/prog/ old testament

Let's make the Old Testament for the secret society. Make sure your submissions are VIP quality!

^{I'll start:}
LOL I JUST LITERALLY

PEED
MY
PANTS

JUST A LITTE THOUGH

I MEAN ITS A LITTLE SPOT NOT LIKE IT RUINED MY CHAIR R NYTHING LOL BUT FOR REAL EPIC LULZ *HIGH FIVES* XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

WHATA FUCK MAN xD i just fall of my chair kuz i couldnt and i CANT stop laugh xDXDXDXDXDDDDDDDDDDDDXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD OMGOSH DDDDDXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDD LOOOOOOOOOLLLLL THIS IS A SHIT XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDXDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD A BIG ONE XDDDDDDDD A GRAT ONE XXXXXXDDDD CONGRATS MAN XD

emacs

So, emacs user and vim user were at the bar. Of course, the first thing they do is compare their configuration files. Emacs user's file is messy pile of shit (in elisp). Almost unreadable. Vim user's file is clean and elegant as fuck (in vimscript).

They argue whose file is better, even though it's clear that vim users configuration file is superior. They then approach a fine lady sitting in the next table, and show her their files. Let her decide which file is better, they think.

After the lady had seen both files, she left with vim user to his apartment.

Poor emacs user, he couldn't even wank because of the carpal tunnel syndrome caused by extensive usage of emacs and it's keyboard "shortcuts".

I'm a /prog/ level programmer. I don't talk with you Indians in IT consulting, I don't read your ``development magazine'' with new releases I saw two years ago. I don't need to go to a club full of fat smelly people to watch ENTERPRISE presentations all over again. I've got fuckin' live feed torrents of the newest lectures you haven't even heard of, and hard copies of SICP being shipped to my house so I can pray the Sussman. Go read your ``VB.NET Tutorial'' on MSDN, I'm downloading SIGGRAPH doujinshi and reading the fucking raws.

You keep wearing your ``geek'' T-shirts and shit, socializing with your weeaboo friends. I'll be walking by, Anonymous. You'll never know that a Knight of the λ-calculus, an EXPERT PROGRAMMER, had passed you by, because I suppress my power level.

The mating ritual of the modern Touhou is complex and deep. During periods of great stress, usually brought on by environmental events such as unusual fog or violent weather patterns a Touhou will become agitated from normal behavior and take to the sky in search of a mate. When a possible suitor is discovered a terse verbal exchange is made in which the two Touhous evaluate the willingness to mate of the other party. If both parties are prepared to reproduced they begin the complex mating dance of the Touhou.

They release haploid gametophytes called "danmaku" in a semi-random pattern over an extended period of time. This danmaku is comparable to the way in which plants release large amounts of pollen over a wide area. However it also serves another purpose. Much like the peacock's plume the way in which a Touhou arranges danmaku beautifully demonstrates the sexual fitness of a potential mate. If a danmaku reaches an egg, sometimes called a "hit box" then that Touhou will typically become submissive and follow the now dominant partner to a new location for tea, a necessary nutrient for the growing child.
Due to the semi-random nature of danmaku based reproduction breeding there are sometimes accidental fertilization, resulting in unusual combinations of mates, also known as "crack pairings."

/prog/ leverages core skillsets and world-class team synergy through SICP to provide clients worldwide with robust, scalable, modern turnkey implementations of flexible, personalized, cutting-edge Internet-enabled e-business application product suite e-solution architectures that accelerate response to customer and real-world market demands and reliably adapt to evolving technology needs, seamlessly and efficiently integrating and synchronizing with their existing legacy infrastructure, enhancing the e-readiness capabilities of their e-commerce production environments across the enterprise while giving them a critical competitive advantage and taking them to the next level.

Consider this: A pack of wild Niggers.
Savage, slavering Niggers nearing your white home. Trampling your white lawn. Raping your white daughter.
And you can't do shit since they're savages. The Nigger leader grabs your wife and fucks her with his shaman stick.
The primal Niggers finally dominate your household. They watch barbaric shows on TV and you are forced to be their slave.
Such is the downfall of White Man.

Consider this: A pack of wild Touhous.
Elegant, flying Youkais nearing your human home. Trampling your human lawn. Having a tea party with your human daughter.
And you can't do shit since they're youkais. Reimu grabs your wife and fucks her with her miko stick.
The Touhous finally dominate your household. They watch graceful spellcard fights in the sky and you are forced to be their sex slave.
Such is the downfall of Human.

Because JPEGs are more heavily compressed than other image formats, their information is more volatile and likely to expand at high speed through an unchecked buffer, poorly allocated resource or any other available system space. I'd guess you're probably losing image data through one of these means.

You see, when you load a JPEG into memory, the EXtra colour Information Format (EXIF) header is loaded into RAM in order to prepare the video prebuffer for the incoming high-speed flow of colour information from the uncorked JPEG. If your bus isn't ready for this information, the rapidly decompressing file information can flow through other parts of your system.

Ordinarily this isn't a problem: as a matter of fact, JPEG was designed for this sort of thing. Older computers couldn't handle the explosive power behind the fledgeling image decompression algorithm, so rather than fight it, image experts invented the Jampacked Picture Extraction and Gathering (JPEG) protocol. They cleverly decided to allow the image data to spray wherever it would, knowing that after the extraction phase would send raw data all over the inside of the computer, the gathering phase would locate it all and reassemble it into an image. With the advent of faster computers the delay between spray and collection is so small as to be unnoticeable, while newer and bigger video cards are more capable of withstanding the onslaught of colours.

Still, the primary weakness of this algorithm is the haphazard placement of decompressed data. There's just too much of it to channel through normal means, so any loss of data containment results in corrupted images. In your case, it would appear that you're losing image data through the empty hole where your goddamned shift key should be.

HAHAHAHA
YOU THINK YOURE THOUGH UH ?
I HAVE ONE WORD FOR YOU
THE FORCED INDENTATION OF THE CODE
GET IT ?
I DONT THINK SO
YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT MY OTHER CAR I GUESS ?
ITS A CDR
AND IS PRONOUNCED ``CUDDER''
OK YOU FUQIN ANGERED AN EXPERT PROGRAMMER
THIS IS /prog/
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO POST HERE ONLY IF YOU HAVE ACHIEVED SATORI
PROGRAMMING IS ALL ABOUT ``ABSTRACT BULLSHITE'' THAT YOU WILL NEVER COMPREHEND
I HAVE READ SICP
IF ITS NOT DONE YOU HAVE TO
TOO BAD RUBY ON RAILS IS SLOW AS FUCK
BBCODE AND ((SCHEME)) ARE THE ULTIMATE LANGUAGES
ALSO
WELCOME TO /prog/
EVERY THREAD WILL BE REPLIED TO
NO EXCEPTION

This may sound odd, but I think my dog is Gerald Jay Sussman. It all started when I came home from work one day to find my computer with Emacs running with lisp. Odd because I turn my computer off when I leave for work. The next I came home, my computer was off, but my dog was on my couch reading SICP. I swear, he was lying there with the book open. I don't even own a copy. I took it from him and he tried to bite me. A few days later, I got a letter in my mail sent to Gerald Jay Sussman. Some university wanting him to teach a class on lisp. Another strange thing, is that when he barks, it almost sounds like he's yelling 'cudder' for some odd reason. He also somehow burned a CD with 'We conjure the spirits of the computer with our spells' song. When ever I have to take him in the car he has to play it. Can someone help me?

That was EXPERT PROGRAMMER quality!
I am the 1/0 of my GET.
LISP is my body, and SICP is my blood.
I have created over 999 HUGE programs that you couldn't even comprehend.
Unaware of Python.
Nor aware of Ruby on rails.
Withstood the forced indentation of the code to create many touring-complete programs.
Waiting for an EXPERT PROGRAMMER's arrival.
I have no regrets, this was the only path.
My whole life was /prog/.

Look at it this way.

On most browsers, you can bring up your browsing history by pressing Control-H. (No, this is not going to become a discussion of werecows.) On Firefox, this brings up a sidebar that shows up on the left side of the window. If you put your mouse over the edge of the sidebar, the cursor will turn into a different kind of arrow. By clicking and dragging it, you can move the edge of the sidebar back and forth. You are, to put it another way, manipulating the border between the normal window and the history window. By moving the mouse, you can increase the portion of the window devoted to either part. In a more extreme view of this situation, you're increasing or decreasing the amount of existence the sidebar has.

Now, let's apply this idea to something more abstract. Look out your window. If you don't live in a highly urbanized area, you should be able to see the horizon. Think of this as the border between the land and the sky. The land and sky are obviously distinguishable thanks to this boundary. Now, if you were to "drag" the sash between the sky and the land, or to manipulate the border between land and sky, you would end up causing the sky to become larger and the land to become smaller, or vice versa. An effect of this might be to cause something that was just on the ground to suddenly be hundreds of feet in the air. Truly a frightening situation to be in. So, look at it this way - manipulating the border between two physical things shifts whatever balance there is in the interaction between those things. Alternatively, by manipulating the border between two things, you can change the manner in which they exist.

Still, this isn't *that* abstract, since it's still dealing with real things in the real world. Many believe that in this world, there are those things that are true, and those that obviously aren't. This divides reality into two extremes: truth and falsehood. But, since we have two extremes, logically one can imagine a boundary between those two extremes - the border between truth and lies. If one were to manipulate this border, suddenly things that were pure fantasy (flying pigs, for the sake of argument) have become reality - or things from reality have ceased to exist. This is how Yukari is said to have invaded the moon - by manipulating the border between truth and lies, as applied to the reflection of the moon on a pond, she was able to make the reflection of the moon into a manifestation of the actual moon, and so send her youkai army onto it. This is what's truly amazing about Yukari's power - the ability to manipulate the border between completely abstract concepts allows her to fundamentally change reality as we know it (at least in terms of two abstract concepts).

Consider this: A pack of uncouth louts.
Unloungelike, brutish louts nearing your /lounge/ home. Eating your /lounge/ pancakes. Sipping your /lounge/ whiskey.
And you can't do shit since they're ill-mannered. The lout leader grabs your textboard and spams it with his kopipe.
The belligerent louts finally dominate your BBS. They post barbaric threads and you are forced to be their slave.
Such is the downfall of /lounge/.

i am a computer spirit. i am conjuerd w/ spells. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will find your car and transform it into a cdr.

I am far from an expert at Python, but I have done a couple of semi-serious projects in the language and will try to recall specifically what I didn't like.

