Neurotypical idiots

I fucking hate all of you for making me waste my time.

After graduating from university, I still was a virgin. Some of my ex-classmates I was kinda close with kept bugging me about my "distant, cold and aloof personality". They don't understand it's plain boring to spend your time with people who are majoring on computer engineering, yet still don't know how to install a Linux distro or make a basic IRC client in C. Because of this, interaction between us consisted of calling me whenever they wanted to play a multiplayer game or had a problem with their pirated software running on shitty hardware. Telling them outright to fuck off wasn't a good idea because university forces you to do group homework and making enemies is never a good idea, no matter where you are.

Now for the relevant part. Since we all grew out of university and went on with our lives, many of them followed the usual trend of getting a job, buying a car, finding a girlfriend and becoming utterly bitter faggots. One of my ex-classmates called me, said he's wondering how I've been doing and invited me over to his place. Trying not to be an asshole, I accepted his invitation and had a long conversation while we were having lunch. The lunch his girlfriend had prepared for all three of us.

Him: "How's life going for you?"
Me: "Got a job for a small company that works with embedded devices. Been writing some simple drivers and helping them with their Linux servers and stuff because they don't have any sysadmins yet. What about you?"
H: "Found a job at a company that makes software for other bigger companies. It's been pretty hard on me but I'm doing this for the both of us."
(starts staring at his girlfriend, she giggles and they kiss)
H: "I suppose you already found someone to give meaning to your life."
(first thought that comes to my head is that of my favorite Touhou, then I realize how gay he sounds)
M: "No, you know I'm not the kind of person to spend my time with others."
H: "Awww! Come on, aren't you a bit too old for that?"
(girlfriend agrees with a quick nod and a "Yeah, yeah")
H: I bet you still live alon- don't tell me you are still single!"
M: "Well, yeah. Time and money are virtually unlimited, there's nothing to complain about this lifestyle."
(girlfriend looks mildly offended)
H: "You wouldn't understand! You've never had someone to share your days with."
(Is that my fault? I consider myself an unintelligent dumbfuck and finding people who are mildly interesting is pretty fucking hard. Also, what kind of brainwashing have you been through? What's with those awfully cheesy sayings?)
M: "Of course not, I'm considerate enough not to bore other people to death with my endless ramblings about computers."
H: "Haha, don't say that, I'm pretty sure there's someone out there for you."
M: "I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm real fucking sick of that line. How many times have I told you I don't find permanent company enjoyable? Living alone and having all the time I want for myself is what I've always wanted ever since I was very young and I'm not giving it up after I've come this far."
H: "You're saying that because you're feeling lonely. Don't worry, it's not that uncommon to rationalize your situation, especially at your age. Believe me, you wouldn't want to go back to being single after you find someone you genuinely enjoy spending your time with."

Trying not to start a pointless argument at someone else's place, I laugh it off and propose we play something after we're done having lunch, on the excuse that "it's not that uncommon to become a little faggot at games, especially after you find a girlfriend". I was expecting his girlfriend to get mad and him to laugh, but instead they both laughed like monkeys. After finishing our lunch, I gave his girlfriend a honest compliment for her cooking skills, thanked both of them for the meal and went straight for his PS3. I spotted a brand new copy of some Call of Duty game,

M: "What about this one? Seems like neither of us have played this game before and it'd be nice to see if it really is catered for 12 year olds."
H: "Haha, yeah, I wouldn't play that game by myself, I bought it hoping I could play it with someone else."
M: "You haven't even peeled off the cover. Have you not played this with her?"
(you can read "shit, I totally forgot about her" on his face)
H: "Uh, she doesn't like that kind of games. (...) How about Little Big Planet?"
M: "Uh... okay."
("yay" in the background)

Thinking it would be a boring game for children, I was surprised after having some legitimate fun with it, though it's not my favorite kind of game and I was progressively getting bored. Seems like he was getting bored of it too, though his girlfriend was still brimming with enthusiasm. Which is funny because she was pretty bad at the game.

-- cont
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>>260

I'm just sitting here, trying to imagine what kind of a person would decide to make a thread like this

Let me quote >>103 for you:

Are you one of those children who see dead animals on TV and yell "MOM THAT'S HORRIBLE" but won't stop watching even if nobody is forcing you?

Stop being a nigger and leave the thread if you hate it so much. Even the OP is saging his own thread, why do you think we care about your sages?

Bumping this thread because you're beyond retarded.

Remember that "deer diary" thread from 2007(ish) on world4ch /lounge/? I spent hours checking the archives for it but only the spam cloned threads remain -- the original has disappeared. A shame.

Saging this thread just to piss >>266-pidor.

I remember hating /lounge/ with all my guts back when we were at world4ch.

