"Haskell! I'm home!"

"Haskell! I'm home!"

"Master!"

As you push the front door closed Haskell bounds up to you joyfully to cover your face in small quick kisses, there certainly are worse things to come home to! Ever since you married Haskell life has been nothing short of bliss, endless days of idyllic joy as you share one another's company and love. The 'master' bit was a little embarrassing at first, you even asked her to call you by your name when it started, but as you learned more about her culture and realized it was hurting her feelings to tell her to stop you've been much more comfortable with it.

"Whoa Haskell! Let me get my shoes off first!"

"Ah! Sorry Master, I'm just happy you're home."

Letting up in her assault she holds onto your shirt beaming at you as you remove your shoes, watching her tail whipping back and forth happily is so cute you simply have to ruffle her hair and stroke her ears.

"I'm happy to see you to love."

Her big soulful eyes melt and she blushes, staring deeply into yours she says.

"Say that again."

"What?"

"Love, it's a nice word."

"Anything you say love."

Offering her your arm you grin and ask her.

"Shall we?"

Giggling she accepts and the pair of you stroll happily into the living room, waiting for you at the table (one of those low Japanese affairs that you find all over the place in The LISP Forest) is your slippers and a paper next to a cup of tea.

Releasing Haskell you put on the slippers and sit down gratefully to drink your tea, the paper can wait while Haskell is around.

Taking her place next to you she talks animatedly about her day telling you about working with Aya on the paper and where's she been, you're more than glad to listen to your lovely wife chat happily to you and when the time comes she asks you about your day.

That's why your relationship works so well, you honestly enjoy talking to one another about everything. Haskell isn't just your wife, she's your best friend!

"So how is Guido?"

"Same as he ever was, I had to spend most of the day trying to convince him that forced indentation of code wouldn't work in The LISP Forest."

Haskell closes her eyes and nods sagely, despite the fact you know she has no idea what forced indentation of code is.

"We should find him a wife."

"Haskell, he may be my friend but he's also my boss. I don't think he'd appreciate my interfering with his private life."

"Nonsense! You know he always listens to you." You give her a pained look.

"Well if you say so master."

"By the way Haskell," You reach into your bag that you set down by the table.

"I got you a present!"

"Ooooh! What is it! What is it?" Excited like a child she scrambles all over you happily occasionally giving you a peck or nibble of affection, you like to bring her little tokens of love from Kourindou's once in a while because of her adorable reaction. As you slide your hand into the rucksack she begins to chew gently on your ear.

"He-hey! Cut that out, it tickles!"

Giggling lasciviously she puts her hands on your shoulders and props her head next to yours.

"What'd you get me master?"

"No peeking!"

"D'awww."

Settling down she fidgets as she struggles to wait patiently, it's so adorable you take your time finding what you're looking for just so you can watch her a little longer.

"Oh, now where did I put that?"

"Stop teasing me master!"

Oops! Busted, alright clever girls get their reward I guess. Slowly you pull out a long oblong wrapped in bright red paper and golden foil topped with a red and white ribbon, placing it in her hands her eyes light up and her tail makes a 'whump whump whump' noise as it hits the floor behind her.

"What is it master! It's shiny!" First she caresses it with her hands as her eyes drink in every detail, next she holds it to an ear and shakes it, finally she sniffs it and she smiles even wider.

"Smells really good! What is it? Huh? Huh?"

You beam your smile back at her, she's such an appreciative girl that she takes care to examine every detail before opening a present, she even saves things like wrapping paper instead of ripping it.

"That my lovely Haskell, is a bar of the finest chocolate."

"What's chocolate?"

Looking confused she forgets the little package in her hands for a moment and looks at you for answers.

"It's a kind of sweet made from a kind of plant that doesn't grow in The LISP Forest, it's very popular back in my world. Here, I've got more in my bag."

