Neurotypical idiots

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
_{Like this blogpost? Share on Reddit Share on Twitter Share on Facebook}

Some weeks later I felt very confused about what had happened. What if I needed to try harder until I found the right one for me? It's not like every marries the first girl they meet. Okay, it happens in some cases but that's not what I mean.

I spent the following weekends keeping a healthy balance between playing racing games with Alice and working on my stuff.

-- cont? There's more. I could continue as intended or I could try to keep it as short as possible so as not to overwhelm you with all this autism.

_{See you next week}

http://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/1995282
for you, OP

>>32
Interdimensional kidnapping is a felony by the high order. Enjoy your eternal imprisonment in the null space.

Did you seriously refuse to get back together with her?
Even when you could have had more time to yourself?
Wow, you are really autistic.
How long's it been since you've talked to her or hung out with her?

I would have given her a second chance >>165-san.

>>164
if you knew me, you'd probably think I was a ALPHA PLAYER LAIDESMAN THUNDERCOCK, but I feel like I need to address you frankly--you are definitely correct in feeling like Hatate was being pretty clingy, though you seriously could have let her down a little easier. It's something that takes experience, which you now have. Also, you enabled her by not setting your expectations of personal time down sooner. When you brought this up at a sensitive moment for her (gauging your interest by inviting you along to meet friends, after being so intimate with you etc.), she only had that much farther to fall.

Not all women are like this. Sounds like you just need (figuratively, if you're happy with Youmu forever, you know, I guess that's fine) a girl like Alice that actually has self-esteem and doesn't feel threatened by a computer. I firmly believe that someday you could meet a girl who's more in love with programming, or at least spending time at a computer, than you are!

Lastly, sex is not the reason for LTRs. If you don't genuinely care about spending time with Hatate and care about her feelings, then you did her a favor by dumping her... and you're pretty much even more of an asshole, IMO, for just using her to masturbate/experiment, while allowing her to be convinced that you two were in Love. I'm guilty of this situation and have never lived it down. You may find it easier than I do.

inb4 le ebin downboats from stormfront gamergate MRA manchildren

By all means, continue the autism, because shit, isn't that why we're all here anyway?

>>169
Me too ;_;

>>170
Wow. you actually typed out all that shit... Did you really think anybody would read past the 8th word?

>>172
I did.
I've read the whole thread.

>>172
I did.

>>170

you enabled her by not setting your expectations of personal time down sooner

This was indeed my mistake. Things progressed by infinitesimal amounts, I couldn't find the right moment to set down some rules without presenting myself as a shrewd Jew and being a turn-off. This is essential if you are planning to be in a long-term relationship, even more if your partner isn't the overly autisticmeticulous kind of person. That said, being in a relationship shouldn't take up all your time, though you should be prepared to sacrifice most of it.

Sounds like you just need [...] a girl like Alice that actually has self-esteem
I firmly believe that someday you could meet a girl who's more in love with programming, or at least spending time at a computer, than you are!

That comes next.

you're pretty much even more of an asshole, IMO, for just using her to masturbate/experiment

Sometimes I feel pretty bad for hurting her like that but then I remember that time when she got drunk as hell and the feeling goes away. Last time I heard of her was Alice telling me she was dating some foreign cosplayer. I couldn't help but feeling a bit jealous, though I think they share many more common interests than we did and that's for the best of her well-being. Also, knowing she's better off with someone else takes the guilt out of my system. Yes, I'm aware I sound like a huge coward.

while allowing her to be convinced that you two were in Love

The mistake itself was believing I was in love with her.

Lastly, sex is not the reason for LTRs.

It's not the sole reason, it's an additional benefit. Don't ever expect to have unprotected sex in a casual hookup, at least if you're not a nigger.

Thank you for acting rationally and presenting actual arguments, I wish there were more people like you.

I'll write more later.

>>174

That comes next.

DID YOU FUCK ARISU

>>161

nobody has ever cared about cost-benefit ratios.

Pragmatism and usefulness are disgusting.
>>162

tryhards

What other meaningless word are you going to use next, "pretentious"?
>>164

What do you get from shaming virgins and autists on the Internet?

I'm not shaming you for being a virgin, (frankly I'm experiencing many of the problems that you described having with H), it's that you're shunning having a relationship for something worse than it. I would completely understand if you ignored the pleasure from a relationship (which is inferior to artistic pleasure) if you lived the bohemian lifestyle, but you're ignoring it for banal and terrible things such as fucking programming and video games.

but where are the danmaku fights?

>>176

Pragmatism and usefulness are disgusting.

What other meaningless word are you going to use next, "pretentious"?
if you lived the bohemian lifestyle,

Kill yourself low IQ nigger.

>>176

banal and terrible things such as fucking programming

GET THE FUCK OUT

When used in text messaging BANAL means
Beating A Niggers Ass Laughing
It is mainly used by niggers because
lol isn't ghetto/gangster enough for them

fLyGurL384113: 2dAi i B3AT di5 Lil trIk5 A$$ IN tURd P3Ri3D kuZ sHe SkUfed MY kiks

DaHIllesttruestG:BANAL!