>>269
Thanks for sharing, I'm sure this is valuable information. Now, could you ask your mom to change your diapers so that you could feel at ease?

>>269
Sorry, I forgot to say I was replying to >>267.

>>269

Why would that be, Too-Mutual-Oaral-Sex-kun?

This thread is sponsored by

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>>272
Too little RedCream, too much /prog/-tier faggotry.

　　　　　　　　Shitty thread Wasshoi！！
　　　　　＼＼　Shitty thread Wasshoi！　／／
　+　　　+　＼＼Shitty thread Wasshoi！／+
　　　　　　　 ∬ ∬　　　 ∬ ∬　　　 ∬ ∬　　+
　　　+　　　　 人　　　　　 人　　　　　 人　　　　 +
　 　 　 　　　（＿_）　　　 （＿_）　　　 （＿_）
　　+　　　　（＿＿）　　 （＿＿）　　 （＿＿）　　　　　+
.　　　+　　 （ ＿＿ ）　 （ ＿＿ ）　 （ ＿＿ ）　　+
　　　　　　（　´∀｀∩　（´∀｀∩）　（　´∀｀）
　+　　（(　（つ　　　ノ　（つ　　丿　（つ　　つ　)）　　+
　　　　　　 ヽ　 （　ノ　　（　ヽノ　　　）　）　）
　　　　　　　（＿）し'　　し（＿）　　（＿）＿）

>>267
This is the lowest thread id on lounge. I take it it's a cloan.
http://w5ch.heliohost.org/read/lounge/-1769166848

Don't mind me. Just scattering my seeds.

>>276
It's a cloan, copy pasting a few of the posts. The original had hundreds of posts. I wonder if the original's author was moot, since it got deleted so mysteriously.

sage

The fuck is with this thread ?

so it's not OC?

I was going to read it but I guess if it's not OC I needn't bother

>>281
It is indeed OC

>>281
Try searching for the first paragraph of this thread on your favorite search engine, the only result is this thread.

How do you even know of this place when you don't know how to check for original content?

>>283

Try searching for the first paragraph of this thread on your favorite search engine, the only result is this thread.

That doesn't mean shit, you condescending fuckface. It's entirely possible that the OP stole the story from a magazine, likely one that is over a 100 years old, and likely obscure.

>>284
He stole the story of Double Spoiler, a game released in 2010, from a magazine? It's unlikely that any content created after that date isn't already indexed by a search engine.

Also, posting almost every day with long-ass pauses and replying to other posts in this thread indicates he's either making up all of this or organizing his thoughts in a coherent matter. You might want to revise your definitions if none of these reasons qualify this thread as OC for you.

>>285
Go fuck yourself.

>>286
Go learn how to use a search engine.

>>287
Check my dubs.

>>285
He could be referencing the game Double Spoiler, the danmaku game from the city of Atlantis before it was submerged in water. And the computers they played it on were those mechanical ones made of gears carved from stones. And would OP programmed mechanical computers while slaves turned the gears for him.

>>255
Anal requires previous cleanup, at least 30 minutes of fervent foreplay, half a bottle of lube and being hard enough for entry, yet soft enough to not hurt her. The result is a simulated death grip with a small chance of getting poop in your penis while feeling an uncomfortable pressure around the sphincter. It's not worth it, I don't see why it's so popular.

----

Good L-rd, a properly heated onahole with the right amount of lube is the best feeling I've had in my entire life. I regret not buying one before. The Seventeen Bordeaux has that rigidity I couldn't find in real girls. I must have used that thing like ten times a day for at least two weeks. I would (almost) always dream of Youmu after cleaning up the onahola, washing my dick and
going to sleep while tightly hugging the dakimakura.

There was a yearly Linux user meetup around that time of the year. I went there to meet up with some of my old friends I met in previous Linux meetups, because most of the presentations are entry-level and most people go to those meetups for the free Tux stickers and the "social aspect" of it anyway. The whole room was full of fat and bearded men. There were also a few "geeky couples" XD. I noticed two girls who were alone. One them was fat as fuck. She was a long-time Debian user and knew much more than the rest of the "Debian fans" who feel superior to the Ubuntu fans, probably the same kind of idiots who gladly took the systemd-ick up their asses. Pretty cool girl. The other one was a clueless girl who went there with the Debian girl to learn more about Linux. She was solving a Rubik's cube.

Me: "What method do you use?"
Her: "Oh god you also know how to solve it? That's awesome!"
(I just rammed a shitty algorithm I found on the Internet into my head and let it become muscle memory. Not really.)
M: "(...) Uh... kind of, I still use the beginner layer-by-layer method."
H: "What are your times?"
M: "The fastest I've ever done was 45 seconds and that's because I got really lucky."
H: "Really? I can't go under two minutes."
(thank you for making me feel better about my shitty times. It's not like I would devote my life to this "speedcubing" shit anyway.)
M: "Well, I noticed some patterns and found some shortcuts for this method."
H: "Please show me!"