As you pull out the rest of the sweet smelling blocks of rich dark chocolate Haskell springs forwards and knocks you down, as she attacks you with a fresh wave of rapid wet kisses she babbles at you.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

Such a silly girl, she hasn't even opened it yet! But that's one of the things you love about her, she cares more about the thought behind the present than the present itself. Catching her chin you bring her face close to yours and give her a long, slow kiss to calm her down. She feels good in your arms, her pert chest with breast neither too big or too small is pressed up against you and by the awkward way she's tackled you her knee is resting just slightly against your crotch rubbing gently on it making you painfully hard. Your free hand slides up her thigh, only just going under her skirt, as you hold her with the kiss. You can feel the heat of her already, vaguely you wonder what she might've been doing while you were gone.

A cool morning breeze sneaked past the flimsy curtains of the room and the rays of the sun danced on a quilt that shifted gently in circular motions. Fingers gently stroked the instrument of pleasure, hips lifted, thighs trembled and a moan left the plum, red lips.
She had always worshipped him, initially as a superhero but when her body awakened to needs of a dirty nature she couldn’t help but get all hot and bothered when she would fantasize how his manly hands would rove over her lean body, fondle her pink tipped breasts, his hard dick would plunge into her and bone her till she moaned and screamed her satisfaction.
She had always been randy for him. Whenever he was nearby her panties would get wet but he had never seen her the sexual way. She had practically grown up before his eyes.
A day did not pass when she wouldn’t be caught stare at him with hungry eyes as did all the women of Lazy Town. Ever since Sportucus had come to town there was one lazy woman left in the town. He was truly sporting and expected the men of the town to show sportsmanship while their wives enjoyed rigorous exercises with him.
Pulling her Pajamas over her satiated body Stephanie sighed and lay back on her lacey pink Dora the Explorer pillows. Sportucus had left no young or old skirt unturned except hers and of those who were considered below the fuck age.

He took the rules of Lazy Town seriously; a superhero would never have an allegation of statutory rape besmirch his impeccable reputation.
Watching the shadows dance and play on the ceiling of her bedroom, she grinned – well, today she turned eighteen and could legally be fucked out of her brains.
Throwing the quilt aside, Stephanie jumped out the bed and headed towards her bathroom. As she went through her toiletries a devious plan began to formulate in her mind and added an extra spark and spring in her step.
By the end of the day she would ensure that she would no longer be a virgin and suitor would be no other than Sportacus.

Listen up /prog/ because I'm about to hit you with some knowledge!!

The following is important, deserves our attention, and worthy of YOUR time!

You may or may not be familiar with the following recent thread by our friend >>1.

To say the thread post sparkled little debate would be the understatement of the century. Of course, why wouldn't it?

The post clearly shows an /prog/rider presenting a fully coherent speech, desecrated with metadiscussion.

Most interpreted the post as a very surreal display of dissent against kopipe, memes, and in particular, the loss of meaningfull discussion due to summerfags.

As to be expected, moral and political debates have flooded the thread's reply section.

The most prevalent topic of these arguments revolved around whether or not a /prog/rider should portray himself as protesting/desecrating the very website he took an oath to post and fag up.

Coming from an /prog/riding community, I've spent the majority of my life around /prog/riders and can comfortably say I know them well. While personalities differ from /prog/rider to /prog/rider, one thing I've noticed that remains constant throughout is their unwavering faggotry to their board and their sense of pride in being a part of the cancer that is killing /prog/.

So when I was presented with >>1's post, I was both shocked and even a little confused.

Like most of you, /prog/ is where I come to get a laugh and read creative posts.
>>1's deceptive attempt to push his own moral agenda was neither funny nor was it creative. In actuality, his ignorant post was nothing more than a slap to the face towards our heroic /prog/riding and the /prog/riders accused in the post. If you take nothing else away from this reply, please, at least remember this: This is /prog/: Home of the Memes. Unlike other boards, our content is published but with one purpose and that's to bring forth the lulz.

I've been a browser of /prog/ for some time but have only recently become more involved. It seems that more and more now people are using /prog/ as a means to push their moral beliefs on others, cause arguments or debate, and to fufill their ensightfull thread desires. All I ask, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, is that we keep this site unique and maintain it as a place where anyone can take a break and catch a laugh without feeling like they're in a freaking holy war.