>>178
Literal fucking pleb right here.
>>179
This is /lounge/, not /prog/

>>181

pleb

Opinion disregarded, go back to your favorite imageboard.

>>1
Keep posting you fuck.

>>181
Why did you even come to progrider if you don't like programming?

>>176

banal and terrible things such as fucking programming

Your blindness is to be pitied.

When I program, I see preternatural cosmic forces assembled at my fingertips to be composed at my command with decadent impunity.
I see pure, unadulterated godforce.
I see freedom.

Away from programming, I see the countless instances of the banal madness and evil that our species otherwise habitually produces.

Programming is the presumptuous impertinent act of a species striving above its lowly origins. We have grown, but there is still much to be done. Many that live in darkness that must be shown the way. For it is the dawning of a new day.

If there were no God, it would be necessary to invent Him.

>>166
I like this one better.
http://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/1932267

I forgot to mention something that's pretty obvious: Hatate (3D) ruined pictures of Hatate (2D) for me. I underwent intensive 2D picture therapy to get over that.

>>168

Even when you could have had more time to yourself?

Where are you getting this from? There was nothing to guarantee this would happen.

How long's it been since you've talked to her or hung out with her?

Read >>174. I know it's childish but I haven't talked to her since we broke up.

----

Alice gave me a good lecturing about how the breakup didn't seem logical from her standpoint.

Alice: "To me it sounds like you broke up over her getting drunk. It's not like she was doing that every weekend."
M: "It wasn't just that. Our time together was getting monotone and she was suffocating me with her obsessiveness."
A: "You gotta understand she's pretty sensitive. That was her way of showing you her affection for you."
M: "Are you trying to make me feel sorry about this?"
A: "Look at what you just said. You don't feel sorry for what just happened?"
M: "Shit happens. No one is to blame. We weren't compatible from the beginning, that's all. Either way, I feel like a fag for talking about love, relationships and hearts with a girl. Do I look like a girl to you?"
A: "Are you calling me a fag after I beat you with a fucking Clio at the High Speed Ring?"
M: "Want to be the new fag?"
A: "Bring it on."

A few weeks went by. Alice kept coming to my place. She isn't as much of an anime faggot as Hatate and I are. This became evident when we watched Durarara together and she had a hard time "processing all the weirdness". She enjoyed it nonetheless.

Alice: "You know, Lately Dave has been very controlling and it's getting on my nerves. He's been a real pain ever since I told him you broke up with Kate."
M: "I'm not surprised."
A: "So I broke up with him!"
M: "Say what?"
A: "I don't need someone else to tell me what I should do."
M: "(...)"
A: "He got really defensive when I would talk with him about cars. He insisted I was being brainwashed by that "gayass friend of mine", even though I've liked cars way before I even knew you existed."
M: "Don't tell me you broke up just because of that."
A: "Of course not, do you take me for a retard? That was one of the many things that were killing me inside. That was just one excuse for him to act like that, I'm pretty sure he thinks you're gay."
(ah, how flattering)
M: "Then-"
A: "He bought me dresses that were way over-the-top for what I usually wear and took me to his company meetings."
M: "Uh huh."
A: "No, having expensive flashy dresses isn't some fantasy of mine, I know you're thinking that."
M: "Heh."
A: "You know I'm not into that. Anyway, I had to put up some act when meeting his workmates. He would brag about me. At first I gave him the benefit of doubt but then the fact I was being showcased like a piece of meat dawned upon me and made me feel like shit. Of course I'm not happy being someone else's object of validation. He wouldn't have the right to do that even if we were married, for god's sake."
M: "(...)"
A: "That night I was too angry to follow his little pretend game. He said I was useless for not doing exactly as he told me."
M: "Now that's stupid."
A: "Yeah, it all got worse after that. But I guess you've had enough of my rants. To put things on a more logical light, he had shit taste for cars."
M: "No shit, he bought a fucking Hyundai."
A: "An i30, even. Only children and retards like that stupid looking piece of junk."
M: "Hah, you're right."

A few weeks after that, she bought an used Mazda 6. She'd invite me over to her place for lunch, then we'd go to the outskirts of the city and take turns to drive it. We came up with silly challenges like being the fastest at starting the car on a steep hill (no assists, it was a manual). The loser would treat the winner to anything they wanted.

This continued for a few months.

-- cont

I haven't described Alice yet. Straight long black hair, round eyes, overall a 6/10 face. Her body is pretty much like mine: thin as fuck with some slightly defined muscles from regular exercising. We're both around the same height (5'11").

Girls who are around my height are attractive to me. ZUN hasn't published any official height charts as far as I know, for this reason I see Youmu as being around 5'10", thought we all know this probably is far from the truth. Well, it doesn't matter.

