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Neurotypical idiots

Name: Anonymous 2015-04-20 2:39

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
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Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 15:16

so it's not OC?

I was going to read it but I guess if it's not OC I needn't bother

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 15:30

>>281
It is indeed OC

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 15:38

>>281
Try searching for the first paragraph of this thread on your favorite search engine, the only result is this thread.

How do you even know of this place when you don't know how to check for original content?

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 16:55

>>283
Try searching for the first paragraph of this thread on your favorite search engine, the only result is this thread.
That doesn't mean shit, you condescending fuckface. It's entirely possible that the OP stole the story from a magazine, likely one that is over a 100 years old, and likely obscure.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 17:13

>>284
He stole the story of Double Spoiler, a game released in 2010, from a magazine? It's unlikely that any content created after that date isn't already indexed by a search engine.

Also, posting almost every day with long-ass pauses and replying to other posts in this thread indicates he's either making up all of this or organizing his thoughts in a coherent matter. You might want to revise your definitions if none of these reasons qualify this thread as OC for you.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 18:00

>>285
Go fuck yourself.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 18:02

>>286
Go learn how to use a search engine.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 18:22

>>287
Check my dubs.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 19:02

>>285
He could be referencing the game Double Spoiler, the danmaku game from the city of Atlantis before it was submerged in water. And the computers they played it on were those mechanical ones made of gears carved from stones. And would OP programmed mechanical computers while slaves turned the gears for him.

Name: !PjnbLbtYFM 2015-05-02 21:17

>>255
Anal requires previous cleanup, at least 30 minutes of fervent foreplay, half a bottle of lube and being hard enough for entry, yet soft enough to not hurt her. The result is a simulated death grip with a small chance of getting poop in your penis while feeling an uncomfortable pressure around the sphincter. It's not worth it, I don't see why it's so popular.

----

Good L-rd, a properly heated onahole with the right amount of lube is the best feeling I've had in my entire life. I regret not buying one before. The Seventeen Bordeaux has that rigidity I couldn't find in real girls. I must have used that thing like ten times a day for at least two weeks. I would (almost) always dream of Youmu after cleaning up the onahola, washing my dick and
going to sleep while tightly hugging the dakimakura.

There was a yearly Linux user meetup around that time of the year. I went there to meet up with some of my old friends I met in previous Linux meetups, because most of the presentations are entry-level and most people go to those meetups for the free Tux stickers and the "social aspect" of it anyway. The whole room was full of fat and bearded men. There were also a few "geeky couples" XD. I noticed two girls who were alone. One them was fat as fuck. She was a long-time Debian user and knew much more than the rest of the "Debian fans" who feel superior to the Ubuntu fans, probably the same kind of idiots who gladly took the systemd-ick up their asses. Pretty cool girl. The other one was a clueless girl who went there with the Debian girl to learn more about Linux. She was solving a Rubik's cube.

Me: "What method do you use?"
Her: "Oh god you also know how to solve it? That's awesome!"
(I just rammed a shitty algorithm I found on the Internet into my head and let it become muscle memory. Not really.)
M: "(...) Uh... kind of, I still use the beginner layer-by-layer method."
H: "What are your times?"
M: "The fastest I've ever done was 45 seconds and that's because I got really lucky."
H: "Really? I can't go under two minutes."
(thank you for making me feel better about my shitty times. It's not like I would devote my life to this "speedcubing" shit anyway.)
M: "Well, I noticed some patterns and found some shortcuts for this method."
H: "Please show me!"

I showed her how turning the cube on one side and moving the right layer is much easier on your hands than moving the down layer. She had a microepisode of satori. I asked the Debian girl if she knew where the other guys were and I went there. They needed some help installing Flash on a toaster running some old version of Debian. I was telling them how I wouldn't help them with their old shit when the clueless Rubik girl appeared behind me.

H: "What are you doing?"
M: "Telling these people why I won't install a program on their old computer."
H: "Why not? That sounds awesome!"
(not really. Is this her first time seeing white text on a background?)