Thanks for reading my first OC! I tried to throw in some humor and I hope you enjoyed it. If you liked it, bump it! and hopefully it will get to where others can enjoy it too!

/jp/'s shitposting is closer to our brand (which is quite close to 2005 era /b/), while /a/'s is closer to the new age imagereddit shitposting common to the rest of the main imageboards.

What that basically means is that /a/ shitposts by having a deluge of completely worthless shit, but isn't interesting in the slightest, or simple garbage that gets repeated simply because it is annoying. Example: '>implying, image macros, and other shit that would have been funny in middle school. /prog/'s and, to a lesser much extent, /jp/'s, shitposting consist of having a few different shitpost methods with at least some thought put into their creation (for example, the `How are breasts attractive' thread, which is completely off topic and ridiculous, but is well written and somewhat interesting none-the-less). Ideas are formed on a questionable premise, then expanded upon until it reaches it's absurd logical conclusion. It may also take the form of making a huge deal over a minor detail, or assuming things that are false and writing a long critique based upon that, or making provably impossible demands. Contrary to Standard 4chan Shitpost Model (S4SM), where the intent is to annoy, the intent of our shitposting is to entertain, provoke discussion, or simply as an exercise in writing.

Since the fall of Usenet, w4c style shitposting is currently considered some of the best in the world. Even the great usenet trolls have migrated to /prog/ to bask in the glory of our shitposting. The UN is currently trying to classify /prog/ as a world heritage site, but their action may come too late. W4c shitposting is currently an endangered species, due to invasion by the imagereddits, a dwindling population caused by suicide and incarceration, and moderator action. Some have speculated that moot is trying to kill all forms of shitposting that do not conform to Project Canv.as. So far, the best defense available is to derail stupid imagereddit threads with kopipe and JEWS, as well as giving harmful advice to homework threads. It is considered rude to call a w4c style shitpost in conformance with board standards bad.

It is thought by leading scholars that the reason for the Shitposting Schism was the rapid growth of /b/ due to the media exposure of Chanology, when an influx of underage Digg users caused 4chan to explode. Others claim that the shift happened even before that, during the first influx newfags during 2006. This school of thought holds that the first influx gave rise to the loutish behavior of `raiding' and other bullshit, which was a direct cause of the second major wave. Once /b/ was populated almost completely with underage children, the shitposting culture changed to it's modern form, where it is a competition on who can be the most annoying. The cancerous population then colonized nearly every other board on 4chan that could possibly appeal to it's socially well-adjusted population. Mentifex, an expert in the field, built the Artificial Unintellegence ANDRU to model the thought process of the imageredditors. Despite a few setbacks, the project has largely been a major success.

Since world4ch was not linked to on most boards, and since the average imageredditor ignores anything that isn't a reaction image anyway, the area was left mostly unharmed by the change of shitposting. It remained much more subtle, and resembled machine generated spam less than the imageboard brand. Since /jp/ was at one point full of autistic sexually deviants (a natural pairing for /prog/riders) and were far more computer literate than boards such as /g/ or /b/, they were naturally drawn to programming; /prog/ and /lounge/ (which had a shitposting style slightly different than /prog/, until two retarded children took over the board) was an obvious destination. Since it still wasn't enough of a secret club, they moved off site to places like 4-ch for a few days before returning to /jp/ with a more cultured outlook on shitposting.

Python:

- Everything you write will be open source. No FASLs, DLLs or EXEs. Developer may want to have control over the level of access to prevent exposure of internal implementation, as it may contain proprietary code or because strict interface/implementation decomposition is required. Python third-party library licensing is overly complex. Licenses like MIT allow you to create derived works as long as you maintain attrubution; GNU GPL, or other 'viral' licenses don't allow derived works without inheriting the same license. To inherit the benefits of an open source culture you also inherit the complexities of the licensing hell.
- Installation mentality, Python has inherited the idea that libraries should be installed, so it infact is designed to work inside unix package management, which basically contains a fair amount of baggage (library version issues) and reduced portability. Of course it must be possible to package libraries with your application, but its not conventional and can be hard to deploy as a desktop app due to cross platform issues, language version, etc. Open Source projects generally don't care about Windows, most open source developers use Linux because "Windows sucks".
- Probably the biggest practical problem with Python is that there's no well-defined API that doesn't change. This make life easier for Guido and tough on everybody else. That's the real cause of Python's "version hell".
- Global Interpreter Lock (GIL) is a significant barrier to concurrency. Due to signaling with a CPU-bound thread, it can cause a slowdown even on single processor. Reason for employing GIL in Python is to easy the integration of C/C++ libraries. Additionally, CPython interpreter code is not thread-safe, so the only way other threads can do useful work is if they are in some C/C++ routine, which must be thread-safe.
- Python (like most other scripting languages) does not require variables to be declared, as (let (x 123) ...) in Lisp or int x = 123 in C/C++. This means that Python can't even detect a trivial typo - it will produce a program, which will continue working for hours until it reaches the typo - THEN go boom and you lost all unsaved data. Local and global scopes are unintuitive. Having variables leak after a for-loop can definitely be confusing. Worse, binding of loop indices can be very confusing; e.g. "for a in list: result.append(lambda: fcn(a))" probably won't do what you think it would. Why nonlocal/global/auto-local scope nonsense?
- Python has a faulty package system. Type time.sleep=4 instead of time.sleep(4) and you just destroyed the system-wide sleep function with a trivial typo. Now consider accidentally assigning some method to time.sleep, and you won't even get a runtime error - just very hard to trace behavior. And sleep is only one example, it's just as easy to override ANYTHING.
- Crippled support for functional programming. Python's lambda is limited to a single expression and doesn't allow conditionals. Python makes a distinction between expressions and statements, and does not automatically return the last expressions, thus crippling lambdas even more. Assignments are not expressions. Most useful high-order functions were deprecated in Python 3.0 and have to be imported from functools. No continuations or even tail call optimization: "I don't like reading code that was written by someone trying to use tail recursion." --Guido
- Python's syntax, based on SETL language and mathematical Set Theory, is non-uniform, hard to understand and parse, compared to simpler languages, like Lisp, Smalltalk, Nial and Factor. Instead of usual "fold" and "map" functions, Python uses "set comprehension" syntax, which has overhelmingly large collection of underlying linguistic and notational conventions, each with it's own variable binding semantics. Using CLI and automatically generating Python code is hard due to the so called "off-side" indentation rule (aka Forced Indentation of Code), also taken from a math-intensive Haskell language. This, in effect, makes Python look like an overengineered toy for math geeks. Good luck discerning [f(z) for y in x for z in gen(y) if pred(z)] from [f(z) if pred(z) for z in gen(y) for y in x]
- Python hides logical connectives in a pile of other symbols: try seeing "and" in "if y > 0 or new_width > width and new_height > height or x < 0".
- Python indulges messy horizontal code (> 80 chars per line), where in Lisp one would use "let" to break computaion into manageable pieces. Get used to stuff like self.convertId([(name, uidutil.getId(obj)) for name, obj in container.items() if IContainer.isInstance(obj)])
- Quite quirky: triple-quoted strings seem like a syntax-decision from a David Lynch movie, and double-underscores, like __init__, seem appropriate in C, but not in a language that provides list comprehensions. There are better ways to mark certain features as internal or special than just calling it __feature__. self everywhere can make you feel like OO was bolted on, even though it wasn't.
- Python has too many confusing non-orthogonal features: references can't be used as hash keys; expressions in default arguments are calculated when the function is defined, not when it’s called. Why have both dictionaries and objects? Why have both types and duck-typing? Why is there ":" in the syntax if it almost always has a newline after it? The Python language reference devotes a whole sub-chapter to "Emulating container types", "Emulating callable Objects", "Emulating numeric types", "Emulating sequences" etc. -- only because arrays, sequences etc. are "special" in Python. Subtle data types (list and tuple, bytes and bytearray) will make you wonder "Do I need the mutable type here?", while Clojure and Haskell manage to do with only immutable data.
- Python's GC uses naive reference counting, which is slow and doesn't handle circular references, meaning you have to expect subtle memory leaks and can't easily use arbitrary graphs as your data. In effect Python complicates even simple tasks, like keeping directory tree with symlinks.
- Patterns and anti-patterns are signs of deficiencies inherent in the language. In Python, concatenating strings in a loop is considered an anti-pattern merely because the popular implementation is incapable of producing good code in such a case. The intractability or impossibility of static analysis in Python makes such optimizations difficult or impossible.
- Problems with arithmetic: no Numerical Tower (nor even rational/complex numbers), meaning 1/2 would produce 0, instead of 0.5, leading to subtle and dangerous errors.
- Poor UTF support and unicode string handling is somewhat awkward.
- No outstanding feature, that makes the language, like the brevity of APL or macros of Lisp. Python doesn’t really give us anything that wasn’t there long ago in Lisp and Smalltalk.