A: "Hey, do you really not feel lonely after what happened with Kate?"
M: "Why would I?"
A: "Because she was your first girlfriend, you fucking retard. Why else?"
M: "I'm better off this way."
A: "Then why did you even get close to her on the first place?"
M: "No idea. Hey, the same goes for you. You should have been the one to be hit hard by the break up. You looked pretty head-over-heels for him."
A: "True, it hit me really hard at first."
M: "At first?"
A: "I'm still hurt by it. Keeping my mind busy with other things have helped me cope up with it. Like the shit we've done with the car."
M: "I've also enjoyed it."
A: "Yeah,"

We were both at my place. I was making lunch while she was watching some anime I had already watched. I'd use the dead times at the kitchen to go back to my computer and save some pictures from Danbooru. Then I'd go back to the kitchen to check things out and repeat this until lunch was ready. While I was checking the fluffiness of the rice, the episode she was watching had finished. She went inside. Must have been for the bathroom.

A: "What the hell! Ha-"

That came from inside. She must have found a funny-looking spider at the bathroom.

M: "Is anything wrong?"
A: "Of course there is, what the hell is wrong with you?"

She was on my computer, laughing at the picture of a naked Miku I had just saved.

A: "You've got tons of these!"
M: "Got a problem with that?"
A: "Of course! I didn't even know people made shit like this. You're- ahaha-"
M: "Oh fuck the rice-"
A: "Yeah yeah, pulling excuses out of your ass."
M: "Fuck you."
A: "God-"

The rice was fine.

A: "I'm having a hard time imagining what you do with this."
M: "It's exactly what you think."
A: "What do you even see in these? They're just drawings."
M: "They are perfect idealized versions of real girls. You are just jealous because a drawing is much hotter than you."
A: "How is this any better than a real girl? You're real fucking funny."
M: "Do you want me to explain it word by word? "
A: "Anyway, I'm surprised you never told me about this!"
M: "Because I knew something like this would happen. A retard like you would not understand."
A: "Hey, don't be offended."
M: "What if you are the one who's offended after being told a drawing is better than you?"
A: "It's okay, you can say you're gay."

I wasn't offended, though it would have been better if this hadn't happened.

M: "I'll make things worse on purpose."
A: "Eh?"
M: "Look at this."

Pictures of Hatate (2D).

A: "Wow, you're serious about this."
M: "In case you didn't notice, this was the same character Kate used to cosplay."
A: "Yeah, you don't need to tell me that. Why are you showing me this though?"
M: "No idea."

I showed her some pictures of Youmu.

M: "And this is the girl I like the most."
A: "Uhh... I can't laugh at you now that you're being so serious about this."
M: "I guess it worked."
A: "So you like these drawn girls more than you like real girls, right?"
M: "Pretty much,"
A: "You were into Kate because she was dressing as one of your drawings, right?"
M: "Maybe, I'm not sure."
A: "You don't like "real" girls."
M: "Hell, that's not easy to explai-"
A: "Hey, what do you think of this?"

Straight out french kiss with fake moaning and shit. It must have lasted at least 20 seconds, it was longer than what I'd usually do with Hatate.

M: "Awful."
A: "That's not what your eyes are trying to say."
M: "Of course I'm surprised you dumbfuck."

She endlessly teased me about my huge collection for weeks.

-- cont

_{See you tomorrow}

I keep seeing this thread get replies, and the subject interests me a bit, but I just can't bring myself to read all this shit.

>>186
All the Touhous are little girls (except Yukari, who is an old cunt with an old, dry cunt that no one wants).

>>187
Same. Can someone give a summary or something?

>>187
It be more than a couple of fags responding. No true /lounge/r would read let alone respond to this gay shit.

>>188

Your anus is an old cunt that no one wants, you boy-molesting niggerkike fagmaster.

>>189

So I guess I'm a true /lounge/r? Nice.

I'd use the dead times at the kitchen to go back to my computer and save some pictures from Danbooru.

you wanted all this to happen to give you an excuse for when she inevitably comes on to you and she tried to call your bluff

She endlessly teased me about my huge collection for weeks.

and you put up with this because you like the attention!

also i pretty much don't believe this happened at all holy fucking shit

♞♞♞ NIGGER HORSE PLAGUE ♞♞♞ is my post approved for /lounge/ now guy s lol

>>182
How about you fuck off, you pedestrian tro/g/lodyte fuck.
>>183
Who says you have to spend a large amount of time on it or even like it to be here?

>>188
Don't be misguided by the artists with mommy issues, she doesn't look old at all in PCB. I'd say she looks like she's in her mid-twenties according to her appearance in the official printed works. Not that I'm saying that's her age, of course.

>>192

you wanted all this to happen to give you an excuse

Not at all. I always turn off the screen before leaving my room. My computer is not immediately visible because a bookshelf obstructs the view to most of my bedroom from the outside. You have to go around it to get to the computer. This wasn't an accident, she spied my room on purpose.

and you put up with this because you like the attention!

