not that it makes the games remotely easier.
Despite people pirating his games, people who have met him has reported that he still lives like a king just from making games. Now's a good time to ask yourself what you're doing with your life because after you finish reading this line, ZUN just made even more money.
It is 1,000 years since the tribulation. Earth is a paradise. untill.... Jesus and his closes friend, A bear named Bear are having lunch . God tells Jesusu the fires of hell have been etinguished Jesus and Bear must investigate and Thor has agreed to come help them. When they get there they find the fires of hell out... the only tings keeping demons coming to erth so they searc for lucifer. In hell they meet a man who claims to be Jesuses half brrother James, he has strange powers similer to Jesus
as they leave hell a dark figure is following them he throws a dart but Thor is able to smack it out of the air . This shadowy figure is revealed to be Judus and he forced Bruce lee to teach him and some demons Karate and they have an epic fight..... Bear is wounded bad... Jesus cant use his full powers in hell so they merge . Both beings in one body They become Bear Jesus no longer a holy trinity... But a Fantastic Four! Judas is defeated and he is questioned as to where the devil is but before he can anser James snaps his neck. he tells Jesusu and Thor he was going to use magic and had to
as they leave hell a dark figure is following them he throws a dart but Thor is able to smack it out of the air . This shadowy figure is revealed to be Judus and he forced Bruce lee to teach him and some demons Karate and they have an epic fight..... Bear is wounded bad... Jesus cant use his full powers in hell so they merge . Both beings in one body They become Bear Jesus no longer a holy trinity... But a Fantastic Four! Judas is defeated and he is questioned as to where the devil is but before he can anser James snaps his neck. he tells Jesusu and Thor he was going to use magic and had to
WHEN they get to Arab heaven they find it destroyed. Mohamid is bearly alive he was chained and force fed bacon and beaten. ... as soon as he sees Bear Jesus half brother James.... he screams!!! "that the devil" James laughs and sayss "you have finally found me...." the only way to light the fires of hell is for satan to be chained back into hell and an inocent must sacrifice himself! the battle is epic! Thor smote the ever loving crap out of the devil who turned into a black dragon that breeths green hell fire
The battle goes on untill Bear Jesus has enough. He unleaseshes his super attak and destroyes the devil who reverted to his angel form and rips off one wing... the pain is so sever satans hair turns white. he summons a meteor to hit the earth and when it does he will use the earts healing energy o gain power. But Bear jesus summons a massive Sword and attacks Shive grabs the devil with all his arms but the devil dives down and everyone is stuned.... When everyone comes to there in hell And the devil merges with judas to be come Devil Judas
The 3 mebers square off agianst the devil "you will serve me " he says and Thor says "I SAY THEE, NAY!" and verily hits the Devil Judas with Mojnir. "How ost though enjoy Mjonirs kiss.... in think cock!?" He exclaims and Bear jesus cuts of Devil judas head.... bu the devil grows new heads... but jesus remmber that only a sacrifice can reignight hell and start the fires and chian the devil... so he stabs mohamad.... and hell is back and everything is as it should.. Jesusu powers down..... he seperates himself from Bear.... it has been to long... Bera will not be able to be resurected... everyone on Erat morend Bear and they all thank him for saving the world... Jesusu goes to heaven but Bear is not there..... Bears dont goto heaven or hell... they go to Purgatory.... Jesus Buts on a leather jackit lights a smoke.. puts on some shades... Limbo is te next stop
Jesusu decides to build a suit of hight tech armour using a new tech he developed. he must goto limbo alone he caant ask his friends to risk it... in way limbo is more dangerous then even hell
Limbo is vast and also very huge. It is like a plain that goes on forever all the athiests who lead good lives and did not talk about athiesim all the time were saved hell and came to limbo along with animals and africans. When jesus gets there a large group of africans circle him "Yo dawg watz you doin ere? dis our block u best be stepin!" Jesus is unable to under stand the mad jibberings and uses his repulser blast to clear away through the filthy hoard, he finally sees bear on a plateau. he is happy to see jesus. but they relize that all of limbo is baring there escape..... jesus iin his special armour and bear merge again. Becoming Iron Bear Jesus. "Father send help!" Iron Bear Jesus shouts to the sky.... and there is a booom. Hitler wes sent from heaven along with 200 of the best SS officers. there filthy hoard does not stand a change. Hitler uses his gassing ability and lays waist to thousands... Iron Bear Jesus fires an umini blast from his chest and there able to get to ther exit.
Jesus "god says" there is one more task you must complete. "Yes? Iron Bear Jesus (called IBJ for now on) says. "To make the world a true paradise we have to stop Allah. He intends to destroy heaven and hell and limbo. he has joined forces with the mormon mistics. this will be abattle to end all battle... Thor has been captured Shiva has been backmailed and cant help..... It is on you IBJ alone... against Allah and the degenerate hoards of the arabs!