So here I am again, browsing a text board, trying to make a comprehensible post
which will hopefully depict my rage at its absolute purest form. It quickly gets
boring to debunk trolls and abominations every god damn day of my life, so I'll
summarize it all in this post. I will address most issues and problems this
board (and as a result, it's users) has, propose solutions, analize current and
past trolls, point out Why It's A Useless Thing (tm) to consider meta-trolling
and a few other things. Yes, this will be a rant. Get your popcorn and beer,
people.

Now, why all of the sudden so much RAGE you might rightfully wonder. I'm not a
bedlamite, nor some eccentric nobody. Granted - not completely sane, but who can
claim that? Facts are, past years /prog/ maybe did have some posters who could.
Any credible English dictionary will tell you a sane person is one whose actions
are reasonable. Reason, sounds familiar? Something that differentiates past
/prog/ from current /prog/. Reason is importand for a board. Reason is lacking.
/prog/ is turning into an obscure clique of imbeciles playing funny games. The
so called "penises", for example. Or games of other nature, ie repeating what the
previous poster said with a small change in the post. I am sure you have all
seen those. The problem is with the posters that downright assume that's how
it's always been here, and because of that, they join that particular game too.
But, where did these originate from? Hard to tell, maybe parrots in africa. You
will surely see them in other boards (imageboards, textboards doesn't matter).
Exempli gratia, /b/, /vip/, /dqn/, and older boards at 2ch. It's common to do
so and has a name, sarcasm. Repetition leads to innovation, that's what they
say. Innovation does not imply creativity. Sadly, I'm proven to be correct just
by reading a thread or two from /prog/'s index page. So, to name the first
problem, repetition. (note: this is a problem solely in /prog/. The other boards
addressed are doing just fine)

Repetition introduces penises to the board. Penises introduce people to the board.
As we all know, and as a quite popular manual page will tell us, less is more.
(and vice versa; more is less) Quality over quantity, harmony over chaos. One
cannot look forward to quality posts and harmony in a board populated by
unoriginal posters. You can certainly envision the next problem I am about to
name. Staleness. Without any doubt, other places are affected by staleness as
well, as per example, reddit. About reddit, I have posted my previous thoughts
here (http://dis.4chan.org/read/prog/1205555865).

Other minor issues include advertising, penis forcing, homework questions (they
rarely are of any arousment to any programmer solemn about what he does)
I am too tired to post about them, take a look around if you are curious. I
propose we contact moot or some moderator and ask for actions to be taken.
Enforcing on-topic posts would be fabulous. Banning those who bump old topics
wouldn't be bad. There are certain caveats with this solution: I certainly don't
want to see /prog/ turning into a "police state". As it stands, even that would
be better! Another solution is to let the real posters take over the board.
Caveats with this is that there's a high possibility genuine posters get banned
and the morons stay. That'd be the worst. Come on guys, /prog/ used to rock. Do
something about it, contribute instead of all the cockwaving fagfest you are
into now.. FOR THE LOVE OF ANYTHING THAT'S HOLY, FUCK THE PENIS BULLSHIT. Don't
be repetitive and avoid staleness.

