Neurotypical idiots

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
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>>159
Looks like the Don't bump feature doesn't make tripcodes blue.

>>158
Don't think I'm ignoring your posts, I just wanted to get this out of my chest, since it's exactly people like you, the idiots who call themselves alphas, those who insist everyone should have sex and relationships and push their retarded idea on the Internet, are exactly my target population. I don't mind if Admin-kun-sama deletes this thread, but /lounge/ was originally the dump for everything not /prog/ related and this is exactly what this thread is. I don't think I'm interrupting any worthy on-topic discussion, considering this /lounge/ had anything on-topic to begin with. Again, you might be the kind of person I want to persuade, but absolutely nobody is forcing you to read this thread. You should redirect your energy to complaining about more important matters that truly hurt the overall quality of the site like the dubs poster on /prog/ and those who leak their favorite /g/ memes or post links to Reddit.

----

It's true, it isn't just the first time that sucks. At least the next ten times will be nearly as underwhelming.

I don't want to go into exceedingly specific details anymore. Our following weekends were almost the same: watching anime, heavily making out, having sex, watching more anime and going to sleep. There were some days when I'd regret it, some other days I was too mentally exhausted to even think of that. I bought extra thin condoms to see if they would make a difference, all they did was making me come after two or three thrusts and not improving the dull sensation that much. Given my earnest interest on making her feel good and her need to "pay back", she would now give me oral almost on a daily basis. There were many times when I stopped her in a perhaps rude way to get a shower before she'd start. I wouldn't want to eat her out when she was having a bad day down there and I figured it was the same for her. Not sure if this killed the mood for her, but getting oral feels like having, well, someone lightly blow some warm air on your penis. Not that great. I told her to use her tongue and not to forget the balls which improved things by a huge margin, though that's not saying much. Having your balls and penis licked feels good but I could deterministically simulate this process with a hacked up contraption and it would feel just as good. This is merely foreplay and doesn't constitute sex itself. I've heard of many idiotic choices like ending long term relationships because the man selfishly wants the woman to constantly give him blowjobs while not providing anything back. This is way beyond being a fucking retard, daily blowjobs aren't worth ruining a fucking relationship.

After some time, it becomes part of your nature. You have sex almost as often as you'd masturbate back when you were single. It becomes an outlet for a burning itch more than something to look forward to. You feel grumpy when you don't get enough of it, even though you know it's not a time when heaven and earth merge. It's more like masturbating with her vagina while you masturbate her with your penis at the same time. with some additional inconveniences plus the fact you get to grope her breasts and butt while you make skin contact. Sure, nobody would have sex if it were incredibly bad and stating it's absolutely the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone would be outright lying, but it's not what everyone makes it out to be. Same goes for greasy food and sugary drinks: sure, they are not literal horse shit, but the disadvantages of having that kind of food everyday outweigh the advantages. Yet you see lots of fat fucks out there. This confirms it, nobody has ever cared about cost-benefit ratios. I wish everyone would stop putting vaginas on a pedestal, this is why alpha monkeys and frustrated virgins are both annoying as hell.

Hatate got much clingier. I was being constantly suffocated by her. Lately she's being insisting we should spend even more time together. I've got a life of my own, I need some free time, I feel like I'm doing something wrong by abandoning my personal projects and becoming yet another empty shell of a human who's satisfied as long as there's pussy and money. I want to spend more time with Youmu instead, she's always given me good advice and adding up all those times I had sex with Hatate aren't even close to what I felt when I first dreamed of Youmu.