- Everything you write will be open source. No FASLs, DLLs or EXEs. Developer may want to have control over the level of access to prevent exposure of internal implementation, as it may contain proprietary code or because strict interface/implementation decomposition is required. Python third-party library licensing is overly complex. Licenses like MIT allow you to create derived works as long as you maintain attrubution; GNU GPL, or other 'viral' licenses don't allow derived works without inheriting the same license. To inherit the benefits of an open source culture you also inherit the complexities of the licensing hell.
- Installation mentality, Python has inherited the idea that libraries should be installed, so it infact is designed to work inside unix package management, which basically contains a fair amount of baggage (library version issues) and reduced portability. Of course it must be possible to package libraries with your application, but its not conventional and can be hard to deploy as a desktop app due to cross platform issues, language version, etc. Open Source projects generally don't care about Windows, most open source developers use Linux because "Windows sucks".
- Probably the biggest practical problem with Python is that there's no well-defined API that doesn't change. This make life easier for Guido and tough on everybody else. That's the real cause of Python's "version hell".
- Global Interpreter Lock (GIL) is a significant barrier to concurrency. Due to signaling with a CPU-bound thread, it can cause a slowdown even on single processor. Reason for employing GIL in Python is to easy the integration of C/C++ libraries. Additionally, CPython interpreter code is not thread-safe, so the only way other threads can do useful work is if they are in some C/C++ routine, which must be thread-safe.
- Python (like most other scripting languages) does not require variables to be declared, as (let (x 123) ...) in Lisp or int x = 123 in C/C++. This means that Python can't even detect a trivial typo - it will produce a program, which will continue working for hours until it reaches the typo - THEN go boom and you lost all unsaved data. Local and global scopes are unintuitive. Having variables leak after a for-loop can definitely be confusing. Worse, binding of loop indices can be very confusing; e.g. "for a in list: result.append(lambda: fcn(a))" probably won't do what you think it would. Why nonlocal/global/auto-local scope nonsense?
- Python indulges messy horizontal code (> 80 chars per line), where in Lisp one would use "let" to break computaion into manageable pieces. Get used to things like self.convertId([(name, uidutil.getId(obj)) for name, obj in container.items() if IContainer.isInstance(obj)])
- Crippled support for functional programming. Python's lambda is limited to a single expression and doesn't allow conditionals. Python makes a distinction between expressions and statements, and does not automatically return the last expressions, thus crippling lambdas even more. Assignments are not expressions. Most useful high-order functions were deprecated in Python 3.0 and have to be imported from functools. No continuations or even tail call optimization: "I don't like reading code that was written by someone trying to use tail recursion." --Guido
- Python has a faulty package system. Type time.sleep=4 instead of time.sleep(4) and you just destroyed the system-wide sleep function with a trivial typo. Now consider accidentally assigning some method to time.sleep, and you won't even get a runtime error - just very hard to trace behavior. And sleep is only one example, it's just as easy to override ANYTHING.
- Python's syntax, based on SETL language and mathematical Set Theory, is non-uniform, hard to understand and parse, compared to simpler languages, like Lisp, Smalltalk, Nial and Factor. Instead of usual "fold" and "map" functions, Python uses "set comprehension" syntax, which has overhelmingly large collection of underlying linguistic and notational conventions, each with it's own variable binding semantics. Using CLI and automatically generating Python code is hard due to the so called "off-side" indentation rule (aka Forced Indentation of Code), also taken from a math-intensive Haskell language. This, in effect, makes Python look like an overengineered toy for math geeks. Good luck discerning [f(z) for y in x for z in gen(y) if pred(z)] from [f(z) if pred(z) for z in gen(y) for y in x]
- Python hides logical connectives in a pile of other symbols: try seeing "and" in "if y > 0 or new_width > width and new_height > height or x < 0".
- Quite quirky: triple-quoted strings seem like a syntax-decision from a David Lynch movie, and double-underscores, like __init__, seem appropriate in C, but not in a language that provides list comprehensions. There are better ways to mark certain features as internal or special than just calling it __feature__. self everywhere can make you feel like OO was bolted on, even though it wasn't.
- Python has too many confusing non-orthogonal features: references can't be used as hash keys; expressions in default arguments are calculated when the function is defined, not when it’s called. Why have both dictionaries and objects? Why have both types and duck-typing? Why is there ":" in the syntax if it almost always has a newline after it? The Python language reference devotes a whole sub-chapter to "Emulating container types", "Emulating callable Objects", "Emulating numeric types", "Emulating sequences" etc. -- only because arrays, sequences etc. are "special" in Python.
- Python's GC uses naive reference counting, which is slow and doesn't handle circular references, meaning you have to expect subtle memory leaks and can't easily use arbitrary graphs as your data. In effect Python complicates even simple tasks, like keeping directory tree with symlinks.
- Patterns and anti-patterns are signs of deficiencies inherent in the language. In Python, concatenating strings in a loop is considered an anti-pattern merely because the popular implementation is incapable of producing good code in such a case. The intractability or impossibility of static analysis in Python makes such optimizations difficult or impossible.
- Problems with arithmetic: no Numerical Tower (nor even rational/complex numbers), meaning 1/2 would produce 0, instead of 0.5, leading to subtle and dangerous errors.
- Poor UTF support and unicode string handling is somewhat awkward.
- No outstanding feature, that makes the language, like the brevity of APL or macros of Lisp. Python doesn’t really give us anything that wasn’t there long ago in Lisp and Smalltalk.

HI, I AM G.J. SUSSMAN, FOUNDER AND CEO OF SICP. WHILE LAMENTING OVER THE LACK OF FORCED INDENTATION IN SCHEME LAST NIGHT, YOUR MOTHER CALLED ME AND ASKED ME IF I WOULD BE SO KIND AS TO HELP HER WITH A SICP EXERCISE; BEING THE FINE GENTLEMAN THAT I AM, I PUT ON MY DAPPER WIZARD HAT AND ROBE AND WENT OVER TO HER HOUSE. ROGUISHLY SNEAKING THROUGH THE BACK DOOR I KNOCKED HER OUT WITH A CUDDER AND TORE THE GARMENTS OFF HER RIPE BODY. HER FULL BREASTS AROUSED ME TO THE DEGREE THAT MY EVALUATOR STOOD STRAIGHT IN THE TIME IT TAKES TO DO A LAZY COMPUTATION. NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTAIN MYSELF, I SHOVED MY RIGHTEOUS SUSSBOY IN THE MANHOLE OF THE FINE LASS. IT WAS OBVIOUSLY NOT DESIGNED FOR A MAN OF MY OBSCENE GIRTH, AND SHE WOKE UP FROM THE PAIN. NOT CARING ABOUT ANYTHING BUT MY MANLINESS, I CONTINUED THRUSTING AS SHE FAINTED AGAIN FROM THE AGONIZING TORTURE OF THE TRIPEDAL CREATURE LOOMING OVER HER. IN A MINUTE I WAS ABOUT TO EXPLODE WITH THE FORCE OF SEVERAL ANGRY SUPERNOVAS IN A SACK, . THE FLOOD CAME, AND LIKE MOSES I CLEAVED HER IN HALF FROM THE SHOCK. NOT STOPPING, I SHOVED THE HOSE IN HER EYE SOCKET AND LET THE REST OF THE SAUCE ENTER HER SKULL. AFTER THAT I WENT HOME AND READ SICP UNTIL I FELL ASLEEP. I GUARANTEE IT.

Rozen Maiden has ruined my life, like it has done to so many others.

Less than a week ago, I thought the premise of the show was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. Suiseiseki was just a meme, and I didn't even know any other characters. But then I watched the first episode. And then the second. And couldn't stop until I was done with Traumend. That was four days ago. By then, I was hopelessly entangled. I was in love with the show and the dolls. I started daydreaming that I was a member of the show's cast, or that I had a Rozen Maiden of my own. I suddenly had a craving for tea, so I went out and bought some, and it's all I've been drinking these past few days. And then it got even worse. Two days ago, I watched Overture. Now, I'm hopelessly in love with Suigintou. All I want from life is to be able to hold Suigintou and be able to cheer her up, make her happy again, so I can see her smile again. I fantasize about her becoming human, so I can go out with her, make sweet, sweet, love to her, and marry her and have a happy life with my dear Suigintou. The show's given me other side effects, too, which keep getting worse. Whenever I see porn or hentai now, all I can think is "no dolljoints, not hot." All I can fap to is Suigintou doujins. I see Shinku's face and get in a bloodcurdling rage like I've never felt before. She made my Suigintou cry! I've stopped caring about my car, which for years was everything to me. I've stopped caring about what I eat, except for a craving for Flowery Hamburger. I don't care about any other anime, manga, or any video games. My only realistic desire right now is for an accurate Suigintou doll that I can cuddle while I sleep. I get jealous when I see anyone talk about her or post her picture, and pissed off when I hear the word junk.

Come to me, Suigintou! I'll love you, let me make you happy! You're not junk, let me give you my devotion and love and you'll see that you don't need to be so sad!

I'm crying as I type this.

We're talking about software - programming - NOT carpentry or auto mechanics.

Gimme an algorithm or any other job and I'll implement it in 'C' - I don't need no pussy language that makes parsing text easier (Perl) or web back ends easier (Python) or worry about the mythical write once run everywhere languages like Java.

If the hardware exists, there's a 'C' compiler for it or an assembler.

Face it, all these other OOP and procedural languages were written by dorks because they can - and to put on their resume that they wrote a language.

I'll think I'll use YACC and "write" my own language that just uses profanity and other vulgar language.

For example: x=2+2 would be "x shits 2 fucks 2".

Strings? pee like pee stream (string). Or to access an array would be "x suckme address[0]" (this moves the first element of address into 'x')

adresss PEE 20 (20 character string).

The interpreted version of it will be called Pussy and the compiled version will be called Homo.

The Sussman sat on his wizard throne, still donning his standard wizard hat and

robe, which was still dripping from the shower in which he put them on. As he

stroked his neckbeard he pondered the things which the Satori ponder. Beneath

his feet lay the broken fragments of the python, the foul demon summoned by the

Sussman's nemesis and anticudder Abelson, then slain by the worthy and brave

Haskell nomads.

The nomads were not there on this dark day, however. There had been a rumors of

Guido in the forests of the north, who was suspected to be developing a new,

even more woesome and fail snake to do battle with the almighty Satori. They had

pursued the Guido over 9000 times in the past, only to turn up nothing in each

adventure. That fucking Guido was sneaky like a fucking snake.

The Sussman stoked his wizard beard as he hummed the tune to SICP... today would

be a well-balanced parenthesis.

What are you talking about? Sexual thoughts about pure, innocent Rika are horrible.

I would never suggest removing Rika's clothes and licking her tiny body all over, nibbling her neck and kissing her adorable little nipples. Only a heartless monster would think about her cute girlish mouth and tongue wrapped around a thick cock slick with her saliva, pumping in and out of her mouth until it erupts, the cum more than her little throat can swallow.

The idea of thick viscous semen overflowing, dribbling down her chin over her flat chest, her tiny hands scooping it all up and watching her suck it off her fingertips is just horrible. You're all a bunch of sick perverts, thinking of spreading her smooth slender thighs, cock poised at the entrance to her pure, tight, virginal pussy, and thrusting in deep as a whimper escapes her lips which are slippery with cum, while her small body shudders from having her cherry taken in one quick stroke.