Now, it is time to name some of the trolls we must avoid. Another problem with
naming repetition is that one simply contributes to that particular repetition,
and achieves something quite different from the original goal. Notwithstanding,
one cannot do something about it, so here I am naming them.
Rechan, any other board other than /prog/. I'm not a 4chan fanboy. Little
matters to me whether one is posting in rechan on 4chan. However I must alert
you why this is a bad thing. Rechan is controlled by one person, someone who
most likely used to post (or still posts) to /prog/. Making your own board means
two things: That you were disappointed and that you want authority over a
popular board. The former; I doubt. The latter is quite certainly true. Once
rechan (or some other board, for that matter) gets popular enough, be certain
that drama will ensue. See, that is impossible to happend with 4chan because
moot frankly does not care. 4chan is too big, and has too many boards to care
about a particular one. So stick to /prog/ guys.

Recursive acronym idiots: No. It's just boring. Most of the time it's not done
properly either (ie the recursive acronym is not really recursive) and I believe
that is done just to annoy those who enjoy the recursive acronym game, which in
return will post some flame and the correct acronym. All that leads to nothing.
It doesn't matter. Enlightened ones will certainly notice an acronym is simply a
collection of patterns with insignificant value. Say no to them. Don't attempt
to post a recursive acronym back to be funny. You'll look stupid like those
people who tell you not to talk in leetspeak because it's lame, in leetspeak.
Avoid like the plague.

SICP/Haskell saga idiots. Well these guys aren't that bad. Sometimes a funny
kopipe will be posted, people will like it, different versions of it will be
posted, and everyone'll be happy. That's fine, but leads to repetition which
leads to previous problems. So try to keep that shit to a minimum level. (note:
sicp is a fine book, haskell a fine language, fanboyism sucks et cetera, Sussman
told you that too)

BBCode morons: Keep it to one thread and it will be fine, no need to polute
every damn thread with (potentially broken) bbcode. BBCode is there to enhance
posts, not to degrade them.

This list is not complete, of course.

Last but not least, why meta-trolling shall not be considered. When you say a
foolish thing, and you get debunked by someone smarter than you, as defence you
could say "ha! you have been trolled". At that point the smart person, if he
really is worth his brains, will simply ignore you. He proved you wrong and
there's nothing more to be said. If you continue, that's when you get trolled.
Not by the other person, but by yourself. It's because you consider the original
poster to be a troll and not a genuine poster, which will lead to an infinite
loop of meta-trolling consideration, and nothing but wasting time will be
achieved. Once someone makes a dumb post, assume he's dumb and not that he's a
troll. At that point there are two options, either ignore or ridicule and move
on. Choose one, choose wisely.

>>1
I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOUR POST(s)! I READ IT FIVE (5) TIMES! PLEASE, POST MORE!

Mary Lynn Rajskub is my Goddess.

I don't mean "Goddess" as a throwaway label I apply to anyone I find attractive, I mean that she IS my personal Goddess on a spiritual level. I know every detail about her there is to know, I treat her like a lifelong friend. I've watched everything she's been in, including all her comedy shows, and read everything she's wrote. I have attended her shows and met her whenever I could, and had her sign pictures that contained hidden shooped-in contracts that would slowly surrender herself to me. If you check the internet, you will also find some of the stuff I have written up about her on reputable sites. You will find out my name and age, among other things. And I don't give a shit. Of course, I never quite revealed the sheer extent to how much I truly love her.

From October 28th, 2013 (the tenth anniversary of Mary's debut on 24 as Chloe O' Brian), to July 14th, 2014 (the airing of the final episode of Live Another Day), I set up an altar in my bedroom in honor of Miss Rajskub. With my rather expensive $500 tablet surrounded by candles and carefully drawn lines that always had a slideshow of her pics on. At 12:00 AM every week an episode reached it's decennial (or aired) I made sure to bust my nuts over the screen of the tablet and to not dedicate a single drop of cum towards anyone else. I went to sleep with a printout of her on my crotch to make sure any wet dreams ended up on her too, of which I'm satisfied to say did happen on multiple occasions, with 2 dreams in particular featuring her. On the very first day after the final episode had aired and I got my driving license, I deconstructed the altar, drove to Detroit with her 'Stupid Hot' stand up playing on my radio, and threw the tablet into the river at precisely midnight as a sacrifice for my Goddess. When I got back in my car I spent the night in Detroit before driving back. Nothing in my life before or since has felt more magical than that moment.