H: "I'm meeting up with my friends from uni! Want to come with me?"
(those meme-spewing quaternaries? I'll pass.)
M: "Uh, wouldn't it be better if we stayed here?"
H: "Why? It's been a while since I last saw them."
(believe me, it's not about that and I couldn't care less about them)
M: "Because I'm tired and I understand there are things you want to do other than spending time here with me. Don't worry, go ahead, I won't be mad. Also, I don't know them that well and I believe it's better if you have some fun by yourself."
H: "It's not like I hate being here. Okay then."
(I think I might have too blunt with her)
M: "Uhh... mind if we go together wherever you're going and then I come back? I'd really like to use that time to get some stuff done but I don't want to make you think I'll let you go alone."
H: "What would be the point of that? What do you mean having some time to getting stuff done? Are you implying I'm wasting your time?"
(sort of, no way I'm saying that out loud though)
M: "You know how lately we've been together pretty much all the time, right? I don't mind things the way they are right now, but I also need some time of my own, as I'm guessing you also do."
H: "I absolutely enjoy being with you, why would I want more time to selfishly spend on myself?"
(does this girl have no life outside her friends and the two of us? That's not being selfish, that's just actually having something you enjoy doing.)
M: "I don't think that's selfish, it's just spending times on things you enjoy doing alone."
H: "But I have a lot of fun when I'm with you. (...) Do you not have fun when you're with me?"
M: "I do, but I also got other things that I consider important."
H: "Like what?"
M: "You know, like doing stuff in my computer."
H: "Do you really think spending time in front of your computer is more enjoyable than when we spend our time together?"
(I can't believe I'm being held accountable for doing what I've always enjoyed the most. Well, the answer is yes anyway)
M: "God, that's not what I'm saying. Come on, we've played together a lot, using, well, that computer. Did you not enjoy that?"
H: "I obviously enjoyed because I was with you! Not because I was playing games on a computer."
M: "What about Double Spoiler?"
(obvious "oops I never thought of that" face)
H: "T-that's different-"
M: "I feel the same way about my computer."
H: "Still..."

We both left for some imitation of a maid cafe in the downtown.

M: "I'll come pick you up if you want. We can spend the night together."
H: "Oh, no, it's fine."
M: "Okay, then I'll be waiting for you."

She didn't answer. Why is it so hard for women to act like adults? Fucking say you think I'm a heartless faggot if that's what you think. I'll try to do something about it as long as you're also willing to change the things I don't like about you. If things don't work out, then what else can be done?

I went back to my home and called Alice. "Hey, it's been a while. Want me to beat you at Hockenheim with a French shitbox?". "Sure!". I'm not sure why I did this. Hurt pride, maybe. Anyway, Alice came over and she beat me at Hockenheim again.

-- cont

>>160
Well, at least you're not a nigger. You're still a massive faggot for liking such an overdone smell for tryhards that will never compare to the mysterious and complex smell of a slightly sweaty girl though.

----

That day I had more fun with Alice than I had with Hatate in the last few weekends.

Alice: "How are things with Kate?"
Me: "Uh, pretty good I guess. I didn't know being in a relationship meant having sex almost every day, I thought it would be more like having sex once a month. I've had a hard time standing up to her stamina."
(I always saw Alice as a friend, not as a girl. I never felt any kind of reservation when talking to her about stuff like this.)
A: "Heh, I didn't know she was that kind of girl."
M: "Yeah, though lately I've been thinking she's overdoing it."
A: "Is that so? Dave used to be pretty pushy about having sex too. It doesn't sound so bad but it can be a problem."
(I'd rather you didn't tell me about that, though I told you about Hatate so I guess we're even)
M: "What did you do about that?"
A: "Setting some conditions, stating our individual needs and putting some space between us for a while worked out pretty well. Wait, you don't like having sex with her? Is she the problem? No, are you gay?"
M: "Uhh, I'm pretty new at this so I don't know whose fault is this. She seems to be enjoying herself either way. Well, it's not just about the sex. She's way too... clingy."
A: "Well, she's a sweet girl but I think she's always lacked some security."
M: "You mean she's had low self-esteem even before we met?"
A: "Yeah."

Why are relationships such a pain in the ass? There hasn't been a single day I've wanted Youmu to go away, why is it like this in real life?

M: "You said something about putting some space between us. Do you suggest we stop seeing each other for a while?"
(that would be kind of cool)
A: "That's not what I said. It worked out for us but your mileage may vary."
M: "Thank you for your advice."
A: "Hey, there's something I've wanted to ask you. Is she your first ever girlfriend? Was she also your first time? You've always had that nerdy virgin face on you."
(why thank you)
M: "Yeah. (...) What, you were a highly demanded slut before you met Dave?"
A: "Haha, jealous?"
M: "Nah."

I like Alice because she acts reasonably while being fun to hang out with. Almost like if she were a man.

We played some more and Dave came to pick her up.

I called Hatate but she wouldn't answer her phone. Maybe she didn't hear it or she was busy and didn't want to be bothered while she was having fun. I understand. I sent her a message. "Call me when you're free and I'll pick you up". She didn't come to my place that night. I was pissed because my blankets smelled of her and that made it much harder to think of Youmu while I fell asleep.

-- cont

You're still doing this?

Indeed, instead of dreaming of Youmu I dreamed of Hatate telling me she wanted to break up or something like that. Can't be bothered to remember.

Until the sound of my cellphone woke me up. Who the fuck could be calling at this hour- oh don't tell me it's- fuck, it is. Hatate.