No, it's because I was getting closer to her and being secretive isn't nice. It would happen at any moment, might as well make it quick.

also i pretty much don't believe this happened at all

Neither do I. I know you're saying this story is all made up. Fuck, how I wish it was, I could have picked a more interesting topic if that were the truth.

>>194
Hurry up!

♞♞♞ NIGGER HORSE PLAGUE ♞♞♞

♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟♙♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ Sorry, I've dropped my chess set ♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟♙♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟♙♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♞ ♟♛ ♙♗ ♘

>>197
Be more careful next time.

----

I stayed at Alice's place for the weekend.

Her room is more than twice the size of my living room. Not that my living room is big but it surprised me. Now that she's single again, she sleeps on a double size bed by herself. The guest room is a cold place under the stairs.

Alice: "I've never let anyone stay on that room, "
Me: "Are you sure? I might wake you up with my snoring."
A: "I am a heavy sleeper."
M: "I don't mind sleeping in the guest room."
A: "Do you not believe me when I'm telling you it's fine, you fucking retard?"
M: "Alright, I'll sleep here."

I'd sleep in any of the two single size beds that were on her room. No idea why she has three beds for herself. Well, her house is well prepared to receive guests.

This dream is one I remember very vividly. I was working when we got an unusually picky customer.
Customer: "I need billions of floating point operations per milliwatt".
Boss: "What for?"
Customer: "Some physic simulations."
Boss: "[REDACTED], could you please make a processor that is able to do one billion operations and doesn't take more than 1mW to work?"
Me: "I'll try."
Customer: "Your help is appreciated. Please come over to discuss the details."

The customer was Yuyuko. A train was waiting for us right in front of the building. It took us directly to Hakugyokurou, going over the Sanzu River and stopping in front of her mansion.

Me: "Is it fine for us to cross the river like that?"
Yuyuko: "Yes, you're our special guest."

There was a massive crowd waiting outside the mansion. Reisen was the most concerned.

Reisen: "Have you seen Youmu?"
Me: "No. Want me to help you searching for her?"
Reisen: "Okay. Please don't tell anyone about this."

We went into the mansion. The stairs and hallways were connected in an illogical way. Sometimes they'd crumble under our feet.

Reisen: "Walking is not safe. Can you fly?"
Me: "No, I'm a human,"
Reisen: "I can see that. Hop on."
(this girl is inhumanly soft, I'll melt on her arms)

I literally started melting on her arms. Something inside me told me I had to grab her ears to stop myself from melting. It worked. She didn't mind about getting her ears grabbed. Fucking dreams never making any sense.

Me: "I see a black ribbon over there."

She flew on that direction. The ribbon disappeared. We saw a black ribbon under a rock. We went there and lifted the rock, the ribbon disappeared. This repeated many times over many different places.

Me: "What if Youmu doesn't actually exist?"
(she existed in that dream, but she doesn't actually exist, yet she existed for a while in the dream, or at least that's what we thought. Yeah.)
Reisen: "That's a possibility."

Reisen sat on the veranda and cried a bit. She told Youmu about how she was sad Youmu didn't exist.

Reisen: "This human here was kind enough to help us looking for you, you should be glad to him."
Youmu: "I like you so much, [REDACTED]-kun!"
Me: "So do I."
Youmu: "Please come with me."

We went inside the mansion.

Youmu: "I'll bring you some tea."
Me: "Thank you."

"What if tea is actually an excuse to show me her cute kimono?", I thought.

She came back in a kimono. She didn't bring any tea, it was just her and her slightly open kimono. She wasn't wearing any underwear.

Youmu: "I've missed you so much, so much I almost died."
(you're half-dead, nigger)
Me: "Same."

I took off her kimono with my mouth while kissing all over her body. She was making the cutest sounds. I went inside her and felt all my blood rushing to my head.

Youmu: "I don't ever want this to end-"

I woke up with a huge shit-eating grin. There were some twitch-like movements coming from my crotch. I had come in my pants and wet Alice's second single size bed.

-- cont

I was planning to run off with the blankets and wash them. But then how would I explain her what happened? I didn't move and pretended to be asleep for a few minutes. Alice was still asleep. Anything I could think of would eventually need an explanation.

Alice: "(...)"
Me: "You awake?"
A: "Yeah."
M: "I'll make this as quick as possible. I just had an accident over here."
A: "Uh?"
M: "It's okay, I'll wash everything."
A: "Oh, you mean that. No problem. You could have just gone to the bathroom, I told you I don't care-"
M: "It was involuntary."
A: "Wha- ohhhhhhhhh"
M: "You can laugh now."
A: "Haha, I won't let you leave this room until you tell me what gave you that wet dream."
M: "You'd laugh about it."
A: "(...) I think I know what it was about."
M: "Really?"
A: "Youmu is her name, right?"
M: "Uhh, yeah."
A: "So that's how it is."

I guess she got tired of making fun of me for liking Youmu. She is now accepting it.

A: "Alright, you can use the washing machine."
M: "Thank you and sorry."
A: "It's okay."