I showed her how turning the cube on one side and moving the right layer is much easier on your hands than moving the down layer. She had a microepisode of satori. I asked the Debian girl if she knew where the other guys were and I went there. They needed some help installing Flash on a toaster running some old version of Debian. I was telling them how I wouldn't help them with their old shit when the clueless Rubik girl appeared behind me.

H: "What are you doing?"
M: "Telling these people why I won't install a program on their old computer."
H: "Why not? That sounds awesome!"
(not really. Is this her first time seeing white text on a background?)

I spent the rest of the day playing shitty Linux games with some of my friends. Before I left, she asked me for my phone number. I said I didn't have any (I was lying, of course) and gave her my mail. I was thinking of giving her a fake mail but I chickened out and gave her my real mail, thinking she wouldn't write since nobody uses e-mail anymore.

She wrote a few weeks later asking me to see each other to do some "speedsolving". I accepted her invitation out of politeness and met up with her at an ice cream shop. It was just me showing her how I could solve it in less than two minutes. I don't even like ice cream. She interrupted me before I could pull an excuse of out my ass to leave.

H: "What do you do?"
M: "I work for a small company making electronic devices."
H: "Does that mean you majored in computer engineering too?"
(too?)
M: "Uh, yeah."
H: "Great! What university?"
M: "[REDACTED]."
H: "What a coincidence! I'm on my second year. Did you take any classes with Professor [REDACTED]? I'm taking Java OOP with him. I love his lectures soooo much-"
(don't remind me)
M: "I do remind him."
H: "What's the biggest app you've done with Java?"
M: "The final project for that subject."
H: "Awesome!"
(I see a bright future for you as a legacy code maintainer. Well, at least you enjoy doing something that gives you decent money. Hopefully you won't die inside after realizing how soul-crushing this shit is.)

I could finally get a word edgewise and excused myself. Sweet Allah.

She sent me a new mail.
"I had a lot of fun! Let's meet up again".
"I'm sorry, lately I've been busy with job. Have this (link to Petrus' method for solving the cube)".
"Thank you sooooo much, that link is great! Can't wait to learn it and show you when I get faster :)".

About two months went and she mailed me again.

"I'm almost under 50 seconds! Want me to show you?".
I didn't reply.
"Almost under 45! I'll beat you in no time."
I didn't reply.
"Hey, are you still busy?".
I didn't reply.

A couple of weeks after that: "Sorry for asking this, are you single?". "No, I'm not", I replied. Of course I was lying. "Oh, that's great :)". She sent me one last mail about her 40s time before disappearing completely.

And so my calm days stayed calm.

　　　 　,-∧,,∧-- ､
　　　/ (-ω-｀ )　/
　　 r-くっ⌒cｿ､ /
　 ノ '､ , ､ _, ' / /　　
.（_,. 　　　 　 ././　　　　
,(.,_ ｀'ｰ-､_,,..ノ/
　　~`''ー--‐'

　　 　, --∧,,,∧--- ､ 　
　　　/ (Ξ´-ω) /　　
　　 r-くっ⌒cｿ､ /　
　 ノ '､ , ､ _, ' / /　　
.（_,. 　　　 ././
,(.,_ ｀'ｰ-､_,,..ノ/
　　~`''ー--‐'

.:|　.　:|　　☆　　 ! .l .l .i::l
.:|　.　:|　　　　 。 ! .l .l .i::l
.:| .＿_|　　　　　 :| .i .i .|.:!
.:|::||□|￣￣￣￣～～～
└ｌ[￣]-――――
:::::::~＜⌒／⌒ヾ-、_　…Zzz…
::::／＜_/＿＿＿＿ノ

-- cont

>>290
Jesus Christ, just stop already.

>>290
Debian is shit.

I stopped reading at around >>44
How far did you guys get? lol

you make yourself sound like such an asshole in these stories. But I can't imagine a girl being attracted to such an asshole. Do you just portray yourself as an asshole, or are women really attracted to that?

>>293
I made it to "I fucking hate all of you".

>>256
Why do you want me to join the IRC?
(I don't deserve your -sama, by the way.)

>>291
Almost there.

>>292
I never said it was good.

----

There's no reason to settle for the first girl that jumps at you unless your life is absolute shit. Yet some of my old friends from uni married or are dating landwhales, single mothers, crazy girls or retards. The fear of dying alone, I guess.