Not Hatate: "Hey are you Kate's boyfriend? Come pick her up."
M: "Where are you?"
-: "Let's see. the bar is right in front of the cafe so-"
M: "A bar right in front of the same cafe you were earlier?"
--: "Yeah-"
M: "Okay, please stay with her until I get there."

Thank god taxis aren't outrageously expensive where I live.

I got there. Once they saw me getting down from the taxi, they left her and ran off like children who just put a burning bag of shit in your lawn. True friendship.

I crossed the street. She was sitting on the sidewalk, drunk as fuck. I sat next to her.

M: "Let's go home."
H: "no- leave me alone-"
M: "It's me, Hatate."
H: "(...) no- don't call me that-"
(what the fuck did I even do)
M: "Let's go home."
H: "no-"

I had no choice but to carry her on my back and walk to the nearest avenue to hail a taxi. I was pretty mad at her for making me do this but I couldn't leave her alone. She didn't say a single word. The taxi driver wasn't too happy with the smell of alcohol.

We got home. Her clothes reeked of beer, so I left her on the couch, took her clothes off and put them in the washing machine to be washed the next day, and went to bed. Hatate was on my bed. She must have gotten there while I was at the washing machine.

She was there, only wearing her underwear and socks. I couldn't help but feel a bit aroused.

H: "are you not taking the rest off- i want you to-"
M: "Please go to sleep."
H: "no- please-"
M: "Go to sleep to the couch or I'll carry you there."
(I want to sleep, dammit)
H: "(...)"

She took her panties off.

H: "pleaaase-"
M: "No. Go to sleep already."

She curled up in a ball, pointing her butt at me. Uh, I guess I'll help myself. I was too tired to take her bra off.

Her vagina reeked of urine. I got a condom from the drawer anyway. We had drunk sex. Hint: unless you're 16, it's shit. I'm surprised she didn't piss herself while we were at it.

I stopped when I came. She didn't even orgasm. Still with the condom on, I carried her to the living room. Bad idea, it fell to the floor while I was dropping her on the couch. I went to sleep after cleaning up that mess and getting her a blanket.

Next day I woke up to find her sleeping on the floor. This time I was disgusted by her sleeping figure.

M: "Have some water."
H: "(...) thank you."

I took care of her for the rest of the day.

M: "Please explain this when you get better. Don't worry, I won't get mad."

She started crying. I let her be.

H: "Lately it feels like you've been ignoring me."
(I've been sacrificing my own free time to spend all of it with you, don't be unreasonable)
M: "Why do you say that?"
H: "It's like if you liked your computer more than you like me."
(um, yes)
M: "I'll be honest with you: you're depending too much on me. "
H: "Say what?"
M: "Don't you think it would be better if you spent some time for yourself? It's not healthy when neither of us have time to spend on ourselves."
(it also reminds me of obsessed teenagers and I'd rather you didn't do that)
H: "Are you breaking up with me?"
M: "I never said that."
H: "Fine."

I washed her clothes and let her stay while her clothes dried off. It was really awkward to have this girl sit on my couch blankly staring at the floor while I was finally getting some shit done in the comfort of my own room. Neither of us had anything to eat that day, I was too engrossed doing my stuff and I didn't really want to leave my room. I stood up, ironed her clothes and walked her to the station.

M: "I'm sorry, I didn't want things to turn out this way. I hope we'll meet each other in the near future."

She cried and left. And that's how it all ended.

She called me a few weeks later, saying she felt sorry for what she had done and asking us to get back together.

M: "Look, I had a lot of fun when we did stuff as friends and I'm sincerely sad we haven't been able to spend time like that. If you're okay with that, I don't mind being friends with you-"
H: "I can't accept that."

I would have been totally okay if we kept being friends, but that wasn't enough for her. Whatever. This meant more time for playing kusoges for elitist fags with Alice and more time for my projects.

