Name: Anonymous 2016-09-22 5:24
The average person spends at least 45 minutes a day defecating. That's 11 days per year, or 2.5 years of your lifetime wasted on inefficient defecation. This is time that can be freed up for personal improvement activities such as meditation. Furthermore, improper defecation leaves you vulnerable to spiritual mischief. In this thread I will uncover the secrets of defecation taught to generations of professional alcoyotes.
The first rule is no premature shitting. Just as we eat when we aren't really hungry, getting fat, we shit before we need to. You should only shit when you have a properly full colon and the need is urgent.
The second rule is to have proper log formation. This is achieved by adding enough fiber to your diet, but not so much that you are constipated. The goal is a uniform, dense log that slides out nice and smoothly without leaving much of a mess. Ideally it would leave next to no mess on your anus. Proper exercise is also crucial to get your guts moving so they can digest properly, as is a good diet not too high in fat.
The third rule is haste. When you shit, push it out firmly and aim to empty your colon completely in a few seconds. If there is any "remainder" (there shouldn't be if you followed the second rule) rock bath and forth on the toilet and/or lift up to bounce up and down a little.
The fourth rule is position. Proper colonical orientation is a force multiplier. The squatting position is ideal, install specialized or trough-style toilets if possible, though squatty potty is also great.
The fifth and final rule is total sanitation. Toilet paper won't do. Try a bidet, incorporating morning defecation with your shower to clean your anus, or in a pinch sit on a sink and clean your anus with soap.
You now know the esoteric secrets to master shitting on your way to enlightenment.
The first rule is no premature shitting. Just as we eat when we aren't really hungry, getting fat, we shit before we need to. You should only shit when you have a properly full colon and the need is urgent.
The second rule is to have proper log formation. This is achieved by adding enough fiber to your diet, but not so much that you are constipated. The goal is a uniform, dense log that slides out nice and smoothly without leaving much of a mess. Ideally it would leave next to no mess on your anus. Proper exercise is also crucial to get your guts moving so they can digest properly, as is a good diet not too high in fat.
The third rule is haste. When you shit, push it out firmly and aim to empty your colon completely in a few seconds. If there is any "remainder" (there shouldn't be if you followed the second rule) rock bath and forth on the toilet and/or lift up to bounce up and down a little.
The fourth rule is position. Proper colonical orientation is a force multiplier. The squatting position is ideal, install specialized or trough-style toilets if possible, though squatty potty is also great.
The fifth and final rule is total sanitation. Toilet paper won't do. Try a bidet, incorporating morning defecation with your shower to clean your anus, or in a pinch sit on a sink and clean your anus with soap.
You now know the esoteric secrets to master shitting on your way to enlightenment.