For reasons I can't recall correctly, most likely my nonexistent ability for rejecting friendly proposals in a spot, I was dragged along with the Linux faggots to some shady noisy nightclub. Shitty music, retards everywhere, the place reeked of alcohol, everyone's dancing. We all sat at a table next to the door. "It's too cold in here", they complained. They started moving one by one to other tables. That place next to the door was the least noisy. I stayed there, sitting alone and staring at the table for about 20 minutes. The others drank their asses off and danced like niggers. For a moment I considered using their drunkenness to slip out of that place, but I didn't want to waste my money (the entry fee was ~$20 and all I got was shitty EDM) so I walked up to the bar.

Me: "I'd like some water, please."

A bottle blonde, sitting two places away from me, yelled at me.

Her: "What the fuck, why did you even come here? Frowning from a corner and not even drinking anything real."
Me: "Who are you?"
Her: "A glass of black beer please."

I ignored her and sipped from my glass. The beer was in front of her. I finished my glass of water and stood up.

Her: "This beer is for you."
Me: "I don't know you, please leave me alone."
Her: "Drink it."

I left the club. What a shitty experience.

Her: "I know a bar not too far from here that's cool as shit."
Me: "Good for you."
H: "Don't play hard to get."
M: "What the-"

She took my hand and dragged me to a bar. At least it wasn't noisy as fuck. I felt an intense urge to punch her in the face but resisted because I don't want to go to jail for something as stupid as that. She sat at a table and ordered two black beers while I was standing in front of the table. I told the waiter to bring only one beer and got $5 from my pocket to pay her for the beer she had just left at the other club.

Her: "I've had enough of your little act already. Tell me something about you."
Me: "Here's the money from your beer, please leave me alone."

I was afraid of doing anything that would make her explode into a fit of blond rage, she could easily manipulate the situation into making everyone around believe I was trying to spike her drink and rape her. The fact she was wearing over-the-top clothes while I was wearing a t-shirt and cargo pants would make it believable.

Her: "Sit down."
Me: "Okay, but I'll leave in ten minutes."
H: "Yeah, yeah, Tell me something about you."
M: "(...) I'm a boring person, what do you want to know?"

The waiter brought two glasses of beer. Fuck.

I was terribly scared, I could be accused of rape at any moment.

H: "Don't know, something like your job or your family or something."
M: "I make programs for a living."
H: "Oh, I study journalism at [community college]."
(how fucking interesting)
M: "I see."
H: "What do you do in your job?"
M: "Programs for small devices."
H: "You must be really smart."
M: "Not really."

The "conversation" continued with her asking me questions about my life. I made my answers as generic as possible (I suck at lying) and padded them with an obviously uninterested "What about you?". I drank that beer like if it was water (never again) and told her I had to leave. Grabbing the same $5 from my pocket and giving them to her, she took them, put them in my pocket and put her hand in my pocket. She paid the bill and forced me to walk out with her hand still in my pocket. I hailed the first taxi I saw.

M: "Goodbye."

I got in the car and tried to close the door. She held it open and got in the car.

Me: "(...) Where are you going?"
Her: "Take us to [address at downtown], please."
Driver: "Alright,"
M: "That's not-"
H: "It's okay."

She forcefully made out with me. The driver was either unfazed or pretending he didn't see anything. They must be used to see shit like this every day.

We reached the destination and she paid the driver. This forced me to get out of the car. Hadn't this happened, I could have ignored her, waited until she got down and tell the taxi driver to go take me to my place. Well, I didn't want to pay her fare anyway.

I waited for another taxi but the streets were empty and I didn't really want to stay there asking to get mugged.

Me: "(...) Sorry about this, let me call a taxi from your place."
(why do I have to do this, fuck)
Her: "Let's go."
M: "Thank you."

"Her place" was a small low-budget hotel. It wasn't until she paid for a room that I realized that she didn't really live there. I'm pretty fucking dumb. In my defense, the place looked like a small apartment building.

Once we were in the room, she made out with me again. With evident expertise, she took my clothes off. Hell, it surprises me how quickly she did it, I can't take off my own clothes that fast. I was getting a boner from all this and thought it could be an uncommon experience, so I went along with this.

M: "You'd better have condoms on you-"
H: "Of course, I'm always prepared."
(ugh)

She sat on top of me and started doing it in the cowgirl position. Her moans weren't fake but they were obviously exaggerated. She spent most of the time trying positions where she would be the most active while I lied there, not feeling a thing. I think she came twice. Towards the end of it, I got frustrated because I couldn't get myself to finish, so I put her on all fours and desperately went at it trying to make myself come. She came again before I did. I took a shower, called a taxi from the hotel and bolted the fuck out of there.