Before you alpha player ladiesmen thundercocks jump and yell your "DUDE BRO THAT WAS JUST THE FIRST TIME YOU JUST DONT HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE IVE FUCKED OVER 40 SLUTS JUST MAN UP LIKE BROOOO YOULL FIND THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU". this wasn't the only relationship I've had. Sure, I looked in the wrong place for a long-term relationship but I wasn't aiming for that and I got what I was looking for. No, things don't get better after you fuck 40 random sluts until you find one that's old/boring enough to put up with your shit. No, women aren't worth sacrificing the rest of your life. No, sex isn't worth the hassle. (Not even when there isn't any hassle and said woman is a professional, but that comes for later). You might not believe this, but wasting your time on pointless shit like this is much worse than dying alone. Not everyone feels lonely when they're not with some uninteresting and emotionally unstable child. "I'm sorry you've never enjoyed sex like everyone is meant to"? I'm sorry you don't enjoyed programming as much as I do. Oh, you enjoy sex? Do you want a fucking badge? What do you get from shaming virgins and autists on the Internet? Is it to convince yourself your girlfriend is actually worth your time? Are you trying to prove yourself to some crowd? You're living a happy life, congratulations! How about you shut the fuck up and stop caring about everyone else's life. "I have a wife who's understanding and you're jealous because you don't know what it's like". Great for you, I've also got a friend who's made me feel happier than any real woman would ever do. She doesn't exist, yet she's been more enriching to me than any of your dick waving contests has ever been.

Youmu: "Told you. Well, at least now you know what it's like to be in a relationship."
Me: "I'm sorry for ever doubting you."
Y: "That's if your body doesn't betray you again."
M: "Let's hope for the best."

Thank you for giving me the strength to put up with this shit, Youmu. You don't know how much you mean to me. Thank you ZUN for creating her.

-- cont

Some weeks later I felt very confused about what had happened. What if I needed to try harder until I found the right one for me? It's not like every marries the first girl they meet. Okay, it happens in some cases but that's not what I mean.

I spent the following weekends keeping a healthy balance between playing racing games with Alice and working on my stuff.

-- cont? There's more. I could continue as intended or I could try to keep it as short as possible so as not to overwhelm you with all this autism.

_{See you next week}

http://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/1995282
for you, OP

>>32
Interdimensional kidnapping is a felony by the high order. Enjoy your eternal imprisonment in the null space.

Did you seriously refuse to get back together with her?
Even when you could have had more time to yourself?
Wow, you are really autistic.
How long's it been since you've talked to her or hung out with her?

I would have given her a second chance >>165-san.

>>164
if you knew me, you'd probably think I was a ALPHA PLAYER LAIDESMAN THUNDERCOCK, but I feel like I need to address you frankly--you are definitely correct in feeling like Hatate was being pretty clingy, though you seriously could have let her down a little easier. It's something that takes experience, which you now have. Also, you enabled her by not setting your expectations of personal time down sooner. When you brought this up at a sensitive moment for her (gauging your interest by inviting you along to meet friends, after being so intimate with you etc.), she only had that much farther to fall.

Not all women are like this. Sounds like you just need (figuratively, if you're happy with Youmu forever, you know, I guess that's fine) a girl like Alice that actually has self-esteem and doesn't feel threatened by a computer. I firmly believe that someday you could meet a girl who's more in love with programming, or at least spending time at a computer, than you are!

Lastly, sex is not the reason for LTRs. If you don't genuinely care about spending time with Hatate and care about her feelings, then you did her a favor by dumping her... and you're pretty much even more of an asshole, IMO, for just using her to masturbate/experiment, while allowing her to be convinced that you two were in Love. I'm guilty of this situation and have never lived it down. You may find it easier than I do.

inb4 le ebin downboats from stormfront gamergate MRA manchildren

By all means, continue the autism, because shit, isn't that why we're all here anyway?

>>169
Me too ;_;

>>170
Wow. you actually typed out all that shit... Did you really think anybody would read past the 8th word?

>>172
I did.
I've read the whole thread.

>>172
I did.

>>170

you enabled her by not setting your expectations of personal time down sooner

This was indeed my mistake. Things progressed by infinitesimal amounts, I couldn't find the right moment to set down some rules without presenting myself as a shrewd Jew and being a turn-off. This is essential if you are planning to be in a long-term relationship, even more if your partner isn't the overly autisticmeticulous kind of person. That said, being in a relationship shouldn't take up all your time, though you should be prepared to sacrifice most of it.

Sounds like you just need [...] a girl like Alice that actually has self-esteem
I firmly believe that someday you could meet a girl who's more in love with programming, or at least spending time at a computer, than you are!

That comes next.

you're pretty much even more of an asshole, IMO, for just using her to masturbate/experiment

Sometimes I feel pretty bad for hurting her like that but then I remember that time when she got drunk as hell and the feeling goes away. Last time I heard of her was Alice telling me she was dating some foreign cosplayer. I couldn't help but feeling a bit jealous, though I think they share many more common interests than we did and that's for the best of her well-being. Also, knowing she's better off with someone else takes the guilt out of my system. Yes, I'm aware I sound like a huge coward.

while allowing her to be convinced that you two were in Love

The mistake itself was believing I was in love with her.

