My critique of java

1. It only took me 1 hour to learn my first language (PHP) and a week later I was working for a bank, but today it has taken me like 3 hours to locate and install eClips. What's more, now I have it set up, I can't even get my first hello world factory to compile to a .exe - any advice?

2. When I try to play games in Java in my browser it gets really slow sometimes, my laptop overheats and I get the error message "Internet Explorer has stopped working"

3. What is a namespace? I've been googling for like 20 minutes and I still don't know tf it is

4. It's the only language available for the browser. This isn't really a critique of JS itself, just the fact that you can only use java and nothing else seems like a bug to me, why can't I use PHP to make flappybirds?

So to summarise:
1. It's hard to learn
2. It's slow like C++ instead of fast like C
4. Idk what a namespace is

Let me know what you think, if this gets good feedback I will probably do some more language critiques. Please check out my python critique from before.

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>>2
delete this

Namespaces are just syntactic sugar for monads.

syntactic bugger

steve i will prevail as the best (worst) shitposter on /proggles/

Why do you sign your posts like that?

>>7
it's called steveposting, look it up

>>8
can you actually write code
write fizzbuzz plox

>>9
multiples of 3 and 5 right?

for(let i = 1; i < 100; i++)
{
let output = "";

if(i % 3 == 0)
{
output = "fizz";
}

if(i % 5 == 0)
{
output +="buzz";
}

if(output != "")
{
console.log("["+ i +"] "+ output);
}
}

in before autists get upset there's more than 1 line of code

>>9
now you do it

main :: IO ()
main = printAll $ map fizzBuzz [1..100]
where
printAll [] = return ()
printAll (x:xs) = putStrLn x >> printAll xs

fizzBuzz :: Integer -> String
fizzBuzz n | n `mod` 15 == 0 = "FizzBuzz"
| n `mod` 5 == 0 = "Fizz"
| n `mod` 3 == 0 = "Buzz"
| otherwise = show n

console.log("[ 3 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 5 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 6 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 9 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 10 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 12 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 15 ] fizzbuzz");
console.log("[ 18 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 20 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 21 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 24 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 25 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 27 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 30 ] fizzbuzz");
console.log("[ 33 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 35 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 36 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 39 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 40 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 42 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 45 ] fizzbuzz");
console.log("[ 48 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 50 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 51 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 54 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 55 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 57 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 60 ] fizzbuzz");
console.log("[ 63 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 65 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 66 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 69 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 70 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 72 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 75 ] fizzbuzz");
console.log("[ 78 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 80 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 81 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 84 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 85 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 87 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 90 ] fizzbuzz");
console.log("[ 93 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 95 ] buzz");
console.log("[ 96 ] fizz");
console.log("[ 99 ] fizz");

>>12
main = mapM_ (putStrLn . fizzBuzz) [1..100]

get this fucking garbage off prog right now

>>15
salty

>>15
SALTY AS FUK
READ A SICP

Check my >>18

>>18
sick >>18 bro

>>18
HEIL HITLER!!!

>>20 Hey now that's not appropriate. Don't do that. Also check my dubs, haha.

dubs snatched

eclipse <applet></applet>, try using another browser, learn namespaces, must be client-side to run on the local machine, kind of correct that most languages don't run in the browser

>>23
<3

At least it's not flash
Your current security exploit is getting old. Please update to the newest version