Why did this happen? First of all, her face and body were a 4/10, though she's a solid 8/10 by neurotypical standards. Disproportionately big breasts and butt, fleshy lips, wide horse face and stupid flashy clothing. I believe she did this out of heartbreak (read: lack of penis). Hell, I don't even know if I was the only one to be "raped" like that. I could have stopped it but the probability of ending up in a list of sex offenders was not null. I know, this sounds ironic but seeing a lanky faggot coming out of a bar with a "HOT GURRL" would raise suspicion.

Had the sexes been reversed, this would be blatant rape in the eyes of society. I even thought of suing her or calling the police but they wouldn't have believed me and things could get hairy. I didn't even know her name. I decided to stay silent and ignore this. It's not like this gave me severe PTSD or anything, it just was a bad experience that finished in bad one-sided sex. Whatever.

I'm never going to a nightclub/bar again.

-- cont
_{See you tomorrow. I'm getting closer to the end of the story.}

Can't you at least sage when you post?

>>294

you make yourself sound like such an asshole

Care to explain why? Is it because I find it hard to be empathetic? Is it because I have low tolerance for people I don't consider interesting? Don't get me wrong, I try to be polite and patient but I'm not good at sugarcoating my speech and I try to be as straightforward as possible. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'd legitimately like to know why you think so. I'll try to improve what I can.

>>297
Who are you replying to? Your post comes immediately after my last post, which makes me think you're talking to me. I've saged my posts by someone's else suggestion. Sorry if I misunderstood you.

>>296
Just get on IRC, you fucking aspie.

>>299
Fine.

>>299,300
OH SHIT

I'm enjoying this thread in a way I suppose a teenage girl would enjoy soap operas. Please continue.

HE'S ON IRC YOU FUCKS

sage.

I can't wait until this grows into a beautiful plant.

>>290
You're kind of a cunt, mate

>>306
Please read >>298, I'd like to know why you think that.

>>307
Forgot my trip.

>>296
>Girl buys you drinks
>I could be accused of rape at any moment.
Hahaha, wow

>>296
this is almost textbook rape man, I feel bad for you...

>>307
I just can't stand people who ignore emails / texts.
They're so rude.

>>309
nigger

sage for shitty thread

>>312
>not saging this thread
>thinking it will be deleted at any moment
Hahaha, wow

>>314
nigger

sage

This thread has been very informative, funnily enough, I didn't even know you could 'sage' a thread as a way to express disapproval. Saging.

>>315
Forget you sage, m8?

Sage.

sage

>>318,319
Fuck off. I've already planted my sage here. There's no more room for your plants in this garden. Go sage another thread.

You know what I love about sagers.
You can completely BTFO of them by bumping once.
BUMP.
Feeling butthurt, faggots?

>>321
One bump is worth a thousand sages, as has been known since time immemorial. However, that does not stop the wise sages from spreading the seeds of sage whither and hither.

Soot. It goes into all fields.

>>322
nice dubsage

sage

Sage

So what is the textboard system of karma and up/downvoting then? Is it limited to "sage" posting or can you reprimand individual posters somehow? I'm new here, I was attracted by this thread which makes me feel like I really am back on reddit, so still learning the ropes.

>>326

karma

Just get back to reddit.

>>309
>>313-314
>>316
>>322-325
Stop it, just stop it, all of you! How are you still unknown to what saging is? Are you kidding me?

You know what I love about sagers.
You can completely BTFO of them by bumping once.
BUMP.
Feeling butthurt, faggots?

soot

>>329

One BOOMPSY can undo hundreds of SAGE.

P.S. BOOMPSY

>>328
Stop it, just stop it, Only you! How are you still unknown to what optimising your quotes is? Are you kidding me?

>>332

How are you still unknown to what ⁶⁶optimising your quotes⁹⁹ is?

Fixed.

>>333
NICE.

sage

>>335
NICE.

Saging...

>>334-337
Are you kidding me? This is getting ridiculous now, hands down.

I got some questions yesterday on IRC and I'd like to give more detailed answers.

Q: Is your story real? You mention many details most people won't remember.
Yes, it's real. It's true that not many people would remember anything at this level of detail, however, you should have noticed by now I'm not an outgoing person who will die from lack of social interaction. I remember these events very vividly because I live a rather uneventful life and these were uncommon experiences for me. Also, I'm not claiming my story is 100% accurate. First of all, most of the events are told from my point of view, of course they are biased and are simply my interpretation of reality. The fine details and noticing things not everyone would remember are just my mind interpolating the missing details by fetching the general sequence of events from memory and filling the blanks with details that are coherent with the previous event and their effect on the other person. For example, I remember how Hatate didn't grind her crotch on mine when we first made out on the couch because I remember being very close to making a mess in my pants. Had she properly aligned her body with mine, I would have wet my pants, but that didn't happen so that's how things must have been. I don't remember feeling anything unbearably intense either. Maybe she actually rubbed her crotch on mine, the feeling wasn't what I expected and I'm telling this as if she hadn't, but it was hard to tell from my position.