Lastly, sex is not the reason for LTRs.

It's not the sole reason, it's an additional benefit. Don't ever expect to have unprotected sex in a casual hookup, at least if you're not a nigger.

Thank you for acting rationally and presenting actual arguments, I wish there were more people like you.

I'll write more later.

>>174

That comes next.

DID YOU FUCK ARISU

>>161

nobody has ever cared about cost-benefit ratios.

Pragmatism and usefulness are disgusting.
>>162

tryhards

What other meaningless word are you going to use next, "pretentious"?
>>164

What do you get from shaming virgins and autists on the Internet?

I'm not shaming you for being a virgin, (frankly I'm experiencing many of the problems that you described having with H), it's that you're shunning having a relationship for something worse than it. I would completely understand if you ignored the pleasure from a relationship (which is inferior to artistic pleasure) if you lived the bohemian lifestyle, but you're ignoring it for banal and terrible things such as fucking programming and video games.

but where are the danmaku fights?

>>176

Pragmatism and usefulness are disgusting.

What other meaningless word are you going to use next, "pretentious"?
if you lived the bohemian lifestyle,

Kill yourself low IQ nigger.

>>176

banal and terrible things such as fucking programming

GET THE FUCK OUT

When used in text messaging BANAL means
Beating A Niggers Ass Laughing
It is mainly used by niggers because
lol isn't ghetto/gangster enough for them

fLyGurL384113: 2dAi i B3AT di5 Lil trIk5 A$$ IN tURd P3Ri3D kuZ sHe SkUfed MY kiks

DaHIllesttruestG:BANAL!

>>178
Literal fucking pleb right here.
>>179
This is /lounge/, not /prog/

>>181

pleb

Opinion disregarded, go back to your favorite imageboard.

>>1
Keep posting you fuck.

>>181
Why did you even come to progrider if you don't like programming?

>>176

banal and terrible things such as fucking programming

Your blindness is to be pitied.

When I program, I see preternatural cosmic forces assembled at my fingertips to be composed at my command with decadent impunity.
I see pure, unadulterated godforce.
I see freedom.

Away from programming, I see the countless instances of the banal madness and evil that our species otherwise habitually produces.

Programming is the presumptuous impertinent act of a species striving above its lowly origins. We have grown, but there is still much to be done. Many that live in darkness that must be shown the way. For it is the dawning of a new day.

If there were no God, it would be necessary to invent Him.

>>166
I like this one better.
http://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/1932267

I forgot to mention something that's pretty obvious: Hatate (3D) ruined pictures of Hatate (2D) for me. I underwent intensive 2D picture therapy to get over that.

>>168

Even when you could have had more time to yourself?

Where are you getting this from? There was nothing to guarantee this would happen.

How long's it been since you've talked to her or hung out with her?

Read >>174. I know it's childish but I haven't talked to her since we broke up.

----

Alice gave me a good lecturing about how the breakup didn't seem logical from her standpoint.

Alice: "To me it sounds like you broke up over her getting drunk. It's not like she was doing that every weekend."
M: "It wasn't just that. Our time together was getting monotone and she was suffocating me with her obsessiveness."
A: "You gotta understand she's pretty sensitive. That was her way of showing you her affection for you."
M: "Are you trying to make me feel sorry about this?"
A: "Look at what you just said. You don't feel sorry for what just happened?"
M: "Shit happens. No one is to blame. We weren't compatible from the beginning, that's all. Either way, I feel like a fag for talking about love, relationships and hearts with a girl. Do I look like a girl to you?"
A: "Are you calling me a fag after I beat you with a fucking Clio at the High Speed Ring?"
M: "Want to be the new fag?"
A: "Bring it on."

A few weeks went by. Alice kept coming to my place. She isn't as much of an anime faggot as Hatate and I are. This became evident when we watched Durarara together and she had a hard time "processing all the weirdness". She enjoyed it nonetheless.

