My dad is also uncomfortable around newspaper, back when he was in russia on duty, all they had to wipe one's ass was newspapers, but my dad used a 6 in plastic tube that he would insert in his asshole to take a shit, the crap would flow through the tube, eliminating the need to wipe after the tube was pulled out, he wanted to patent his idea and even got a bunch of other recruits to use his method.
He was kicked out of the army for unknown reasons.
var text=["ENTERPRISE quality","VIP quality","Low quality","Mediocre Quality","Revolutionary","Bad","Insightful","Too obvious","retarded","Excellent Trolling","horrible","A Masterpiece","Kawaii Desu Ne","FrozenVoid Quality","MDickie Quality","Wizard quality","Bad. And you should feel bad","against the Geneva trolling convention","Misunderstood","like a translation from Chinese","written by 12-year old leet h4x0r","Wrong","Fractally wrong","so bad, I think you're trolling yourself","SPAM","Average","11/10","10/10","9/10","8/10","7/10","6/10","5/10","4/10","3/10","2/10","1/10","0/10","-1/10","-2/10","-9000/10","F. See me after class","So bad God just killed a kitten","Not bad","Incredible","a magical post","A Triumph","Insignificant","typical of you","just a post","exercise in futility","a literary novel","the past we must forget","outdated","relevant 5 years ago","too soon","a hurricane","like an oil painting","profound","anime quality","obvious","The Truth","Maximum Trolling","So bad its good","mindless drivel","worse than a Markov Chain","nonsense","incredibly retarded","Great","a copypasta","an old copypasta","enough. Stop Posting","enough for a PhD Thesis","a new kind of science","a contradiction","all in vain","the prose of the gods","lame attempt at trolling","Genius","creepy","not meant for this corrupt world","against common sense","against the law"," a crime against humanity","a crime against nature","likely a repost","definitely a repost","stale old copypasta","lacking in substance","written on acid","a drug-induced fantasy","incredibly creepy","a meme. Now its just spam","Retarded on all levels","a misuse of English","not valid grammar","too late","too stupid","too lame","sad but true","really cute","a joke","too much information","clearly an alien posting","wisdom of the crowds","common sense","actually true","very annoying","very bad","very good","very lame","very old copypasta","very encouraging","very depressing","just satire","clearly not written by you","stolen from Reddit","stolen from imageboards","stolen from hackernews","stolen from Slashdot"," so good it may become copypasta","so bad it will become copypasta","too obvious","a work of genius","really wrong","true to style","a task you never accomplish","a failure on many levels","blatant trolling","bad style","a thread derail","against 4chan rules","the voice of /prog/","soul-crushing","the last straw","another useless complaint","reported to moderators","reported to Moot","reported to FBI","reported to Illuminati","reported to your mom","reported to the Pope","reported to UN Security Council","reported to our reptilian overlords","reported to Shii","/b/ quality","/g/ quality","/jp/ quality","/pol/ quality","/x/ quality","/lounge/ quality","/v/ quality","a thing to remember","a piece of history","nothing to lol about","serious business","too much time on your hands","short and to the point","an abuse of keyboard","abuse of BBcode","abuse of SJIS art","abuse of ASCII art","another nail in the coffin of /prog/","Nice","nice try","samefagging","very interesting concept","an idea whos time has come","late to change anything","a better post","a new perspective","a honest mistake","a day that will live in infamy","a tragedy","a comedy","a dramatic moment","reality closing in","a memetic virus","simply beautiful","masterful trolling","just enough","intense","clever","a defeat","a victory","a level-headed argument","logical","inevitable","somewhat refreshing","original","as bad as they come","as terrible as possible","only a dream","lunacy","insane","written by a madman","elementary my dear Watson","a clash of worldviews","blatant propaganda","bullshit","another conspiracy theory","you. We know it","added to you case file","a sign you know too much","alien in origin","a piece of science fiction","the same post you did months ago","an illogical view","the end of your posting career","the last post you'll make","a waste of time","a mental illness","TDavis quality","Mentifex Quality","overblown","true. But times have changed","a ripple in reality","a consequence of your bad habits","really mature","reeking of privilege","abusing your privilege","gay","spoken like a straight white cis-male","the joke","the end"]
You'll cowards don't even freestyle! I am kodiak, straight reppin' tha fuckin' zodiac spittin bars in fast cars racin' down tha fuckin' race track a real OG, don't confuse me with toilet scrubber-kun browsin' /jp/, discussing mothafuckin' zun spittin' hot flows 'bout my fav'rite 2hu and abelson fuckin' your waifu while you watch, what a faggot, you ntr, son? I got twenny fo' inch rims, you got fake-ass hub caps now let's all congratulate >>11 on his fine-ass dubs (claps) scheme is best programmin' language, javafags be hatin' my swag ``enterprise'' fags can't fizzbuzz they way out a paper bag niggas from /g/ be harpin on dat gentoo not even lsf? what the fuck, are you new? /prog/ is full of shit, y'all niggas are autistic fo'eva low orda bit, your posts are just simplistic NEETs runnin' out o' time so just kill -9 no one will miss you trolls, post your suicide on vine God says: "You just got merked, son!"