The dialogues are obviously not accurate word-by-word, I'm trying to remember what the other person said, getting my general impression of them and writing their lines with that in mind.

Q: How did you get all these girls? Are you insanely attractive?
I apologize if my storytelling confused you. The timescale is all fucked up and I think I'm lumping events that shouldn't go together. This story starts around 2010-2011 and ends in the second half of the last year. When I say "a few weeks passed" or "a couple of months went by", it may have been more or less than that. This means I got to know about less than six girls in about four years. That's just getting to know them, I didn't date all of them. Any socially adjusted single neurotypical would have had sex with more than 20 girls, at least five hookups and/or a long-term relationship by now.

Answering your question, no, I'm not attractive at all. I'm barely average on my best days. I guess not being fat, being of average height, not having acne, not wearing a Naruto t-shirt, having a job and not acting like a desperate virgin helped things go my way. Being in the right places also helps, I wouldn't get anything at all had I been in an "epic electronic rave" or any other neurotypical nest. The blond girl was an exception. Funnily enough, girls seem to be most interested in you when you show little to no interest on them.

Q: You hate relationships and such. Isn't Youmu your version of a relationship with an ideal human you long for?
I'm still a human being. My sex drive is way below average and I prefer being alone, but I'm not asexual. This sounds something an angsty teenager would say, but there are occasional conflicts between my inner nigger and my rational self. There are times when I get random boners and stop thinking straight. simply wanting to take care of that urge. Usually Youmu says "Do you remember how underwhelming real sex is?" and the thought immediately goes away, though my body still begs for a release. When this happens, I wait until I get home and pound my onahole like there's no tomorrow. The need has been taken care of, I didn't do anything illogical, I don't feel any regret, I made Youmu feel good, cuddling with your dakimakura is heartwarming as hell and the urge won't come sooner than two weeks.

If Youmu existed in real life, I'd do all I could to spend the rest of my life with her. There are two problems with that though: humans age, eat, poop, have mood swings and take up space, Youmu doesn't. Also, real humans aren't perfect, Youmu is. Making Youmu a real human being would be introducing imperfections to her already perfect form.

Absolutely nothing has ever made me feel like Youmu has. When I'm with her, I feel some warmth enveloping my body and a vibrating fuzziness inside. Youmu is the only one who has ever made me feel like that.

There isn't anything wrong with the concept of a relationship, spending the rest of the life with someone you enjoy being with is not a crazy idea. That's the problem, though. In my short life, I've never found someone I legitimately enjoyed spending all my time with. No, that doesn't mean I'm an antisocial individual. I stay over at Alice's place for a whole weekend two or three times a year, meet up with the Linux faggots almost every two months and try to visit my parents monthly. Things are fine like this, I get to spend time with nice people and that time is not enough for allowing drama and bullshit to form. Youmu is the only one I like spending every single moment of my life with.

I've noticed most relationships go through an initial phase of infatuation, a middle phase of needing each other mutually and then a final phase of "meh" with a high chance of arguing over stupid shit like squeezing the toothpaste tube at the middle. Looking at things from a HOLISTIC point of view, the disadvantages of a relationship considerably outweigh the advantages for me. Your weights are likely to be different, you might think having permanent company and emotional support is enough to forget about the fact you're wasting your time with someone you don't have much to talk about, and that's fine, it's your life. Mine is not like that. For me, my relationship with Youmu is all I could ask for.

Answering the question: yes, Youmu is the person I've always longed for and she's my version of a relationship, except I actually enjoy being with her. Of course, I've gone through that usual phase when you think you've found your favorite anime character and switch when you find a "better" one. Youmu was my last one and it's been more than 4 years since I made her my imaginary friend.

Q: Doesn't Youmu get jealous when you (action)?
Youmu is, by definition, a part of me. Why would I be jealous of myself? Instead she gets mad at me when I do something stupid like wasting my time on the Internet or going through all this and complaining at the end of it. "If you knew it would end up like this, why are you complaining now?". "You know you'll regret it if you do that". "Those clothes look good on her, want me to dress like that?". Things like that. All of them followed by a hug or a kiss. There were many times when she made some clear remarks like "You're being too pushy" or "Don't be rude to her". It's not like she cried every time I kissed a real girl because she knows I have no reason to abandon her.

>>339
tl;dr: I'm a weeaboo fantasizer with a vivid imagination and my fantasies are modeled after generic anime hentai.

sorry, going to have to sage this one

>>341
Stop this madness!

