University

So, I finally decided after a few years of staying inside to go and apply to a local university.
At the presentation they did to us, they talked about:
1: How they will teach us about ``design patterns''
2: That we will learn to use UML
3: How happy we will be when we write out first program
4: That we will learn cool and powerful languages under the name of Assembly (MASM), PHP, Java, C# and C++
5: That we will learn to use the MS^tm Visual Studio (lol)

Where can someone find quality education nowadays? And what job could a computer scientist get? I don't want to become a code monkey like Nikita.

Study computer science not software engineering, dumbass.
Of course they're teaching you design patterns if you study that