I dropped the blankets and sheets in the washing machine and went back to her room. She still was on her bed. I opened some drawers searching for incriminating evidence.

A: "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
M: "Trying to find something that could potentially embarrass you."
A: "You're still hurt about that?"
M: "Nah, though you have no right to oppose me."
A: "Fine. You won't find anything because unlike you I'm not a retard."

I didn't find anything other than clothes, underwear and tampons.

A: "Don't go sniffing it."
M: "Like anything here is worth sniffing."
A: "Have you tried not being gay?"
M: "Make me."

-- cont
_{Too tired to continue, see you tomorrow}

>>187,188

EXECUTIVE REPORT
* Nigger is autistic
* Nigger loves the Touhous
* Friend of nigger, girlfriend of friend and nigger have lunch together
* Girlfiend acts retarded
* Nigger gets mad because he doesn't understand why relationships exist

* Nigger decides he wants to get a gf to see what it's like

* Nigger goes to weeaboo con
* Nigger meets weeaboo Touhou cosplaying girl and car autist girl
* Nigger is friends with cosplaying girl and car autist girl

* Nigger gets close to cosplaying girl
* Nigger gets even closer to cosplaying girl
* Nigger dumps cosplaying girl

* Nigger hangs out with car autist
* ?

The story so far:
>>1,7,8,16,18,24,40,44,47,54,59,84,86,116,118,153,161,162,164,165,185,186,198,199

The other posts are either nigger's ramblings, some reddit/g/ro bragging about his alphaness, shitposting and additional commentary.

>>200

It's funny, by skimming over this thread I thought ``Alice" and ``Hatate" and whatever where his tulpas/imaginary girlfriends. You are telling they are real people? How awful.

>>200
Holy shit dude, thats a perfect summary. It would have saved me a lot of time if this was posted instead of the tedious Twilight saga that was actually posted.

No offence OP, but seriously, this summary gets straight to the point without the pages of self-obsessed whining about all the ways everything disappoints you.

That said, keep writing though. I want to know the rest of the story.

　　　　　　　　Shitty thread Wasshoi！！
　　　　　＼＼　Shitty thread Wasshoi！　／／
　+　　　+　＼＼Shitty thread Wasshoi！／+
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　　　+　　　　 人　　　　　 人　　　　　 人　　　　 +
　 　 　 　　　（＿_）　　　 （＿_）　　　 （＿_）
　　+　　　　（＿＿）　　 （＿＿）　　 （＿＿）　　　　　+
.　　　+　　 （ ＿＿ ）　 （ ＿＿ ）　 （ ＿＿ ）　　+
　　　　　　（　´∀｀∩　（´∀｀∩）　（　´∀｀）
　+　　（(　（つ　　　ノ　（つ　　丿　（つ　　つ　)）　　+
　　　　　　 ヽ　 （　ノ　　（　ヽノ　　　）　）　）
　　　　　　　（＿）し'　　し（＿）　　（＿）＿）

　　　⊂_ヽ､
　　　　　　.＼＼　 ／⌒＼
　　 　　　　　 ＼ （　冫、） 　　　　　　I cast NIGGER HORSE PLAGUE
　　　　　　　　　 >　`　⌒ヽ
　　　　　　　　　/　　　 へ ＼
　　　　　　　　/　 　 /　　 ＼＼
　　　　　　　　ﾚ　　ノ　　　　　ヽ_つ
　　　　　　　 /　 / 　　　　　　　　･*.･:
　　　　　　　/　 /| 　　　　　　　　　:。　*.・
　　　　　　 （　（　､ 　　　　　　　　　.*:♞。:’♞
　　　　　　　|　 |､　＼ 　　　　　　　。・．*・;　・*
　　　　　　　|　/　＼　⌒l 　　　　　　;　・。;♞ ・.
　　　　　　　|　|　　　）　/ 　　　　　・♞ *_,,..,,,,_ ♞。*・
　　　　　　ノ　 ）　　 し' 　　　　　　。・./ ,' ♞　 `ヽｰっ
　　　　　(＿／　　　　　　　　　　。・*．;l　　 ♞　⌒_♞ ’♞
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　`'ｰ---‐'''''"

Wait, she fucking french kissed you?
And then you both just went on living like nothing at all had happened?
Wat?

>>205

What's so hard to understand?

Should forced memes be banned?

>>204
That's best meme

>>205

she fucking french kissed you?

Yes. It wasn't a honest kiss, It felt like she kissed a gay guy to "get the real man out of him".

And then you both just went on living like nothing at all had happened?

"I stayed at Alice's place for the weekend" is the very first line of that post. She also stayed at my place many times, I've said so in previous posts.

check 'em

>>210
FAIL

One of the moast basic rules of life:

"Nobody fucks with Cudder."

who fuckin wit cudder? none.

>>212

der."

Cloan detected. The real RedCream is well known to erroneously place his periods and commas outside of the quotation mark.

>>209

kissed a gay guy to "get the real man out of him

Sounds like she had the right idea.