I spent the rest of the day playing shitty Linux games with some of my friends. Before I left, she asked me for my phone number. I said I didn't have any (I was lying, of course) and gave her my mail. I was thinking of giving her a fake mail but I chickened out and gave her my real mail, thinking she wouldn't write since nobody uses e-mail anymore.

She wrote a few weeks later asking me to see each other to do some "speedsolving". I accepted her invitation out of politeness and met up with her at an ice cream shop. It was just me showing her how I could solve it in less than two minutes. I don't even like ice cream. She interrupted me before I could pull an excuse of out my ass to leave.

H: "What do you do?"
M: "I work for a small company making electronic devices."
H: "Does that mean you majored in computer engineering too?"
(too?)
M: "Uh, yeah."
H: "Great! What university?"
M: "[REDACTED]."
H: "What a coincidence! I'm on my second year. Did you take any classes with Professor [REDACTED]? I'm taking Java OOP with him. I love his lectures soooo much-"
(don't remind me)
M: "I do remind him."
H: "What's the biggest app you've done with Java?"
M: "The final project for that subject."
H: "Awesome!"
(I see a bright future for you as a legacy code maintainer. Well, at least you enjoy doing something that gives you decent money. Hopefully you won't die inside after realizing how soul-crushing this shit is.)

I could finally get a word edgewise and excused myself. Sweet Allah.

She sent me a new mail.
"I had a lot of fun! Let's meet up again".
"I'm sorry, lately I've been busy with job. Have this (link to Petrus' method for solving the cube)".
"Thank you sooooo much, that link is great! Can't wait to learn it and show you when I get faster :)".

About two months went and she mailed me again.

"I'm almost under 50 seconds! Want me to show you?".
I didn't reply.
"Almost under 45! I'll beat you in no time."
I didn't reply.
"Hey, are you still busy?".
I didn't reply.

A couple of weeks after that: "Sorry for asking this, are you single?". "No, I'm not", I replied. Of course I was lying. "Oh, that's great :)". She sent me one last mail about her 40s time before disappearing completely.

And so my calm days stayed calm.

     ,-∧,,∧-- 、
   / (-ω-` ) /
   r-くっ⌒cソ、 /
  ノ '、 , 、 _, ' / /  
.(_,.       ././    
,(.,_ `'ー-、_,,..ノ/
  ~`''ー--‐'

    , --∧,,,∧--- 、  
   / (Ξ´-ω) /  
   r-くっ⌒cソ、 / 
  ノ '、 , 、 _, ' / /  
.(_,.     ././
,(.,_ `'ー-、_,,..ノ/
  ~`''ー--‐'

.:| . :|  ☆   ! .l .l .i::l
.:| . :|     。 ! .l .l .i::l
.:| .__|      :| .i .i .|.:!
.:|::||□| ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄~~~
└l[ ̄]-――――
:::::::~<⌒/⌒ヾ-、_ …Zzz…
::::/<_/____ノ


-- cont

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 21:43

>>290
Jesus Christ, just stop already.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 22:28

>>290
Debian is shit.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 23:37

I stopped reading at around >>44
How far did you guys get? lol

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 23:47

you make yourself sound like such an asshole in these stories. But I can't imagine a girl being attracted to such an asshole. Do you just portray yourself as an asshole, or are women really attracted to that?

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-02 23:52

>>293
I made it to "I fucking hate all of you".

Name: !PjnbLbtYFM 2015-05-03 0:17

>>256
Why do you want me to join the IRC?
(I don't deserve your -sama, by the way.)

>>291
Almost there.

>>292
I never said it was good.

----

There's no reason to settle for the first girl that jumps at you unless your life is absolute shit. Yet some of my old friends from uni married or are dating landwhales, single mothers, crazy girls or retards. The fear of dying alone, I guess.