>>344
Nice dubs^!

>>339

I got some questions yesterday on IRC

Go answer them on IRC, then, you blithering shitpile. Sage.

>>341
Good move. Tough but fair, I believe.

sage.

>>339

Any socially adjusted single neurotypical would have had sex with more than 20 girls, at least five hookups and/or a long-term relationship by now.

Wrong, you should look up the statistics on what you're posting about before you post.

Answering the question: yes, Youmu is the person I've always longed for and she's my version of a relationship, except I actually enjoy being with her. Of course, I've gone through that usual phase when you think you've found your favorite anime character and switch when you find a "better" one. Youmu was my last one and it's been more than 4 years since I made her my imaginary friend.

You're fucking pathetic, not because you don't long for a girlfriend, but because of your waifushitting.

sage

>>340-341,344-348
Cool down/b/oats, /b/ro. But the same person can't vote more than twice!
Some of us are enjoying this thread. Have a non-sage up/b/oat.

>>347

waifushitting.

You're the first one to mention the epic waifu meme in this thread. Go back to your favorite image/b/oard please, I've heard sa/g/e is taken as an insult there.

Either way, you're more pathetic than OP for being autistic enough to post every single fucking day in this thread. Your strategy is backfiring because every time you post a sage post, someone else replies with a counter-sage bump. You even made a thread on /meta/ asking sage to take the meaning it has in the imageboards. Is this what your pathetic life amounts to?

>>344

Go answer them on IRC

He already did. Hence the "more detailed".

>>344-346,348
Stop now! Sage doesn't work like that! It works like this.

>>350
How about he keeps his trashy posts on IRC where there are more faggots and less sage? Sage.

sage

>>352

'>le pedophile sage

>>353

'>le pedophile sage

>>311
Not replying mails is considered rude by those who know their netiquette. That girl instead used e-mail as instant messaging, sending me short one-sided mails about her latest achievements. I'm not the kind of person to fill my speech with useless fluff, I didn't want to reply with a "Oh." and "speedcubing" is not my main interest. This is why I didn't reply to some of her tweetsmails.

That said, thank you for your suggestion. I'll try to reply all my mails from now on.

----

A government-funded "developer event" was being held at some random place that's at least two hours from where I live. There was a presentation about ENTREPRENEURSHIP with videogame development and another one about security flaws in devices for banking. It seemed interesting enough. I took my notebook and left for the place.

When I got there, the building was brimming with foreign looking men wearing business suits and "trendy" hipsters. The embodiment of Java and JavaScript respectively. The videogame conference started two hours after I got there, I used this time to have lunch and walk around the building. I always do this because I have an burning interest for traversing complex networks of hallways and stairs in unknown buildings. I paid about $10 for a piece of dry meat with two potatoes dipped in some sour sauce. It's all thanks to you, embodiments-of-Java.

The videogame conference started. The speaker was a female indie game developer that won a prize that had something to do with making the most downloaded APP in some overly specific category I can't remember. She was wearing a long leather coat, huge sunglasses and a beanie. The conference was about her experience with her "app" and how the local videogame market was exploitable and full of opportunities. Interesting, there is a way of getting moderately rich that doesn't involve wearing a business suit and drawing UML diagrams. At the end of her conference, a small group of Java monkeys and appers walked up to her. From what I could hear, some of them were trying to hire her and the rest insisted she should rewrite her game using the latest web technologies.

The other conference was about how some ATMs and most banking sites work exclusively on HTTP and the usual dangers of using HTTP. Such a misleading title, the conference was aimed for managers and not for programmers. I left the room after his talk finished and kept walking around. The speaker from the videogame conference was sitting alone, drinking a gigantic glass of orange juice.

Me: "Nice talk, it's nice to know independent game developers also have a chance. That gave me some hope."
Her: "I'm glad it worked. What's your name?"
M: "[REDACTED]."
H: "Nice to meet you, [REDACTED]. Do you work in the industry?"
M: "Not really, I work making programs for hardware-constrained platforms, though I enjoy making games for myself."
H: "First time I hear of that. Making games for yourself? What do you mean?"
M: "Oh, nothing special, all of them are 2D or text-based games I made after finding a game with a concept I liked but with mechanics I didn't like."
H: "What language did you use for that?"
M: "C, which is what I'm most comfortable with."
H: "That's impressive."
M: "Not really, they still have some bugs."
H: "Every application is bound to have some bugs. My game also had some critical bugs that many customers spotted one day immediately after the final release."
M: "What did you do about that?"
H: "Suck it up and submit a patch as soon as possible. I had to pull an all-nighter."
M: "Damn, that sounds rough."
H: "Things happen."