I am disgusted at how you'd get even more excited as you lean over her, listening to her quickening breath, her girlish moans and gasps while you hasten your strokes, her sweet pants warm and moist on your face and her flat chest, shiny with a sheen of fresh sweat, rising and falling rapidly to meet yours.

It is truly nasty how you'd run your hands all over her tiny body while you violate her, feeling her nipples hardening against your tongue as you lick her chest, her neck and her armpits, savoring the scent of her skin and sweat while she trembles from the stimulation and as she reaches her climax, hearing her cry out softly as she has her first orgasm while that cock is buried impossibly deep inside her, pulsing violently as an intense amount of hot cum spurts forth and floods through her freshly-deflowered pussy for the first time, filling her womb only to spill out of her with a sickening squelch. And as you lie atop her flushed body, she murmurs breathlessly, "You came so much inside of me, nanodesu~", then her fingers dig into your back as she feels your cock hardening inside her again.

You're all freaks. Rika's too pure for anyone to imagine her in such a terrible situation, and anyone who does is evil, evil, evil.

1. Did you know that non-Jewish Israelis cannot buy or lease land in Israel? A Jew from any country in the world is guaranteed citizenship in Israel, while the Palestinians who have been there for centuries are oppressed and persecuted.

2. Did you know that instead of sewing an insignia on clothing to distinguish race (like the Germans did to the Jews before WW2), Palestinian license plates in Israel are color coded to distinguish Jews from non-Jews?

3. Did you know that East Jerusalem, the West Bank, Gaza, and the Golan Heights are all considered by the entire world community, including the United States and the United Nations, to be occupied territory and NOT part of the State of Israel?

4. Did you know that Israel allots 85% of the water resources for Jews, and the remaining 15% is divided among all Palestinians in the territories? For example in Hebron, 85% of the water is set aside for about 400 Jewish settlers, while the remaining 15% is distributed among Hebron's 120, 000 Palestinians?

5. Did you know that the United States awards Israel $5 billion in aid each year from American tax dollars?

6. Did you know that US aid to Israel ($1.8 billion annually in military aid alone) exceeds the aid the US grants to the entire African continent? This aid is used both to buy American weaponry and to buy arms made in Israel.

7. Did you know that Israel is awaiting an additional $4 billion worth of American military hardware, including new F-16s and Apache and Blackhawk helicopters. As Israel's main ally and supporter internationally, the United States is committed to maintaining the Jewish state's "qualitative edge" in weapons over its neighbours.

8. Did you know that the U.S. administration has notified Congress on numerous occasions that Israel has violated the rules on how US-supplied weapons are used? (In 1978, 1979 and 1982 during fighting in Lebanon, and once after Israel's bombing of an Iraqi nuclear reactor in 1981.)

9. Did you know that Israel is the only country in the Middle East that refuses to sign the nuclear non-proliferation treaty and bars international inspections from its sites?

10. Did you know that high-ranking military officers in the Israeli Defence Forces have admitted publicly that unarmed prisoners of war have been summarily executed by the Israeli forces?

11. Did you know that Israel blew up an American diplomatic facility in Egypt and attacked a US warship in international waters (the USS Liberty), killing 33 and wounding 177 American sailors and the US did nothing about it? (Imagine if an Islamic country like Iraq did this!)

12. Did you know that Israel stands in defiance of 69 United Nations Security Council Resolutions?

13. Did you know that Israel is explicitly dedicated to the policy of maintaining a distinct Jewish character?

14. Did you know that Israel's current Prime Minister, Ariel Sharon, was found by an Israeli court to be "personally and directly responsible" for the Sabra and Shatilla massacre in Lebanon where more than a thousand innocent Palestinian men, women, and children were axed to death or lined up and shot in cold blood?

15. Did you know that on May 20, 1990, a group of unarmed Palestinian labourers were lined up and murdered by an Israeli solider as they sat waiting for transportation back to Gaza? The terrified labourers who gathered in an area of southern Israel known as Rishon Lezion (known to Palestinians by its Arabic name Oyon Qara) handed their ID cards to the Israeli soldier. The soldiers ordered the distressed labourers to kneel down and face the ground and unexpectedly showered them with a barrage of bullets, killing seven and wounding many others. Needless to say, the soldier was not charged with any crime.

16. Did you know that until as recently as 1988, Israelis were permitted to run "Jews Only" job ads?

17. Did you know that the Israeli Foreign Ministry pays six US public relations firms to promote a "positive image" of Israel to the American public?

18. Did you know that Sharon's coalition government includes a party--Molodet--which advocates ethnic cleansing by openly calling for the forced expulsion of all Palestinians from the occupied territories?

19. Did you know that recently-declassified documents indicate that David Ben-Gurion approved of the forced expulsion of Arabs from all Palestinian territory in 1948?

20. Did you know that the former chief rabbi of Israel, Rabbi Ovadia Yossef, who is also a founder and spiritual leader of the religious Shas party (Israel's third largest political party) openly advocates a 'Final Solution' to annihilate the Palestinians? Speaking at the widely broadcast sermon marking the last Passover, he declared of the Palestinians: "The Lord shall return their deeds on their own heads, waste their seed and exterminate them, devastate them and vanish them from this world. It is forbidden to be merciful to them. You must send missiles to them and annihilate them. They are evil and damnable."

21. Did you know that Palestinian refugees make up the largest portion of the refugee population in the world?

22. Did you know that Palestinian Christians are considered the "living stones" of Christianity because they are the direct descendants of the disciples of Jesus Christ? And the Palestinian Christians stand united with their Muslim brethren in the struggle against the Israeli occupation.

23. Did you know that despite a ban on torture by Israel's High Court of Justice, torture has continued unabated by Shin Bet interrogators on Palestinian prisoners?

24. Did you know that despite every Israeli attempt to disrupt Palestinian education, Palestinians have the highest ratio of PhDs per capita in the world?

25. Did you know that the right of self-determination is guaranteed to every human being under the Universal Declaration of Human Rights [December, 1948], yet Palestinians were/are expected to negotiate for this right under the Oslo Accords?

26. Did you know that despite what is widely perpetuated and written in the history books that the Arabs attacked Israel in the 1967 war, it was Israel who attacked the Arab countries first, capturing Jerusalem and the West Bank, and called the attack a pre-emptive strike?

27. Did you know that, as an occupying power, Israel has a particular responsibility under the Geneva Conventions to protect Palestinian civilians?

28. Did you know that, despite Ariel Sharon's public call for a unilateral ceasefire, Israeli soldiers have not stopped shooting, killing or bulldozing Palestinian homes? The most recent example of this is the murder of three innocent women who were shot by an Israeli tank as they sat in their tent!

29. Did you know that the Zionists have been trying to destroy Masjid al-Aqsa and the Dome of the Rock for the last 50 years by digging underground tunnels beneath the sites to weaken its foundation causing it to collapse?

30. Nelson Mandela called the Israeli government an apartheid regime, just like South Africa used to be.

­­ ­­­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ‫‬‭‮‪‫‬‭‮҉

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"erika i miss u ;[" - kor kroll
"VERY GOOD BATH HOUSE NOT FOR WELFARE BUMS!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT A LOT OF SMARTS SEE????????????" - shi nloser
"thx op i came so hard my dick split open and wasps flew out and stung my mom 9/11" - viper
"i didnt suck off a dog also nice bathhouse" - park sod
"Nutria bide ghoul mack gristmill tenable excellent administratrix adipic." - futaripastik
"got seven whores pregnant in the bathhouse very nice" - letuk
"hahaha even big enough for my super girth and witdh" - bigdick groege

　　　　　　　　　　∧＿∧　　　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
　　　　　　　　　 （　´∀｀）　＜　IF U WERE KILLED TOMORROW IN A TABLE-RELATED ACCIDENT, I WOULDNT
　　　　　　　　／　　　　|　　　 |　GIVE A RATS ASS BECAUSE I WOULD BE SITTING ON MY TABLE‼
　　　　　　　/ 　　　 　 .|　　　　＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
　　　　　　 / "⌒ヽ |.ｲ |
　　　＿＿ |　　　.ノ | || |＿＿
　 .　　　 ノく＿＿つ∪∪　　 ＼
　　　＿（（＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿_＼
　　 ￣￣ヽつ￣￣￣￣￣￣ | |￣

WE TRUE TABLECATS
WE SIT TOGETHER
WE SIT TOGETHER ON A TABLE
SEND THIS 2 AS MANY PEOPLE AS U CAN COUNT HOW MANY TIMES YOU GET THIS, IF U GET 1000 YOUR A TRUE TABLECAT

Imagine for a moment that you're Kyon. Your parents are out of town for reasons you can't even remember. They have left you to babysit your little sister.

Now Haruhi has been refusing to have sex with you ever since you forgot her birthday a month ago. Koizumi has been endlessly complaining about the unprecedented appearances of closed space you've caused but all you really care about at the moment is the major case of blue balls you're nursing because of it all.

So there you are in the living room, half-heartedly watching a baseball game on TV. Your little sister is on the floor playing with dolls, and when you look down at her, you notice that she isn't wearing panties. Suddenly you're so horny that you can't take it anymore and before you even realize what you're doing, you pick her up and take her to your room.

"Where are we going big brother?" she asks cheerfully but you don't say anything as you throw her violently down. Suddenly she's not having so much fun anymore. As you rip her clothes off she begins to cry.

She begs you to stop, but that only makes your dick harder. You take your pants off and penetrate her, ruining her innocence forever. Her tight undeveloped cunt is gripping you like a vise.

The evil of what you're doing it getting you off. "Cry, bitch, cry," you shout, and she does. She screams and weeps. And you love it.

But after a few minutes you realize she isn't crying anymore. She's gone totally silent, just laying there as you plow her. Slowly you become more and more aware of a strange ringing sound off in the distance. You finally stop raping your sister as you try to wrap your head around what's going on.