For reasons I can't recall correctly, most likely my nonexistent ability for rejecting friendly proposals in a spot, I was dragged along with the Linux faggots to some shady noisy nightclub. Shitty music, retards everywhere, the place reeked of alcohol, everyone's dancing. We all sat at a table next to the door. "It's too cold in here", they complained. They started moving one by one to other tables. That place next to the door was the least noisy. I stayed there, sitting alone and staring at the table for about 20 minutes. The others drank their asses off and danced like niggers. For a moment I considered using their drunkenness to slip out of that place, but I didn't want to waste my money (the entry fee was ~$20 and all I got was shitty EDM) so I walked up to the bar.

Me: "I'd like some water, please."

A bottle blonde, sitting two places away from me, yelled at me.

Her: "What the fuck, why did you even come here? Frowning from a corner and not even drinking anything real."
Me: "Who are you?"
Her: "A glass of black beer please."

I ignored her and sipped from my glass. The beer was in front of her. I finished my glass of water and stood up.

Her: "This beer is for you."
Me: "I don't know you, please leave me alone."
Her: "Drink it."

I left the club. What a shitty experience.

Her: "I know a bar not too far from here that's cool as shit."
Me: "Good for you."
H: "Don't play hard to get."
M: "What the-"

She took my hand and dragged me to a bar. At least it wasn't noisy as fuck. I felt an intense urge to punch her in the face but resisted because I don't want to go to jail for something as stupid as that. She sat at a table and ordered two black beers while I was standing in front of the table. I told the waiter to bring only one beer and got $5 from my pocket to pay her for the beer she had just left at the other club.

Her: "I've had enough of your little act already. Tell me something about you."
Me: "Here's the money from your beer, please leave me alone."

I was afraid of doing anything that would make her explode into a fit of blond rage, she could easily manipulate the situation into making everyone around believe I was trying to spike her drink and rape her. The fact she was wearing over-the-top clothes while I was wearing a t-shirt and cargo pants would make it believable.

Her: "Sit down."
Me: "Okay, but I'll leave in ten minutes."
H: "Yeah, yeah, Tell me something about you."
M: "(...) I'm a boring person, what do you want to know?"

The waiter brought two glasses of beer. Fuck.

I was terribly scared, I could be accused of rape at any moment.

H: "Don't know, something like your job or your family or something."
M: "I make programs for a living."
H: "Oh, I study journalism at [community college]."
(how fucking interesting)
M: "I see."
H: "What do you do in your job?"
M: "Programs for small devices."
H: "You must be really smart."
M: "Not really."

The "conversation" continued with her asking me questions about my life. I made my answers as generic as possible (I suck at lying) and padded them with an obviously uninterested "What about you?". I drank that beer like if it was water (never again) and told her I had to leave. Grabbing the same $5 from my pocket and giving them to her, she took them, put them in my pocket and put her hand in my pocket. She paid the bill and forced me to walk out with her hand still in my pocket. I hailed the first taxi I saw.

M: "Goodbye."

I got in the car and tried to close the door. She held it open and got in the car.

Me: "(...) Where are you going?"
Her: "Take us to [address at downtown], please."
Driver: "Alright,"
M: "That's not-"
H: "It's okay."

She forcefully made out with me. The driver was either unfazed or pretending he didn't see anything. They must be used to see shit like this every day.

We reached the destination and she paid the driver. This forced me to get out of the car. Hadn't this happened, I could have ignored her, waited until she got down and tell the taxi driver to go take me to my place. Well, I didn't want to pay her fare anyway.

I waited for another taxi but the streets were empty and I didn't really want to stay there asking to get mugged.

Me: "(...) Sorry about this, let me call a taxi from your place."
(why do I have to do this, fuck)
Her: "Let's go."
M: "Thank you."

"Her place" was a small low-budget hotel. It wasn't until she paid for a room that I realized that she didn't really live there. I'm pretty fucking dumb. In my defense, the place looked like a small apartment building.