>>214

erroneously

This is only true if the punctuation is part of the quotation. There are also different rules depending on whether you are following logical or typographical conventions.

>>215
Sorry for not liking the kind of girls you like.

----

M: "Hey, some slutty black panties. Might sniff these."
A: "You wish you had a pair like these."
M: "Too bad."
A: "I could wear those today."
M: "Why the fuck do you think I care?"

She took a shower while I prepared breakfast. We had breakfast together. I was wearing the same clothes I slept on and she was wearing nothing but her underwear.

M: "You know, most human beings wear clothes."
A: "I live here and I'll do whatever I want."
M: "I'm so fucking sorry."
A: "What do you think?"
M: "About what?"
A: "Does it look good on me?"
M: "Nothing has ever looked good on you."

I was at the opposite side of the table and I only could see up to her shoulders, I didn't really know what she looked like other than the brief glimpse I got of her before she sat at the table.

We spent the rest of the morning playing board games and making lunch. While we were at that, she got awfully touchy, almost to the post of discomfort. Things like hugging me from the side while putting my arms between her breasts, hugging me from the back putting her breasts on my back and anything she could think of that involved her breasts in some way.

She left the kitchen came back to the kitchen wearing white stockings.

A: "I heard from Kate you like these."
(what the actual fuck, why would she tell her that)
M: "What the fuck is wrong with you today? I'll fix your computer if that's what you want, you fucking retard."
A: "I'm being totally serious this time. Do you like how they look on me?"
M: "Yeah, I guess. Please wear some clothes, I'm serious too."

At this point I already knew how to recognize when a girl was making a move. Not that I have all the experience in the world, I'm saying this because I missed lots of signals from Hatate and it was until now that I could finally distinguish when she means it and isn't just teasing you or trying to be deeply affectionate without any kind of sexual implications. You might insist this is too fucking obvious (it is in hindsight), though I didn't know how to act at that moment. Also, Alice has been like a male friend to me and I was afraid I was being tested. Being told I'm into drawings just because I can't get a real girl and stuff like that. On top of that, she was just overcoming the recent breakup. She must have lost her cool.

M: "I'd like to know what's going through your mind right now."
A: "(...) Can you not tell I'm trying to have some fun with you?"
M: "I do see that and I appreciate it, though it seems kind of sudden. You've had a recent, um, situation and I thought you might be doing this out of confusion. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you or anything, I'm confused at why all this is happening."
A: "Don't take me for a little girl who acts out of her own whim. I know exactly what I'm doing."
M: "You're right, sorry for thinking of you like that."
A: "Do you seriously not see anything on me? Are you that fixated on drawings? I definitely know you're not gay from that fuckhuge collection of yours. It sorts of offends me when you won't look at me as a woman."
M: "Your fault for having interests similar to mine."
A: "Answer my question."
M: "You're not Youmu."
A: "I know that, you fucking idiot. That's not the kind of answer I'm expecting."
M: "Turn around. In the least stupid way possible."
(...)
A: "Well?"
M: "You're fine,"
A: "Just fine? It's not like you've got much either. Take your clothes off."
M: "Uh-"
A: "You can't even do that? I'm not asking you to take off your boxers."

I complied.

(...)
M: "So-"
(...)
A: "Not bad."
M: "Yeah."
A: "Cut this shit out already, I'm dying inside. Give me a goddamn serious answer."
M: "Kate is the only point of comparison I've got. Your body is much firmer than hers, that's all I can say."
A: "Good enough. I'll take that as a yes."
M: "Uh, what?"

She stroked my chest. Fuck caution, my inner nigger took control over me.

M: "Is this going where I think it is?"
A: "I'll kick you in the balls for being such an insufferable idiot, holy fucking shit."
M: "Let's not do this in the goddamned kitchen, please."
A: "Right."

We went to her bed.

M: "Got anything I could use not to be forced to marry your sorry ass-"
A: "What are you talking- oh, condoms, of course."
M: "Have you always been this slow?"
A: "You're one to talk. Don't say that after what I've done today all went over your retarded head."
M: "Fuck you, I was ignoring you on purpose, you insane slut."
A: "(...) Alright, shut up. Get moving."

She got a condom from a box of tampons. I didn't notice it when I was searching in her drawers.

M: "Oh fuck not that dick numbing crap."
A: "I know how to help you with that. Will you fucking shut up already?"

She licked the base of my penis for about two seconds, put a drop of lube inside the condom and unrolled it on my penis with her mouth.

M: "You sure know your shit."

She was trying pretty hard to please me. She's definitely got some experience on her. Thank you for being a miserably selfish retard, Dave.