On most days, she'll be the sweetest subservient girl you would ever meet. She will be kind, compassionate, and cute. Once a fortnight, however, I want her to dress up like Goth Chloe from Live Another Day and act really hard on me. I want her to leash me, force me to lick her fine leather boots and then her feet, sit on me and slap me silly like she did to her fictional 'husband' Morris on 24. I want to cum in her mouth and then have her reel me in a long sloppy kiss which results in most of my semen travelling down my throat. I then want her to dress me up like a pretty little girl (she supports transvestism btw, check her poetry) and make me do all sorts of things for her, such as ass-to-ass DP until we both cum and fall over from exhaustion. I want to suck her tits. I would even gladly take the privilege of becoming her toilet and clean her holes out spotlessly. I would drink nothing but her piss, spit, snot, squirt, and over time, tit milk. I would express my love for her in a way no-one has before, and it would happen precisely 24 times a year, and last exactly one hour every time, picking up from the last session. I would then film it all and put it together.

She almost became mine this year, but I missed her after failing to realize she waited backstage for me for over 20 minutes. I hope that by posting this message on selected internet threads, she will forgive me and become my wife.

This post makes me hate the West. I know it's kopipe, but someone, somewhere, wrote this and took it seriously. The only way this could be more self-aggrandizing and pathetically impotent would be if LEEGUN wrote it. Hacking for ten hours a day and just giving it away is not something to be proud of. I think I would actually have more respect if they just wallowed in self-pity, acknowledging that they were shit like otaku do. Coding for hours despite being pissed off at make is not a hobby, it's an obsession. Do these losers have no ambition? Do they not realize that they are being brainless producers?

There is only one way to get the feminists out of open source, and that is to stop fucking using open source. All open source. You cut off Github's money and in a month they'll be offering to suck you off if you'll just come back. They'll pressure the media to stop attacking coders on their own. But we all know that will never happen even for a day. Open source advocates have no self-discipline. They are simpleminded slaves to whatever chemical gets released in their brain when they ``refactor'' another class. Their promises of boycott are no more threatening than a crackhead who tells his dealer he's going to stop buying. They couldn't stop even if they really wanted to, which they don't. They want to be worthless fools who squander their lives, and they want to be praised for it. If closed software didn't cost money, most of them would simply use Windows until their heart game out, and on every Friday night, they'd reward themselves for working so hard by eating double the junk food. On some level they must know that they don't have the fortitude to do anything real, so they just write angry letters and freak out on ibiblio. Actual physical protests rarely lead anywhere, and they think that getting pissed off on the internet is going to incite change? Get the fuck out of here.

Yes, they targeted open source coders. Yes, open source coders are getting shit on. Open source coders will continue being shit on, because open source coders deserve to be shit on. So they'd better learn to like the taste of shit, or make a fucking change in their life, because if there's anything we've learned from the behavior of feminist developers, it's that you can shit right in a open source coder's mouth and he'll return the very next day, get on his knees, open his mouth wide and swallow it; all the while ostentatiously demanding his mouth not be shit in. Day after day, year after year they'll eat that shit and get mad about it.

Please, if you are a open source coder, toss yourself into an oven. If you're not a open source coder, please be sure to not associate with gamers. Instead, go out of your way to treat them poorly. Call them names, spit on them, play pranks on them, get sluts to flirt and break there hearts, steal their stuff, drug and rape them, break their games, delete their saves, piss on their computers, break their fingers, make them wear kike-star armbands, push them into puddles, hide dead animals in their rooms, plant child porn on their computer, throw used tampons on them, use your bright headlights on at night, cut in front of them in line, kill their family, start rumors that they're child molesters, toss lit cigarettes down their cloths. It's okay to bully open source coders. It's for the greater good.