Your sister looks at you through half-closed eyes, your cock still buried so deep inside her that you can feel her fucking womb. She wipes some tears away, sniffles, and says

Kyon-kun, denwa

OKAY YOU FUQIN ANGERED AN EXPERT PROGRAMMER
GODFUCKIGNDAMN
FIRST OF ALL, YOU DONT FUQIN KNOW WHAT A MAN PAGE IS
SECONDLY, THIS IS /prog/ DO NOT DEMAND USEFUL ANSWERS THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO BE
THIRDLY PROGRAMMING IS ALL ABOUT PHILOSOPHY AND ``ABSTRACT BULLSHITE'' THAT YOU WILL NEVER COMPREHEND
AND FUQIN LASTLY, FUCK OFF WITH YOUR BULLSHYT
EVERYTHING HAS ALREADY BEEN ANSWERED IN >>3-4,6

- Just like C++, Haskell is very hard to learn, and takes years to master. Things like Monads, Functors, Monoids, Higher-Order Types and a myriad of morphisms are hard to understand, especially without mathematical background. So most programmers probably don't have the ability or will to learn haskell. By all means, Haskell is not ‘simple’ or newbie friendly. Learning its syntax, its libraries, functional programming techniques won't bring you closer to understanding. The true path to understand Haskell lies through Monoid-Functor-Applicative-Arrow-Monad. And even if you mange to learn Haskell, programming it still hogs a lot of brain resources, which could have been put to something more useful, than just showing off about how clever you can be. "Zygohistomorphic prepromorphism: Zygo implements semi-mutual recursion like a zygomorphism. Para gives you access to your result à la paramorphism." -- HaskellWiki
- Haskel is slow and leaks memory. GHC's slow stop-the-world GC does not scale. A good understanding of evaluation order is very important for writing practical programs. People using Haskell often have no idea how evaluation affect the efficiency. It is no coincidence that Haskell programmers end up floundering around with space leaks that they do not understand. "The next Haskell will be strict." -- Simon Peyton-Jones
- Haskell's API lacks higher levels of abstraction, due to absence of variadic functions, optional arguments and keywords. Macros aren't possible either, due to overly complex syntax of Haskell. API documentation is very lacking for newbies: if you want to use regexes, you start at Text.Regex.Posix, seeing that =~ and =~~ are the high level API, and the hyperlinks for those functions go to Text.Regex.Posix.Wrap, where the main functions are not actually documented at all, so you look at the type signatures, trying to understand them and they are rather intimidating (class RegexOptions regex compOpt execOpt => RegexMaker regex compOpt execOpt source | regex -> compOpt execOpt, compOpt -> regex execOpt, execOpt -> regex compOpt where). They are using multi-parameter type classes and functional dependencies. The signature really wont give you any clue to how to actually use this API, which is a science in itself. Haskell is a language where memoization is a PhD-level topic.
- Haskell programming relies on mathematical modelling with type system (a version of mathematical Set Theory). If one does not use the type system for anything useful, it obviously will be nothing but a burden. Programs are limited by the expressiveness of the type system of the language - e.g. heterogeneous data structures aren't possible w/o reinventing explicit tagging. All that makes Haskell bad for prototyping and any new situation, due to need of having design document with all types beforehand, which changes often during prototyping. Any complex project have to reinvent dynamic typing. For instance, Grempa uses dynamic typing because the semantic action functions are put in an array indexing rule and production numbers (Ints) to functions, and they all have different types and so can not be put in an ordinary array expecting the same type for each element.
- The IDE options cannot be as good as those of dynamic programming languages, due to absence of run-time information and access to running program's state. Haskell's necrophilia forces you to work with "dead" code. Like other static languages, Haskell isn't well-known for its “reload on the fly” productivity. No eval or self-modifying code. Haskell code can't be changed without recompiling half-of application and restarting the process. GHCI - is the best Haskell's interactivity can get, and still wont allow you to change types during runtime. As said Simon Peyton-Jones, "In the end, any program must manipulate state. A program that has no side effects whatsoever is a kind of black box. All you can tell is that the box gets hotter."
- Type system and compile-time and link-time errors are distracting and make it harder to run and test your code. And type-checking isn't a substitute for testing. Type-checking is about correspondence to mathematical model, which has nothing to do with correctness - i.e. two numbers can be integers, but their quotient can still result into division by zero. Even though you may hear strong static-typing advocates say, “When your program type-checks, you’ll often find that it just works”, this is simply not true for large, intricate programs. Although type-checking may help you find model-related errors, it is not the same as testing. Thus, it is not a suitable substitute for testing.
- Absence of dynamic scope, implicit open recursion, late binding, and duck typing severely limits Haskell, since there are things that can't be done easily without these features: you can't implement dynamic scope in general (and be type-safe) without converting your entire program to use tagged values. So in this respect, Haskell is inferior to dynamic typing languages.
- Haskell makes it easy to write cryptic programs that no-one understands, not even yourself a few days later. Rich, baroque syntax, lazy evaluation and a tradition defining an operator for every function - all help obfuscation a lot. As a general rule, Haskell syntax is incredibly impenetrable: who in their right mind thought up the operators named .&., <|> and >>=? And, just like with Python, indentation based syntax makes Haskell unusable for CLI.

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``""---'
It looks like you're using Scheme to do real work.

Would you like help?

* Use Common Lisp.

* Seriously, use Common Lisp.

* Try another Lisp dialect.

* Use Common Lisp.

You: I put on my violet wizard robe and silly hat.
You: I am a sorcerer of the Lambda-Calculus and I possess spells of imperative magic.
You: You are a lvl2 Monadic Knight.
You: We are in an underground corridor.
You: Facing us is a level 4 UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT.
You: What do?
Stranger: use smite?
You: You use smite on the UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT. It's not very effective.
You: The UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT reacts and starts attacking you.
Stranger: hire a lawyer
You: You lose 4 HP. You still have 12 HP.
You: You hire a lawyer.
You: The UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT casts GENERAL-PROTECTION-FAULT on your team.
You: You lose 4 HP. You still have 8 HP.
You: The wizard loses 6 HP. He still has 8 HP.
You: The wizard casts CLOSURE-ENTOMBING on the UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT.
You: The UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT is stunned!
Stranger: use Unrelenting Destructive Force
You: You use UNRELENTING-DESTRUCTIVE-FORCE on the UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT.
You: The UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT is healed for 6 HP (overheal: 6 HP) and isn't stunned anymore!
You: The UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT attacks you.
You: You lose 4 HP. You still have 4 HP.
Stranger: drop acid
You: You launch a VIAL-OF-ACID on the UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT. It's not very effective.
You: The wizard casts OVERFLOWING-REMOTE-THREAD on the UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT.
You: The UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT loses all its MP and is stunned!
Stranger: stab the wizard
You: You stab the wizard.
You: Rolling dice
You: .
You: .
You: .
You: Critical hit!
You: The wizard loses 8 HP.
You: The wizard dies.
You: The UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT is stunned and doesn't do anything.
Stranger: call upon the forces of poseidon
You: You call upon the forces of Poseidon. Three level 1 turtles join your team.
You: The UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT is stunned and doesn't do anything.
Stranger: combine turtles using Genetic Splicer
You: Fusing 3 TURTLES.
You: The UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT is stunned and doesn't do anything.
Stranger: Swallow unconstrained side effect
You: You EAT the UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT.
You: Success.
You: The UNCONSTRAINED-SIDE-EFFECT casts BUFFER-OVERFLOW on you.
You: You now are under the effects of CANCER.
You: 3 TURTLES have fused to form a level 2 KAPPA.
Stranger: take some more lsd
You: You don't have that in your inventory!
Stranger: use chemotherapy
You: You don't have that in your inventory!
Stranger: eat kappa
You: You try to eat KAPPA.
You: KAPPA dodges your FEROCIOUS-DINNER-STRIKE.
You: KAPPA attacks you.
You: KAPPA hits your head and you lose 3 HP.
You: You still have 1 HP. You are knocked-off.
You: KAPPA starts haxing your anus.
You: KAPPA eats your SHIRIKODAMA.
You: You are dead.
You: Game over.

Im looking for a programming language, it cant be sukuriputsu (thats japanese for scripting) or any interpreted language. It has to be of 2 or more puratuforumu (thats japanese for 2 platforms) and has be be chibi (small) sized. And has to be really kawaii (cute). Also It has to be about 10-20 megs. And you have to post pastebins of it first (i want to make shure it's kawaii [cute]). And it would be nice if it came with matching text editor (WITH syntax file). OH! and it CANNOT have any first order closures, or be made out of Lisp. It has to be made of x86, or something like that. Also it would be nice if it was made in japan. and not in china or corea (korea) or whatever. I have found a programming language similar to the one im describing in e-bay, but it was 1 puratuforumu, and i dont want my Rinukusu (Linux) to touch my other things (it can get corrupted and i would not like that, plus 2 puratuforumu looks more kawaii)

IF U WERE DROPPED TO /opt TOMORROW, I WOULDNT GO 2 UR DELETION CUZ ID B N UPSTREAM BUGZILLA FLAMIN DA CUNT THAT MADE UR EBUILD!
__
.' `.
|a_a |
\<_)__/
/( )\
|\`> < /\
\_|=='|_/

WE TRUE NERDS
WE OPTIMIZE OUR CFLAGS TOGETHER
WE TALKIN ON IRC WITH www.opera.com TOGETHER
send this PENGUIN to every thread you care about including this one if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get 256 your A TRUE NERD

I had a strange dream the other day. I was riding the bus when all of a sudden this huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes pops through the window and screams loudly "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" The bus had just stopped beside the library, and I ran inside as quickly as possible; the snake head was now chasing me around as I frantically searched for the legendary book among the shelves. I spotted the distinctive blue cover and ran toward it, the huge head inches from my ass. With great force I pulled the book from the shelf and instinctively directed it at the black head which by now was dripping with saliva at the mouth. It disappeared as it made contact with the book, disintegrating into a flurry of glowing parentheses.

I just sat there dazed for a few seconds, watching the feathery parehtneses slowly become smaller and fade away into nothingness. Slowly, I stood up, still clutching the purple book. I wondered about what I should do with it, then decided to put it back on the shelf. After doing so, I walked back out to the exit and boarded a bus, for where I did not know. The bus driver looked strangely familiar as I dropped the coins into the farebox;

"HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" he suddenly yelled at me. Oh fuck, I thought to myself. Now I knew why he looked so familiar: He was The Sussman!

"Umm... no," I responded weakly. Suddenly his head looked a lot darker than it was a moment ago, and an evil grin appeared across his face. The bus's doors slammed shut and The Sussman's face turned an almost negroid black. His left hand shot at me and I could see that it was not a hand, but the head of a snake which protruded from its end. I turned around and ran towards the back of the articulated bus.
"Let me show you the power of Satori," The Sussman said in a deep hiss. His snakelike arm extended from his body towards me as I continued to run for what seemed like eternity towards the longbus's rear door.

"Longbus is loooooooooooooooooooooong", I thought to myself as I continued to run, the snake's head fast approaching. The bus seemed to go on forever. After a while, I passed the driver's seat. WTF, I thought. Ahead of me was The Sussman, standing in the aisle facing the same direction as me, with his left arm pointed forward.

I looked behind me, and saw the snake head was still approaching; I had managed to outrun it for a bit, and it was racing towards me. RECURSION! I jumped into the stepwell just as the head gained a sudden burst of speed, piercing through The Sussman and sending bright glowing parentheses everywhere. I watched first his body, then his hands disintegrate in the same manner that the head had earlier. The long black arm, floating in mid-air, slowly disappeared into a cloud of these glowing parentheses, and the snake's head, which I now noticed had come through the windscreen along with me, did the same after a few moments.

I stepped over to the driver's seat, looking for the door release switch. I found what appeared to be the switch and toggled it, but the doors did not open. Shortly after, a low hissing sound emanated from the bus itself, followed by the loud booming cry of "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?", which felt as if it was coming from inside my head. Suddenly everything turned black.