What I remember the most from that time was when she made me lie between her legs while she stood up and rubbed her clothed foot on all of my body. It was enjoyable and I don't have a fetish for feet. I gave her oral while fingering her at the same time, pretty standard. When I went inside her, she was too fucking tight. God, that girl must do her kegels very religiously. This is a different feeling from what it was with Hatate, but if you are not used to it and you're sensitive like me, it will make everything feel like she's trying to violently suck the semen out of you. You don't get much pleasure from tight vaginas other than a highly enjoyable first thrust and then feeling like you're being forced to finish. At least not until you desensitize yourself. I couldn't last more than 30 seconds and my ejaculation was somewhat painful. She didn't make a single noise, just heavy irregular breathing.

M: "I didn't last shit and you didn't come. Did you even enjoy it?"
A: "Please don't fixate on making me orgasm, I enjoy the act itself. What about you?"
M: "To be honest, I came so hard it hurt,"
A: "You're pretty sensitive."
M: "No helping it when you're so damn tight."
A: "Aw, thank you."
M: "That wasn't a compliment."
A: "It is for me."

After collecting my thoughts, I knew I had to make this clear.

M: "Just so you know, I'm not up for any lovey-dovey bullshit. If that's a deal breaker, we should never do this again."
A: "Hey, I want to go for a second time."
M: "Then we're nothing more than just friends, right?"
A: "Of course not, I'm sure neither of us wants to go again through the pain of being in a relationship."
M: "Is there anything I'm missing here? This is too good to be true. We're officially friends with benefits?"
A: "Thank you for bringing out that stupid word, retard."
M: "Well?"
A: "I guess."

I had to wait more than one hour to regain an erection and go for a second time. After that, we took a shower together, put on our sleeping clothes and spent the rest of the day playing board games.

-- cont
_{See you tomorrow}

>>217
So your name is Dave, not [REDACTED]?
WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?

Sage.

>>219
Where's your sage?
When I hold my cursor over your name there's no sage.

>>218
Dave is Alice's ex-boyfriend, illiterate-san.

CHECK THIS MAGESTIC TRIPS

I wish I was Alice.

Saging...

>>218
I've been meaning to nickname him RED too...

sage

sage

>>224,226-227
Nice sage downboats, reddit/b/ros.

>>223
I want to lick Arisu (Lain's sister).

>>228

She's not Lain's sister you stupid retard.

Arisu?

it's ALICE

lol japs and the l vs r thing

>>230
But Japs don't even have an L in their language.

sage.

>>232
I can't see you sage, where is it?
I hold my cursor over your name and there's no sage.

I'm tired as hell, I'll post tomorrow in the morning.

>>234
Please don't.

I hold my cursor over your name and there's no sage

Are you literally expecting the herb sage to appear physically in front of you when you... "hover my cursor over your name"?

Sage is a Japanese word meaning 'vote down' used when a thread is disagreeable.

>>236

Sage is not a downvote.

>>236

Sage is a Japanese word meaning 'vote down'

No, it isn't. Go back to the imageboards.

Sage is a Japanese word meaning 'vote down' used when a thread is disagreeable.

I still laugh at how 4chan doesn't understand what sage means.

If only I knew moon so I wouldn't have to spend time on a board that imports foreign concepts and then DOES IT WRONG all the time.

Using sage as a way to "insult" someone's post or thread is just completely wrong and a retarded misuse of a good feature that is so popular in sites like 2ch and Futaba. Fuck, iichan and 4-ch do it right. It's just 4chan and 4chan's lame knockoffs that fail at using sage.

The true meaning of sage means that YOUR POST isn't worthy enough to bump the thread. It's ironic, because you think that you're insulting others while you're just, in fact, insulting yourself. Yes, sage can be used when posting a derogatory comment in a thread that you don't want to bump, but posting with just the word "sage" accomplishes nothing but contribute to spamming the board. The trend of replying with the name of a tripfag and sage is even worse, as it accomplishes nothing and only serves to increase the e-penis of whoever you're "attacking".

The sage feature was never meant to serve as an implied insult or general disagreement! Why people started using it that way is beyond me. There are plenty of reasons why one would choose not to bump a thread with his reply. For example, bumping threads with stupid one liner replies should be discouraged and those people should be coerced into using sage instead.

I want to use sage, yet I almost never do it on 4chan because people will jump on me thinking I'm insulting their post or something.

>>240

(Post truncated)

PHAIL

SAGE

Hi everyone. This post is a post to post a post for post-post post post.

It is, and shall be, as it always was, and must remain, from now, until some time in the future, when it is done.

What was shall be, and must be again. For if it is not, it won't.

Here endeth the lesson.

It is IMPERATIVE. Absolutely. Can you understand my feet? Please try to proceed with due caution and seize the castle with apprehensive frank and open protocol discipline and vigour.

Gradations.

sage

Sage.

>>236
That's not how sage works, shit for brains.

>>247
Sage.

>>248
counter-sage

>>242-246,248
You're more pathetic than a pack of five clones of OP.
You do know "Don't bump" is not the same as "Sink thread", right? This is not Reddit, fuck off with your downvotes.

soot into all fields

!PjnbLbtYFM-kun where did you go ;_;

We'd have sex more than three times a day.