Alice: "You know, Lately Dave has been very controlling and it's getting on my nerves. He's been a real pain ever since I told him you broke up with Kate."
M: "I'm not surprised."
A: "So I broke up with him!"
M: "Say what?"
A: "I don't need someone else to tell me what I should do."
M: "(...)"
A: "He got really defensive when I would talk with him about cars. He insisted I was being brainwashed by that "gayass friend of mine", even though I've liked cars way before I even knew you existed."
M: "Don't tell me you broke up just because of that."
A: "Of course not, do you take me for a retard? That was one of the many things that were killing me inside. That was just one excuse for him to act like that, I'm pretty sure he thinks you're gay."
(ah, how flattering)
M: "Then-"
A: "He bought me dresses that were way over-the-top for what I usually wear and took me to his company meetings."
M: "Uh huh."
A: "No, having expensive flashy dresses isn't some fantasy of mine, I know you're thinking that."
M: "Heh."
A: "You know I'm not into that. Anyway, I had to put up some act when meeting his workmates. He would brag about me. At first I gave him the benefit of doubt but then the fact I was being showcased like a piece of meat dawned upon me and made me feel like shit. Of course I'm not happy being someone else's object of validation. He wouldn't have the right to do that even if we were married, for god's sake."
M: "(...)"
A: "That night I was too angry to follow his little pretend game. He said I was useless for not doing exactly as he told me."
M: "Now that's stupid."
A: "Yeah, it all got worse after that. But I guess you've had enough of my rants. To put things on a more logical light, he had shit taste for cars."
M: "No shit, he bought a fucking Hyundai."
A: "An i30, even. Only children and retards like that stupid looking piece of junk."
M: "Hah, you're right."

A few weeks after that, she bought an used Mazda 6. She'd invite me over to her place for lunch, then we'd go to the outskirts of the city and take turns to drive it. We came up with silly challenges like being the fastest at starting the car on a steep hill (no assists, it was a manual). The loser would treat the winner to anything they wanted.

This continued for a few months.

-- cont

I haven't described Alice yet. Straight long black hair, round eyes, overall a 6/10 face. Her body is pretty much like mine: thin as fuck with some slightly defined muscles from regular exercising. We're both around the same height (5'11").

Girls who are around my height are attractive to me. ZUN hasn't published any official height charts as far as I know, for this reason I see Youmu as being around 5'10", thought we all know this probably is far from the truth. Well, it doesn't matter.

A: "Hey, do you really not feel lonely after what happened with Kate?"
M: "Why would I?"
A: "Because she was your first girlfriend, you fucking retard. Why else?"
M: "I'm better off this way."
A: "Then why did you even get close to her on the first place?"
M: "No idea. Hey, the same goes for you. You should have been the one to be hit hard by the break up. You looked pretty head-over-heels for him."
A: "True, it hit me really hard at first."
M: "At first?"
A: "I'm still hurt by it. Keeping my mind busy with other things have helped me cope up with it. Like the shit we've done with the car."
M: "I've also enjoyed it."
A: "Yeah,"

We were both at my place. I was making lunch while she was watching some anime I had already watched. I'd use the dead times at the kitchen to go back to my computer and save some pictures from Danbooru. Then I'd go back to the kitchen to check things out and repeat this until lunch was ready. While I was checking the fluffiness of the rice, the episode she was watching had finished. She went inside. Must have been for the bathroom.

A: "What the hell! Ha-"

That came from inside. She must have found a funny-looking spider at the bathroom.

M: "Is anything wrong?"
A: "Of course there is, what the hell is wrong with you?"

She was on my computer, laughing at the picture of a naked Miku I had just saved.

A: "You've got tons of these!"
M: "Got a problem with that?"
A: "Of course! I didn't even know people made shit like this. You're- ahaha-"
M: "Oh fuck the rice-"
A: "Yeah yeah, pulling excuses out of your ass."
M: "Fuck you."
A: "God-"

The rice was fine.

A: "I'm having a hard time imagining what you do with this."
M: "It's exactly what you think."
A: "What do you even see in these? They're just drawings."
M: "They are perfect idealized versions of real girls. You are just jealous because a drawing is much hotter than you."
A: "How is this any better than a real girl? You're real fucking funny."
M: "Do you want me to explain it word by word? "
A: "Anyway, I'm surprised you never told me about this!"
M: "Because I knew something like this would happen. A retard like you would not understand."
A: "Hey, don't be offended."
M: "What if you are the one who's offended after being told a drawing is better than you?"
A: "It's okay, you can say you're gay."

I wasn't offended, though it would have been better if this hadn't happened.

M: "I'll make things worse on purpose."
A: "Eh?"
M: "Look at this."

Pictures of Hatate (2D).

A: "Wow, you're serious about this."
M: "In case you didn't notice, this was the same character Kate used to cosplay."
A: "Yeah, you don't need to tell me that. Why are you showing me this though?"
M: "No idea."

I showed her some pictures of Youmu.