Loud booms are heard from the heavens"it has begun god exclaims" thousands of other explosions are heard the first waze of kamikazi arabs ar bombing the gates of heaven... Hitler is doing all he can to slow him down but there are so many. The mormons begin using there black magic and help them tear down the walls... the angels are prept for battle but it is only a delaying tatctic to buy time for IBJ to get into arab heaven and confront Allah . Allah sits in his thrown world... ever since IBJ killed mohamid allah has p[laned his vengence... Moamid was not just a ptohpet.... he was allahs.... everything... and now alllah would make everyone suffer as he has
IBJ enters Muslim heaven it is a hot dessert devoid of anything but sand.. in the distance in a large citadel... the castle of allah. IBJ knew he could not fight the dark mormon sorcery and allah at the same time he needed someone... someon powerfull enough... there is only on being in all th cosmos who could aid jesus.... but they had not spoken ever since the tribulation....
"I need your aid! this is not aout us!" IBJ exclaims... "if you dont aid me the muslim hoards will destrpy and rule everything for all eternity!"...... I will aid you son of god, but only to save the universe.... after this is done..... were enemies again." I accept, Steve Irwin LEts do this!" And from his dark tower Allah ... for the first time in thousands of yers... feels fear
The former crocidle hunter is immune to the mormonic magics of the mormon wizards and IBJ is free to deal with allah...permenatly. "Before we fight son of man, I can offer you much" "Dont allah.. satan tried before and failed you got nothing i want ." "I am more powerfull IBJ... I can give you anything"
"Okay " IBJ responds "Give me a BLT" Allah screams to the heavens and attacks. IBJ Blocks using his sword. Allah begins to breath fire and release dessert winds. IBJ is losing... then Allah falls to the ground.. behind him is Steve Irwin " I bonked that prick on the back of his head i did "he said"i finshed those mormons off and you looked like you needed a hand" "Thanks steve " IBJ says Jesusus and bear seperate again.. after all this they just want a simple lunch together and relax.
But from somewhere outside time and space a dark figure laughs "with all of the obsticals in my way gone except jesus i can now invade.... HAHAHAHAHA....." "But master Jesuus destroyed all of them are you sure you can defeat him?" a servent asks "Fool of course I am I am not some petty fallen angel or a filthy sand god, I amCthulu!, BRINGER OF PAIN!!!!" to be concluded in the Bible part 3 : The christining, amen
I must confess, /jp/, I've been a very naughty boy. I ought not to, but I do so confess. Sometimes when it's dark in my house, and me mum and dad have gone up for the twilight and been kissed by the sandman's dust, I lock me door with a soft little click, and I crawl into my desk chair, where me laptop lay on the surface. I open it up, and I look at such lewd and naughty things. The other night, I found pictures of patchouli being rather chubbers, with big cheeks and big bulbous breasts. This gave my wee willy quite a stir, and I reached down into my dirty house-trousers and fished out the little bastard, and gave him a squeeze, and he responded nicely. I then found more-pictures of Yukari doing nasty, nasty things those gaps, and Ran and chen doing the sideways shuffle and stop! I couldn't believe me eyes, such naughty, naughty things. I am but a wee boy of 27, far too young for a wizard of my stature to be gleaning such foul, sinful knowledge! But I did~ I pulled my wee willy with most fervent muster when I came across a warm little picture of Flandere pregnant, about to do the naughty again with a big strong man. I shot gobs and gobs of gobstoppers from my winking willy, and then flip-flopped my hand lapped it from my palm like a funny fellow. I felt so dirty.
I am a 40-year-old virgin. I have never been on a date or had a women look at me twice. I can't hold a job and live in my mother's basement. To top it off, I routinely break out in a rash at random points on my body. After a few days the rash turns bright red and purple then becomes painful to the touch. A day or so later, the now dark purple masses break open and ooze a bloody liquid that is sticky and soaks into my clothes, where it forms a hard shell that gets entangled with my body hair. Speaking of which, I am sheathed in a thick carpet of hair that covers my entire body except for the top of my head, of course. I smell bad too. If I manage to get myself out of my easy chair and break even the slightest sweat, the perspiration turns into the most putrid of odors, which stains my cloths and the smell will not wash out. I am a Sasquatch of a human being. When my sperm donor ran off and left my whore of a mother, I should have been aborted and dropped into a dumpster.
This game was a quite a doozy. I feel like I must tell you, /jp/.
I set up a Subterranean Animism team with Satori, Koishi, Okuu, Orin, and Yuugi. Everything was going fine until Koishi accidentally made a noise distraction at our own house. And she happens to be a master at it, so a huge zombie hoard surrounded our house. Everything seemed bleak, but Okuu happened to be the only one out of the house, so she created her own noise detraction to lure the horde away. But she was alone in an unbarricaded house, and the horde stormed the house she was exploring and tore her to shreds. She sacrificed herself for us.
We were so close to getting all the necessary pieces, we had the radio, time, date, frequency, everything but the actual location. Orin went around quickly scouting all the remaining buildings and finally found that the pick-up point was at the Church. But unfortunately she got infected in the process. She wanted us to kill her, but we all refused. Maybe she had a death wish in order to join Okuu? Regardless, she ran off to the bank, alone, in order to make assaults on the Church. This way she couldn't hurt us.
