The elitist: * Loves plan9 and constantly reminds people that plan9 has a better way of doing this * Uses a minimal window manager, 80% of his programs are terminal based * Spends all day on IRC telling people to google it and triggering the bot to feed them factoids like a prepared explanation of the XY problem * hosts his own web site but it's just a <html>nothing here</html> or a single image with no links * "clowns" people on twitter and links it in his personal IRC community
The hacker: * Fluent in every major programming language, including some historical ones * Graduate education in computer science * Has read SICP * Could make better malware than malware skiddies but has a moral backbone * Plays Touhou * Uses Windows 10 * Derived linear algebra at the age of 14 * Doesn't participate in IRC or open source because other programmers' code is unbearable * Has a steady job
Name:
Anonymous2016-08-18 1:01
>>5 I need to become more like this (except using windows)
Name:
Anonymous2016-08-18 1:07
The retard * reads popular blog posts on hacker news, reddit r/programming so that he knows what to agree with * litters technical discussions irl with the kind of stupid jokes that get upvotes on reddit, and xkcd references because they can't add anything of use * no real foundation or understanding of computation, leans heavily on frameworks and copy paste * uses an IDE * thinks that libraries are written by gods * can't do anything that doesn't run inside a web browser * the majority of the code in any of his projects are filled with 'tooling' gradle, javadoc generated 'stuff', folders within folders * refuses to use (and argues rabidly against) anything that isn't "proven" - a completely subjective concept used to justify not using anything that isn't shit
The Schemer: * Pollutes Haskell discussions on /prog/rider with his ebin "d34d d0ge much function so pattern" maymay * Still using MIT-Scheme from the DOS prompt * Complains that R4RS is bloated because he implemented R3RS two decades ago before his brain turned to mush * Is exclusively sexually attracted to prepubescent children and has been arrested several times for possession of child pornography * Claims that his Scheme implementation can use C libraries so he doesn't have to write anything more than the bare minimum, but never makes a foreign function interface * Spends most of his welfare money on research chemicals from China because he hates himself and will do anything to escape his life for a few minutes * Spreads lies about Harold Abelson and his wife Julie because they realized that SICP was obsolete, but it's the only computer science book they ever read * Chews on the ends of pens and tries to hand them to people * Cannot grasp the usage of the greenmeme function as a simple statement of observation and so spams more memes asking about quotes * Crafts his post so that the post doesn't get truncated because he gives a damn what dorks who only view the front page see
The Imperative Shitlord *Rewrites functional code into dirty, unsafe imperative code *Thinks recursion is a meme *spams "GC is shit" anytime he sees non-manual memory management *Is incapable of understanding anything more abstract than a for loop *calls any part of C/C++ a "zero-cost abstraction" *Thinks macros are just text replacement *Trolls /prog/ with dubious benchmarks *Calls lisp incomprehensible, while using global variables, goto and spaghetti code
The Fedora * Uses Arch or a derivative with flavour-of-the-month WM * Claims to use perl, ruby, python and clojure because of their superiority * can actually do more than fizzbuzz in only one of them * Needs to have the newest pre-alpha bleeding edgy version of every software, his machine is unusable every couple days * Is also a designer for having installed blender * Only relevant code is a personal website for collecting and tagging meme images * Argues for days on irrelevant forums about WMs and ProgLangs * Thinks script languages are as fast as compiled nowadays because optimized interpreters * Codes write-once style * Thinks documentation is for casuals * Has a crossfit T-shirt to wear for special occasions
I have a micropenis myself and believe me, when you're in the same boat, you can tell it so ridiculously easily in a man's posting demeanor. Add to that the available information about you due to your post, and I would bet my house on it.