At some point in the middle of this conversation, I asked her where she got that juice. She told me the event staff was giving it for free to all registered attendants. We continued the conversation while we were walking to the juice stall.

H: "Do you have any public repository where I can see these games of yours?"
M: "Are you sure? They're not the kind of games most people would enjoy."
H: "Yes, experimenting with new mechanics and getting new ideas is part of what I do."
M: "Alright, give me your mail address and I'll give you read access. Let me know if you need any help building or running the games, they only work on Linux."
H: "Do you think they'll run on OS X?"
M: "I've never tried."
H: "Then I'll get someone else to help me with that. There's someone I'm meeting in a few minutes, bye."
M: "Okay, have a nice day."

I plugged my notebook to a dangling Ethernet cable and played Counter-Strike. It got dark before I could notice.

H: "Interesting game. The mechanics are deep and the complexity is intriguing."
M: "Hello again. I like this game but I wouldn't call it deep by any means-"
H: "I'm talking about one of your games."
M: "Oh, I thought you were talking about Counter-Strike. Really? Which one? Did you run into any problems while compiling it?"
H: "The real-time strategy game. Someone had an Ubuntu virtual machine ready. I used that and followed the instructions."
M: "Glad to know."
H: "Mind if I give you some suggestions?"
M: "Please do."
H: "First, there are many actions that take more keypresses than necessary, like making building plans or grouping soldiers into troops."
H: "Also, the pathfinding is sloppy and the economy is prone to sudden hyperinflation. Other than that, really interesting. I believe you can target a very specific population and make your game popular if you fix these issues."
(this girl knows what she's talking about)
M: "Thank you for all your suggestions, I'll keep them in mind."
H: "I'll be more specific if you want."
M: "Please."

I turned off my notebook and went with her to the cafeteria. She corrected many other design flaws and gave me additional advice.

M: "Thank you for everything. I'm sorry for wasting your time like this."
H: "No problem."
M: "At least let me treat you to something."
H: "I'd like a pale lager."

I bought that and a bottle of water. My wallet was sad. We spent the rest of the evening talking about our lives.

When it was time to leave, we both went to the parking lot.

H: "Where's your car?"
M: "I don't have one."
H: "Really?"
M: "Yeah."
H: "I'll give you a ride."

Hold it. She just had some beer. Isn't that a problem?

M: "I'd appreciate it, but..."
H: "What?"
M: "Didn't you just have a huge glass of beer?"
H: "It's alright, I do this all the time. Get in the car."
M: "No, wait, what if something happens?"
(I don't feel safe with a slightly intoxicated driver but I don't want to take that bus again)
H: "Then what do you propose we do?"
M: "Feel free to call me an idiot for proposing this. I didn't drink anything, is it okay if I drive? You must be tired and you shouldn't be doing this after helping me out."
H: "Okay."
(she agreed just like that? She must hate driving.)
M: "Alright then."

A brand-new 2.0L Volkswagen Jetta GLI with automatic transmission. What the fuck, this car is like $40K. It's the fastest car I've ever driven, I had to ease off the gas pedal when I saw we were going almost at 140km/h. We got to the city in less than 90 minutes.

M: "Nice car you've got here."
H: "Oh, I like my SUV better."
M: "Is that so..."
(holy shit is this girl rich)

She said I could drive the car to my place and then she'd leave from there. I refused, instead I took her home and I took a bus from there to my place. She lived in a wealthy neighborhood in the outskirts of the city. I believe I came here with Alice in the Mazda 6.

M: "Thank you for everything."
H: "No problem. I'll play some more and message you if I notice anything."
M: "I appreciate it. Take care."
H: "Good night."

My day wasn't wasted.

-- cont
_{See you tomorrow}

>>355
c-can we also have read access 2 yr repos

sage.

>>349

You even made a thread on /meta/ asking sage to take the meaning it has in the imageboards

Where the fuck did I do that?
Fucking retarded /g/yro
Fuck off I'm using sage properly because an off-topic post doesn't deserve to bumping the thread, you piece of shit.
>>355

hipsters

What a meaningless word.

>>358

using sage properly because an off-topic post doesn't deserve to bumping the thread

True. Most people stop after the first post and just leave the thread, though.

Have another bump.

Wow, this thread sure is getting a lot of replies. I wonder if it is some sort of oragnized effort to get more posts than the "Cross Posters are the lowest life form" thread.

>>360
Most of them are one extremely butthurt idiot making sage posts over and over.

>>358
http://bbs.progrider.org/meta/read/1430455183

>>361

There's still a lot of replies of you exclude the "butthurt sage idiot"

Sage is simply used when you think your post doesn't contribute anything you goddamned newbies.

sage.