I awoke to find myself still inside that mysterious bus, which was completely empty. The engine was still running, and it was still parked outside the library. "The library! Of course!" I thought to myself. As if my mind had been read, the front doors swung open and I ran from the bus toward the library, which also looked empty. I entered the building and frantically ran to where I had found the prized book earlier. The book was still there, and I grabbed it instinctively, then walked to the checkout. All but one counter was open, and there was a little Asian girl standing there; the place was deserted except for me and her. I put the book on the counter and she looked at it for a moment, then at me. "Have you read your SICP today?" she asked.

"You too?" I replied. "Have some tits and then GTFO and read your SICP!", she angrily shouted, then pulled up her shirt to show me her tits. She shoved the book into my hands and then disappeared spontaneously.

I left the library, and waited at the bus stop. The previous bus was no longer there. The girl I saw earlier walked up to me and looked at the Wizard Book I was holding, then glanced down at my crotch.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING STANDING THERE LIKE AN IDIOT? READ IT!" she suddenly shouted. Astounded, I quickly opened the book and started to read the first chapter. I was so intrigued by the book that I didn't notice she had begun to give me a blowjob. When I looked down, she took his mouth from my cock to angrily shout "GO BACK TO READING YOUR SICP" and so I did. I didn't even notice that I came until after she told me to stop reading. A short while later, the bus arrived.

"Please... please let me go ze~"

The black-white pleaded to the rainbow magician; while battling the forceful urge within her, Marisa begged again. With tears in her eyes, her actions were simply ignored by an apathetic Alice; sitting not even five feet away and reading a book, peering out the corner of her eye at the witch's struggle. Her many dolls completely restricting Marisa's movement in her time of desperation.

"You must..." the witch whined, "please, release your dolls! I can't take it much more..."

Alice remained idle and flipped a page in her book. The pressure within the Marisa grew greater with every passing second, a force that she could never prevent merely with knowledge and wit.

"I... beg of you... please..." a mixture of tears and sweat streamed from the witch's face and made its way to the magician's wooden floor.

"I... I..." with her last shred of willpower, Marisa fell to the floor. With her face down, in a shameless admit of defeat, a puddle formed from under her; the liquid passing through the thin fabric and drenched her dress within mere seconds. A smirk appeared on Alice's face as the liquid expanded on her floor and made it's way up Marisa's body; the magician placed her book down and walked passed the witch, stepping in the shallow puddle of Marisa's urine.

"I hate you... you damn bitch." With her head still facing the floor, tears multiplied in the witch's eyes and diffused with liquid she exerted moments ago. Whelps and sobs came from Marisa's mouth along with mumbles of "damn Alice..." and "I'll never forgive you."

The magician walked back into the room and tapped the witch on the shoulder; looking up, she saw Alice's hand reaching out. Knowing she couldn't continue to wallow in her piss, she picked herself up and hung her head as Alice lead her to another room.

In Alice's bedroom with the door shut behind them, the magician began to remove the soiled dress of the witch; however, she was met with a forceful hand.

"What are you doing ze~? I don't need your help," muddled Marisa with the slightest hint of red in her cheek. "I can do this myself. Also, what are those things..." she pointed to her bed. Alice picked up one of the white objects; "those can't be..." the magician nodded.

Marisa signed with a hint of disgust, "You get weirder everyday, doll freak..." A thought occurred. "Hey, wait, why do you even have those things?" Hesitant, Alice lifted her skirt and revealed that she herself was wearing a diaper. Despite the humility that bestowed onto Marisa minutes ago, a smile came to her face. "So it is true, you do lea..."

Alice forcefully grunted and a trio of dolls surrounded the witch. One quickly flew behind Marisa and untied her apron and the other two grabbed the straps of her dress and lifted it over her head; the dolls then flew off with the garments. Before the black-white had a chance to fight it, she stood in Alice's bedroom with nothing but her shirt and soaked bloomers.

Alice, face redden, placed her hand on the witch's shoulders and led her to her bed. Marisa, unsure of what she should do, was forcefully seated on the edge and pushed back by the doll otaku.

Alice excitingly placed her fingers on the witch's waist; as she was about to pull down her bloomers, the magician was met with Marisa's grasp.

"No, ze~. Don't you dare do that." Just then, a group of dolls flew onto Marisa and restrained her arms and legs once again. "Dammit, ze~; let me go!" Alice ignored the demand and pulled down the wet bloomers. Staring at what was now exposed, trickles of blood dripped from the magician's nose.

"You sad, lonely freak." Marisa remarked as it was all she could do. Wiping the drippings of passion from her face, she slid the diaper under Marisa. Sprinkling a blot of powder onto the area, she quickly taped the garment into position before she fainted from blood loss.

Regaining her composure, Alice witnessed what she had accomplished and let out a delightful smile. Flushed with redness, she placed her face next to Marisa's and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Then with a soft giggle, she slowly walked toward the door.

"I'll make some tea and cakes." The dollmaster opened the door and exited the room; her minions release their grasp on the witch and followed.

Marisa sat up, hearing the unfamiliar crinkle as Alice's success, and pondered what the magician really meant to her.

Suddenly, a huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes materialized in front of them, and in a loud booming hiss, asked "Have you read your SICP today?"

The surroundings faded into blackness and within a few moments the group found themselves seated in a lecture hall at MIT, amongst several dozen other students. "Welcome to 6.001" was written on the blackboard, and Professor Gerald Jay Sussman walked into the room, dressed in his robe and wizard hat.

"Is this a hack?" he asked as he glanced around and saw the witch, the magician, Alice, and Marisa.

"What...?" Marisa managed to say, all of the confused by what had just happened.

"Nevermind, let's start the lecture." The Sussman said softly.

"I'd like to welcome you to this course on computer science. ... Actually, it's a terrible way to start. Computer science is a terrible name for this business. First of all it's not a science." The Sussman lectured while the students sat and listened attentively.

"What's going on?" Alice whispered to Marisa.

"I have no idea. But this is getting interesting."

"Or we'll actually see that computer... so-called science actually has a lot in common with magic." The Sussman continued.

"So procedures are the spells if you like that control these magical spirits that are the processes."

The Sussman produced a wand and waved it in the air, muttering to himself. A bright flash of light filled the room, and a stream of glowing parentheses shot out the end of the wand, dissappearing into the air. The students applauded loudly.

"But... how can he do that? He's only a human, right?" the witch whispered.

The Sussman, who up until now had paid no attention to the group, turned and stared at the witch with an astonished expression.

"What did you just say?" he asked, pointing his wand at the witch.

All of the other students turned in the direction of the group.

"Nothing," she answered quietly.

"I hope so," The Sussman said in stern tone, ending his pointing with the wand.

"And... well I guess you know everyone needs a magical language and sorcerers, right, real sorcerers use ancient Arcadian, or Sumerian, or Babylonian or whatever. We're gonna control our spirits in a magical language called LISP, which is a language designed for talking about... for casting the spells that are procedures to direct the processes," the Sussman continued, waving his wand around as he spoke.

"What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic," Marisa muttered almost inaudibly.

Once again, the Sussman quickly turned and stared at her, pointing with his wand.

"Excuse me?" he asked, "What did you say again?"

"Nothing," she replied, trying to avoid attention.

"No, I'm pretty sure you said something. Please repeat it for us, so as not to miss a fine learning opportunity."

"She said, 'What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic'," the witch exclaimed. At the sound of those words the Sussman's face turned a bright red.

"HOW DARE YOU DOUBT ME!!" The Sussman shouted angrily. "By the power of the Y combinator I send thee to the land of Java!"

The Sussman raised his wand and a pointed it at the group, sending from its blunt point a stream of red parentheses. Almost immediately Alice sent forth her dolls, which collided with the parentheses at 61.8034% of their way toward her, creating a blindingly bright blue ball of plasma. The other students watched in amazement as the parentheses slowly ate their way through the doll-storm towards Alice.

Illumination. You acquire a deep understanding of programming and transcend it, to the point you no longer need to program. Processes, or the definitions of processes, or the definitions of processes defining processes occur in your brain, not in a sequential manner, but all at once. You suddenly realize you know every possible process, and you are no longer interested in its results, so you stop programming and just meditate on the universal knowledge you forged. To procure food, you can do some menial work in inferior programming languages - you no longer care which - but in your spare time, you simply meditate.

CHAPTER THE FIRST

THE EXODUS FROM THE LAND OF ENTERPRISE

It was said to be a day unlike any other. A great host of developers swarming around, a torrent of despair. The Evil Manager, better known as Abelson, had finally done it.

It was his out sourcing policy that drove even the mindless drones away from the Land of Enterprise. No longer would they tolerate the mental abuse of the Management Federation.

But this great host of people were without a goal. They lacked something, a leader. Who may inspire such a great number of developers to achieve satori? Where will they go?

Many talk of the promised land, ``Schemeworld", but none have seen it. There was talk of the legendary wizard Sussman, who was said to have written the Great Book of SICP. But how would developers come in contact with this unknown source of hope and reason?

And down from the great Mount MIT, came the Messenger of Sussman.

He spoke long, he spoke hard, he railed against the Enterprise Unbelievers of the Abelson Army. He spoke against the foolishness of loops, and praised tail-recursion. He shouted, he whispered, and the crowd stared. The Messenger then said ``Does anyone have any questions?" And the crowd were silent, save for a woman, who raised her hand, and mumbled unintelligibly. And the Messenger gave to her the knowledge she sought.

Abelson was quick to respond, forcibly indenting the Messenger's speech, and raising many rival factions of their Universe, Lisp. Still the Messenger and the People of Sussman held out against these plagues, and there was much crying and gnashing of teeth among the weaker-willed, who joined Abelson.

Abelson, seeing the Messenger gain more support, even as his indentation ruined the Messenger's speeches, raised a great Devil, vi, and another, Emacs, to battle over domination of Text Editorian, an essential Island to all the parenthesi of Lisp. Their battle was long and hard, but the angel Ed came to reinforce his standard, and he slew both where they stood, and transformed the People of Sussman still true to the Messenger into Holy Parenthesi, so that they could become their Lord, and become their truth, and define themselves as functions. And, with this newfound extensibility and power, they began their journey to Schemeworld to find the Great Book of SICP.

But the journey would not be easy. That, none doubted. And so the angel Ed visited again and laid down laws to prevent them from ever becoming Enterprise Unbelievers, among them, the law known as the Standard of Ed.

``When I use an editor, I don't want eight extra KILOBYTES of worthless help screens and cursor positioning code! I just want an EDitor!! Not a "viitor". Not a "emacsitor". Those aren't even WORDS!!!! ED! ED! ED IS THE STANDARD!!!"

And, with this, he cast off the guises of the Emacsen among them, revealing them to the fury of the traitorous vimmers, who launched upon them with such hatred that they fought 'til none were left. The angel Ed smiled.

Suddenly, the Messenger cried out! ``My Lord!" and bowed. The People of Sussman followed, for all could feel the presence of Him. The parenthesi their bodies had been transformed into glowed, and at the sound of the Sussman's laughter, they joined into expressions. The people felt their King's mirth wash over them, as they formed tail-recursive loving partnerships, and the Sussman was pleased.

