The programming mindset

How can I know if I'm too stupid for programming/engineering/maths?

Is it true you need a good memory and be good at just swallowing lots of apparently random technical stuff?

For example BSD sockets. To "learn" them I guess you just have to memorize all these syscalls, the whole connection model. What does it even mean in a deeper sense? I don't know.

At one point you just have to have faith and be good at remembering lots of formulas, how do you do that

>>15

I think I might be too dumb for sciences, math, etc. 3 years ago I got a 74% in Calculus III. I think I was not fit enough, it helps if you are a fit rich kid with confidence not always stressed then you can memorize matrices more easily.

What is the point, how do I stop being an idiot, what is the mindset of people who aren't idiots, do you have to trust authority, why would I do that, what is the point, when you take Calculus half of it is remembering random formulas, is that what engineers do, remember formulas? Where is meaning to be found in all this ? If so you can't find happinness or purpose in engineering and you should be also sycophant on the side?