OP here. You guys are driving me fucking insane.

The reason I started this thread is because of the first picture in the OP. When I saw that picture for the first time, I began to feel a pain beyond words. Now that I've looked at every post in the thread, this pain is unbearable.

It's the pain of how no matter how hard I try, I will never in my life be able to have a meaningful relationship with someone. I didn't create this thread with sexual desires, it was because I wanted to reflect on what I could've done with my life. I will never do so much as touch the girl I practically love at my school. She's a nice, brunette, shy, kind of skinny, quiet, cute, perfect girl. I want to just sit in my basement and listen to music with her, cuddle with her. Nothing more.

But that won't happen. Because I like the THOUGHT of her. She doesn't exist in my world. She's not an option. It wasn't her specifically that I was so in love with HER, I haven't even had a conversation with this girl. It was a concept of what a true relationship may be. That is what this thread is.

I'm finished, /b/. I've tried so, so hard to make meaningful relationships with people. I really have. It's still unclear to me whether or not the reason people left me behind for their other friend is to my fault or not, but it doesn't matter now.

I'm Jack, I'm 15, and this thread will be my final resting place. Thank you for reading this.

I asked my 4 year old niece what are the ingredients in gravy and she answered with, "gravy". It kind of reminded me of programmers who use recursion to solve problems. When you use recursion you are essentially defining a procedure in terms of itself which makes no sense in the real world. Make believe stuff like this is why real scientist and engineers don't take computer scientist seriously.

>>11
OP here. I was surprised when I checked the thread today that it didn't 404. Interesting to read everyone else's responses.

I just wanted to share something else... after all, it's not like I have anywhere else to share it.

My computer's near a mirror, and I was looking at myself as I was typing. I was thinking tonight... that I have an adult body now, that I look like an adult instead of a teenager with a babyface... and that I'm still in the same shitty situation.

It feels something like deja vu. I am sitting in the same room I grew up in. I'm sitting here as an adult NEET. I remember sitting in this room when I was 13, playing roguelikes and Doom and watching shitty 80's anime. Now I'm an adult, and I'm basically doing the same thing... playing Elona, Touhou and watching shitty 00's anime.

Like most or all of you, I'm stuck in a rut I don't know how to get out of.

>>12
Sorry to hear that.

TL:DR:The Thread

>>1
I masturbated to your post.

Hey Guys,

You probably remember my name is John, and I want to apologize to every single one of you. I'm pretty sure most of you arent fat and are probably cleverer than I said, and if you guys want to look at pictures and stuff, then that's cool, everyone has a different life. The world is here to be shared, and I'm happy to share it with you guys. Most of you have probably got pussy before, anyway... I had a look around and there was a picture of a bitch being plowed by a guy with "Sussman /prog/" written on his dick. I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people... I do it myself, but not as well as you guys. I actually met my bitch through facebook, so I guess we're all a bit nerdy sometimes.

Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I deserve it after what I was like. I resigned from the football team and took up chess, and quit basketball when I realised the only people playing were niggers anyway. I also tried jacking off to an anime girl, which actually isn't all that bad. I only got straight A's because my mom fucked the principal, and my hot girlfriend is actually just a blow-up doll (She just popped; Shit was SO shit). You are all just reasonable people who should disregard what I said to you, don't become "an heroes" LOL (am I a newfag or what?). Thanks for listening, no hard feelings, right?

Pic Related: It's me and my blow-up bitch. We're both really, really sorry

>>16

Pic Related

facepalm.jpg

>>17

facepalm.jpg

Is it 2008 again?

>>14
fuck off lexie

Is it a good idea to give chocolate to dogs?

>>20
Only if it's Haskell.

Also, fuck dubsfaggots here, too.

source of OP copypasta:
https://warosu.org/jp/thread/2014383

>>23
/jp/ is an acceptable crossposting source for kopipe.