``I think that it's extraordinarily important that we in computer science keep fun in computing. When it started out, it was an awful lot of fun. Of course, the paying customers got shafted every now and then, and after a while we began to take their complaints seriously. We began to feel as if we really were responsible for the successful, error-free perfect use of these machines. I don't think we are. I think we're responsible for stretching them, setting them off in new directions, and keeping fun in the house. I hope the field of computer science never loses its sense of fun. Above all, I hope we don't become missionaries. Don't feel as if you're Bible salesmen. The world has too many of those already. What you know about computing other people will learn. Don't feel as if the key to successful computing is only in your hands. What's in your hands, I think and hope, is intelligence: the ability to see the machine as more than when you were first led up to it, that you can make it more."

``But, o King, we are starving and oppressed!"

``I think that it's extraordinarily important that we in computer science keep fun in comput--"

``Lord, please!"

And Sussman destroyed them for questioning him. Those who had remained silent shuffled into the deserts of UNIX, to search for Schemeworld.

True story: The Sussman sat on his wizard throne, still donning his standard wizard hat and robe, which was still dripping from the shower in which he put them on. As he stroked his neckbeard he pondered the things which the Satori ponder. Beneath his feet lay the broken fragments of the python, the foul demon summoned by the Sussman’s nemesis and anticudder Abelson, then slain by the worthy and brave Haskell nomads.

The nomads were not there on this dark day, however. There had been a rumors of Guido in the forests of the north, who was suspected to be developing a new, even more woesome and fail snake to do battle with the almighty Satori. They had pursued the Guido over 9000 times in the past, only to turn up nothing in each adventure. That fucking Guido was sneaky like a fucking snake.

The Sussman stroked his wizard beard as he hummed the tune to SICP… today would be a well-balanced parenthesis.

Cons turned to Cudder, “Report?” Cudder was dressed in the standard garb of the Haskell nomads - relatively light armor gilded with the holy symbols of Haskell. The Nomads didn’t need much armor - they traveled fast and they traveled hard, almost as hard as the Sussman rides your sister’s ass every night when you’re alone in your room whacking off to the sacred tomes. And they were armed to the teeth. They provided a deterministic and constant effect to the battle, such that their arrival could almost be curried to optimize the battle’s execution speed and bring it to a quick close.

“Nothing sir, the eastern quadrant appears to be empty. Not a thing could be found.”

Cons, without even having to ponder this responded, “Excellent. check the other three quadrants; if anything is found recursively subdivide and search until we’ve harrowed the location down to a single square inch.”

“Yessir!”

Discipline was tight in the Haskell nomads. If a given expression did not behave deterministically he had to be wrapped up in the shroud of the monad and returned to the homelands after a ritualistic suicide - they couldn’t afford to have monads in their tight-knit battle group. It just wasn’t acceptable.

They had had to perform a ceremony just the previous week. One of their dear comrades, Reed, had begun to perform differently from usual. A cursory inspection revealed that he had was indeed infected with the deadly disease and dispatched accordingly. Cons stoked his neckbeard. Reed was gone, celebrating the afterlife with the Lambda of Plenty.

His thoughts were interrupted suddenly by a bang!

“THE CAMLS!”, someone shouted.

“Damn,” Cons thought, “those fucking Camls and their fucking imperative features polluting the noble concept of functionality.” The Caml may have once been a noble race, but no one remembered such a time. Their syntactical swords were riddled with a chaotic mix of operators, a cacophony with few peers (Perl is among them).

Cons drew his two beautifully forged parenthesizes from their sheathes, the air filling with a glorious ring. Normally a weapon not wielded by the nomads, he had been gifted the pair by the Sussman himself and learned to use them well.

An Ocaml warrior suddenly jumped out and threw a malformed interrobang in an attempt to corrupt Con’s deterministic purity by destructively assigning his state with referential transparency (a black magic considered one of the darker evils from the depths of hell). Cons took up his parenthesis and swiped at the Caml with a quickly-crafted lambda function, but the Caml inferred the type of attack and was successfully able to evade any side effects. He didn’t notice, however, that Cons’ intention was not to slay him with the lambda but rather to incorporate the lambda into a foldl incantation to collapse the Ocaml’s state into a single return value. The Ocaml let out a scream as the tail-recursive function produced a single value from his state without any side-effects: -3.

Quite a weak Ocaml, Cons thought to himself. He glanced around at his comrades; for the most part they handled themselves well. The attack, though sudden was fairly small, most of the remaining Ocamls not dead were either dying or attempting to exit the current execution context. His subordinates hadn’t taken much damage though, one had been expanded into an array and then operated on in-place. Cons shook his head; it was a terrible torturous way to die, but honorable nonetheless.

Back at MIT, the Sussman was eating a tuna fish sandwich, something reserved for the aristocracy. The catchphrase on the can read, “You cannot tune a filesystem, but you can eat a tunafish sandwich!” It wasn’t very well-received, of course, but it was well-enough known at this point to remain.

The Sussman munched on the delicious, moist tuna thoughtfully when all of a sudden he sensed behind hi a list comprehension. THE ABELSON! The Sussman leaped out of his seat, his wizard hat almost flying off his head (it was kept on by a quick (def (f x y) (f y x))).

And just in time - the Abelson’s blow, intended to truncate the Sussman’s tuna-filled spleen his the wooden wizard chair, which shattered into a thousand pieces.

“Well, well Sussman, I see you’ve maintained some of your skills from 6.001. You may have dodged that expression, but how long do you think you can hold out against my Python3000?”

“THREE THOUSAND?!” the Sussman shouted in response, cackling. “You never understood, Hal; you couldn’t defeat me with PythonOver9000.”

“What are you talking about Gerry. I’ve seen your powe–” he stopped, mouth agape as the sudden realization dawned over him. “NO, IT CANNOT BE!”

“YES. YOUR SUSPICIONS ARE CORRECT, HAL. I’VE BEEN SUPPRESSING MY POWER LEVEL.”

“HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??!” Hal shouted. In desperation, the Abelson hurled a fury of list comprehensions, dictionaries and exceptions at the Sussman, but Gerry easily knocked aside the feeble incantations.

“You never understood, Hal,” he chastised as he prepared his final attack, “it was always as simple as EVAL-APPLY!!!!!!!” he shouted as he unleashed the ultimate spell at the Abelson.

The world froze.

Few people have ever seen a spell of such power; few people could even wield it and even fewer were willing to use it. In this terrible, suspenseful moment, the world froze. Completely. This isn’t just a literary artifact, something had segfaulted.

Sepples took a look at the screen. “Motherfucker!” he swore. Somebody had been running a fucking Ruby interpreter, which has exhausted not only the machine’s physical memory, but also used up all the allocated swap space. He’d have to reboot the system from the last savestate and re-run the computation another day.

Shit.

1. Inconsistent lexical scope, where assignment acts as declaration and all variables have function scope, serving as major source of PHP bugs and impeding functional programming, because in PHP anonymous functions require awfully verbose constructions, like `function($y) use ($x) {`. Compared to Scheme/Racket, which uses `let` for everything, PHP's global scope is completely separate entity and requires explicit use of `global` keyword to access variables. Moreover, referencing nonexistent variable isn't even a error, so any typo produces untraceable bug.
2. Inconsistent standard library: for example, shuffle(123) would return false, instead of logging error and halting execution, before more damage is done; same for accessing array beyond bounds, which is even worser than C/C++, where such access at least produces segmentation fault. Functions sizeof, count `print` and `echo` duplicate functionality, while `print` for some reason always returns 1. Moreover, PHP arrays are implemented as hash tables, so there is no way to get their real size or iterate by indices at all. PHP standard library basically indulges hard to tracer bugs, exploits and backdoors, because almost any PHP feature is fragile and poses security danger. Inconsistent function naming: underscores (isset vs is_null), abbreviations (call_user_func vs create_function), uncertain parameter order (in_array($needle, $haystack) vs strpos($haystack, $needle)), redundant aliases (disk_free_space vs diskfreespace, strcmp vs ==), misleading names (addslashes and stripslashes, which deal with backslashes). Finally, PHP has no package system: everything clobbers global namespace.
3. Broken and non-portable type system: PHP stores integers in a platform-dependent format, usually 64-bit or 32-bit signed integer, equivalent to the C-language long type. Even worse: big integers are represented as floating point numbers, so 9999999999999999999==10000000000000000000. Confusing automatic type coercion, where FALSE=="", FALSE==0, array()==FALSE, array()!=0, "a"+"d"==0, 1=="1", "x"==0.
4. Inconsistent garbage collection, performed only when you tell PHP to do it or passing specific junctions. In some cases memory lost until program halts, which unnoticeable with small one shot page generation scripts, but poses a major handicap for general purpose programming using PHP, when code must run for days.
5. Discrepancy between literals and variables, growing from variables being objects themselves: given $a="foo", var_dump($a instanceof stdClass) works, but var_dump("foo" instanceof stdClass) produces error; same with array literals: $a[0] works, but array(1,2,3)[0] fails. Array assignment always involves deep copying, which is confusing and bad for performance. Function may be called via variable, containing function name, leading to badly designed and insecure code, welcoming exploits, especially when function name comes from use input.
6. Fugly syntax: every PHP variable requires `$` prefix, which looks even scarier when combined with `&`, required to pass objects by reference, so be prepared for quirky perl-ugly code, like &$o[i++] and !--$i. Usual `{` and `}` braces can be interchanged with `:` and `endif;`, making syntax bigger and even less regular. The parser has 1375 conflicts and 6 unused terminals, which reflects that the parser implementor doesn't really understand LALR(1) parser generators or robust language design in general, because with that many conflicts, the chances are slime that the parser is actually doing 100% of what was intended. PHP has around 70 keywords, including echo, eval and exit, which in well designed languages implemented as functions.
7. PHP is Jewish language, developed by Israeli company with unclear agenda. It is entirely possible that PHP is just a trojan horse and real goal was to produce exploit-happy environment, which Israeli intelligence agencies could leverage to advances interests of Israel. Being originally a collection of CGI scripts designed for building a 'personal home page', PHP indulges messy, unmaintainable code, spaghetti SQL wrapped in spaghetti PHP wrapped in spaghetti HTML, replicated in slightly-varying form in dozens of places.