The free thinker! * goes to lisp opengl livecoding parties where he makes a circle vibrate and spin in front of an audience * has his keyboard set up for learning APL (not one of the new ASCII ones, the original APL), uses the unicode symbols in docs sometimes even though he's not got around to learning it yet * can't wait for that "SICP in clojure" kickstarter to come out * neural networks * believes AI is juts around the corner, especially with these new advances in machine learning, reads science fiction about AI computers that become gods * get's his best coding ideas when vibram five fingers jogging
Name:
Anonymous2016-08-18 12:48
The Furry
* nick is ____Fox on *EVERYTHING* * same username on fur affinity and github * same profile picture on github and fur affinity * links to his FA from gitub * it's a picture of a fox wearing a daiper * very active on twitter, strangely intelligent commentary intersposed with sexualized humanized animal 'art' retweets * :3c * one off project that does something involving scraping or APIs of furry porn sites.. on the same github as his regular FOSS work
* thinks sage is an insult or a downvote * forces his ebin >memes wherever he goes and gets mad when called a retard * samefags his own threads * never thinks before hitting the Reply button * posts ``witty'' one-liners all the time and never cares about content
Name:
Anonymous2016-08-18 17:30
>>19 That's Gerald Sussman's sister you idiot. She kept her maiden name when she married Abelson because she's a feminist.
* Fluent in many languages, including some historical ones * Graduate education in Greek & Latin * Two decades of experience in Strong AI * Has published various AI books and papers
>>30 Looks like The Sussman got a new Julie! https://a.cocaine.ninja/zjlysf.PNG Should I follow The Zuckerkike? I just made this account and don't have any friends and now I feel lonely.
Alongside other operating systems depending on his/her needs.
* Graduate education in computer science
Or CE/EE depending on what he targets.
Plus * He has seen embedded systems. He can at least program two different MCU families. * Wrote his own toy os with *networking* support. * Writes tools for own use. * Knows at least the basics of digital electronics.
Name:
Anonymous2016-08-19 15:56
having a job
Nope.
Not using Slackware
Double nope.
Who the hell are you?
Name:
Anonymous2016-10-06 15:21
the IRC buddhist * sets his quit message to stuff like "Here and now!" * practically only says 1 thing every year
Name:
Anonymous2016-10-06 17:20
The CS 101 grad
* copy and pastes his functions * Refuses OOP and functional programming, not for philosophical reasons, but due to ignorance * Likes Ubuntu but prefers Windows 10, because "it has games" * Gives all his variables cute names * Enjoys camel case * 80% of his program is copy/pasted from stackoverflow answers
I worked one guy, who claimed that because some dataset was in JSON (we had to identify ISIS sympathisers through twitter), we needed to use node.js. Because JSON can be read natively in node.js.
I guess if the dataset was in YAML we had to use Ruby. And if the dataset was in XML, we had to use Java. For every data format, he probably uses a different language.
Name:
Anonymous2016-10-07 20:47
>>37 * 80% of his program is copy/pasted from stackoverflow answers
it's funny when people say this as if it's a bad thing.
Name:
Anonymous2016-10-07 22:16
>>40 Found the CS 101 undergrad. Most code and answers on SO are terrible.
Name:
Anonymous2016-10-07 22:47
>>41 That's cute dear. Now leave the programming to the big boys.
The attention whore: * Posts own results of checklists/tests/etc. * "That's me" * "I know a guy like this" * Tries to convince self of own heterosexuality by acting hostile towards homosexuals * Has no favorite language, but has strongly negative opinions about multiple "meme languages" * "Because it's shit"
Name:
Anonymous2016-10-09 10:13
(JACKSON FIVE + 2)² GET
Name:
Anonymous2016-10-09 12:44
The Enterprise Architect * Adds frameworks even if only a single function used * Rewrites code to refactor it into his favorite design pattern(changes each week) * Abuses meta-programming, encapsulation and black-box interfaces * Doesn't mind future-proof, future-scaling code that is going to last months at best Typical project: https://github.com/EnterpriseQualityCoding/FizzBuzzEnterpriseEdition
