Walrus

Hello, I am currently 18 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there’s a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I’m different. On December 14th, I’m moving to Antartica; home of the greatest walruses. I've already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus.

Hello.

You're like that Orc who thought he was a Khajiit.

GOO GOO GOO JOOB GOO GOO GOO JOOB

>>3
Whom? I only remember a nigger that wanted to be a elf because niggers are stupid as fuck and they are good only for fighting yet magic is better than fighting
http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Oblivion:Redguard

+10 Strength and Endurance
-10 Intelligence, Willpower, and Personality

oooooo

>>5

Oblivion

>>5
Hey, Ra'Gruzgob likes you. Maybe Ra'Gruzgob tells you a little secret.
Got any moon sugar for your pal Ra'Gruzgob?

It's from Morrowind

>>5
If you don't know the difference between whom and who, just use who.

>>8
Whom are you?

>>9
Nobody with who you should be concerned.

Whom wilst checketh mine undeniably doubles?

>>11
Wherefore should I check thine dubs?

>>12
Hereuntilwith and everywhereof, unless duly noted otherwise.

>>13>>12>>11

using DWM-speech
on /lounge/

Nigger, you fucked. If you wondering who I quoting its nobody. Its just a meme.

>>14
Whom exactly dideth I fucketh herewithal?

>>15

moar DWM-speak

GTFO

>>16
Dear sir,
I am writing with regard to your continued slurs and insults on the "/lounge/" subforum, hereafter referred to as "the Lounge". In order to protect my lawful interests, I demand that you immediately:

1. Cease your derogatory and pejorative behavior in the Lounge, including any and all threads and posts therein, until hereuntilwith whereafter noted otherwise.
2. Commit and send to the Lounge your hereafter legally-binding apologies, contritions and/or condolences, and advise me to the full extent of their location on the herewith said forum.
3. Perform the necessary steps to, and ensure the continued repetition of the necessary procedure to which you are hereby consigned everywhereof, namely "hax anus", and enjoy regular and repetitive performance thereof on the Lounge wheretofore.
4. Fuck thyself with a broomstick, ya toilet scrubber.

Once we receive this information, we will be able to determine what, if any, further compensatory and/or remedial steps are necessary. Your urgent response is obligatory. We expect to hear from you within five (5) days of your receipt of this post to acknowledge your compliance with the foregoing.

>>17
Wow that post really made you butthurt. The fact you got so mad from what he said does suggest you're some class of assblasted kike-professor, am I right?

>>18
I'm actually a gender-unsure adolescent jazz fan working at a graveyard in Mahamanistan.

What profiteth contrition when sincerity hath fled?

>>19
Hey, I'm a jazz fan too. Let's masturbate to the tune of It Don't Mean A Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing)

>>19

Google yelds no results for Mahamanistan. Are you, perchance, trolling?

>>19
I'm envious of your VIP QUALITY!

>>21
Hello, 2ch, yesterday I had an epic fail of indescribable scale happen to me.
I was sitting in a cafe with a girl, an amazing girl who looked like Amelie Poulain. We talked about the early Coltrane, about the 80s and about how modern youngsters are way out of check. We enjoyed ourselves, and I was planning to drive her around the night town to the sounds of Bohren und der Club of Gore whilst talking about the buildings built during the 80s, when I suddenly felt the desire to fart. My stomach churned with unhuman pain, I clasped my teeth, and tears streamed out of my eyes. The girl, paying no heed to my tension, went on tweeting about something, but I realized that unless I lax my sphincter right away, I would get fucking torn apart. No sooner did I imagine how my anus would be shattered than I felt a warm wave rush on to it. That was feces. And it was The Downfall.
Imagine the situation: I'm shifting uneasily on the chair, try to stand up a little, and my sphincter traitorously laxes, so I realize that the only thing remaining to do is to thunderously fart with sauce and shit my underwear.
The pressure mounted, I took the girl's hand, looked her in the eyes (she was very surprised but didn't pull the hand away) and said: "I'm sorry. We'll meet somewhere in another life. I'll miss you greatly". Subsequently, I laxed my sphincter and tensed my abdominal muscles.
[the following events transpired within 5 seconds]
At first there was nothing, only a ringing silence. It was my anus ringing. All around me froze in anticipation of my infernal farting.
Then, slowly, the rectal mucus started to pour through my anus, lubricating it and getting it ready for something great.
After that, there was a big bang that lasted for 3 seconds. A small universe made out of my shit was born that moment. The Sun, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Cepheus - all were made out of feces, and all were in my underwear.

When it was all over, I stood up and staggered away with no direction, leaving the girl and the other patrons sitting there with gasping mouths.
In my head, Coltrane played. Giant Steps.

>>22
Even Google doesn't know all countries yet, obviously.

>>23
Jealousy is a bad feeling. You should embettern dein shitposting to become as VIP as me (or more).

>>24

Ah, the innerly ripping tension of a tremendous flatulence much delayed. I have been there myself, friend. I admit my roal.

>>24
The only thing I cared about in that post was John Coltrane.

Why wouldn't the dog stop barking when he spotted the jazz musician?

there was a cat in his house.

>>26>>27
You know posting about jazz here just makes you look like a unhinged sociopath, right?

Because you must be a unhinged sociopath.

TH3 81G 8ANG 0F F3C35 F1LL3D MY UND3R5H0ART5

I am experimenting with a new RedCream style. A new age of RedCream expression. Do you care to critique it, losers? Do you dare?

>>29
Please use the old one. The new one and the one that you use now are horrible.

>>28

What jazz has to do with sociopathy? Everyone here is an unhinged sociopath by default.

Can you suggest a new style, >>30-kun?

I will flutter my eyelashes at you, and there will be a very anime-esque gleam in my oaverly large eyes, if you do this thing foar me.

0AR 3L53 1 MIGHT CH0053 WHAT H0RR1F135 Y0U T0 TH3 C0AR

>>32
Put more roal, no numbers and even more gibberish. Also say whom, thy, thus, etc.

>>29
>>32

Terrible! I won't even optimize my're quotes for you.

>>28
I'm an unhinged sociopath too. Wanna meet up and slap ballsacks?

I'm an unhinged ballsack too. Wanna meet up and slap sociopaths?

>>33-dubs-kun

Put more roal, no numbers and even more gibberish. Also say whom, thy, thus, etc.

Moar roal, CHECK. Noa numbers, CHECK. Moar gibberish... wait, what? o_O

>>37

o_O

Oooh, I like that. I think we've found a new style for you :)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unusual_deaths

2013: Takuya Nagaya, 23, from Japan, started to slither on the floor and talk about becoming a snake. His mother took this to mean that he had been possessed by a snake demon and called for her husband, 53-year-old Katsumi Nagaya, who spent the next two days physically beating his son in an attempt to exorcise the demon, ultimately killing Takuya.[103]

>>39
Oh, the enlightened and progressive people of Nippon!