1. SQL has no lexical scope, not even a modules system: everything is global and every table, procedure, etc. clutters global scope. Absence of encapsulation means you have to really know what you're doing, planning in advance everything about the implementation of your data.
2. SQL is a set theoretic language, emulating mathematical Theory of Sets on computer and inheriting all the problems and complexity of the Set Theory. SQL requires mathematical thinking, because you can't just order database what to do, you have to construct mathematical theorem object and guide database to prove your theorem, akin to Prolog, which also runs on top of tuple-database. Compared to functional or imperative paradigms, declarative programming is disastrously bad for performance (Prolog runs 100-1000 times slower than C/C++), because brute-force searching tuple-space takes a lot of time, so you end up rephrasing queries trying to influence the search. Then most problems are just easier to solve in a imperative manner, so you will have to write them using clunky vendor specific language extensions, like stored procedures, running on top of what was never designed to be used as an imperative language. Finally, developers, untrained in relation algebra, tend to produce inefficient and unmaintainable SQL code; this especially applies to self-educated script kiddies, who had no exposure to set theory.
3. Designing a rational database is a mathematical black art in itself: you can't just unload everything into a single table, you have to be careful, preserving database normalized and well-typed, which is especially painful if you use dynamically typed language, like Lisp, which has no notion of sets or types and indulges mindset of using untyped lists for everything.
4. SQL isn't general purpose language, meaning you have to combine it with some imperative language, like PHP, doubling complexity and making communication a bottleneck, requiring serializing guest language's objects into set-theoretic format. SQL has no encapsulation: you have to know everything about the implementation of your data in advance. Static typing means that if you want to perform the same operation on different tables, you've got to write the code twice.
5. SQL has pseudo natural language syntax, resulting into confusion and misunderstanding of what query supposed to do: think Set Theory, where a profane layman can easily mistake "if and only if" (duplex implication) for just "if" (simplex implication), which would had been easily avoided, if it used symbols like <-> and ->.
6. SQL has been standardized too late and many vendors developed their incompatible language extensions. So SQL ended up in dozens of dialects. That's why applications are not portable and one reason to have a DB abstraction layer.

Here's why one should be wise regarding Ruby:
- Ruby, like most other badly designed languages, does not require variables to be declared, as (let (x 123) ...) in Lisp or int x = 123 in C/C++. If you want a variable private to a block, you need to pick an unique variable name, holding the entire symbol table in your head. Ruby introduces new variables by just parsing their assignments, meaning "a = 1 if false; a" wont raise an error. Ruby can't detect even a trivial typo - it will produce a program, which will continue working for hours until it reaches the typo. Local and global scopes are unintuitive. Certain operations (like regular expression operator) create implicit local variables for even more confusion.
- Ruby indulges obfuscation: Ruby has no keyword/optional arguments, so you'll have to use hash parameters as a substitute. This is an idiom that comes from Perl. Ugly, Perl-looking code, like proc {|obj, *args| obj.send(self, *args)} or (0..127).each { |n| p n.chr }, considered beautiful. Another confusing Perl borrowing are postfix `if` and `while` (line = file.readline while line != "needle" if valid line) and quirky variable names (partially due to naive environment design): @instance_var, @@class_var, CONSTANT_VAR, $global_var, :sym, &proc, $~[1], $!, $>, $@, $&, $+, $0, $~, $’, $`, $:, $., $* and $?. If A is [1,2,3] and B is [10,20,30], then A+B is [1,2,3,10,20,30], when you probably wanted [11,22,33]. If `a` and `b` are undefined, then "a = b" produces error, but "a = a" gives `nil`.
- Faulty syntax. Ruby cant distinguishing a method call from an operator: "a +b" can be both "a(+b)" and "a + b" - remove the space to the left of "+" or add a space to the right of "+", and it will be parsed as an addition. Same with "puts s *10", which is parsed as puts(s(*10)). Ruby's expressions terminate by a newline and you have to implicitly state that the expression is not over, using trailing + or \. That makes it easy to make a dumb syntactic mistake by forgeting to continue line. It also encourages putting everything onto a single line, producing messy looking code. A good amount of your code will consist of "begin end begin begin end end..." noise.
- Slow: JIT-compiling implementations exist, but they're still slow and incomplete, due to Ruby's complexity and bad design, which make Ruby difficult to optimize compared to other dynamic languages, like Lisp. For example, Ruby has to accomodate for somebody in another thread changing the definition of a class spontaneously, forcing compiler to be very conservative. Compiler hints, like `int X` from C/C++ or `declare (int X)` from Lisp, arent possible either.
- Ruby's GC is a naive mark-and-sweep implementation, which stores the mark bit directly inside objects, a GC cycle will thus result in all objects being written to, making their memory pages `dirty` and Ruby's speed proportional to the number of allocated objects. Ruby simply was not designed to support hundred thousand objects allocation per second. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what frameworks like Ruby on Rails do. The more objects you allocate, the more time you "lose" at code execution. For instance something as simple as 100.times{ ‘foo’ } allocates 100 string objects, because strings are mutable and therefore each version requires its own copy. A simple Ruby on Rails 'hello world' already uses around 332000 objects.
- OOP: Matz had a bit too much of the "OOP is the light and the way" philosophy in him, in effect Ruby doesn't have stand-alone functions and Ruby's blocks can't be used in exactly the same way as usual closures. Even high-order functions are attached to objects and produce verbose code: "names.map { |name| name.upcase }", instead of simple "map upcase names".
- Non-othogonal: {|bar| bar.foo}, proc {|bar| bar.foo}, lambda {|bar| bar.foo}, def baz(bar) bar.foo end - all copy the same functionality, where Lisp gets along with only `lambda`. Some Ruby's features duplicate each other: print "Hello", puts "Hello", $stdout<<"Hello", printf "Hello", p "Hello", write "Hello" and putc "Hello" -- all output text to stdout; there is also sprintf, which duplicates functionality of printf and string splicing. begin/do/then/end, {} and `:` also play role in bloating syntax, however, in some cases, precedence issues cause do/end and {} to act differently ({} binds more tightly than a do/end). More bloat comes from || and `or`, which serve the same purpose.
- Ruby as a language supports continuations via callcc keyword. Ruby's callcc is incredibly slow, implemented via stack copying. JRuby and IronRuby don't have continuations at all, and it's quite unlikely they will ever get them. There were also support breaches in mainline Ruby, where Ruby 1.9 has not supported continuations for a while. If you want your code to be portable, I'd suggest not using Ruby.
- Ruby was created "because there was no good scripting language that could handle Japanese text". Today it's mostly Rails hype and no outstanding feature, that makes the language, like the brevity of APL or simplicity and macros of Lisp. "There is some truth in the claim that Ruby doesn’t really give us anything that wasn’t there long ago in Lisp and Smalltalk, but they weren’t bad languages." -- Matthew Huntbach

You are in a dark room. You are surrounded by scraps of paper, old dried-out pizza crusts and bathroom tissues, some of which are impregnated with a nondescript substance. The light of a computer terminal is the main source of illumination.

>examine computer

The screensaver disappears as a result of your examination. It reveals a level 10 TROLL. The TROLL is currently dormant.

>engage troll

You engage the TROLL in combat. The TROLL awakens.

>use argument on troll

You use ARGUMENT-ATTACK on TROLL. The TROLL feeds on your ARGUMENT-ATTACK and gains 3 HP.
The TROLL replies with a NON-SEQUITUR-ATTACK. You experience a loss of faith in humanity, and lose 4 HP. You have 3 HP left.

>use logic

Your LOGIC-ATTACK has very little effect.

>examine troll

The TROLL has an unusually shaped upper body, and you discern some rectangular bumps underneath his clothes.

>oy vey

The TROLL screams "BIGGEST SHALOM TO THE BIGGEST KIKE ON /PROG/", whatever that means, and proceeds to self-detonation. The TROLL is now dead. You have won.

How are Touhou even attractive?

Seriously, they are just a bunch of line of pixels. Why the fuck do men go crazy about them? It makes no fucking sense. I am not a fucking webpage; I have no need for JPEGs. Surely this has to be a mass dick waving contest or something, where very guy has to try to profess his love of yōkai more than everyone else or be called gaijin.

Well I'm going to break this cycle. I am no baka and I like yōkai real and tangible, or if not that, then 3D. Not a fucking bunch of squiggly lines of pixels drawn together.

Anyone agree, or have some other insight to add?

/jp/'s shitposting is closer to our brand (which is quite close to 2005 era /b/), while /a/'s is closer to the new age imagereddit shitposting common to the rest of the main imageboards.

What that basically means is that /a/ shitposts by having a deluge of completely worthless shit, but isn't interesting in the slightest, or simple garbage that gets repeated simply because it is annoying. Example: '>implying, image macros, and other shit that would have been funny in middle school. /prog/'s and, to a lesser much extent, /jp/'s, shitposting consist of having a few different shitpost methods with at least some thought put into their creation (for example, the `How are breasts attractive' thread, which is completely off topic and ridiculous, but is well written and somewhat interesting none-the-less). Ideas are formed on a questionable premise, then expanded upon until it reaches it's absurd logical conclusion. It may also take the form of making a huge deal over a minor detail, or assuming things that are false and writing a long critique based upon that, or making provably impossible demands. Contrary to Standard 4chan Shitpost Model (S4SM), where the intent is to annoy, the intent of our shitposting is to entertain, provoke discussion, or simply as an exercise in writing.

Since the fall of Usenet, w4c style shitposting is currently considered some of the best in the world. Even the great usenet trolls have migrated to /prog/ to bask in the glory of our shitposting. The UN is currently trying to classify /prog/ as a world heritage site, but their action may come too late. W4c shitposting is currently an endangered species, due to invasion by the imagereddits, a dwindling population caused by suicide and incarceration, and moderator action. Some have speculated that moot is trying to kill all forms of shitposting that do not conform to Project Canv.as. So far, the best defense available is to derail stupid imagereddit threads with kopipe and JEWS, as well as giving harmful advice to homework threads. It is considered rude to call a w4c style shitpost in conformance with board standards bad.

It is thought by leading scholars that the reason for the Shitposting Schism was the rapid growth of /b/ due to the media exposure of Chanology, when an influx of underage Digg users caused 4chan to explode. Others claim that the shift happened even before that, during the first influx newfags during 2006. This school of thought holds that the first influx gave rise to the loutish behavior of `raiding' and other bullshit, which was a direct cause of the second major wave. Once /b/ was populated almost completely with underage children, the shitposting culture changed to it's modern form, where it is a competition on who can be the most annoying. The cancerous population then colonized nearly every other board on 4chan that could possibly appeal to it's socially well-adjusted population. Mentifex, an expert in the field, built the Artificial Unintellegence ANDRU to model the thought process of the imageredditors. Despite a few setbacks, the project has largely been a major success.

Since world4ch was not linked to on most boards, and since the average imageredditor ignores anything that isn't a reaction image anyway, the area was left mostly unharmed by the change of shitposting. It remained much more subtle, and resembled machine generated spam less than the imageboard brand. Since /jp/ was at one point full of autistic sexually deviants (a natural pairing for /prog/riders) and were far more computer literate than boards such as /g/ or /b/, they were naturally drawn to programming; /prog/ and /lounge/ (which had a shitposting style slightly different than /prog/, until two retarded children took over the board) was an obvious destination. Since it still wasn't enough of a secret club, they moved off site to places like 4-ch for a few days before returning to /jp/ with a more cultured outlook on shitposting.