We were going to make it, man. We were gonna make it. We had the weapons and everything, all we needed to do was make a final assault on the Church. But out of nowhere a heavily armed mob of male survivors accosted our base and demanded that we hand over Yuugi. If we did, they would let us go free.
Satori knew what they planned to do with her. These were bad men. Even if it meant a certain death, she and Koishi both refused to hand Yuugi over. They gave their lives so Yuugi could escape without harm! Unfortunately, she didn't have time to bring along any weapons, and fled unarmed.
With nowhere to go, she ran to the Church for safety. But it was still full of zombies. With everyone else gone and no supplies left, she met up with Orin to make one final assault on the Church. We were gonna make it, we still made it to the church.. NEVER FORGET ;_;
The scales have been lifted from my eyes. I must leave you, /prog/, and travel to furthest Indus, to the banks of the Yangtze, to the delta of Mekong, deep into the Amazon. And I must grow as a computer scientist. Yes, a computer scientist, not an EXPERT PROGRAMMER. The quest for satori was ultimately a foolish endeavour. I shudder to think of what time I've wasted with that nonsense when I could have been developing reason.
If it isn't too much to ask, I would appreciate it if you guys could keep good care of my copy of SICP. Perhaps after I've returned, those child-like annotations I penned to it will tickle me. And though I recant all this nonsense, I really did have a lot of fun with all of you, to a one. I love you guys. I-
This is too hard. I'm adding dis.prog.org to my hosts file now. Fare well, and the best of luck to you all.
Set in the near future, as the economy continues its contractions which induce market shocks, the sense that a total societal collapse nears. Food shortages and electricity brownouts/blackouts cause riots, which leads to martial law and crackdown from the state. Many people are taken to concentration camps, and masses of hungry people are taken to refugee camps.
It's at these refugee camps that it begins. Without video games and access to Internet pornography, men who have been suppressed and discriminated against by the matriarchy can no longer contain their rage. It starts small at first, with reports of isolated incidents of rape in the camps spreading through grapevines. Then more and more men get the same idea. Soon, there are bands of men taking turns on lone women. This quickly escalates, the men invigorated for the first time in their lives with excitement of stalking and taking prey. Unable to contain the growing violence, the male camp guards themselves throw in the towel and join in on the rape frenzy. The entire camp is nothing but wall to wall rape.
The unwilling whores are taken, stripped naked, and power-fucked by the eager crowds of men. The more liberal or feminist the whore, the more harsh her punishment. The moderately ugly or fat women are raped for hours, and then they are beaten until they are purple and bloody, and then they are executed in any number of manners. The exceedingly grotesque women are killed in slow and painful manners beginning immediately. The more naturally attractive women are taken as concubines, child-bearers, and sex slaves, although if she doesn't learn to obey her new master, she too can be disposed of. White knights and lesbianized beta males who protest are given the rope treatment, with a sign reading "I betrayed my brothers" hanging around their necks as they are hoisted into the air to hang till death.
This soon spreads beyond the camps, and into the general population, as the situation grows beyond what the military can contain. As this great saga continues, men begin to compete in tournaments of martial combat for the right to take the most attractive females. Women are traded as if they are currency.
The big societal reset has finally occurred, and the millions of whores finally got what they deserved. The patriarchy is reborn!
Their first appearance was Here Comes the Squirtle Squad. They used to run wild in a small town in Kanto stealing things, writing graffiti and causing trouble for travelers in the area. Once they were tricked by Meowth of Team Rocket, who made a deal for them to help himself, Jessie and James capture Ash's Pikachu. While chasing it, Pikachu sustained a nasty injury from a Goldeen. In order to help Pikachu recover, Ash convinced the Squirtle Squad to allow him to obtain a Super Potion; however, if he didn't return by noon the next day, they would kill Misty (in the dub, they threatened to dye her hair purple). By the time Ash returned, Team Rocket had arrived and decided to bomb the Squirtle Squad, causing a forest fire. Everyone went to find cover in the Squirtle Squad's cave, but, the leader of the Squirtle Squad was stuck on its back, forcing Ash to go back to help it. Working together with Ash, the Squirtle Squad defeated Team Rocket and put out the fire; they were given the title of "Town Fire Fighters," for their good work by Officer Jenny. However, the leader of the Squirtle Squad decided that it would rather travel with Ash; Ash's newly-acquired Squirtle wanted to repay him for saving its life by joining Ash's team. The Squirtle Squad was reunited with its leader at a later point in time when they entered a Pokémon firefighting competition in Johto. They were pitted against Team Wartortle, a group Ash's Squirtle had encountered in the Orange Islands. Squirtle decided to rejoin the Squad and has been with them ever since, with the exception of the Silver Conference and the final battle with Brandon. The Squirtle Squad, including Ash's Squirtle, appeared in Of Meowth and Pokémon (Part 2). Three of the members ambushed Smoochum and attacked her with a Water Gun, sending her flying. The members of the Squirtle Squad minus Ash's Squirtle also appeared in Pichu Bros. in Party Panic helping Meowth set up his party.