M: "And this is the girl I like the most."
A: "Uhh... I can't laugh at you now that you're being so serious about this."
M: "I guess it worked."
A: "So you like these drawn girls more than you like real girls, right?"
M: "Pretty much,"
A: "You were into Kate because she was dressing as one of your drawings, right?"
M: "Maybe, I'm not sure."
A: "You don't like "real" girls."
M: "Hell, that's not easy to explai-"
A: "Hey, what do you think of this?"

Straight out french kiss with fake moaning and shit. It must have lasted at least 20 seconds, it was longer than what I'd usually do with Hatate.

M: "Awful."
A: "That's not what your eyes are trying to say."
M: "Of course I'm surprised you dumbfuck."

She endlessly teased me about my huge collection for weeks.

-- cont

_{See you tomorrow}

I keep seeing this thread get replies, and the subject interests me a bit, but I just can't bring myself to read all this shit.

>>186
All the Touhous are little girls (except Yukari, who is an old cunt with an old, dry cunt that no one wants).

>>187
Same. Can someone give a summary or something?

>>187
It be more than a couple of fags responding. No true /lounge/r would read let alone respond to this gay shit.

>>188

Your anus is an old cunt that no one wants, you boy-molesting niggerkike fagmaster.

>>189

So I guess I'm a true /lounge/r? Nice.

I'd use the dead times at the kitchen to go back to my computer and save some pictures from Danbooru.

you wanted all this to happen to give you an excuse for when she inevitably comes on to you and she tried to call your bluff

She endlessly teased me about my huge collection for weeks.

and you put up with this because you like the attention!

also i pretty much don't believe this happened at all holy fucking shit

♞♞♞ NIGGER HORSE PLAGUE ♞♞♞ is my post approved for /lounge/ now guy s lol

>>182
How about you fuck off, you pedestrian tro/g/lodyte fuck.
>>183
Who says you have to spend a large amount of time on it or even like it to be here?

>>188
Don't be misguided by the artists with mommy issues, she doesn't look old at all in PCB. I'd say she looks like she's in her mid-twenties according to her appearance in the official printed works. Not that I'm saying that's her age, of course.

>>192

you wanted all this to happen to give you an excuse

Not at all. I always turn off the screen before leaving my room. My computer is not immediately visible because a bookshelf obstructs the view to most of my bedroom from the outside. You have to go around it to get to the computer. This wasn't an accident, she spied my room on purpose.

and you put up with this because you like the attention!

No, it's because I was getting closer to her and being secretive isn't nice. It would happen at any moment, might as well make it quick.

also i pretty much don't believe this happened at all

Neither do I. I know you're saying this story is all made up. Fuck, how I wish it was, I could have picked a more interesting topic if that were the truth.

>>194
Hurry up!

♞♞♞ NIGGER HORSE PLAGUE ♞♞♞

♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟♙♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ Sorry, I've dropped my chess set ♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟♙♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟♙♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♞ ♟♛ ♙♗ ♘

>>197
Be more careful next time.

----

I stayed at Alice's place for the weekend.

Her room is more than twice the size of my living room. Not that my living room is big but it surprised me. Now that she's single again, she sleeps on a double size bed by herself. The guest room is a cold place under the stairs.

Alice: "I've never let anyone stay on that room, "
Me: "Are you sure? I might wake you up with my snoring."
A: "I am a heavy sleeper."
M: "I don't mind sleeping in the guest room."
A: "Do you not believe me when I'm telling you it's fine, you fucking retard?"
M: "Alright, I'll sleep here."

I'd sleep in any of the two single size beds that were on her room. No idea why she has three beds for herself. Well, her house is well prepared to receive guests.

This dream is one I remember very vividly. I was working when we got an unusually picky customer.
Customer: "I need billions of floating point operations per milliwatt".
Boss: "What for?"
Customer: "Some physic simulations."
Boss: "[REDACTED], could you please make a processor that is able to do one billion operations and doesn't take more than 1mW to work?"
Me: "I'll try."
Customer: "Your help is appreciated. Please come over to discuss the details."

The customer was Yuyuko. A train was waiting for us right in front of the building. It took us directly to Hakugyokurou, going over the Sanzu River and stopping in front of her mansion.

Me: "Is it fine for us to cross the river like that?"
Yuyuko: "Yes, you're our special guest."

There was a massive crowd waiting outside the mansion. Reisen was the most concerned.

Reisen: "Have you seen Youmu?"
Me: "No. Want me to help you searching for her?"
Reisen: "Okay. Please don't tell anyone about this."