Programming is boring and demeaning, everyone wants to go drinking
after work, weed cost to much, sex is gross, computer takes forever to
compile, suicide nets outside windows, music isn't interesting, have
to ride the bus like a poor person, teleconferencing with foreigners,
no good restaurants close enough to have lunch at, performance
evaluations based on lines of code, stuck on /prog/ at three in the
morning, vending machine won't accept bills, mixed agile with
waterfall, impromptu speech at meeting, unpaid overtime, SVN
repository corrupt, change orders, stupid security measures, MSDN
subscriptions, comment quotas, refactoring code from 2003, office
politics, going to a family function at parent's house, wasted sick
days just to sleep in, dress codes, tax office doesn't accept Visa
debit, rent just got raised, people drinking energy drinks, paperwork,
internet filter, people take five thousand items to the express lane,
having to show ID to buy liquor, office slut gossip, uncomfortable
chair, consultants, slogan posters everywhere, janitor didn't empty
the trashcan, light is too bright, two week waiting period to buy a
gun, cat left a dead bird in the bed, pen is out of ink, makefiles,
asshole stole your bagged lunch, holiday parties, pair programming
with a faggot, having to share a secretary, scripting languages,
endless manuals and tech documents, beard is itchy, had a bad dream,
water has something floating in it, endless talk about pitiful poor
people, lighter is out of fluid, shift key going out, someone brought
a store-brand soda, coin counter counted a dime as a penny, mouse
laser shines in your eye, television infomercials, old people who
refuse to retire or die, Taco Bell makes you shit blood, got a
speeding ticket in the mail, batteries went dead, candle burned out,
drug dealer won't call back, someone broke the build, everything is
virtualized, high blood pressure, torrent has zero seeds, left
something across the room before you sat down, waitress won't refill
your fucking drink, printer out of toner, got a cavity, spilled the
ashtray, out of sleeping pills, air conditioner is shitty, women
trying to force conversation and not accepting `fuck off' for an
answer, complete multivitamin isn't all that complete, considered bad
form to drink mouthwash, Windows 8, cubicles, being called `Mister',
got a headache, holes in clothes, circular dependencies, autocomplete,
reimaging, fork is slightly bent, someone pealed the stickers off the
Rubik's Cube, temp workers, gum under the table, dogs barking, knife
isn't sharp enough, public intoxication laws, things take too long to
ship from Japan, Red Hat Linux, tech support contractors, ate the ice
cream too fast, got into a political argument with an idiot, exposed
nail under desk, scratched the front of your Rolex watch, not enough
cabinet space, florescent lighting hurts your eyes, password
complexity requirements with no basis in reality, flowers in window
all died, 401k is poorly managed, fell asleep with a lit cigarette in
hand, etc....

Ruby has a life outside the internet, while Python can't go six hours without playing Call of Duty and geting called a faggot by preteen boys on XBox Live.
Ruby teaches gym class and lets you smoke under the bleachers, while Java teaches third-grade english and makes you read aloud in class.
Ruby has the ability to empathize with others, while Clojure has over two terabytes of child porn.
Ruby is healthy and stong, while Perl has AIDS and needs life support machines to keep him breathing.
Ruby sometimes enjoys weed, while Common Lisp sucked off a nigger for a single crack rock.
Ruby loves animal and treasures the companionship, while Haskell ran over your dog and made you clean up the mess.
Ruby has a vast collection of anime stored on his hard drive, while Smalltalk streams anime and buys the DVDs.
Ruby is financially secure and has invested his money wisely, while C++ is always trying to borrow money to buy real estate on the moon.
Ruby respects people's personal space, while Fortran gets six inches from your face and spits when he talks.
Ruby can agree to disagree, while Scheme wants to behead those who insult Islam.
Ruby never hits on your girlfriend, while BASIC molests your children.
Ruby has a good job and good mental health, while Symta lives with his mother and spends 18 hours a day shitposting on obscure forums in a foreign language.
Ruby is clean and neat, while Lua leaves his trash in your car whenever you take him somewhere.
Ruby was voted `Most Likely To Succeed' in high school, while Scala took a gun to school and shot the place up.
Ruby cares about a friend's safety, while PHP secretly laced your weed with PCP then called the cops on you.
Ruby knows that Jews are evil, while C# is a jew himself.
Ruby served nine tours of duty in six different wars, while F# dodge the draft and moved to Canada.
Ruby plays the Touhou as Marisa when she's available, while Go won't play at all if he can't play as Reimu.
Ruby is learning Japanese to translate visual novels for others, while Javascript is learning Japanese so he can read hentai by himself.
Ruby accepts the fact that programming is demeaning, while OCaml also agrees that programming is demeaning.
Ruby takes care to not break your stuff, while Pascal clumsily dropped super glue on your carpet.
Ruby gets laid with a new girl every night, while C cries while masturbating herself to sleep.
Ruby offers you the last piece of food, while Ada orders a bunch of appetizers then eats most of them but still wants to divide the check evenly.
Ruby recognizes that magic may exist and understands it's appeal, while Scheme emotionally argued for Small Bomb Theory for hours on end.
Ruby is the model Aryan to carry on the Human Race, while Game Maker Language has 24 chromosomes.
Ruby is a well mannered drinker, while Assembly thought it would be funny to take a shit in the sink.
Ruby values functionality over form, while Forth is an art major who loudly complains about `conformist' with his hipster friends in Starbucks.
Ruby can function in almost any environment, while Verilog thinks the Sun is going to eat him and refuses to go outside.
Ruby knows when and how to tell a good story, while Tcl talks about 4chan and lolies at parties that he got a pity invite to.

The Melancholy of SICP no Shana
http://pastebin.com/4bA9CiL2

The first anime I ever saw was "Revolutionary Girl Utena" the movie. I was attracted to it because it was bizarre and new. It hit me at a vulnerable time; my father and mother had just been murdered. I became obsessed with the "emptiness inside" theme of the movie, and felt that this related to my life somehow. I watched Evangelion next, and absolutely loved the depressing feeling both of these shows left me with. I am a person who loves depressions; I feel that I am at my most creative and "raw" when utterly depressed. The empty feeling these shows gave me filled me with emotions I wanted to recapture.

Like an addict seeking another hit, I kept downloading more and more programs, watching tons of shows. At one point, I had two shoeboxes full of CD-r's packed with Anime programs. I had a library of just about every show ever made. I became obsessive, but I wasn't finding that feeling that was originally there. Sure, I could recapture it with great stuff like Serial Experiments: Lain and Millenium actress, but that was only for a moment.

Eventually, I stopped watching the shows I was downloading, but just grabbed them for the sake of having them. I had to have more. I bought DVD's and didn't watch them. Gradually, over time, I felt my aesthetic become warped. What once was strange and bizarre looking character design became familiar; I sought it out. If I caught a glimpse of an anime style character in real life, I felt a rush; almost as if my hindbrain saw it before I was aware of it. I was visiting a Japanese tea Garden and saw real life schoolgirls in the familiar navy blue fuku uniforms. I was fascinated by them; I was drawn, attracted, but not in a sexual way; it blew my mind to see something in real life that I had before seen only in the abstract.

A familiar feeling came through me when I saw them. I felt the same at that moment as when I had first seen Utena, when I had first finished Evangelion. My obsession took a new direction.

I bought several sailor fuku uniforms from online retailers. J-list was too expensive and didn't sell in the size I desired. I had to have the legitimate stuff. At first it was satisfying to just look at the uniforms. I would keep them clean, iron them, and hang them up every day. The ritual was soothing to me.

Sooner or later I had to do it. I had to wear the uniforms I had treasured. I am proud to report that it took me a few months to break down, to really cross the threshold into utter depravity. After that line had been crossed, though, there was no going back. Tentatively, I started by simply wearing the uniforms around the house. I would wake up very early, before anyone could glimpse at me from outside on the street, and simply do my cleaning and cooking wearing the various uniforms I purchased. I got a matching apron. I would pretend I was getting ready for Japanese High school.

Soon, though, wearing the uniform in private was not enough. I purchased a duster trenchcoat and began walking through town wearing my outfit. Nobody knew, and this made me comfortable. But, again, this soon became insufficient to satisfy my obsession.

I began stalking this girl I knew, Sarah. I checked out her routines; when she left for work, when she got back, what time she went to bed. At first I furtively ventured into her place with my uniform under my trench coat while she was away. I knew where her spare key was because I had helped her move earlier. Speaking of this, I'm a pretty beefy guy. I weigh around 240-260 pounds, but I'm not that tall. A great friend to have if you need to move.

Anyway, gradually, I became more comfortable in her apartment. I started doing stuff like rolling around in her bed, stealing her underwear and putting it in little plastic bags, soforth. As you would expect, I became more and more comfortable doing this, and crossed a line. She came home unexpectedly one day, early from work. Panicked, I hid under the bed in my uniform. Immediately, as she came through the door, she spotted my trench coat. Lying under her bed, the sound of my heavy breathing seemed a thousand times louder than it actually was. I could hear her rooting through the trench coat, and could hear the wrinkling of celophane as she found my empty plastic bags. Thank god they didn't yet have her used underwear in them.

I put my sweaty, meaty hands together and prayed.

I heard her walking around the apartment. Thankfully, she didn't bring anyone with her. My mind was flashing; the excitement had triggered my epilepsy. Suddenly, I was barraged with memories from my first anime program, revolutionary girl utena. I heard her walking around some more, and then sit down on the bed. I saw her clothes come off and hit the floor in front of me. During this time I was controlling myself and having a minor epileptic fit. I could see transformation sequences from anime programs I had watched. It was all coming together; the near hallucinations, the girl in the bed above me, and most of all, my sweaty fuku uniform.

She approached the bathroom and got into the shower. She turned on the water. I was convinced that this was the one moment I had been searching for. This was my chance to cross over into the other world described in Utena; the fabric of reality was thin. I could taste it. In many of my anime programs I had seen the seemingly normal characters, like me, enter into a world of magic and joy.

I rolled out from under the bed and bounded into the bathroom. She saw my large form approaching through the glass of the shower and started screaming. I was having epileptic flashes; the screaming sounded just like "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" I was having trouble walking, my steps staggered. I couldn't feel the floor. My meaty hands slammed the shower door open, but she sprayed me with a jet of water. The water triggered another fit and I seized, falling into the bath. She tripped and fell on top of me. As she was screaming and my blood filled the bath, it swirled around reality, and intermingled in my mind. Her screams, the blood, my sweat, the uniform, Japan, schoolgirls, magic, tragedy, terror, and hope all become one to me. For one moment, I could taste it. The anime reality. It was here, like a precious jewel perched between my meaty, sweaty pectorals. And then, gone.

SO yeah I like anime.

>>44
This is one of the most moving pieces I have ever read, and even in the context of a shitpost gallery it puts me in a strange mood.

>>44
Nice slut shaming, you shit.

Pre-spam thread on the old /prog/
https://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1376405005

Post-spam shelter
http://tablecat.ipyo.heliohost.org/lounge/read/1373068543

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>>48
Your post made me read >>44 and the funniest bit IMHO is this:

considered bad[br]form to drink mouthwash

I don't know who wrote >>44 but it is a masterpiece.

:-(

>>51
Wow.

>>51
epic

>>1
Instead of circumcision we prolapse our anus.