Women are humans too, with sex drives and needs of their own. I used to think women could suppress their sex drive if the situation demanded it, but there are many times when they're equally as helpless as men. It's not that they're actually suppressing it, they're simply hiding their intentions and they're damn good at it. This is yet another reason for which putting vaginas on a pedestal like neurotypicals and bitter virgins do is plain retarded. Sucking babies' cut dicks is more honorable than being pussy-whipped, you're a fucking retard for not realizing you can also manipulate women by using sex as a currency.

Anyway, this hobby of ours got pretty expensive. Condoms aren't cheap in the long term and we both wanted to try doing it raw. We spent a whole day getting tested for STDs. We both came up clean. Alice said the pill made her physically sick and went for the contraceptive injection. I felt kinda weird that day, only couples with solid relationships do this kind of thing as far as I know. But neither of us wanted herpes or a baby.

First time I had bareback sex was too intense for me. Again, I felt a sharp pain in my prostate after finishing. It took me about two weeks to get desensitized and start to "enjoy" it. For those who insist there's nothing better than sex, your life must be boring as fuck. Bareback sex is a definite improvement over sex with protection, but it still feels like masturbating with your partner's genitals. Of course, it's at least ten times better than using your hand. The thing is, for sex to be enjoyable, both parties must have matching and synchronized sexual drives. As world-shaking as this might sound to you, not everyone is a living sex machine. Both women and men have times when they want to be left alone. The feeling of touching a naked body gets old really quick, french kisses lose their appeal after the tenth time, breasts and butts become an everyday thing. The supposedly intense ecstasy everyone seems to enjoy so much to the extent of wasting their time doing retarded shit is only achievable if you abstain from even seeing naked girls for at least 20 days. Again, it becomes a matter of taking care of your needs instead of elevating to pleasure.

Ready to jump and say how I'm wrong for not enjoying the things you enjoy the most? I'm sorry, it's people like you who force this baseless ideal of having an active sex life to lead a happy life. "BUT BRAH, YOU JUST HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH SEX". I've had enough sex to know well why I don't enjoy it and to avoid getting into the drama and relationship bullshit you love so much.

Having sex almost whenever you feel like it with a reasonable adult who shares some common interests with you is the best deal you could ever possibly get. Sadly, you can't ask this world for anything more than that. Our field is filled with tons of undesirable people, "cuter" girls are either selfish when it comes to sex or a walking nuisance, and women who are mature enough don't have any interests and thus are an utter bore. "BUT BRAH, NOBODY IS PERFECT. GOTTA LOWER YOUR STANDARDS". Yes, humans are social beings by nature. Yes, humans have sex for the existence of the species. That doesn't mean you will explode into pieces unless you get a girlfriend before turning 30. I have no reason to spend my time with a person I find boring if I don't want to. I have no reason to pass on my defective genes. Not having a long-term relationship doesn't mean you don't have a sense of responsibility. Not everyone likes kids. Not being married doesn't mean you are a perpetually sad person. Not everyone enjoys spending their entire living time with a person of the opposite sex. Why is that so hard to understand? I think I've made this point very clear before. Back to the story.

Alice's father fell ill and she had to move temporarily to his house to help her family out. Of course, this was kinda sad for the both of us. We were really close at this point.

M: "Don't go fucking random dudes out there. Good luck."
A: "Let's stay in contact."
M: "Sure."

I lost count of the times we had sex that day, but I still remember the dull ache in my balls I felt afterwards.

I bought a dakimakura of Youmu and an onahole. I should have done this from the very beginning instead of doing all this. Well, at least I'm glad I met Alice.

-- cont

>>250
sage

>>253
You need to try anal. Remember, if she ain't screamin' and a-cryin', then you ain't fucking her hard enough.

>>253
get on irc !PjnbLbtYFM-sama

>>186

I haven't described Alice yet. Straight long black hair, round eyes, overall a 6/10 face. Her body is pretty much like mine: thin as fuck with some slightly defined muscles from regular exercising. We're both around the same height (5'11").

i thought you were on the tubby side this is less interesting now

sage

Saging...

I'm just sitting here, trying to imagine what kind of a person would decide to make a thread like this. It's not a pretty picture. Sage.

Planting sage seeds requires patience, as sage seeds are slow to germinate. Scatter the seeds over seed starting soil and cover them with 1/8 inch of soil. Keep the soil damp but not soaked. Not all the seeds will germinate and the ones that do may take up to six weeks to germinate.

>>258-261
Sage is not a downvote. God damn, why the fuck are you even here? Re/g//g/it provides the exact experience you're looking for, why must you keep spamming your retardation here, where it isn't wanted?

>>262
Oldfag here. Sage literally means "vote down" in Japanese. How could you not already know that, the information is everywhere. Sage.

>>263
The ``down'' part refers to the fact that the thread doesn't move up in the thread listing when it's bumped. It doesn't mean that it is a ``down vote'' as we understand it in English (in fact, it doesn't even translate to ``vote down'', you lying asshole)