Once we were in the room, she made out with me again. With evident expertise, she took my clothes off. Hell, it surprises me how quickly she did it, I can't take off my own clothes that fast. I was getting a boner from all this and thought it could be an uncommon experience, so I went along with this.

M: "You'd better have condoms on you-"
H: "Of course, I'm always prepared."
(ugh)

She sat on top of me and started doing it in the cowgirl position. Her moans weren't fake but they were obviously exaggerated. She spent most of the time trying positions where she would be the most active while I lied there, not feeling a thing. I think she came twice. Towards the end of it, I got frustrated because I couldn't get myself to finish, so I put her on all fours and desperately went at it trying to make myself come. She came again before I did. I took a shower, called a taxi from the hotel and bolted the fuck out of there.

Why did this happen? First of all, her face and body were a 4/10, though she's a solid 8/10 by neurotypical standards. Disproportionately big breasts and butt, fleshy lips, wide horse face and stupid flashy clothing. I believe she did this out of heartbreak (read: lack of penis). Hell, I don't even know if I was the only one to be "raped" like that. I could have stopped it but the probability of ending up in a list of sex offenders was not null. I know, this sounds ironic but seeing a lanky faggot coming out of a bar with a "HOT GURRL" would raise suspicion.

Had the sexes been reversed, this would be blatant rape in the eyes of society. I even thought of suing her or calling the police but they wouldn't have believed me and things could get hairy. I didn't even know her name. I decided to stay silent and ignore this. It's not like this gave me severe PTSD or anything, it just was a bad experience that finished in bad one-sided sex. Whatever.

I'm never going to a nightclub/bar again.

-- cont
See you tomorrow. I'm getting closer to the end of the story.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 0:23

Can't you at least sage when you post?

Name: !PjnbLbtYFM 2015-05-03 0:34

>>294
you make yourself sound like such an asshole
Care to explain why? Is it because I find it hard to be empathetic? Is it because I have low tolerance for people I don't consider interesting? Don't get me wrong, I try to be polite and patient but I'm not good at sugarcoating my speech and I try to be as straightforward as possible. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'd legitimately like to know why you think so. I'll try to improve what I can.

>>297
Who are you replying to? Your post comes immediately after my last post, which makes me think you're talking to me. I've saged my posts by someone's else suggestion. Sorry if I misunderstood you.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 0:35

>>296
Just get on IRC, you fucking aspie.

Name: !PjnbLbtYFM 2015-05-03 0:36

>>299
Fine.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 0:40

>>299,300
OH SHIT

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 0:46

I'm enjoying this thread in a way I suppose a teenage girl would enjoy soap operas. Please continue.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 0:48

HE'S ON IRC YOU FUCKS

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 1:20

sage.

Name: sage 2015-05-03 1:25

I can't wait until this grows into a beautiful plant.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 2:14

>>290
You're kind of a cunt, mate

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 2:23

>>306
Please read >>298, I'd like to know why you think that.

Name: !PjnbLbtYFM 2015-05-03 2:25

>>307
Forgot my trip.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 3:22

>>296
>Girl buys you drinks
>I could be accused of rape at any moment.
Hahaha, wow

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 3:22

>>296
this is almost textbook rape man, I feel bad for you...

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 3:36

>>307
I just can't stand people who ignore emails / texts.
They're so rude.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 3:41

>>309
nigger

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 4:10

sage for shitty thread

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 4:17

>>312
>not saging this thread
>thinking it will be deleted at any moment
Hahaha, wow

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 4:19

>>314
nigger

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 4:22

sage

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 5:21

This thread has been very informative, funnily enough, I didn't even know you could 'sage' a thread as a way to express disapproval. Saging.

>>315
Forget you sage, m8?

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 6:33

Sage.

Name: Anonymous 2015-05-03 8:03

sage

Name: sage 2015-05-03 8:31

>>318,319
Fuck off. I've already planted my sage here. There's no more room for your plants in this garden. Go sage another thread.

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