We went into the mansion. The stairs and hallways were connected in an illogical way. Sometimes they'd crumble under our feet.

Reisen: "Walking is not safe. Can you fly?"
Me: "No, I'm a human,"
Reisen: "I can see that. Hop on."
(this girl is inhumanly soft, I'll melt on her arms)

I literally started melting on her arms. Something inside me told me I had to grab her ears to stop myself from melting. It worked. She didn't mind about getting her ears grabbed. Fucking dreams never making any sense.

Me: "I see a black ribbon over there."

She flew on that direction. The ribbon disappeared. We saw a black ribbon under a rock. We went there and lifted the rock, the ribbon disappeared. This repeated many times over many different places.

Me: "What if Youmu doesn't actually exist?"
(she existed in that dream, but she doesn't actually exist, yet she existed for a while in the dream, or at least that's what we thought. Yeah.)
Reisen: "That's a possibility."

Reisen sat on the veranda and cried a bit. She told Youmu about how she was sad Youmu didn't exist.

Reisen: "This human here was kind enough to help us looking for you, you should be glad to him."
Youmu: "I like you so much, [REDACTED]-kun!"
Me: "So do I."
Youmu: "Please come with me."

We went inside the mansion.

Youmu: "I'll bring you some tea."
Me: "Thank you."

"What if tea is actually an excuse to show me her cute kimono?", I thought.

She came back in a kimono. She didn't bring any tea, it was just her and her slightly open kimono. She wasn't wearing any underwear.

Youmu: "I've missed you so much, so much I almost died."
(you're half-dead, nigger)
Me: "Same."

I took off her kimono with my mouth while kissing all over her body. She was making the cutest sounds. I went inside her and felt all my blood rushing to my head.

Youmu: "I don't ever want this to end-"

I woke up with a huge shit-eating grin. There were some twitch-like movements coming from my crotch. I had come in my pants and wet Alice's second single size bed.

-- cont

I was planning to run off with the blankets and wash them. But then how would I explain her what happened? I didn't move and pretended to be asleep for a few minutes. Alice was still asleep. Anything I could think of would eventually need an explanation.

Alice: "(...)"
Me: "You awake?"
A: "Yeah."
M: "I'll make this as quick as possible. I just had an accident over here."
A: "Uh?"
M: "It's okay, I'll wash everything."
A: "Oh, you mean that. No problem. You could have just gone to the bathroom, I told you I don't care-"
M: "It was involuntary."
A: "Wha- ohhhhhhhhh"
M: "You can laugh now."
A: "Haha, I won't let you leave this room until you tell me what gave you that wet dream."
M: "You'd laugh about it."
A: "(...) I think I know what it was about."
M: "Really?"
A: "Youmu is her name, right?"
M: "Uhh, yeah."
A: "So that's how it is."

I guess she got tired of making fun of me for liking Youmu. She is now accepting it.

A: "Alright, you can use the washing machine."
M: "Thank you and sorry."
A: "It's okay."

I dropped the blankets and sheets in the washing machine and went back to her room. She still was on her bed. I opened some drawers searching for incriminating evidence.

A: "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
M: "Trying to find something that could potentially embarrass you."
A: "You're still hurt about that?"
M: "Nah, though you have no right to oppose me."
A: "Fine. You won't find anything because unlike you I'm not a retard."

I didn't find anything other than clothes, underwear and tampons.

A: "Don't go sniffing it."
M: "Like anything here is worth sniffing."
A: "Have you tried not being gay?"
M: "Make me."

-- cont
_{Too tired to continue, see you tomorrow}

>>187,188

EXECUTIVE REPORT
* Nigger is autistic
* Nigger loves the Touhous
* Friend of nigger, girlfriend of friend and nigger have lunch together
* Girlfiend acts retarded
* Nigger gets mad because he doesn't understand why relationships exist

* Nigger decides he wants to get a gf to see what it's like

* Nigger goes to weeaboo con
* Nigger meets weeaboo Touhou cosplaying girl and car autist girl
* Nigger is friends with cosplaying girl and car autist girl

* Nigger gets close to cosplaying girl
* Nigger gets even closer to cosplaying girl
* Nigger dumps cosplaying girl

* Nigger hangs out with car autist
* ?

The story so far:
>>1,7,8,16,18,24,40,44,47,54,59,84,86,116,118,153,161,162,164,165,185,186,198,199

The other posts are either nigger's ramblings, some reddit/g/ro bragging about his alphaness, shitposting and additional commentary.