**YOU HAVE BEEN VISITED BY LE TOP LEL OF COMEDY GOLD** POST THIS IS 3 threads or lose your sides! ░░░░░░░▄▀▀▀░▄▄▄▄░░░▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▄▄░▀ ░░░░░░░█░░░░░░░░▀▀▀▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▀░░█ ░░░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░░░▄░░░░░░░░▄▄░░░░░▀▄ ░░░▄▀░░░░░▄▀▀▀█▄░▀░░░░▄▀▀▀██▀▀▄░░░░░▀ ░░▄▀░░▄▄░░▀▀▀▀████▀░░░▀▄▄▀▀▀▀▄█░░░░░░█ ░▄▀░▄▀█░░▄▄░░░░░░░█░░░░░▄▄▄░░░▀▀░░░░░░█ ▄▀░░█░█░▀░░▀▀▄░░░░░█░░░░░░░▀▀▀▀▀▄░░░░░█ ▀▄░░▀░█░░░▄░░░░░░▄▀░░░░▀▄░░░▄▄░░▀▄░█░▄▀ ░░▀▄░░░░█▀▄░░░░░▀█░░░░▀▀░█▄▀▄░█░░░█░█ ░░░░█░░█░▀▄▀▄▄░░░░▀▀▀░░░▄█▀░▄▀█░░░░▄ ░░░░░█░░█░▀▀▄░▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▀█░▄█▀▄▀░░░░░ ░░░░░█░░▀▄▄░░▀█░░░█░░▄▄▀▀▄▄█▀░░░░▀ ░░░░▄▀░░░▀▄▀▀▄░▀▀▀▀▀▀▄▄▀▀▀▄▀░░░░▀ ░░░▄▀░░░░░░▀▄░█▄▄▄▄▀▀░▀▄▀▀░░░▄▀▀ ░░▄▀░░░░░░░░░▀▄▄▄▄█▄▄▀▀░░░░▄ ░░█░░░░░░▀▄▄░░░▄▄▄▄▄▄▀░░░▄▀ ░░█░░░░░░░░░▀▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▀▀ ░░░█░░░░░░▀▀▀▀▀░░░░▄ ░░░▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▀▀▀
I saw Chris Poole at a grocery store in New York yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
HAHAHAHA YOU THINK YOURE THOUGH UH ? I HAVE ONE WORD FOR YOU THE FORCED INDENTATION OF THE CODE GET IT ? I DONT THINK SO YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT MY OTHER CAR I GUESS ? ITS A CDR YOU PRONOUNCE IT CUDDER OK YOU FUQIN ANGERED AN EXPERT PROGRAMMER THIS IS /PROG/ YOU ARE ALLOWED TO POST HERE ONLY IF YOU HAVE ACHIEVED SATORI PROGRAMMING IS ALL ABOUT ``ABSTRACT BULLSHITE" THAT YOU WILL NEVER COMPREHEND I HAVE READ SICP IF ITS NOT DONE YOU HAVE TO TOO BAD RUBY ON RAIL IS SLOW AS FUCK BBCODE AND SCHEME ARE THE ULTIMATE LANGUAGES ``THIS IS THE PROPER WAY TO QUOTE" ALSO WELCOME TO /PROG/ EVERY THREAD WILL BE REPLIED TO NO EXCEPTION
I had a dream It was high in the Norwegian alps, and I were going there with my mother and father, strangely enough, even though I moved out 2 years ago and havn't spoken to them since. We had some trouble finding our way, but after a while we saw the /prog/ threads laid neadly out in a tree structure, and it was a piece of cake to find the hut from there. It was the root node.
After I stepped inside I was greeted by a very hairy and smelly, but cool, guy. He and my parents were talking about something, and me, being the social retard I am, could only ask if the dis.4chan.org server was here, to which he replied yes. He then turned on a huge LCD-monitor with some graphs on. According to it, the dis.4chan.org was using nearly 100% CPU because of all the threads that were created. I asked what type of server it was, and he answered Microsoft A7. I asked if that was the operating system, because I hadn't heard of microsoft making whole servers, and he said yes, that too. Suddenly it struck me how big the house I was in was. The ceiling was 4 metres up, everything was made of wood, and antique art hang on the walls. The hut itself was on the hillside, and had windows that went from floor to roof, through which you could see the sun shining in the distance over the mountain tops.
I asked if I could see the server itself. He said sure, and pressed a red button on a controller he conjured out of thin air. Suddenly a large hole appeared in the floor, and a 2x1x1 metre large box came out of it. It had no cables, no monitors, nothing.
Then we all died because of some obscure reason I can't remember.